Black Friday and holiday shopping fun, yes? This year not so much. What's with the killing of the people?The stampeding and gunfire? Are you kidding me?
Let me just say that though I have on occasion imagined myself bludgeoning someone while out rubbing elbows with people that I like to refer to as "rude, morally-bankrupt animals", I would never.... NEVER resort to violence outside of daydreaming when faced with not getting something that I want.
Is this what we have come to?
How does it make sense that a season, first and foremost named as the season of GIVING, should cause such hostility and homicidal tendencies? Oh, right. Christmas is no longer Merry Christmas... but XMAS, Happy Holidays, etc, etc, etc. 'Tis the season of give me more, because if you don't , you're a bad parent/child/sibling/grandchild and you don't really love me-me-me-me-me.
I will admit that I have been guilty of commercialism, of going over board because I want my kids to have all the things that I didn't, and I have come to realize that by doing so I have created mini monsters who play with new toys for about a week then grow bored of them. Lesson learned. We have scaled waaaaay back on gift giving for any holiday, and we donate the things no longer played with, the ones that are collecting dust.
It has been a painful process, realizing all that has been compromised... my children's egos, my wallet, and the core of our souls. No thing can make my kids love me, and no trinket can show them how much I love them. That is up to me, and up to them. I thank God that my husband and I have come to this realization before it was too late.
Oh, I'm sure we might get the "I'm looking for more presents underneath the ripped and tattered remains of what probably amounts to 3 trees" , and even a small "is that it?" look from at least one of my ankle biters... but we'll get there. Baby steps, people. ;)
But honestly? I'm not sure I want to buy into a holiday that has been tainted with sacrificial blood. Maybe I will opt out next year. Maybe the 25th of each month will be cause for celebration, and maybe, just maybe we can celebrate the true meaning of Christmas every day of every single year without killing someone.
That would be swell.
OK, I'm jumping off of my soapbox now, and I'll leave you with this thought (OK, I'm only standing with one foot on the soap box right now):
This being my first year of retail hell ( I work at the Tar-jay), I would emplore all of the lovely shoppers out there to at least try to put something back in its original spot. If you don't want it? Ya know what? Take it to the register anyway and say these eleven magical words.
"I don't want this, can you put this back for me?"
Those eleven mystical and magical words would reduce hundreds of thousands of man hours of hunting what we like to call reshops from the candy aisle and eventually returning it to the lingerie section.
What does that mean for you you might ask? Lower cost, better savings.
And me, not mentally flipping you the bird. Just a thought.
Hugs and kisses,
~mert
Showing posts with label rantastic. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rantastic. Show all posts
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Thursday, February 14, 2008
I can't stress enough...
***Warning, long with lots of angry complaining... please read the whole thing if you plan on commenting so you know EXACTLY where I am coming from. It's not too late to turn back.... OK, you asked for it!***
We are so back in the land of DRAMA with the MIL. Oh. The. Joys.
So. About a year and a half ago, the MIL starts dating this guy- who, can I just tell you- was just separated from his wife. He was a classmate of the MIL's in high school. He was a bit pushy and mentioned that maybe he could live with the MIL and she told him NO WAY. Good for her.
They continued to see each other for a while and even though she told everyone else on the planet that he was her boyfriend, when I said anything of the sort she snarled at me and said they were just friends. Literally bared her teeth at me, I kid you not.
What- EVER!
A little while after that, when things got a little to heavy for her, she told him she just wanted to be friends and hang out, have fun, nothing too serious. He persisted, she politely declined. He then told her that he got fired from Walmart for "patting a young woman on her butt". WOW. After 3 divorces, still such a good judge of character. That's a heck of a way to (not) break up with some one.
Anywho, that was end of that, she wanted nothing to do with him. A bit after that, we had our falling out with her this summer after she threw a sand pail of water in my 6 year old daughters face, and we didn't talk to her for almost 3 months I think.
I'm not sure when she started dating the very same YAHOO again, but it was around the time that we started to tolerate her presence in public again, and around the time that she decided to ambush me at a family member's birthday party... thinking in her twisted brain that her manipulating the situation and insisting to my face that I have slapped her in the past- ALL WHILE GRIPPING ME BY THE ARM and refusing to let me go until I heard her out- that this would suffice as "the talk " that we told her we needed to have before she could spend time with our kids. Grrrr.
Anyway, I believe that this yahoo that she had sworn she would never see again had possibly filled some void for her while she was refused access to her grand kids. Because of her crazy, unpredictable behavior.
Good for her.
Recently, (about 2-3 weeks ago) Anna was allowed to spend the night at her house. We had forgotten that the yahoo was back in the picture. The next day, the MIL calls and says, "We're going out to dinner to Wendy's, the yahoo and his grandson are coming too. Bah blah blah... Oh. I hope that's OK."
We were not OK with it because the yahoo already has a questionable character, but since they were going to be in public, we said fine. After Anna came home from the MIL's, Anna tells us that yahoo came over to the MIL's apartment. John and I looked at each other and I asked Anna if she had been left alone with yahoo at any time. Yes, she had, while the MIL went to the restroom and went to the kitchen.
Did I happen to mention that I had not even met this yahoo yet, and John had only been introduced in passing? And that the MIL KNOWS about how I was sexually abused by my father, and how I am very protective of my children, and she knows that I have a general mistrust of people when it comes to my girls? I told John early on while we dated that if my father has no problem doing that to me, I know strangers care even less what they do to children, and that was why I planned to be very protective if I ever had kids.
She knows ALL of this.
She knew she was in the wrong, that is why she did what she always does and asked after telling us what she was going to do (or in some cases, already did), by asking if " it's ok". John called her and let her know that this was unacceptable. He told her, "If he is over and Anna is there, and you have to leave the room, Anna is not to be left alone with him, or any stranger."
What does she say? She basically lies by implying that she already thought of that and was compliant by saying, "Oh, of course."
What she doesn't know is that we already knew at that point that she HAD left Anna alone with him.
She then asks, "Well, I'm not saying that this is going to happen but if I get married again, will I ever get to see my grand kids?"
Guilt trip, anyone? OK... so now I'm kind of getting to my point here. First of all, WTH? Married again? Where the heck....
John says, "Yes, but we don't want Anna left in a room with anyone who is a stranger. I'd have to get to know him better before that ever happens."
Two days ago I was talking to John's aunt, who is the MIL's sister. "Did you hear that she said to me that she mentioned to him (yahoo) that they should move in together to make things easier on each other?"
WHAT? Where is this coming from? She has been on meds for months now to "even her out". Honestly, she acts very much like my mother 85% of the time, and could very well be bipolar. Lately, she is short on money, so she cannot afford to compulsively shop like she normally does. She brags to us that she paid off some credit cards, and the next thing we know, she is buying more crap she doesn't need and her cards are maxed out again. Anyway, what she can't afford her usual compulsions so she decides she now NEEDS a man?
Now, here is the kicker... Last night I called her and let her know that I had some cooked chicken breasts that were going to go to waste (since we are eating out tonight and then this weekend I am going to cook the turkey John got from his job at Christmas... cuz we are po' ), and asked if she wanted them. Sure she said, she would swing by and pick them up, and Steve was coming.
I asked, "Right now? My house is a mess." She blew me off by asking me if I was using the turkey... You know the one I had just mentioned, because she listens so well? Because, since John had mentioned that he wanted to get to know yahoo better, she was thinking of having him, his daughter and his grand kids, plus us over for dinner and had thought about using our turkey.
I stood there with my mouth open. John has forgotten to tell me things in the past, but I was pretty sure, positive actually that since I know my husband pretty darned well , and given the fact that we have been dissatisfied with the whole yahoo thing....... That my sweet and loving husband HAD NOT SAID ANYTHING OF THE SORT, and that once again we were being pressured into something we didn't want to do by her twisting our words, or because she is out of her gourd.
So, last night, after putting the kids to bed, and after the MISU got home from being out with some friends, I ask him. Heck no, he never said that he actually wanted to get to know him better, he said"I'd have to get to know him better before that ever happens".
DOH! Then, the icing on the cake? When the yahoos arrived so that the MIL could pick up the chicken, I said, "I would say excuse the mess, but it always looks like this."
He looked me straight in the eye and said in deliberate tones, "I have grand kids that come over to my apartment. They have their own area for toys, but," he leans forward, turning red, sputtering and shaking a bit," I tell them one time. And if they don't pick them up..." He crosses hims arms emphatically, giving me a stern look. A look my MIL didn't see because she was standing in front of the yahoo the whole time they were in my entry way, and never once turned to look at him.
I stood there with my mouth ajar.
