Wednesday, February 28, 2007

The pros and cons of diaper changing

Scroll down for Wordless Wednesday, please.

The pros:
getting hugs with the 8 (or more) diaper changes a day, on top of the hugs I normally get outside of diaper changing. She usually does this as a stalling tactic after not coming when I call her over, after some pleading, cajoling, and finally stern talk. I always I open my arms wide, knowing a hug was coming. That's OK, I'll take what I can get, because I know the spontaneous hugs wont last forever. :D


The weird thing is that Anna did the same exact thing as a toddler! They are so much alike , it's scary!

The cons: Mid hug, my nose is over her shoulder and upwind from her butt, if you get my drift. Why must the hugs linger on and on after poops? My eyes are burning!

I need to break out the potty again to see if she is interested, but I hope the hugs continue. ;)

*Not so* Wordless Wednesday- 6 years ago today

6 years ago today... After 1 year of infertility treatment, 4 more years of hoping and praying; 6 more years of telling people that there was nothing wrong with us, that we wanted children, and finally choosing to not discuss the subject anymore... getting the biggest shock and blessing of our lives... 22 hours of hard, sleepless labor after being induced, and only dilating 3/4 of a centimeter the whole time... her heart rate going below 30 twice and having an emergency c-section, and with her cord wrapped twice around her neck...

She came into our lives. I was afraid so many times during my pregnancy of what kind of mother I would be. I was terrified when her heart beat slowed, and when they cut me open... And when they finally put her in my arms, I refused to let her go.

This tiny thing, so fragile, so longed for. Almost lost , but so wanted. I prayed for you, before you were even in my womb... and I thought you would never come. When all hope was gone, God sent you.

I would be lost without you.

I love you baby girl, always know that.

You will always be my baby.





Mommy's version, click play:


Daddy's version:



Monday, February 26, 2007

Who says vacations are supposed to be restful?

As some of you know, I decided to take a blogging vacation. I had made a very depressing post last Monday that started out like this:

If you have been blogging for awhile, you know this feeling... "I have nothing to say."

That's how I feel right now. A mood , a feeling, or lack there of.

I'm feeling a little like Kentucky Fried Chicken:
I'm fried, crispy, a little greasy ( I need a shower), and even though I usually have good taste- I'm bound to give you heartburn occasionally...
Rather than put (silly and) undue pressure on myself to be the sparkling icon of genuine dorkdom, I am taking a week off. That's all. An itsy bitsy week.

...And got a lot more depressing from there, so I deleted it. I should have edited it, but I was too depressed to do it, LOL!

Anywho, I took a week off and what a week it has been! Here are some of the things I wanted to blog about, but didn't. Because I was on a blogging vacation.wink Some of the days might be off a little, i forgot to write down the date when scribbling my notes for the week.

Monday: I saw the Anna Nicole Smith video and was horrified! I was angry because this clearly shows that her lawyer/lover was in it all for the money ( you can hear him say "this is worth a lot of money" while video taping her in full John Wayne Gacy makeup, all while she is gorked out of her mind), he is an enabler, and is a convincing actor when showing concern for "his child". He's a pig. moving on...

I managed to ignore my blues while killing a few dust bunnies, and nearing the end of my laundry pile. Ahhh, the never ending laundry pile... you elude me and my strongest efforts with your funky, stained ways.

Later that night I made a no sew, polar fleece knot blanket (this is an example, not mine). It's purty! It took forever though since my family and I are always playing tug of war on the couch with our other blankets... I got 3 yards of material! I'm thinking that wont be a problem anymore, now there's plenty of warm snugly goodness for everyone.<span class=

Tuesday: Anna stayed home sick from school because she had a cough and coughed so hard her Coco Puffs came flying out. During Em's nap time I made the second polar fleece blanket after Anna insisted on helping me lay out 9feet of material x2. *note to self- be in better shape the next time you decide to stoop and bend over for a half an hour cutting one inch strips around the perimeter of a 9x4 1/2 foot piece of material.*

I finished a large block quilt for Emma made out of her receiving blankets, just as I did for Anna. I didn't really quilt it, I just sewed them together. The blankets are pink, pale green, and a small rose bud print. Since we found out we were pregnant with Em, a week after John's dad died here at home with us (from lung cancer, mets to the brain) and she never got to meet her grandpa, I used a dusty rose bed sheet that had been Dad's mom's (John's grandma's) sheet. Dad took care of his mom for 15 years while she suffered from Alzheimer's, and after she passed dad was awarded all of her possessions. I think it will be nice for Emma to know that she owns a little piece of family history in her baby blanket quilt.


