Thursday, February 09, 2006

Once upon a time...

In a magical land called Youngandstupidandinthenavy (which we will shorten to Young for the sake of the narrators lack of typing/spelling skills) there lived young prince with a very nice tushie. His name was John, and he was smart, handsome, and preppy. He ruled the land with such compassion that his subjects rarely noticed that he still liked to flip up the collars of his royal Polo shirts, even though it was way out of style.

One day prince John, The Preppy, was quite taken with the Maiden of Ye Olde Cleaning Supply Closet. He would spend hours gazing at her from afar, vowing to one day woo the fair maiden Mary. Mary was quite fond of the prince and grew to love his visits to the Cleaning Supply Closet, so much so that even she overlooked his collars and likings for all things preppy and pastel. And Prince John fancied Mary so, he overlooked her coarse, common upbringing and her gutter mouth.

Every day John vowed to make Mary his, but alas he was too shy. One day on a court outing, Mary- having imbibed a wee bit too much ale- gave Prince John a single kiss. The rest is, how shall we say... History?

Except for embarrassing each other on many occasions, they lived happily ever after. Prince John loved to walk with his pants half mast in public, but to only show his very cute tushie. Mary loved to say the most vulgar things, just to see her groom blush the prettiest shade of pastel pink.

One day the royal couple had a beautiful daughter, after many years of trying to conceive. Princess Anna was a lovely little thing! All giggles, and eyes she was! Anna had inherited her mother's quick witted tongue, and her father's love of humor. Prince John loved to tickle and wrestle with young Anna, and one day showed her the joys of airing her tushie while exclaiming, "The moon! The moon is out!"

Anna quite enjoyed this, and even shared the joy with her mother while Mary was cleansing the Royal Silverware. "Haha, mother! Thoust moon is shining, and quite brightly, too!" Mary played along, but was secretly annoyed at having her Royal bedclothes partially removed whilst cleansing the Royal Silverware.

The very next night, after arriving home from purchasing many a wondrous thing at Targette' on a cold and crisp winter night Mary told Prince John about Anna's new game. Anna, being a very crafty almost 5 year old, discerned what her mother was speaking of. As Mary lovingly took Anna from the Royal Carriage, Anna giggled. Soon after she took off, running and giggling, shouting, "Look at the moon! The moon is out!"

In shock and disbelief Mary watched as her oldest child, Princess Anna, ran down the Royal Sidewalk with her little tushie glimmering in the moon light.

Stifling a laugh, and trying to sound very serious Mary called after her young daughter, "Put the moon away! Put the moon away! It's cold out , my darling. Put it away!" The moon did finally return to its proper place that cold winter night, but only after the young princess was safely inside.

Prince John, ever the proud papa, smiled and laughed. Coming full circle, his Royal Legacy was complete. Mary only hoped that Anna would not share her legacy with her classmates at the Royal Pre-School the next Friday.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Love is...

Last night at about oh- let me think 3:30 am, as my youngest lay sleeping on my arm I had a thought about what love really is. And since V-day is coming up, this got me musing about love.

Love is:
-Laying perfectly still while your sweet baby girl is cutting off all feeling in your left arm. Even though you have shooting pains in your neck you don't dare move since she woke up crying 45 minutes before, probably with teething pain.

-Letting your (almost) 5 year old have the last piece of chocolate anything even though PMS is whooping your butt.

-Dropping everything because one of your babes wants "snuggle time", even if that means snuggle time might infringe on much needed "mommy time".

I could go on, but I guess what I am trying to say is Love is giving of yourself when your think there isn't anymore to give. Love is stretching yourself, and because you know doing this will make the other person happy, it makes you happy.

This morning I told the MISU (Male Income Support Unit) that I was thinking about love, and this statement really chapped my hide:

Love means never having to say you are sorry.

Ummm... who is the idiot that thought this one up? I am thinking either Prince Charles or Elizabeth Taylor, can't be sure. BUT for me love means saying your sorry because by apologizing you are telling the other person that you care about how they feel.

As I was telling my hubby about my rage at the statement above, he laughed and said, "If you love something , set it free." To which my very wise first born said, "Yeah, from jail."