Later, after I put the kids to bed I thought to myself- what was that supposed to mean? Was he inferring that I was a bad mother for not making my kids too afraid to leave their toys out? OR, given the fact that all of a sudden, in a span of a week I hear that she mentioned to him about moving in together and MARRIAGE, is he inferring something about how things will go with my kids?
I don't fricking think so. I have been doing so well with not cursing lately... but let me tell you, based on my reaction last night after that little tidbit had time to sink in? I can't even think about cursing for the next 3 weeks. I'm "caught up".
That JACKASS has another thing coming if he and his 2 brain cells think that he will EVER talk to my kids like that. There are no (polite) words to describe how I will handle that situation. Lets just say that I am SURE, with every fiber of my being, that I will be "caught up" for roughly a year.
Let me just say that I believe that the MIL deserves as much happiness as anyone else, but given the fact that she has had a history of picking real losers as husbands.... I see divorce #4 in the horizon?!?
John's dad turned out to be an alcoholic who later before he died, his long time skank of a GF pretty much told us that they were dating before John's parents split up. Hedidn't pay child support at all, and rarely saw his kids.
Her next husband was the one that tried to get John and his brother and sister to hand sickle over an acre of property. John refused to do it and left, ran away right in front of her, and she didn't even try to stop John- who was 15- from leaving. before she married this jerk she asked them what they thought of him, and they all said they didn't like him. She married him anyway. After they got married and 3 days after they moved into a new house ( an old farm house), the house burned to the ground and they lost everything. John believes that he (the jerk) deliberately set the fire for the money. John never moved back home with his mother, and lived with his grandmother. Nice. This is the foundation for their tense relationship.
Idiot #3: 10-12 years younger than her, turned out to be a coke head. Their apartment was broken into without forced entry 3 times and valuables and money that only they knew about was gone. Overtime he supposedly did was unaccounted for on his pay stubs. We all ( including her kids) tried to convince her that since they were ALL unforced entries, and that money that they only knew about was missing from their apartment, that it had to be him... she told us all to but out, including the 2 kids she still had living with her.While John and I were in the Persian Gulf in '90, and the MIL took over our finances while we were gone... 500.00 went missing from my checking account, and she said she knew nothing about it. later, his girl friend showed up and said she was pregnant, that he had indeed been the one breaking into their apartment and stealing valuables and money, and that he had spent it all on coke for the two of them (him and the girl friend). After all of that, she still considered taking him back.
Now, here is the most troubling part: 9 months ago, I had mentioned something about the asshat that hurt me as a kid, and that I would kill if anything like that happened to my girls. She then tells me that her daughter had told her that JERK #3 had sexually assualted her (my MIL didn't go in to specifics, but said that my SIL had said that he "Had tried stuff with her"), but that the MIL refused to believe her own daughter. As if this could possible exonerate her, the MIL said, "I believe her now."
Sooooo, now you know why this is such a big deal to us. When it comes to men, the MIL always seems to put them and her own needs above her children. John and I vow that she isn't going to get the chance to screw our kids up too. They are already destined to be a little messed up, having a neurotic mother.
John said he will talk to her today, since Anna was supposed to sleep over Friday, and tell her that if yahoo is going to be there then Anna isn't coming.
I am worried that given all of the bad choices that she has made in the past with my kids (and her own) that Anna shouldn't be over there at all. I have a sinking suspicion that possibly the MIL will try to make Anna keep secrets about stuff that isn't supposed to happen... just to not hurt the yahoo's feelings. Shoot, I was thinking last night that she may have already told Anna to keep secrets about certain things, because she also has a history of us catching her in lies and trying to cover her ass, after doing something that put our kids in jeopardy.
*When you lay it all out like this, it sounds completely insane to think that we have entrusted our most precious possessions to this woman, ONCE AGAIN. It's insane to think that after 61 years that she can change. I guess despite the fact that John and I are typically hard asses when it comes to protecting our kids, we have just been asses and complete dumb asses to think that she will ever change and that our kids will really truly be safe. She does change how she operates a bit... but I think it's mostly to lull us into a false sense of security, basically so she can get what she wants.
What the hell is wrong with us? I really think it has to do with her being the only grand parent left, since I will have nothing to do with my own mother. Also, like I said before, we just want to hope that people (she) will change, and that our kids can enjoy a NORMAL relationship with their last remaining grand parent. Sadly, it doesn't look like it's going to happen.
I just told John *this a few minutes ago when he dropped Anna off after school. He agrees with me that she really can't watch our kids.
I realize how incredibly stupid I sound right now. Not to worry, bloggin always helps me see things more clearly. I have a feeling someone is still going to call me an idiot, despite explaining myself.
I've been called worse... I can take it.
We are so back in the land of DRAMA with the MIL. Oh. The. Joys.
So. About a year and a half ago, the MIL starts dating this guy- who, can I just tell you- was just separated from his wife. He was a classmate of the MIL's in high school. He was a bit pushy and mentioned that maybe he could live with the MIL and she told him NO WAY. Good for her.
They continued to see each other for a while and even though she told everyone else on the planet that he was her boyfriend, when I said anything of the sort she snarled at me and said they were just friends. Literally bared her teeth at me, I kid you not.
What- EVER!
A little while after that, when things got a little to heavy for her, she told him she just wanted to be friends and hang out, have fun, nothing too serious. He persisted, she politely declined. He then told her that he got fired from Walmart for "patting a young woman on her butt". WOW. After 3 divorces, still such a good judge of character. That's a heck of a way to (not) break up with some one.
Anywho, that was end of that, she wanted nothing to do with him. A bit after that, we had our falling out with her this summer after she threw a sand pail of water in my 6 year old daughters face, and we didn't talk to her for almost 3 months I think.
I'm not sure when she started dating the very same YAHOO again, but it was around the time that we started to tolerate her presence in public again, and around the time that she decided to ambush me at a family member's birthday party... thinking in her twisted brain that her manipulating the situation and insisting to my face that I have slapped her in the past- ALL WHILE GRIPPING ME BY THE ARM and refusing to let me go until I heard her out- that this would suffice as "the talk " that we told her we needed to have before she could spend time with our kids. Grrrr.
Anyway, I believe that this yahoo that she had sworn she would never see again had possibly filled some void for her while she was refused access to her grand kids. Because of her crazy, unpredictable behavior.
Good for her.
Recently, (about 2-3 weeks ago) Anna was allowed to spend the night at her house. We had forgotten that the yahoo was back in the picture. The next day, the MIL calls and says, "We're going out to dinner to Wendy's, the yahoo and his grandson are coming too. Bah blah blah... Oh. I hope that's OK."
We were not OK with it because the yahoo already has a questionable character, but since they were going to be in public, we said fine. After Anna came home from the MIL's, Anna tells us that yahoo came over to the MIL's apartment. John and I looked at each other and I asked Anna if she had been left alone with yahoo at any time. Yes, she had, while the MIL went to the restroom and went to the kitchen.
Did I happen to mention that I had not even met this yahoo yet, and John had only been introduced in passing? And that the MIL KNOWS about how I was sexually abused by my father, and how I am very protective of my children, and she knows that I have a general mistrust of people when it comes to my girls? I told John early on while we dated that if my father has no problem doing that to me, I know strangers care even less what they do to children, and that was why I planned to be very protective if I ever had kids.
She knows ALL of this.
She knew she was in the wrong, that is why she did what she always does and asked after telling us what she was going to do (or in some cases, already did), by asking if " it's ok". John called her and let her know that this was unacceptable. He told her, "If he is over and Anna is there, and you have to leave the room, Anna is not to be left alone with him, or any stranger."
What does she say? She basically lies by implying that she already thought of that and was compliant by saying, "Oh, of course."
What she doesn't know is that we already knew at that point that she HAD left Anna alone with him.
She then asks, "Well, I'm not saying that this is going to happen but if I get married again, will I ever get to see my grand kids?"
Guilt trip, anyone? OK... so now I'm kind of getting to my point here. First of all, WTH? Married again? Where the heck....
John says, "Yes, but we don't want Anna left in a room with anyone who is a stranger. I'd have to get to know him better before that ever happens."
Two days ago I was talking to John's aunt, who is the MIL's sister. "Did you hear that she said to me that she mentioned to him (yahoo) that they should move in together to make things easier on each other?"
WHAT? Where is this coming from? She has been on meds for months now to "even her out". Honestly, she acts very much like my mother 85% of the time, and could very well be bipolar. Lately, she is short on money, so she cannot afford to compulsively shop like she normally does. She brags to us that she paid off some credit cards, and the next thing we know, she is buying more crap she doesn't need and her cards are maxed out again. Anyway, what she can't afford her usual compulsions so she decides she now NEEDS a man?