Cute pair of
unused embroidered jeans (because the waist is too big) size 7 girls- Cost: 15.00

Sewing and resewing a simple piece of elastic3 times because of mistakes like sewing the belt loops closed- Cost: Your dignity.

Clutching those jeans tightly while holding them up to your face and cursing at them out of frustration: Priceless.

Wednesday: I heard about the Australian man who was half swallowed by a shark and lived! *gasp!* I saw him on Letterman... I am terrified of sharks so this was a train wreck i couldn't help watching.

I was pleasantly surprised when Craig Ferguson refused to do Britney Spears jokes... then after finding out she had left rehab twice, was disappointed he didn't.
eek

Thursday: Bummed when finding out that Thursday Thirteen was retiring and I didn't play the last one.

Heard about The Dog (and his family) being arrested after extraditing a serial rapist from Mexican soil in 2003, which the *corrupt* Mexican Government considers kidnapping. IMHO, technically, what he did was wrong, only because they broke the Mexican law. In my eyes, I would have done the same thing. You should be able to hide on foreign soil, especially if you are a low life scum bag serial rapist.

Friday: My mini-me told me , "Momma, I think you have a little junk in the trunk." Followed by stunned and hysterical laughter from me and John.

I still wonder why I taught this kid to talk.
<span class= wink

Saturday: Heard that we were going to have a winter storm with every form of precipitation imaginable, and still decided to head out for a 45 minute drive to exchange a present for Anna's birthday because it was defective.

Ripped the hubby a new one for getting us all safely inside after returning home and telling me he was going to park the car... only to be MIA for 40 minutes, without his cell phone- to pick up his prescriptions... While his worried wife trudged through stinging snow and small hail to see if he had gotten into an accident going around the block. After he tried to blow it off by saying, "Well... I realized as I was going around the block that i needed to get my meds, and that I forgot my phone... but I went ahead..." Followed by me screaming at him that is was a big deal, I left HIS 2 children inside alone , locked up in the living room while I looked for his dumb *nether regions* in 5 minute spurts because I had to come back and check on them.

That was fun.

Baked Anna's cake for her party the next day, and did my first cake decorating with a pastry bag. It wasn't perfect, but my girl really appreciated my effort and told me she loved it.
<span class=Worried that her party would be canceled or that only one ore two kids would show up because of bad weather.

Saturday night I joined a blog/support group for people who have had toxic relationships. My soul let out a sigh of relief... just to know that I have a place to go where others understand and aren't horrified by my past, allowing me to be open without restraint... A place where I can lend support to others like me, it's very comforting.

I also found out that Thursday Thirteen has changed hands and will live on under new management.

Sunday: Had Anna's party , 7 other kids showed up. Instead of feeling disappointed Anna didn't notice and had a wonderful time with her classmates. her best friend came, which made us all very happy, and Anna was very grateful and thankful for each and every present she received. She was especially happy about the present her best friend gave her, which was hand made polar fleece set of gloves, a hat, purse and a scarf. She hugged her best buddy and gushed over her gift... I almost cried. it was so sweet.

Instead of being overwhelmed with 24 kids and only just the seven, we all had a good time, including Emma who had lots of time with her Nana who came to help us out. at the end of the party, each child got to take home 3 goody bags because the other kids didn't show. Some of the kids had such a good time they didn't want to leave.

Today: I am thankful for all of my blogging buddies that were kind and caring enough to leave me a comment while I was on vacation, and email me too! Thanks guys!

Today, I realize all the work I had done last week is undone because I didn't clean a thing over the weekend. It's funny how 2 days can undo a week of work. The Laundry Monster has struck again! I think he is in cahoots with the Dirty Dish Fiend.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

My Valentine's

Once again John out did himself... and got his girls their heart's desire. For baby Em he got a Blue's Clues DVD. Anna got the Hannah Montana CD she has been eyeballing for almost a year.

Me? I got an new CD of an artist I have been curious about since seeing her on a commercial. She performed at the Grammys. Her name is Corinne Bailey Rae. I really like it, she has such a soothing , slightly raspy voice.

What I really loved was this handmade card from Anna. It's not fancy, and on it's front is a single sticker. What was written inside set my heart aflame. She wrote it all by herself, phonetically. :D

annacard.jpgannacard2.jpg
Translation:
Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
You smell sweet
And nice too.
But most of all
I love you.

And a little something she made me on her snow day. :O)
annaheart.jpg


What Anna made for daddy, with a bit of help from mom...
annafoamheart.jpg

And Emma's for her daddy, both made with craft foam,
crayons, paper and glitter paint.

emmafoamheart.jpg

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Happy Valentine's Day!