Maybe I will add segments periodically called Deep Thoughts By Primero,The Firstborn

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Ironic 2/07/06

2/7/06 (dated because I accidentally erased this post, the techno genius that I am)
My husband- the MISU (male income support unit)- and I were discussing the song Ironic by Alanis Morrisette last night. He came home from getting us dinner and declared that he didn't think that any of the lines in the song were actually ironic. Here are the lyrics if you need a refresher:

An old man turned 98
He won the lottery and died the next day
It's a black fly in your chardonnay
It's a death row pardon, two-minutes too late

And isn't it ironic? Don't you think?
It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride and you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
And who would've thought it figures

A traffic jam when you're already late
A no smoking sign on your cigarette break
It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
It's meeting the man of my dreams and then meeting his beautiful wife

Then I looked up the word ironic at, because you see... Even though the MISU and I are fairly intelligent people, we have had 2 children now. Each child is the equivilant of eating paint chips for 2 years straight, you know, when you figure in sleep deprivation, yelling, screaming, barfing, boog removal and tantrums. 2 years of paint chips. That has to equal at least a 25 point deduction off the old intelligence score. So 2 children X 2 years of paint chips... Anyway given the fact that we collectively have been out of school for about 30 years, my penchant for terrible spelling and punctuation... Well you get the picture. We aint as learned as we used to be.

But I digress. So , I look up the word and here is the meaning:
i·ron·ic P Pronunciation Key (-rnk) also i·ron·i·cal (-rn-kl)
Characterized by or constituting irony.
Given to the use of irony. See Synonyms at sarcastic.
Poignantly contrary to what was expected or intended: madness, an ironic fate for such a clear thinker.


adj 1: humorously sarcastic or mocking; "dry humor"; "an ironic remark often conveys an intended meaning obliquely"; "an ironic novel"; "an ironical smile"; "with a wry Scottish wit" [syn: dry, ironical, wry] 2: characterized by often poignant difference or incongruity between what is expected and what actually is; "madness, an ironic fate for such a clear thinker"; "it was ironical that the well-planned scheme failed so completely" [syn: ironical]

It turns out that since the lyrics allude to incidents where the outcomes were indeed contrary to what was intended or expected, the lyrics are ironic. Which was for us, both moronic and ironic.

Ironically, I loved this song in it's day, I even had the album. Now the yodeling and the lyrics that I had thought were so sqweakin cool are clawing at my brain, making me long for an ice pick. I begged my husband to play anything, anything at all to scrape the sound from my mind. I was willing to settle for the Wiggles, for Pete's sake!


Bliss came , and none to soon. I was able to scrub the yeowling and screeching from my brain by watching this...
Chuck Norris sings Meatloaf

Monday, February 06, 2006

How to make a 3o minute meal in 2 hours

1. First gather all of your ingredients the night
before ( one box of Hamburger Helper Cheeseburger
Macaroni) and place on counter. Forget to get the
ground beef out of the freezer.

2. The day of your fabulous feast, get 1 lb of ground
beef out of the freezer. Place in a bowl in the fridge

3. While procrastinating about whether or not you want
to risk eating left over spaghetti
again so soon for lunch, make macaroni noodles anyway
since you cant find any spaghetti.

4. Have lunch, get upset stomach.

5. 3 hours later when the male income support unit
arrives home from work, realizing that you have no
milk to make your delicious meal, send him out on a
dairy quest.

6. Whilst waiting 20 minutes for dairy products: chase
a 9 month old away from the pointy metal, 60 yr old
heating vent 100 times, and argue with a 4 1/2 yr old
about whether or not you wish to watch a 6th hour of
the Food Network as per her wishes. You may also want
to wonder why it's taking 20 minutes for milk to
arrive safely home, when there is a perfectly good gas
station/mini mart 1 block away.

7. Fume when the milk finally arrives, because ...
well the milk finally arrived and because you forgot
to start cooking the still completely frozen ground
beef while Operation Lactose was in progress.

8. Proceed to cook meat, add said milk and water as
per meal instructions. Look at the expiration date on
the Box O'Deliciousness.

9. Slam dunk box in the trash, then turn off the stove

10. Have heated discussion with the Dairy Commando
about whether or not you should wing beef/macaroni
cheesiness with a box of Craft Macaroni and Cheese.

11. Take the ground bull by the horns and start
another 20 minute process, Mac and Cheese.

12. Drain most of the milk and water from the beef and
add Mac and Cheese.

13. Taste. Add 1/4 cup of cheese on hand, Mozzarella.

14. Taste. Add Monterrey jack/ Cheddar mixed shredded

15. Taste. Add 3 pieces of American sandwich cheese.

16. Taste. Give up and serve to self and doubtful
looking husband... after 4 1/2 year old says she is
not going to eat that, she wants chicken nuggets, and
after assuring husband that it will not hurt your
feelings if he doesn't want to eat it either.

17. Eat but do not enjoy Beef Con Tres Quesos Y
Place remainder of meal in the fridge for safe

I hope you have enjoyed 120 Minute Semi-Homemade Meals
With Mert.

Please write in and tell me how you liked my special
recipe, y'all!