Now, here is the kicker... Last night I called her and let her know that I had some cooked chicken breasts that were going to go to waste (since we are eating out tonight and then this weekend I am going to cook the turkey John got from his job at Christmas... cuz we are po' ), and asked if she wanted them. Sure she said, she would swing by and pick them up, and Steve was coming.
I asked, "Right now? My house is a mess." She blew me off by asking me if I was using the turkey... You know the one I had just mentioned, because she listens so well? Because, since John had mentioned that he wanted to get to know yahoo better, she was thinking of having him, his daughter and his grand kids, plus us over for dinner and had thought about using our turkey.
I stood there with my mouth open. John has forgotten to tell me things in the past, but I was pretty sure, positive actually that since I know my husband pretty darned well , and given the fact that we have been dissatisfied with the whole yahoo thing....... That my sweet and loving husband HAD NOT SAID ANYTHING OF THE SORT, and that once again we were being pressured into something we didn't want to do by her twisting our words, or because she is out of her gourd.
So, last night, after putting the kids to bed, and after the MISU got home from being out with some friends, I ask him. Heck no, he never said that he actually wanted to get to know him better, he said"I'd have to get to know him better before that ever happens".
DOH! Then, the icing on the cake? When the yahoos arrived so that the MIL could pick up the chicken, I said, "I would say excuse the mess, but it always looks like this."
He looked me straight in the eye and said in deliberate tones, "I have grand kids that come over to my apartment. They have their own area for toys, but," he leans forward, turning red, sputtering and shaking a bit," I tell them one time. And if they don't pick them up..." He crosses hims arms emphatically, giving me a stern look. A look my MIL didn't see because she was standing in front of the yahoo the whole time they were in my entry way, and never once turned to look at him.
I stood there with my mouth ajar.
Later, after I put the kids to bed I thought to myself- what was that supposed to mean? Was he inferring that I was a bad mother for not making my kids too afraid to leave their toys out? OR, given the fact that all of a sudden, in a span of a week I hear that she mentioned to him about moving in together and MARRIAGE, is he inferring something about how things will go with my kids?
I don't fricking think so. I have been doing so well with not cursing lately... but let me tell you, based on my reaction last night after that little tidbit had time to sink in? I can't even think about cursing for the next 3 weeks. I'm "caught up".
That JACKASS has another thing coming if he and his 2 brain cells think that he will EVER talk to my kids like that. There are no (polite) words to describe how I will handle that situation. Lets just say that I am SURE, with every fiber of my being, that I will be "caught up" for roughly a year.
Let me just say that I believe that the MIL deserves as much happiness as anyone else, but given the fact that she has had a history of picking real losers as husbands.... I see divorce #4 in the horizon?!?
John's dad turned out to be an alcoholic who later before he died, his long time skank of a GF pretty much told us that they were dating before John's parents split up. Hedidn't pay child support at all, and rarely saw his kids.
Her next husband was the one that tried to get John and his brother and sister to hand sickle over an acre of property. John refused to do it and left, ran away right in front of her, and she didn't even try to stop John- who was 15- from leaving. before she married this jerk she asked them what they thought of him, and they all said they didn't like him. She married him anyway. After they got married and 3 days after they moved into a new house ( an old farm house), the house burned to the ground and they lost everything. John believes that he (the jerk) deliberately set the fire for the money. John never moved back home with his mother, and lived with his grandmother. Nice. This is the foundation for their tense relationship.
Idiot #3: 10-12 years younger than her, turned out to be a coke head. Their apartment was broken into without forced entry 3 times and valuables and money that only they knew about was gone. Overtime he supposedly did was unaccounted for on his pay stubs. We all ( including her kids) tried to convince her that since they were ALL unforced entries, and that money that they only knew about was missing from their apartment, that it had to be him... she told us all to but out, including the 2 kids she still had living with her.While John and I were in the Persian Gulf in '90, and the MIL took over our finances while we were gone... 500.00 went missing from my checking account, and she said she knew nothing about it. later, his girl friend showed up and said she was pregnant, that he had indeed been the one breaking into their apartment and stealing valuables and money, and that he had spent it all on coke for the two of them (him and the girl friend). After all of that, she still considered taking him back.
Now, here is the most troubling part: 9 months ago, I had mentioned something about the asshat that hurt me as a kid, and that I would kill if anything like that happened to my girls. She then tells me that her daughter had told her that JERK #3 had sexually assualted her (my MIL didn't go in to specifics, but said that my SIL had said that he "Had tried stuff with her"), but that the MIL refused to believe her own daughter. As if this could possible exonerate her, the MIL said, "I believe her now."
Sooooo, now you know why this is such a big deal to us. When it comes to men, the MIL always seems to put them and her own needs above her children. John and I vow that she isn't going to get the chance to screw our kids up too. They are already destined to be a little messed up, having a neurotic mother.
John said he will talk to her today, since Anna was supposed to sleep over Friday, and tell her that if yahoo is going to be there then Anna isn't coming.
I am worried that given all of the bad choices that she has made in the past with my kids (and her own) that Anna shouldn't be over there at all. I have a sinking suspicion that possibly the MIL will try to make Anna keep secrets about stuff that isn't supposed to happen... just to not hurt the yahoo's feelings. Shoot, I was thinking last night that she may have already told Anna to keep secrets about certain things, because she also has a history of us catching her in lies and trying to cover her ass, after doing something that put our kids in jeopardy.
*When you lay it all out like this, it sounds completely insane to think that we have entrusted our most precious possessions to this woman, ONCE AGAIN. It's insane to think that after 61 years that she can change. I guess despite the fact that John and I are typically hard asses when it comes to protecting our kids, we have just been asses and complete dumb asses to think that she will ever change and that our kids will really truly be safe. She does change how she operates a bit... but I think it's mostly to lull us into a false sense of security, basically so she can get what she wants.
What the hell is wrong with us? I really think it has to do with her being the only grand parent left, since I will have nothing to do with my own mother. Also, like I said before, we just want to hope that people (she) will change, and that our kids can enjoy a NORMAL relationship with their last remaining grand parent. Sadly, it doesn't look like it's going to happen.
I just told John *this a few minutes ago when he dropped Anna off after school. He agrees with me that she really can't watch our kids.
I realize how incredibly stupid I sound right now. Not to worry, bloggin always helps me see things more clearly. I have a feeling someone is still going to call me an idiot, despite explaining myself.
I've been called worse... I can take it.
Oh, Happy Valentine's Day. ;)
Sunday, August 05, 2007
Irk me. Go ahead, make my day.
Just a short note to the people who tend to ignore the rules of polite society (that means YOU MIL):
1. When you repeatedly volunteer me because you are too lazy to do something yourself, that irks me.
2. This includes saving stuff for me or your son to do, and avoiding doing said things... until we are at your house. Let's say you have offered to let us take your car to 6 Flags on Sunday because your car is larger than ours, but you decide that the best time to clean out your car is the night before and after you have asked your son over for cake and ice cream. In the middle of a party.
3. And then volunteer me to take pictures at your party, AND to put flea medicine on your cat since I happen to be sitting down- and obviously with nothing better to do than enjoy a visit with family I haven't seen in a while. Sure, let me get right on that... it's not like I was in the middle of a conversation or anything.
4. On that note... It is NOT polite to scream my name at the top of your lungs and out through your nasal passages from across your apartment because YOU need to volunteer me for something else. I refuse to assist you in this case and will hold firm my ground if this should ever happen again. I'm not 8 years old and refuse to be summoned this way ever again.
5. Interrupting a conversation to insert random anecdotes about your favorite child, which is usually not even close to being a tangent to the current conversation... well it's rude and just a little bit nuts. Having lived with my own mother for 18 years,I know a little... just a smidge about nuts.
6. Whispering behind a hand about someone that is standing just feet away from you, all the while staring at them... that was cute I'm sure when you were 5. Seeing as you have 56 more years of life experience, I would expect that a person of your age would realize, cute? Not so much.
7. Your younger son is 37 years old, he can go buy beer if he wants. He's a big boy. And no, he doesn't need your permission after you telling him that he doesn't really need a beer. I can guarantee you that ironically, one WOULD need a beer in this situation- especially since you regularly keep wine in your fridge and you are being a HUGE hypocrite.
8. Oh, one more thing... it's not cute or EVER FREAKING funny to call an innocent child- let's say for example YOUR GRANDCHILD- fat or chubby, not even if you're *air quote* being funny or *air quote* just joking around. Not even when you yourself have lost every square inch of your fat rear and you don't have the slightest chance of being the slightest bit hypocritical, will it EVER be OK. *And especially not since you are annoyed with your innocent grand daughter because you took the liberty of buying her shirts without her being present, and are annoyed because the shirts you bought are too small and now you have to take your lazy carcass back to the store to return them.* The next time you do that (which would be -oh , lets say - incident #21), I will have to resort to such violence as punching you square in the face. I'll punch first and ask questions later because I have first hand knowledge of how damaging that can be to a child, and how they will carry it with them for the rest of their lives- no matter what weight they are.