~*~*~*I forgot to say that I made this for you guys,
feel free to use it on your blogs. :D*~*~*~
I hope that you all have a wonderful
day filled with LOVE!
Even if you don't have a S.O.,
do something nice and enjoy your day.
Pamper, be pampered, play nice
and share your chocolate with the ones you love.

PS- Thanks to everyone that sent me Valintinrs,
even the one mysterious anoymous one. ;O)

Wordless Wednesday- Remembering my fur-angels

Sophie- Numa's daughter from her first litter
sophie2.jpgsophie3.jpg

Ivan- Numa's son from a second litter, Sophie's brother
ivan2.jpgivan.jpg

Seven- Wolfie's brother
seven2.jpgseven.jpg

Yuri- Ursa's brother
yuri.jpgyuri2.jpg

Ursa-boo
ursaboo3.jpgursaboo2.jpg


Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Haha and an ALPHABET MEME

Yesterday I said to Emma, "Momma needs to take a shower, I'm stinky."

Emma smiles, rolls her 23 month old eyes and says, "Ay-yai-yai!"

Later last night, I was helping Anna do her class Valentine's by closing them and taping my Hershey Toffee and Chocolate candies on her valentines, so that she would have something to give her kindergarten classmates besides Brat's V-day cards... I know. I must really love that kid or something. :O) Anyway, she came to a really long name for one of the kids that was over 13 letters long, and she sighs, puts her head in her hands and says a solitary word.

"Oye."

I'm not sure that I teach my kids the best things (OCD, chocoholism, sarcasm), but at least I am teaching them to express themselves in other languages!

Speaking of Ay-yai-yai and Oye... It's snowing lions and sheep dogs right now. *sigh* That's what I get for complaining about getting no snow last year.


My Valentinr - mert
Get your own valentinr
:D

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


Pippajo, my new found Dork Blogger Buddy, has tagged me for this meme. Thanks Pippa, this was fun!

ALPHABET MEME

A- Available or Single? Nope, happily married.

B- Best Friend? My Husband, and my friend in California, Effie.

C- Cake or Pie? If they have chocolate, both please, but I prefer cake.

D- Drink of Choice? It depends on the time of day... Coffee for the morning, Diet pepsi in the evening, and Kahlua and Cream late evening, but is rare.

E- Essential Item? Ooooh, that is a toughie. It's a close call between my dish washer and coffee maker.

F- Favorite Color? Purple

G- Gummi Bears or Worms? Gummi Bears

H- Hometown? Deale, Maryland- a very small former redneck town on the Chesapeake Bay...now home to Buffy's, Biff's, and Muffy's.

I- Indulgence? CHOCOLATE!

J- January or February? January. January is always National "Take down your tree, contemplate resolutions, and start a year fresh and new- the possibilities are endless" Month.

K- Kids and names? Anna- almost 6, Emma- almost 2. Furkids- Numa, Wolfie and Zoey.

L- Life is incomplete without…? Love and laughter.

M- Marriage Date? June 3rd, 1989

N- Number of Siblings? 2 brothers, 1 adopted brother (who is really my cousin), and one sister that I have met once. My mother gave her up for adoption 19 months before I was born, because she had met my father (the real one, the *not nice person*, not my step-dad who I consider my real father) while pregnant with Marci, and he made her choose between him or the baby.

My older brother and I don't have much of a relationship, my youngest brother (who is mentally handicapped) lives with my mother so I don't get to see him or talk to him, and younger brother Ben lives in Maryland... we are very close. My sister, well she didn't like me from the get go. It turns out that she hated me because we were so close in age, but my mother kept me, and also because I happen to be a girl. This is why I haven't mentioned her before. There was lots of drama... it turned out that we just happened to live only an hour apart in California. I always wanted a sister, and had known about her since the age of 10 (and had dreams of meeting her one day)... so it was all very sad for me in the end.

O- Oranges or Apples?Oranges! I love them right out of the fridge.

P- Phobias/Fears? Sharks, I think that stems from watching Jaws 8-10 times one summer as a kid. I had horrible nightmares. Large dogs, which comes from being chased and nipped at by a dog as a child. Horses, which is an irrational fear I inherited from my mother. Spiders, hate 'em.

Q- Favorite Quote? From Mark Twain, "The coldest winter I ever saw was the summer I spent in San Francisco."

R- Reasons to smile? My family, my friends, chocolate, and the fact that each day I wake... And that I am here another day to enjoy all of these. :O)

S- Season? Fall

T- Tag 3 people? I think I'll let 3 people volunteer. Leave me a comment saying you want to do this meme, and I'll link ya in this post! :D Yay! Maggie, delirious Maggie, my blogging bud has volunteered to go under the meme knife. ;O) Who's next?

U- Unknown Fact About Me? Gosh, I have pretty much spilled the beans about everything to date! Ummm...To get back at my mother for all the horrible things she did to us as kids, I would hum along with the vacuum to drive her nuts. when she would ask me if I was making noises, I would say no. LOL!

V- Vegetable You Hate? Brussels Sprouts

W- Worst Habit? Buying things I don't need then not using them. :/

X- Xrays You’ve Had? Chest, lower spine, right hand


Y- Your Favorite Foods? Chocolate, of course... Sushi, BLTS, Bacon Cheeseburgers, seafood of any kind, Thai , Filipino, and curry of any kind.

Z- Zodiac? I don't believe in that stuff, but I think I am a Libra.



Monday, February 12, 2007

What? Everyone is doing it...

***Updated!***Ever the procrastinating borderline non-conformist (What does that mean? It sounded good anyway.)... I am making myself a Valentinr :O)

Here is mine, and I will have one in my side bar.. that I will have to remove in a few days, LOL! But you know me, I love adding code any where on my blog.

Send me a Valentine, please? *Big Princess Puppy Dog Eyes*

My Valentinr - mert
Get your own valentinr


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Speaking of Valentine's Day... I signed up For Local Girl's Valentine's Day Swap. By doing this I have met 2 more wonderful people, Marina and Mari!

I just received my goodies from Marina today. :D
First , let me say that Marina gets an A+ for presentation... She took extra time to make this for me.



And another A+ for content:

I got 2 Valentine's candles (I looove candles!), a really cute coffee mug with chocolates in it (I can't wait to use the mug for my daily cuppa joe)... And last but not least, she gave me not only my favorite kind of chocolate- dark, but my absolute favorite kind of dark chocolate, Ghirardelli's!

For years, I worked at San Leandro Hospital in California right smack dab next to the Ghirardelli's factory. Every day I was tormented with this sumptuous smell, which most of my coworkers hated. Not me, I was in heaven! Whenever we had the chance to go to San Francisco, I always loaded up because you could always find more of a variety... where else but Ghirardelli Square.

Thanks Marina, you did good! Heck, you did more than good, thank you so much... you couldn't have picked better goodies. Tonight I am going to kick back and enjoy some of that beautiful chocolate, and some fond memories of living so close to SF. :D

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Love is... Part Two (the grungy version)


I don't know if you read the post I wrote a year ago titled Love Is...
I think I almost got it right. I still feel all of those things that I wrote in that post, I really do.

This week's Blogging Chicks theme is a bout Love so I thought I would think about some of the things I have written about recently...

So without further ado, Love is... Part Two.

Love is...

Letting your wife of 17 years air all the dark and dirty secrets about your life and marriage, on the net.

Encouraging your wife to blog none the less, and reading her blog any chance you get.

Love is doing the only thing you can do while a loved one is so sick, that you think a vital organ might come flying out... Standing there rubbing their back and cleaning up after them.

Not coming downstairs to kick your wife's butt, because you can hear her talking to her brother about you "multi tasking" in the bathroom, then bursting into laughter.

Love is celebrating your birthday only because your family is excited about it, even though you are not.

Seeing that the other person is about to lose it, and taking over the "bad guy role" during disciplining of the ankle biters.

Saving the other person the last piece of anything- even though you want it so bad your mouth is watering and you can't think of anything else.

Emailing a 'special" email just to say you love them, even though you are swamped at work.

Humoring each other's obsessions. (Fantasy baseball, Online far Cry with friends, The Sims 2, Photoshop, and spending 12 hours on a blog template)

Love is sticking it out for over 18 years, and turning a blind eye (most of the time) to each other's imperfections.

Love is loving someone so much that you start to miss them the second your plane takes off for a weekend get away.

And last but not least-

Love is being able to give each other an honest opinion, even though it might sting a little... because there is no love without truth.

Saturday, February 10, 2007

What my husband got for his 40th birthday.

Well, it wasn't a shirt that said:

"My wife took me out for dinner to Texas Roadhouse for an expensive steak dinner, her margarita cost 9 bucks... all which I had to pay for- and I got was this lousy food poisoning."

Though it could have been.

Yup folks... the restaurant I chose for us to eat at. It's not traumatizing enough to turn 40, but then to have fireworks shoot out of both ends? My hubs hasn't thrown up in over 10 years, a fact that he is really proud of.

Dang, now he has to start over!

Well, at least he got an ab workout out of it.

I am sure that the fact that I was laughing with my younger brother Ben about the MISU's unfortunate and untimely illness, and the fact that Ben might get John airline barf bags and adult diapers for a birthday present... It might come back to haunt me.