OK, I wont really punch you BUT I will merely envision myself doing so as I drag your sorry butt into the kitchen and explain all of this to you, and while you stand there telling me why you think it's no big deal. I will refrain from bodily harm, but I may have to resort to reducing you to tears as I explain that you will not be welcome in this home unless you can stop being a self centered, self serving, and condescending idiot to your grand child.
All that stuff I wrote above? Yeah, don't do that. It annoys me.
I'm glad we had this talk, only I know it wont go as well when i actually have to tell you all of this because
1. When you repeatedly volunteer me because you are too lazy to do something yourself, that irks me.
2. This includes saving stuff for me or your son to do, and avoiding doing said things... until we are at your house. Let's say you have offered to let us take your car to 6 Flags on Sunday because your car is larger than ours, but you decide that the best time to clean out your car is the night before and after you have asked your son over for cake and ice cream. In the middle of a party.
3. And then volunteer me to take pictures at your party, AND to put flea medicine on your cat since I happen to be sitting down- and obviously with nothing better to do than enjoy a visit with family I haven't seen in a while. Sure, let me get right on that... it's not like I was in the middle of a conversation or anything.
4. On that note... It is NOT polite to scream my name at the top of your lungs and out through your nasal passages from across your apartment because YOU need to volunteer me for something else. I refuse to assist you in this case and will hold firm my ground if this should ever happen again. I'm not 8 years old and refuse to be summoned this way ever again.
5. Interrupting a conversation to insert random anecdotes about your favorite child, which is usually not even close to being a tangent to the current conversation... well it's rude and just a little bit nuts. Having lived with my own mother for 18 years,I know a little... just a smidge about nuts.
6. Whispering behind a hand about someone that is standing just feet away from you, all the while staring at them... that was cute I'm sure when you were 5. Seeing as you have 56 more years of life experience, I would expect that a person of your age would realize, cute? Not so much.
7. Your younger son is 37 years old, he can go buy beer if he wants. He's a big boy. And no, he doesn't need your permission after you telling him that he doesn't really need a beer. I can guarantee you that ironically, one WOULD need a beer in this situation- especially since you regularly keep wine in your fridge and you are being a HUGE hypocrite.
8. Oh, one more thing... it's not cute or EVER FREAKING funny to call an innocent child- let's say for example YOUR GRANDCHILD- fat or chubby, not even if you're *air quote* being funny or *air quote* just joking around. Not even when you yourself have lost every square inch of your fat rear and you don't have the slightest chance of being the slightest bit hypocritical, will it EVER be OK. *And especially not since you are annoyed with your innocent grand daughter because you took the liberty of buying her shirts without her being present, and are annoyed because the shirts you bought are too small and now you have to take your lazy carcass back to the store to return them.* The next time you do that (which would be -oh , lets say - incident #21), I will have to resort to such violence as punching you square in the face. I'll punch first and ask questions later because I have first hand knowledge of how damaging that can be to a child, and how they will carry it with them for the rest of their lives- no matter what weight they are.
OK, I wont really punch you BUT I will merely envision myself doing so as I drag your sorry butt into the kitchen and explain all of this to you, and while you stand there telling me why you think it's no big deal. I will refrain from bodily harm, but I may have to resort to reducing you to tears as I explain that you will not be welcome in this home unless you can stop being a self centered, self serving, and condescending idiot to your grand child.
All that stuff I wrote above? Yeah, don't do that. It annoys me.
I'm glad we had this talk, only I know it wont go as well when i actually have to tell you all of this because
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Pedophobia... it's everywhere
If you hail from the planet Earth, you have probably read at least a dozen news stories and/or blog posts about this story of a woman and her toddler being kicked off a plane for committing acts of atrocity such as actually being a child. Don't even get me started on the attendant implying that this woman actually sedate her child with Benadryl!
Until today I was just generally enraged by this, but after reading a post authored by a supposed "intellectual"- on a network that is supposed to be for enlightened women... well, I nearly threw a clot.
This person did agree that what happened in the particular instance was horrible and unwarranted. She did agree that she has suffered all sorts of indignities and shocking behavior from other people while traveling, but she said that this behavior is no more bearable when coming from a child.
Her suggestion- to paraphrase, if I may be so bold- is that we should treat the shared space of an airplane much as we would treat a library, concert hall, museum and that it is not acceptable to bring out our worst behaviors while on a plane.
Though I agree with most of her (obviously childless) opinion, my opinion differs because having been a child myself and having had 2 children I have noticed a thing or two about the idiosyncrasies of ankle biters. AND though I agree that we are all responsible as humans to be on our best behavior while out rubbing elbows with the other 6 gazillion inhabitants of this planet, I believe there are just some things you cannot completely control.
If you are a reasonable adult and parent, try as you might, there are just some situations in which a child might act out. Like in the instance of a plane suddenly rocketing forward and/or said plane entering g-force factor 2, or the noise of take off increasingly becoming a high pitched roar... well, I would expect that some children might babble out of nervousness, screech out of fear, cry because the ear pressure is too much to take.
I would imagine that the only possible way to keep your TODDLER from acting like a toddler in this situation is to use tactics like threatening your children with physical harm and establishing a cycle of abuse to ensure that your child is adequately afraid of you. Hello- I've been there , done that. If you've been reading my blog for awhile now you know my opinion on child abuse, since I am a survivor.
So what should we do with these troublesome children? Should we institutionalize them all so that the older, disapproving or childless can be more comfortable? Maybe we should put them all on an island- a Kid-centration camp, if you will.
Better yet, why don't we just sterilize the whole planet so we can be rid of the nuisance of loud chatter, fruit punch stains, and the occasional projection of body fluids.
This reminds me of when Anna was just 2 weeks old, and we were out to eat breakfast with my mother before she flew back to Maryland. Anna started to scream because she was having a horrible bout of colic. An older woman in her 60's turned to her friend and said loudly that her "grandchildren never acted that way, and we should be ashamed to have the whole restaurant disturbed... if we were decent people we would take our screaming child out so people could eat in peace". I can't tell you how angry this made me.
I'm no hypocrite. Sure, when I was younger and before I had children, these things annoyed me. Yes, having a child stare at you while you are trying to eat a quiet meal out is annoying. As is having the back of your seat kicked, or having your ears bleed from the sonic boom of a new born, or being stuck with a crying baby on an 8 hour flight.
Now that I am a mom, I know better. And I would expect that being humans, that me and my children have just as much right to eat at a nice restaurant- whether or not they behave like model citizens- and enjoy a meal. You can't kick me and my child out of a restaurant, a library, or off of a plane just because my child is still honing their skills in appropriate behavior.
Well, I suppose you can, as evidenced by the latest news... but it's not going o be without ME making some noise about it too.
Though I am a believer of following through with punishments, there are just some things that we need to accept as ADULTS and human beings. Though I believe that we SHOULD teach our children to be considerate of others and to respect the sanctity of places such as libraries and museums, I think that we need to accept that on some level kids will be kids.
Yes, we are responsible for them and we are supposed to teach them basics like being quiet so that everyone in ear shot can enjoy their meal- including the parents who rarely get to enjoy their own meals before they have gotten cold. I agree that we should teach our children to respect others, and to respect the quiet of a library, and that common courtesy is the way to go.
BUT! As long as this world continues to make children, we have to accept that parents cannot control everything that their children do. Babies cry, toddlers chatter and children fuss. THAT'S WHAT THEY DO.
Further more WE are the ADULTS. As adults we are responsible for exhibiting good behaviors as role models such as patience, kindness and self control, are we not?
Can't we all stop being self absorbed idiots and just get along?
Until today I was just generally enraged by this, but after reading a post authored by a supposed "intellectual"- on a network that is supposed to be for enlightened women... well, I nearly threw a clot.
This person did agree that what happened in the particular instance was horrible and unwarranted. She did agree that she has suffered all sorts of indignities and shocking behavior from other people while traveling, but she said that this behavior is no more bearable when coming from a child.
Her suggestion- to paraphrase, if I may be so bold- is that we should treat the shared space of an airplane much as we would treat a library, concert hall, museum and that it is not acceptable to bring out our worst behaviors while on a plane.
Though I agree with most of her (obviously childless) opinion, my opinion differs because having been a child myself and having had 2 children I have noticed a thing or two about the idiosyncrasies of ankle biters. AND though I agree that we are all responsible as humans to be on our best behavior while out rubbing elbows with the other 6 gazillion inhabitants of this planet, I believe there are just some things you cannot completely control.
If you are a reasonable adult and parent, try as you might, there are just some situations in which a child might act out. Like in the instance of a plane suddenly rocketing forward and/or said plane entering g-force factor 2, or the noise of take off increasingly becoming a high pitched roar... well, I would expect that some children might babble out of nervousness, screech out of fear, cry because the ear pressure is too much to take.
I would imagine that the only possible way to keep your TODDLER from acting like a toddler in this situation is to use tactics like threatening your children with physical harm and establishing a cycle of abuse to ensure that your child is adequately afraid of you. Hello- I've been there , done that. If you've been reading my blog for awhile now you know my opinion on child abuse, since I am a survivor.
So what should we do with these troublesome children? Should we institutionalize them all so that the older, disapproving or childless can be more comfortable? Maybe we should put them all on an island- a Kid-centration camp, if you will.
Better yet, why don't we just sterilize the whole planet so we can be rid of the nuisance of loud chatter, fruit punch stains, and the occasional projection of body fluids.
This reminds me of when Anna was just 2 weeks old, and we were out to eat breakfast with my mother before she flew back to Maryland. Anna started to scream because she was having a horrible bout of colic. An older woman in her 60's turned to her friend and said loudly that her "grandchildren never acted that way, and we should be ashamed to have the whole restaurant disturbed... if we were decent people we would take our screaming child out so people could eat in peace". I can't tell you how angry this made me.
I'm no hypocrite. Sure, when I was younger and before I had children, these things annoyed me. Yes, having a child stare at you while you are trying to eat a quiet meal out is annoying. As is having the back of your seat kicked, or having your ears bleed from the sonic boom of a new born, or being stuck with a crying baby on an 8 hour flight.
Now that I am a mom, I know better. And I would expect that being humans, that me and my children have just as much right to eat at a nice restaurant- whether or not they behave like model citizens- and enjoy a meal. You can't kick me and my child out of a restaurant, a library, or off of a plane just because my child is still honing their skills in appropriate behavior.
Well, I suppose you can, as evidenced by the latest news... but it's not going o be without ME making some noise about it too.
Though I am a believer of following through with punishments, there are just some things that we need to accept as ADULTS and human beings. Though I believe that we SHOULD teach our children to be considerate of others and to respect the sanctity of places such as libraries and museums, I think that we need to accept that on some level kids will be kids.
Yes, we are responsible for them and we are supposed to teach them basics like being quiet so that everyone in ear shot can enjoy their meal- including the parents who rarely get to enjoy their own meals before they have gotten cold. I agree that we should teach our children to respect others, and to respect the quiet of a library, and that common courtesy is the way to go.
BUT! As long as this world continues to make children, we have to accept that parents cannot control everything that their children do. Babies cry, toddlers chatter and children fuss. THAT'S WHAT THEY DO.
Further more WE are the ADULTS. As adults we are responsible for exhibiting good behaviors as role models such as patience, kindness and self control, are we not?
Can't we all stop being self absorbed idiots and just get along?
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
Lotion, Bribery, and Ginourmous Ducks
None of this is earth shattering, I'm just venting...
So yesterday I went shopping with the MIL. In the past I have been painfully aware that when I and/or the girls go shopping with the MIL, sometimes we are nothing more than background noise, accomplices (to her love hate relationship with money and credit cards), and just there to keep her from feeling lonely.
There have also been times when she has asked us to go shopping with her, and she asks if there are places that we would like to go, but in the end our wants and wishes, sometimes even NEEDS are shoved aside... because it's not what she wants.
Each time I become angry and frustrated. Sometimes I bite my tongue, sometimes my tongue gets the better of me.... but still, how will she- *a person who is oblivious to what is acceptable and proper, mostly because these things do not fit with any scenario that would fill her needs first or at all- supposed to know when she has done something wrong, unless I tell her? But it doesn't matter because she never really listens... refer back to the *. All of which makes me more angry and frustrated.
Yesterday, this was the case. ALL of this was the case. Once again. You would think by now that I would have learned. I'm a sucker... I have this ability to either be very mistrusting or to be too trusting. Then sometimes, just sometimes, I am mistrusting, feel guilty... then trust too much. ;) This too, would be the case with the MIL. I have this hope buried deep inside of me that one day she will stop being so self centered and that one day her overwhelming sense of entitlement will be crushed beneath true compassion and love for her family. I keep trusting one day that she is going to change... and in the end I feel like a fool for putting my trust out there again.
Sometimes I can't decide whether or not to give up on a human. For the most part, I try to remember that this person is human just like me, and I try to hope that there is a chance for change. The Christian in me wants to forgive and try again. The other part of me wants to become a hermit and not interact with other people at all. I'm one conflicted individual! But you probably knew that already.
Anyway, she asked us to go, we went. She spends and hour in Bath and Body Works shopping for lotion. She finishes with over a hundred dollars in lotion, despite admitting that she has a few boxes of this stuff at home already. OK, I shop too, but after a good 1/2 hour I've about reached my maximum lotion shopping allotment. Afterwards, she announces that we will now be heading back to the bookstore to get the book light- light bulbs that she needs and exiting the store to go right to the car to leave.
Gritting my teeth, I say no- that Anna wants to go to the Disney Store, like we had talked about in the car on the 45 minute drive to the mall. And my kids are hungry, just like I had said in the car. I told her WE are going to go to the Disney store, while SHE takes her bags of lotion to her car. WE will meet HER at the food court next to the book store so my kids can eat, and THEN we could do whatever.
She wasn't too terribly happy with my version, but she relented. We decided to all have a late lunch then. I bought lunch for my girls and she surprised me by buying mine and hers. I thanked her.
After lunch we headed for JC Penney's, and she saw another lotion place I had mentioned The Body Shop, which I had said on the way that I would like make my own scented lotion. "I'd wouldn't mind looking in there too, you said you wanted to go in there."
I said- thinking to myself that yes I did mention that I wanted to go in there, but that was before spending an hour in another place devoted entirely to lotions and body wash, etc- " I really don't feel like spending another hour in a lotion place."
Pretty simple concept , I thought. In front of me I see her bristle, barely perceptible, but it was there.
"What, you don't know what scents you like?" She asked, with just a touch of sarcasm.
Ok, here we go, gloves are off. "SURE, I know what scents I like... I don't want to spend another hour looking at lotion!"
We move on to Starbucks, her irritation with me suddenly gone. We place our orders and she decides to pay again, without telling me. While waiting for our order, I asked, "Will you please take some money for this?"
"No," She says, "I just expect people to go shopping with me without complaining."
Uhhhhh. Hmph. I stood there for a moment with my mouth open, then snapped it shut. She basically said in so many words that as long as I keep my mouth shut, she'll buy me stuff. She's trying to bribe me!
Oh God, you don't know how angry this made me. At first, the human in me thought- well fine, you want to play it that way, go ahead. I just take advantage of you, @$%@&@& %#^&#%! I sat down and simmered a bit, meanwhile she once again buts in while I am disciplining my child. She's going for the gold obviously. Anna wants my Frappacino since she has already scarfed down hers without even tasting it. I say no, she's had enough. So what does the MIL do? She offers Anna some of hers. I look her square in the eye and choke out through my clenched jaw "NO. She's had ENOUGH."
The first half of my life I endured all sorts of guilt from my mother ( as in: I'm the one who made her crazy, I make her crazy, it's my fault she is depressed and the reason she wants to kill herself, and I was the reason her marriage to my step dad was failing while I was still living under her roof... etc. I could go on, but don't want to). I know that this is the reason that I am able to go from zero to witch in 2.4 seconds and still be able to start to feel guilty about hurting someone's feelings before I've even come down off of my anger high.
The Christian in me knows it would be wrong to take advantage of her like that, though it is she who believes that she is taking advantage- I say this because all of what I have suspected about her using me and my kids as entertainment and back ground noise while she is shopping is true. It is confirmed by her own statement that I shouldn't complain and I'll reap the benefits.
Shocking. But not really, nothing she does anymore is that shocking. It's all geared towards what is best for her.
The problem with all of this is that this will be something I need to discuss with her before we ever go shopping together again. We need to get a few things straight. No, I will not keep my mouth shut, and no I will not have my or my kids needs shoved aside to suit her, then be bought off. I will not allow her to continue to rationalize spending hundreds of dollars, just because she decided to throw something in for me. I cannot be an accomplice to her over spending anymore, though it is her decision and choice to spend money she doesn't have...
I think I just wont be able to go at all. On the other hand, I'm not responsible for what she spends... and I can refuse to let her pay for stuff for me and my girls when I clearly have the money to buy what I need. I can also refuse to go shopping with her unless she agrees with my terms. I'm not her puppet or puppy, and I will not be placated with doggie treats.