He actually just told his brother something to that affect right now on the phone. He also told his bro about the "fireworks", and said , "I can multi task like a mutha!" :O)

I am sure that it's a birthday he will never forget, only slightly better than last year.

Friday, February 09, 2007

Happy Birthday Babes!

Happy Birthday Honey... I hope the next 40
years are just as beautiful as the last.
I can't imagine life without you... but you knew
that already because I tell you
every chance I get. I'm glad you're here,
I'm glad you're my husband.
You are one of the most honest, loving,
decent, and caring people I know.
And your funny, a wonderful father
and husband... and still a hunk.

You're the whole shebang!
So... I am glad you were born on this day,
and so happy that you are who you are.

Love, Me

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Thursday 13 #21- Thirteen Things I love about the MISU


You might be wondering "why MISU?" ...In my first blog post a year ago How to make a 3o minute meal in 2 hours, I called my husband the Male Income Support Unit. I love my husband very much, and though he is the butt of my blogging jokes sometimes ( which are very few, I am usually the butt of my own jokes)... I'll say it again! I don't know where I would be with out him today. :O)

Since Valentine's day is coming up, and tomorrow is his 40th birthday, I thought I would write about the hubs. I wrote this this morning and it wasn't hard for me to come with 13 things. Which is another thing I love about him, in itself.

1. I love that from the moment he saw me, he was "annoying" the crud out of me...

2. Which later I found out was his way of showing interest in me...

3. Despite the fact that he had been watching my train wreck of sowing wild oats.

4. After 2 weeks of dating, I told him about my childhood. Everything. He didn't bat an eyelash, and still wanted to be with me.

5. Even after I told him that night that if we got married (which the mere mention- after only 2 weeks- should have had him running screaming in the opposite direction), and I found out that he ever hurt our kids... I would kill him. ( again- running screaming)

6. After a year long engagement of complete and utter drama usually involving my crazy family, and almost calling off the wedding, we still loved each other enough to get married.

7. After a year of being married and living with friends from the Navy, we finally got a place of our own. His friends were driving me nuts (stole my stuff and hid it in their room, wiped their dirty hands on my clean laundry, and left hundreds of beer cans lying around for days... usually with spit from chewing tobacco. BLECH!), and I told him to choose them or me, that living with his friends was going to be a deal breaker. A month later after we finally got our own place and were trying to work out our marriage,we went to the Persian Gulf. We almost got a divorce, and despite me wanting to call it quits halfway through the war... he worked really hard to save our marriage. After being separated for a few months during the war, he saw everything with clarity since he was able to step back from it all. Seeing that he really did love me made me want to save our marriage too. I loved that he didn't give up on us, when I had.

8. He has always been able to be objective about my situation with my mother. He always told me that it wouldn't matter if he was her son-in-law or not, he wouldn't put up with her shenanigans. He gave me the strength and courage I needed to stand up to her, and he helped me see that I was worth more than the little value my mother had placed on me. Because of him, I was able to finally tell her enough.

9. He is always concerned with me feelings and welfare, and is always telling me that he wants me to be happy in what ever aspect of life that i am facing challenges in. this includes figuring out what the heck I want to be when I grow up. :O)

10. He gets me. Every silly, goofy, sad, depressed, obsessive-compulsive, sarcastic part of me.

11. We have the same sense of humor., which is probably why he gets me. :D

12. We will do anything to make each other laugh, including making ourselves look ridiculous. You don't find many guys out there like that. We laugh a lot. I think this is why we don't fight very often. Well, that and because I don't talk to my mother anymore... that helps a lot too. less to fight about.

13. I love that I do still love him. With every fiber, every heart beat. He does that to me. Plus he still has a nice butt. ;O) I got the bonus plan, baby!



Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Wordless Wednesday- Workaholics...It's OK to take 5 minutes for a pee break. Honestly.



Casualties of war...

Yesterday Anna told us about some other girls in her class who are mean to her. My first instinct was to ask what she had done to these kids to make them dislike her.

Isn't that awful? I didn't voice that, I quickly realized that that was my mother's voice in my head, and it was my childhood rearing it's ugly head.

I believe there are no coincidences. I was thinking while I was putting away dishes ( which is sometimes when I do my best thinking unfortunately), and I wondered to myself if I had handled the situation with Anna , well- correctly?

Shortly after worrying and wondering, I read a post that Swampwitch had written about the The Velcro Technique of Learning. In her post, she talked about a student who "had used the Velcro Technique of Learning by applying old knowledge to a new situation."