It's not that I am not grateful for what she does for us, I just don't like being told that I have shut my mouth and have no opinion. Sorry, the first 18 years of my life was like that. Not going to happen.
Anywho, after all the ranting, whining and complaining... This is what Emma got out of the trip, this was her doggie biscuit... her bribe. It's totally something she needs and it's not ridiculous at all.
But the MIL just had to buy it for Emma because- well, she wanted it, and it was 75% off. Fantastic! Another toy we don't need- to add to our over flowing toy boxes... a toy that wont even FIT in the toy boxes.
Notice the fake smile, folks.
And just so you get an idea... the little ducky on the right is actual rubber ducky size. This new ducky is the Godzilla of all rubber duckies. :D
So yesterday I went shopping with the MIL. In the past I have been painfully aware that when I and/or the girls go shopping with the MIL, sometimes we are nothing more than background noise, accomplices (to her love hate relationship with money and credit cards), and just there to keep her from feeling lonely.
There have also been times when she has asked us to go shopping with her, and she asks if there are places that we would like to go, but in the end our wants and wishes, sometimes even NEEDS are shoved aside... because it's not what she wants.
Each time I become angry and frustrated. Sometimes I bite my tongue, sometimes my tongue gets the better of me.... but still, how will she- *a person who is oblivious to what is acceptable and proper, mostly because these things do not fit with any scenario that would fill her needs first or at all- supposed to know when she has done something wrong, unless I tell her? But it doesn't matter because she never really listens... refer back to the *. All of which makes me more angry and frustrated.
Yesterday, this was the case. ALL of this was the case. Once again. You would think by now that I would have learned. I'm a sucker... I have this ability to either be very mistrusting or to be too trusting. Then sometimes, just sometimes, I am mistrusting, feel guilty... then trust too much. ;) This too, would be the case with the MIL. I have this hope buried deep inside of me that one day she will stop being so self centered and that one day her overwhelming sense of entitlement will be crushed beneath true compassion and love for her family. I keep trusting one day that she is going to change... and in the end I feel like a fool for putting my trust out there again.
Sometimes I can't decide whether or not to give up on a human. For the most part, I try to remember that this person is human just like me, and I try to hope that there is a chance for change. The Christian in me wants to forgive and try again. The other part of me wants to become a hermit and not interact with other people at all. I'm one conflicted individual! But you probably knew that already.
Anyway, she asked us to go, we went. She spends and hour in Bath and Body Works shopping for lotion. She finishes with over a hundred dollars in lotion, despite admitting that she has a few boxes of this stuff at home already. OK, I shop too, but after a good 1/2 hour I've about reached my maximum lotion shopping allotment. Afterwards, she announces that we will now be heading back to the bookstore to get the book light- light bulbs that she needs and exiting the store to go right to the car to leave.
Gritting my teeth, I say no- that Anna wants to go to the Disney Store, like we had talked about in the car on the 45 minute drive to the mall. And my kids are hungry, just like I had said in the car. I told her WE are going to go to the Disney store, while SHE takes her bags of lotion to her car. WE will meet HER at the food court next to the book store so my kids can eat, and THEN we could do whatever.
She wasn't too terribly happy with my version, but she relented. We decided to all have a late lunch then. I bought lunch for my girls and she surprised me by buying mine and hers. I thanked her.
After lunch we headed for JC Penney's, and she saw another lotion place I had mentioned The Body Shop, which I had said on the way that I would like make my own scented lotion. "I'd wouldn't mind looking in there too, you said you wanted to go in there."
I said- thinking to myself that yes I did mention that I wanted to go in there, but that was before spending an hour in another place devoted entirely to lotions and body wash, etc- " I really don't feel like spending another hour in a lotion place."
Pretty simple concept , I thought. In front of me I see her bristle, barely perceptible, but it was there.
"What, you don't know what scents you like?" She asked, with just a touch of sarcasm.
Ok, here we go, gloves are off. "SURE, I know what scents I like... I don't want to spend another hour looking at lotion!"
We move on to Starbucks, her irritation with me suddenly gone. We place our orders and she decides to pay again, without telling me. While waiting for our order, I asked, "Will you please take some money for this?"
"No," She says, "I just expect people to go shopping with me without complaining."
Uhhhhh. Hmph. I stood there for a moment with my mouth open, then snapped it shut. She basically said in so many words that as long as I keep my mouth shut, she'll buy me stuff. She's trying to bribe me!
Oh God, you don't know how angry this made me. At first, the human in me thought- well fine, you want to play it that way, go ahead. I just take advantage of you, @$%@&@& %#^&#%! I sat down and simmered a bit, meanwhile she once again buts in while I am disciplining my child. She's going for the gold obviously. Anna wants my Frappacino since she has already scarfed down hers without even tasting it. I say no, she's had enough. So what does the MIL do? She offers Anna some of hers. I look her square in the eye and choke out through my clenched jaw "NO. She's had ENOUGH."
The first half of my life I endured all sorts of guilt from my mother ( as in: I'm the one who made her crazy, I make her crazy, it's my fault she is depressed and the reason she wants to kill herself, and I was the reason her marriage to my step dad was failing while I was still living under her roof... etc. I could go on, but don't want to). I know that this is the reason that I am able to go from zero to witch in 2.4 seconds and still be able to start to feel guilty about hurting someone's feelings before I've even come down off of my anger high.
The Christian in me knows it would be wrong to take advantage of her like that, though it is she who believes that she is taking advantage- I say this because all of what I have suspected about her using me and my kids as entertainment and back ground noise while she is shopping is true. It is confirmed by her own statement that I shouldn't complain and I'll reap the benefits.
Shocking. But not really, nothing she does anymore is that shocking. It's all geared towards what is best for her.
The problem with all of this is that this will be something I need to discuss with her before we ever go shopping together again. We need to get a few things straight. No, I will not keep my mouth shut, and no I will not have my or my kids needs shoved aside to suit her, then be bought off. I will not allow her to continue to rationalize spending hundreds of dollars, just because she decided to throw something in for me. I cannot be an accomplice to her over spending anymore, though it is her decision and choice to spend money she doesn't have...
I think I just wont be able to go at all. On the other hand, I'm not responsible for what she spends... and I can refuse to let her pay for stuff for me and my girls when I clearly have the money to buy what I need. I can also refuse to go shopping with her unless she agrees with my terms. I'm not her puppet or puppy, and I will not be placated with doggie treats.
It's not that I am not grateful for what she does for us, I just don't like being told that I have shut my mouth and have no opinion. Sorry, the first 18 years of my life was like that. Not going to happen.
Anywho, after all the ranting, whining and complaining... This is what Emma got out of the trip, this was her doggie biscuit... her bribe. It's totally something she needs and it's not ridiculous at all.
But the MIL just had to buy it for Emma because- well, she wanted it, and it was 75% off. Fantastic! Another toy we don't need- to add to our over flowing toy boxes... a toy that wont even FIT in the toy boxes.
Notice the fake smile, folks.
And just so you get an idea... the little ducky on the right is actual rubber ducky size. This new ducky is the Godzilla of all rubber duckies. :D
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Dressing our young girls...
I'm having a very difficult time trying to clothe my 6 yr old without her looking like a tart... I'm almost longing for the days when clothes actually covered a person, and without clinging like a swimsuit. You know, like the early 1900's?
Seriously, I'm about this far from snapping and making her clothes for her... but lets be realistic, shall we? When my daughter decides 2 hours within receiving a new outfit that she doesn't like it anymore, at least I can return it. You can't take back that material you butchered all in the name of modesty. Nope. And you can't get back the 8 hours it took you to make that high collared, long sleeved dress and pinafore. Yeah that's right...if I had my way, I'd just wrap my kid with several layers of material and send her on her (probably not so) merry way. I could probably save myself a little time by shopping in the shower curtain department.
Yes, I kid. ;)
But seriously, how is a mother supposed to clothe her child these days? You might not have noticed but I have been a supporter of the Mom's For Modesty for awhile now. I recently read this blog post by one of my most favorite bloggers on the whole planet, which led me to this blog post by IzzyMom , I agreed with pretty much all what these blog posts had to say. The complaints that moms have are nothing new, we are tired and appalled that so many retailers and clothing designers make clothing for children that are more appropriate for teens, young adults and adults.
I can remember when Anna was just a baby 6 years ago feeling astounded and flabbergasted when i saw sexy half shirts and low cut bell bottoms for 6 month olds. Are you kidding me? Do infants really need club wear? But back then I had choices, and though at least a fourth of what was out there was considered "hoochie" (pardon the term) by me and many of my coworkers and friends, we could still find clothes to suit our tastes for our girls.