As a parent, I often feel as if I am drifting alone on an endless sea, with only a few ships here or there, but far enough away to where I can just make them out. I have only glimpses and snippets of good parenting as examples, mostly because of my aunt. I watched shows as a kid and wondered if that was what normal life was like. Were the Brady's a typical family? Happy Days seems to cheesy to me now, but I loved that show. I wanted to be Joni. I feel like I am alone, I have nothing to go by, and that I am making it up as I go along. Along with my struggle with low self esteem (that was a gift from my mother), I constantly doubt myself as to whether I am doing the right thing. For the most part, I have only my wish to do the exact opposite as my mother guiding me.

You would think that being the case, I would be a perfect parent. Unfortunately that is not the case.

Recently, My very sweet and supportive Aunt had emailed me after reading my post about childhood pictures, and bad memories attached to them. She told me to remember the good times, and to also remember that despite my upbringing... I am at heart a good person. The pictures mean little if anything, that I have to focus on the good- like my step-dad.

She also went on to say that she too has been an imperfect parent, mostly in thought. She worked hard to break the cycle of dysfunction and abuse, and though sometimes she wanted to beat the crud out of her kids... she didn't. I look at the difference between my mother and my aunt and I marvel, it amazes me.

I had a heart to heart with Anna, again, on the topic of mean kids. I explained that she shouldn't instigate because it makes her as bad as they are. I also told her that she has a right to stand up for herself if they are being mean to her, that she didn't have to allow them to treat her badly. I told her that as long as she continued to let them make her feel bad, they would keep doing it. I explained that she deserves better, that she was worth having friends who loved her for who she is. I told her that the next time one of those homegrown brats said something hurtful like she wasn't invited to their party, to let them know that she didn't care whether they liked her or not, she has friends of her own... and that their bullying tactics bored her and to walk away... All the while hugging her tightly and reassuring her.

As I read Swampwitch's post, I realized that I have been struggling with applying old knowledge to new situations (not that that is a bad thing, but in my case it is)... but I have learned to apply new knowledge to old situations. I am relying on what little good for examples that I have. At least I have that.

Before I read Swampy's post though, the phrase "casualties of war" popped into my head. In a way, I am a casualty of war. I could let that define me, and sometimes, just sometimes I have a moment where I get to feeling sorry for myself... like the other day.

My mother is a casualty of war herself. Her childhood was horrible, barely an existence. I see now that because of her war experiences, instead of learning from history, she chose to let the war continue. Because of her own personal war, I too became a casualty.

On those days when I feel like staying in bed and pulling the covers over my head, I remember what it felt like when I was a little girl. I remember those days when my mother was there in body but not mind... and those days are only slightly better than the days she abused me.

I refuse to allow that for my children. Though I wonder to myself what aspects of war I have allowed my children to witness... I am trying really hard. I can't change the past. All I can do is pick myself up and move forward, love my children and apologize to them whole heartedly for the wrongs and war injuries I have caused them. I am making it up as I go along, but I have to believe that by struggling against my inbred instincts to automatically assume that my daughter is to blame for every little thing (like my mother did every day of my childhood life)... That I am doing something right. I choose to see the good in her. I choose to tell her she has worth and value in this world. And I choose to tell her that she deserves so much more. :O)

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

My blog is a year old!


Happy Birthday Sweet Bloggie!

Bloggie, in the last year you have always been there for me when I needed to vent, and even though you remain quiet... I know you are listening. Because of you, I have met a lot of nice people. Well... some weird ones too, but that's what I like about you. You are well read, well traveled... Who would have thought that you would travel to far off places like Hawaii and Oz?

Even though you can be difficult at times with photographs and have thrown away posts I have worked really hard on, I still really like you. You never seem to mind too much when I suggest a make over, and you wait patiently as I ponder your inner workings. AND you never complain about the endless amount of bling. :D

Sometimes you can be bold and off color, and sometimes a little too BIG for your own britches. But that's OK, we all make mistakes. I can't begin to count how many times I have made you republish because I made a teeny weeny spelling mistake- sometimes 20 times in one post...Yet you never complain. And even though I have contemplated pimping you, you have never stopped being there for me.

Bloggie, I hope that we will always be this close. You really do complete me, as cheesy as that may sound. Don't ever change.

Except when I make you...

We'll talk about that later.

Monday, February 05, 2007

Bleccchhh

***Edit: In my excitement about being able to reproduce the happy accident of the frames/windows below, I forgot to link the code back to the original SBS guidelines post. If you copied the pink button codes, please re-copy them (the purple ones were right all along). Sorry, and thanks!***

So this was me this weekend starting Friday night, when I transitioned from "almost done with a chest cold" to "Shhhh...... nia Twain, I have a head/sinus cold". I think it's as close of a depiction as I could make. Which indicates:
1. I literally felt like my eye was going to pop out of my skull, and that my head might possibly explode. Or implode. Or both.