This year it has become increasingly harder for me to find just a few items that I find suitable for a 6 yr old, and when i do... let me tell you, I buy one in each color. All year long I have been doing my best to fight this new trend that all shirts should be extra long and virtually skin tight. Anna isn't fat, the kid isn't even chubby, but she's built Ford Tough if you know what I mean. This girl is solid and her back and torso are like her dad's, a little more on the broad side. How the heck am I supposed to get this kid in a tank top that doesn't even have any stretch or give? In order to find her tops that fit her (meaning she doesn't need a shoe horn to get into them, and aren't skin tight) I have to go up a size, which means that the collar of the shirt will probably come down too low to cover her properly, and the hem of the top will come down past her thighs. Which leads me to great frustration and agitation, not only one my own behalf but because my 6 yr old is whining and complaining that she likes the shirt and doesn't see anything wrong with the one that we wrestled onto her body. So and so has that top, and she saw celebrity A, B, and C wearing those kinds of shirts on the Disney Channel.
Don't even get me started on hip huggers that threaten to show a little butt cleavage, padded bras and chemises that come in sizes small enough for preschoolers. The world has gone mad, I tell you, and I refuse to let it take me along for the ride. My quest for age appropriate attire for my children will continue, and I refuse to settle for what is out there. If I have to shop online, by golly that's what I'm going to do, and what I have been doing for over a year now. If that means that I have to alter a few pieces here and there, including shortening tank top straps and shirt hems, that's what I'll do... like the 5 tank tops I have altered this week. If I have to dress my kids in modifies shower curtains, I'll do that too. ;)
I refuse to settle for the world's standards.
Who's with me?
Seriously, I'm about this far from snapping and making her clothes for her... but lets be realistic, shall we? When my daughter decides 2 hours within receiving a new outfit that she doesn't like it anymore, at least I can return it. You can't take back that material you butchered all in the name of modesty. Nope. And you can't get back the 8 hours it took you to make that high collared, long sleeved dress and pinafore. Yeah that's right...if I had my way, I'd just wrap my kid with several layers of material and send her on her (probably not so) merry way. I could probably save myself a little time by shopping in the shower curtain department.
Yes, I kid. ;)
But seriously, how is a mother supposed to clothe her child these days? You might not have noticed but I have been a supporter of the Mom's For Modesty for awhile now. I recently read this blog post by one of my most favorite bloggers on the whole planet, which led me to this blog post by IzzyMom , I agreed with pretty much all what these blog posts had to say. The complaints that moms have are nothing new, we are tired and appalled that so many retailers and clothing designers make clothing for children that are more appropriate for teens, young adults and adults.
I can remember when Anna was just a baby 6 years ago feeling astounded and flabbergasted when i saw sexy half shirts and low cut bell bottoms for 6 month olds. Are you kidding me? Do infants really need club wear? But back then I had choices, and though at least a fourth of what was out there was considered "hoochie" (pardon the term) by me and many of my coworkers and friends, we could still find clothes to suit our tastes for our girls.
This year it has become increasingly harder for me to find just a few items that I find suitable for a 6 yr old, and when i do... let me tell you, I buy one in each color. All year long I have been doing my best to fight this new trend that all shirts should be extra long and virtually skin tight. Anna isn't fat, the kid isn't even chubby, but she's built Ford Tough if you know what I mean. This girl is solid and her back and torso are like her dad's, a little more on the broad side. How the heck am I supposed to get this kid in a tank top that doesn't even have any stretch or give? In order to find her tops that fit her (meaning she doesn't need a shoe horn to get into them, and aren't skin tight) I have to go up a size, which means that the collar of the shirt will probably come down too low to cover her properly, and the hem of the top will come down past her thighs. Which leads me to great frustration and agitation, not only one my own behalf but because my 6 yr old is whining and complaining that she likes the shirt and doesn't see anything wrong with the one that we wrestled onto her body. So and so has that top, and she saw celebrity A, B, and C wearing those kinds of shirts on the Disney Channel.
Don't even get me started on hip huggers that threaten to show a little butt cleavage, padded bras and chemises that come in sizes small enough for preschoolers. The world has gone mad, I tell you, and I refuse to let it take me along for the ride. My quest for age appropriate attire for my children will continue, and I refuse to settle for what is out there. If I have to shop online, by golly that's what I'm going to do, and what I have been doing for over a year now. If that means that I have to alter a few pieces here and there, including shortening tank top straps and shirt hems, that's what I'll do... like the 5 tank tops I have altered this week. If I have to dress my kids in modifies shower curtains, I'll do that too. ;)
I refuse to settle for the world's standards.
Who's with me?
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Cable Monopoly From Hell
Dear Amber- AKA Cable Monopoly Customer Service Representative From Hades,
I just want you to know that by not reaching through the phone and pummeling you with the nearest stick like object- or better yet driving down there to assault you with my own stick like object... I probably saved you and me a lot of heart ache, and well, quite frankly for me- jail time.
Suzie,I suppose that when you told me that I was mistaken, that no- I didn't keep my appointment with said cable monopoly (MEDIACOM), and that the cable man had not knocked on my door to tell me that he was reconnecting my cable, then a few minutes later did not knocked again to ask me if my service was running properly... in essence you were calling me a raving lunatic because I had imagined all of that BECAUSE the little black box in front of you said so. Oh no, the computer couldn't possibly be wrong! I'm sure that you might believe that all the employees of the cable monopoly from hell are super human and infallible, that they absolutely could NOT have made a mistake.
I simply imagined it all because almighty and magical thinking box on your desk said so. According to you, my cable was never hooked up though you just admitted that you sent someone out to disconnect the service because we never paid the reconnect fees. Well, darling... how exactly does one disconnect something that was never connected, in YOUR opinion? Mystical electronic box of words, right?
No Brittany, a cable man of average height and weight did- I assure you- knock upon my door and stand withing it's threshold to inform me that he would be doing me the kindness of reconnecting my cable. AND he did indeed grace me with his presence yet again to ask if my service was working properly.
Just know that as you yelled over me and refused to hear my concerns I saw my life flash before my eyes , including the parts where I stand up before the judge to read my essay and plea for leniency titled "Why Beating Someone Senseless With Their Own Headset And Keyboard Is Wrong AND What I Learned While I Was In Anger Management Camp For The Last Three Months"... to be sure, Tiffany, you aren't worth the trouble.
My dear, interrupting me, accusing me of being a delusional idiot, speaking to me in a sarcastic tone, and refusing to accept the fact that we had indeed paid the reconnect fee that was reduced by one of your coworkers from $27.50 to $10, after you telling me that that was a mistake and we had to pay the full 27.50, and being a complete and utter unaccommodating shrew has cost your company $1200 a year. We will NOT be paying your 27.50 plus first month's service, in fact we WILL be taking our business elsewhere.
Chew on that.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Mediacom Bites
In their vast wisdom, Mediacom has disconnected our cable...after reconnecting it just 3 short weeks ago. The seem to believe that the service guy who reconnected our cable never actually showed up to do so and that we were not actually getting cable for the past 3 weeks.
In any case, we will be getting a new provider shortly.
More to come.
Edit to add... the MISU actually wrote this for me. I have a blog post prepared but of course as I sit here at the MISU's work desk... I seemed to have misplaced the word doc. How dorky of me!
How many weeks without internet, that is the question. Mediacom (The Cable Monopoly from hell) bites... they really chapped my butt this time. The MISU too. We are switching to Qwest for phone and DSL and are shopping for good dish rates.
Hope to post again soon, from the comfort of the sweet MISU's work. Hope all is well with you guys...Talk to you soon!
In any case, we will be getting a new provider shortly.
More to come.
Edit to add... the MISU actually wrote this for me. I have a blog post prepared but of course as I sit here at the MISU's work desk... I seemed to have misplaced the word doc. How dorky of me!
How many weeks without internet, that is the question. Mediacom (The Cable Monopoly from hell) bites... they really chapped my butt this time. The MISU too. We are switching to Qwest for phone and DSL and are shopping for good dish rates.
Hope to post again soon, from the comfort of the sweet MISU's work. Hope all is well with you guys...Talk to you soon!
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Long winded whining
Positivity be darned! Ok, not really, but I need to whine a "lottle". 
So, yesterday I went with the MIL to a doctors appointment. She has been having upper and lower back problems with pain, numbness and tingling and after she was examined by her primary care and neurologist, she was referred to a neurosurgeon. The doctors were worried that from what they could see on xrays, her spine might be pinched and she could eventually become paralyzed without surgery. Naturally we were all worried but none more that her. She was understandably upset.