AND/OR

2. I have way too much time on my hands (enough time to make this little gem), and should get a job as soon as possible.
An illustrated blog post, aren't you the lucky one. :D Anyway, between coughing fits, after which I thought I was going to die (because the coughing increased my inter cranial pressure 10 fold), then chasing my bouncing eyeball around the room and popping it back in- and hacking away at 3 blog templates...

I made these two buttons for Sound Byte Saturday, in between doses of Tylenol Cold and Sinus medication this weekend. ;O) Just copy the code from either window and paste it in your template where ever you want, like the sidebar area.















I am a big enough geek (evidently) now that I can look at source code and figure something out. I Googled how to make these little windows and either was totally confused, or messed up so bad that Blogger didn't want anything to do with me. Now you know that's bad. Eventually I found a site with some of these do-hickies and I was able to find the code that was tangled up in a heap of html.

Hooray for me!?!

If you are a SBS participant and would like a sidebar button in a different color, let me know. Thanks guys for playing this weekend, and I'm glad that you liked mine. I know I liked it, I couldn't stop wheezing/giggling. I had a lot of fun listening/watching yours too! :O)

Sunday, February 04, 2007

White Trash and Wieners.

Edit: I just found this picture in an old email,
and thought it was fitting. And No, that's not my husband's cousin in the picture.


First off let me just say that when I reference wieners, I am not talking about the Oscar Meyer brand.

A few days ago Anna was having some mommy time, sitting on my lap we were chatting. We were debating the "chocolate vs white milk" issue for school. It seems that Anna has been ostracized for being the only kid in class who has to drink white milk. Anna has a low tolerance to large amounts of sugar and usually becomes a sugar crashing bear, and usually gets herself into more trouble than it is worth, though I am sure that she would say otherwise. To an almost 6 year old, I am sure that an ounce of chocolate followed by a Godzilla-esque tirade of destruction and fire breathing- and maybe even a sugar hangover- is worth an hour alone in your room. Plus you get to sleep it off.

With Big Brown Teary Princess Puppy Eyes, she told me that they have a club and she is the only one not in the club. That's right folks, The Chocolate Milk Club. This of course made me feel very bad. So I said she could have chocolate milk 2 times a week. She suddenly burst into tears, telling me that her classmates wouldn't let her sit with them and teased her. Out of love for her, Anna's best friend Ryann sits with her faithfully, everyday since Anna is not allowed at the CMC tables. Now I felt horrible, and Anna not only won the "chocolate vs white milk" debate, but I think she may have even gotten the last word.

I am thinking that my precious babe has learned the art of manipulation. :O) Oh well, I'm just going to sit back and pick my battles because sooner or later the debate will turn from the discussion of milk to whether or not she is too young to wear a thong, or get her nose pierced. I am so looking forward to that.

We have already laid the ground rules for a lot of things. She and I have talked about when she can start wearing make up (lip gloss now, mascara and eye shadow 8th grade, eyeliner 9th), at what age she can dye her hair purple if she so chooses (16, *sigh* I can't even believe that we have had this discussion), and the fact that we will not tolerate any piercings except the ears, and no tats while she lives in our home.

Anyway, after winning the Milk Wars, we hugged and I told her how I was sorry that she was being teased for such a silly thing, she said this.

"Mom, do boys have wieners?"

Suppressing a laugh I said yes, and then told her the correct name..

"Just the stick part?" *sigh, oh God help me, I can't believe we are talking about this... but actually no better time than the present*

I said yes, why did she ask, and she said she had noticed while Wolfie was cleaning his bits and pieces. * I let out a strangled sigh of relief*

We had already discussed other parts of the male anatomy a few weeks before because she wanted to know how animals get "fixed", and if they put the parts back later.

She then asked me if "who-who" was the correct name for the female anatomy. I told her no, and the correct term.

"So that's just a name you call it... why?"

I had to tell her that I thought it would just be easier for her to say, but in truth I have never felt comfortable with little kids saying the V word. It really bothers me, that's just me.

Looks like it's time for mom and dad to start looking for kid friendly versions of the "Birds and the Bees" books. Actually, I already found a few that are written for children online, for my friend. I guess I better order one for me now too.

I just thought I would be talking with her about this sort of thing when she was a few years older. When I was a kid, I never talked to my mother about this stuff. I'm not going to just overwhelm her with a bunch of information, but when she asks I am going to have a short talk with her, and when she changes the subject so will I. So far this is how we have handled questions about a woman's cycle and the bare minimum basics about making a baby. I have read that this is the best way to deal with sex education in the family.

This got me to thinking... I wanted to ask the moms out there who have experience with this. Does it sound like I have a good game plan? Any pointers?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

OK, I was talking with the MISU today about an article I had read at White Trash Mom, about a man who used a stun gun on his wife's grandmother. What happened was the man's toddler kept touching an electrical cord after repeated chiding from his dad. Finally the dad gave the toddler boy a swat on the diapered butt. The grandmother-in-law made a fuss and said she was going to take the kid away because the dad was a child abuser.

The man asked her to leave, she refused.

He zapped her. the wife called the police on him, and he is being charged with domestic assault. I said I couldn't believe some one would do that, just because a grandma refused to leave.

My husband started laughing and said he would have zapped her too! Gasping and laughing, I jumped up and screamed while pointing at him, "You're white trash!"

I asked if it would have been ok to zap his grandma, he said no, but he'd zap his mom.

What makes this so surprising and funny, is that I was talking about this guy. The most straight laced guy I know.

I then proceeded to hop around with my hand over my mouth, still pointing at him, "You're whi-ite tra-ash! You're whi-ite tra-ash!"

He smiled, shrugged and said, "Maybe I am."

It's no big surprise, he has cousins with redneck tendencies.

That's OK, I'm one half redneck since we had a few broken down vehicles in our yard when I was a kid, for many many years... complete with 3 ft tall redneck grass. Later, my dad (a proud Okie) built himself a really nice tool shed that was almost the size of the ground floor of our house. We were the first official biracial redneck family in our area.

I guess we are both a little bit country, though he will never admit to that.

***Edit to add: Ask yourself what you would do. If any of it includes using a stun gun... you just might be white trash too. :O)***

OK, one more time

I have been hacking away all day (for a day and a half now) at 3 templates. PHEW!

Sadly choice #3 was taken out of the running because it had frames, meaning it had scroll bars INSIDE the template... which I really hate. Though other people still use them, they are outdated... and IMHO a pain in the butt.

So that made things a bit more difficult, and ended up choosing my favorite out of a 4 way tie. I am trying out this template to show you guys what it looks like in action.

The other template, the very cute alligator can be found at my template laboratory. You can view the template here.
I still have to gussy up the side bar of course. :O)

You will see that there is a gap between the gator and the actual blog post/sidebar... I tried everything I could think of to fix it.

So one more vote please, thanks!

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Thursday 13 # 20, Thirteen things I will love about blogging in the future.

Want to help pick my new template? Scroll down to I need help, leave a comment and vote! :O)


Thirteen Things that Mary will like about blogging in the future.


I was recently reading a post about older bloggers, and how some older folks are really intimidated by computers and refuse to touch one. This got me to thinking about blogging in the future...


1. Since in the future everything will require Voice Recognition Activation, there will be no need for the dreaded WORD VERIFICATION.

2. Also, since every mode of transportation will have it's own computer, and surfing the web while traveling will be second nature, Blogging can and will be done any where.

3. Of course this will mean that blogging will be done by voice command. Keyboards and mice will no longer exist.

4. Corrections will automatically be made for the punctuation, spelling and grammar-ly challenged.

5. You will have the option to communicate by video phone with other bloggers in real time or recorded message while you comment on their blog.

6. This means that either way, reading someone's blog will be or seem to be in real time. You will get to see what they are doing while blogging.

7. Since some of us like to blog in yesterday's pajamas, there will also be an option for a Cyber You, meaning that there will be a virtual rendition of yourself to use in case you are not yet showered during video phone conversations.

8. Cyber You will be fully customizable. You can change any aspect of your appearance, including hair color, eye color, body shape, make up and clothing. Want to try Goth for a day? Or how about a flash back to '80's? No problem, Cyber you has on file every type of fashion that every existed.

9. Video phone conference calls during blogging will be a cinch.

10. Glitches, prolonged publishing, and blog entries being lost in cyber space will not be tolerated. Tech support will not exist since problems on the web will be nonexistent. Software companies will suffer life imprisonment and/or torture for faulty product, therefore making faulty product impossible to find. :D

11. Video phone will also include a 360 degree Experience option, meaning you can experience the environment of your fellow blogger, just as they see it.

12. This will require the invention of Cyber Surround, which will also be fully customizable. Options will include Cyber Surround Clean Up, it will automatically erase any mess and noises. You can also change the color of your walls and furniture to suit your mood.

13. All of this will be available to everyone, it will be a constitutional right.






Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!
The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!