We saw the neurosurgeon, you know- the expert? He said that he didn't see any reason for the MIL to have surgery, he saw nothing to justify it. He said he saw normal wear and tear for a 60 year old. Instead of being elated that he didn't see her spine being compressed by her vertebrae, and she didn't need extensive back surgery, (probably involving disc removal and vertebral fusions requiring bone grafts... an extended recovery period involving a lengthy hospital stay and physical therapy... possibly being paralyzed from surgical complications...), she insisted on asking questions that seemed a bit defensive, which in turn caused him to be defensive. I intervened and said that she doesn't want surgery, she just was hoping to get some answers as to why she is having the problems. He seemed slightly relieved and said after looking at the scans and xrays, he couldn't say why except that she has a few slightly bulging discs, but that women her age usually end up with a few, but unless she was incapacitated by pain he couldn't see a reason to put her through all of that. By the way, I got it all on a digital voice recorder for reference later incase she couldn't remember what he had said.
Immediately on the drive home she began to blame her primary doctor again ( she was already mad at him for not doing xrays in the first place). She wasn't going to see him again, he didn't know what he was talking about sending her to a neurosurgeon, instead of trying physical therapy first... yaddi yadda yadda. It's a good thing I don't drink. I explained that her primary care doc isn't an expert in neurology/neurosurgery, or at reading those types of xrays. He did what he thought was best in her situation, which was to send her to a specialist to be on the safe side. Oh, she said... she guessed I was right.
All I can say is that I can see why her primary care (which just happens to be ours too) wouldn't do xrays at first. I got to see my MIL in all her vague and sputtering splendor. She has a bit of "yes, doctor" disease, which I understand. She comes from the time when you did what your doctor said, without question. She would vaguely explain her condition, but then seem guilty about complaining about it and say something about her pain maybe just being normal aches and pains.When the physician's assistant was examining her before the neurosurgeon, she had trouble explaining herself, and asked me to confirm her answers. I just sat there dumbfounded. She was asking me if what she was saying was right. About her condition, which we hadn't really talked that much about because she was so stressed out. I just sat there shrugging like "I don't know what you want me to say."
I just sat there thinking that she had probably acted the same way when she was examined by our doc, and he went what he had to go by, but she was blaming him and saying he originally misdiagnosed her. Later she was angry because the neurosurgeon couldn't give her answers. I explained that doctors don't always have the answers and that he is the expert and said she didn't need surgery but physical therapy could help.
Later last night, she called and asked in a "tone", "Didn't he say that everyone has bulging discs?" I let out a sigh and said that no, he had actually said that most women her age probably have a bulging disc or two.
"Well, you're just going to have to listen to the recording." This is about where I am about to reach the last inch of my rope. This is where I usually find the similarities between her and my mother staggering, and this is usually I where I thank myself for estranging myself from my own mother 3 years ago. DON'T tell me to do something, ASK, dagburn it! I said nothing. she wanted me to drop everything I was doing (which was nothing, but still) and listen to 25 minutes of recording to find one sentence.
Silence.
"Well, I guess I could listen to it when I have a chance." Followed by a nervous chuckle.
I just find all of it irritating. She reminds me of my mother so much I just want to jam a fork in my ear to stop all the bad memories that her behavior triggers. The floundering in front of the doctors and then blaming them for not treating her properly. How can you be treated properly if you don't give all of the info? The expectations that someone is to blame for her condition. Someone is always to blame for her, no matter the situation. The fact that she butted in during her appointment while I was disciplining (scolding, really) MY toddler (Emma was trying to climb up on the exam table, and I was telling her for the 100th time to get off the metal step stool before she fell and hurt herself), and told me - without even looking at Emma to see if this were actually so- that "she's fine". To which I glared at her and shushed her, loudly. The telling me/us to do something for her and never asking (until we confront her, and ask her if she is asking us or telling us) because she has this overbearing sense of entitlement, always. And finally, the belief by her and her other children that just because she lives near us, that she is our responsibility. That IF something should happen to her, it's our burden, insinuating that she would live with us.
Finally, what made me most angry yesterday (and what stunned me the most) was the topic of her lesbian daughter, my SIL. Now, John and I have struggled with it from a Christian stand point for awhile, John more than me. I told him that it's between her and God, and though we don't like her lifestyle and that fact that despite repeated reminders that we don't want anything to do with that part of her life, she is always pushing boundaries and testing limits and flaunting it in our faces. in the past this would include bringing her girlfriends over even though we asked her not to, and not discussing the details of her sex life with us (or just me, but within earshot of her brother), and me saying loudly several times within seconds "I DON'T want to hear about it, Rachel!".
*** before I get flamed by a passer by, I have known a lot of gay guys and gals( I was in the Navy, ya know), and I don't have a bad thing to say about the ones I knew. They were all very nice people. I'm no bigot, and I don't hate gay people. My opinion is that the lifestyle doesn't line up with my religious beliefs... but I am a sinner just like the next person, and I do things that it says not to do in the Bible too. I can't attest to anyone's salvation but my very own. So, that's where I stand. John had a really hard time with it when his sister came out, but he has worked really hard to pray about it and not be judgmental. I think living in the SF Bay area helped, LOL! I'm not tooting my own horn, just setting the facts straight, pardon the pun.***
She is always pushing the limits, and even though we have said explicitly that we want nothing to do with all of that, we still love her. She sends a picture of her and her girlfriend and two sons, then asks where it is when she visited last summer like she expected us to put it in a frame and hang it on our wall... despite knowing and being told repeatedly how we feel.. Now, she is getting "married" in a couple of months. We weren't invited, but informed it was happening. Cool, that's fine. We wouldn't go anyway. Why bother sending us an invitation in the mail? I don't get it except that she still continues to flaunt it. We aren't judging (anymore), we just don't want to hear about it.
Anyway, yesterday, on the way home mom called Rachel on her cell phone to give the good news. Mom asks her if she wants to talk to me,I am then told how they have been going to church as a family. OK, not judging. I say that's good, again thinking to myself "who am I to say ... it's between her and God, at least someone is going to church, we haven't gone in 5 months".
They have been going to marriage counseling. *holding back a gasp* OK, that's good I say. Inside I have so many conflicted emotions that I wont go into here... I know someone will be offended. I check it, OK God, I say to myself, it's Your show- not mine. Still, despite our history of the occasional argument about how she says inappropriate things to my daughter and around her, and her life style... I check the instinct to be judgmental. She is trying really hard for once to keep a relationship going... instead of finding another girlfriend before she is done with the old one. Even though we can't stand this woman, she was very rude to John, MIL and I and very *not nice person*'y the whole time they were here this last summer (she's bipolar, but Rachel doesn't see it. How could you not see it in a person who is so hot and cold, when you are a nurse? the excuse? She had a bad childhood. Sheeyah, so did I , but I'm not rude to people like that).
Anyway, not much to say really, but I say that's good that they are going to counseling.Not judging, very neutral. I get off the phone, and after a few minutes I ask the MIL, "How long has Rachel been going to church?"
She gives me a superior sidelong glance, with a smirk tacked on the end, and the flourish of a cocky head bob..."For a while now."
Silence. I have known her now for almost 19 years , and I know her well enough to know that her unspoken words, look and body language said this:
We were already planning on going to church this Sunday, though to the MIL I am sure it will now seem like One Upmanship. The hilarious part about all of this is that the MIL has judged us for not going to church, the same church we used to drag her along to because she complained about missing going to church in Texas. We kept asking her to go with us, but after awhile she was always "too busy" to go, so we stopped asking her. Yet she judged us when we stopped going, and made snide comments when we did go for a Sunday, saying things like, "I wondered when you would go back."
And again she is complaining to people that she never sees us, but fails to remember all the times we have invited her over but she was too busy. So we don't ask anymore. We started asking again, but she acts as if we are bothering her by being silent when we ask, then finally saying in irritated tones that she "guesses that she could come over", especially for babysitting... because she doesn't want to miss her shows. To which I one day said, "It's called a VCR, get over it".
And still complaining that we don't drag 4 bags of crap for our 2 kids to the car, up a flight of stairs to her tiny NOT child proofed apartment instead of her driving the 2 blocks between her apartment and our house to visit. And whining that instead of giving our kids our older electronics since we are getting a new one soon (a SLR digital camera), we should be giving it o her instead ( I don't even have a digital camera, and you're going to give your old one to them?)... or insinuating that since John has scrimped and saved 1400$ that she deserves to have John buy her one too (yeah, since we are so rich and everything).
OH, and calling us and asking us for our opinion or advice and then having the gall to sit there and argue with us about it, or calling someone us else about it and ALWAYS taking their advice over ours (sometimes from a bankruptcy client, about investing her money)! Like recently calling me and asking if I though that the eggs that have been sitting in her fridge for nearly 3 months should be thrown out... arguing that back in her day, no one ever died from eating 3 month old eggs, then calling back and saying that she called the number on the egg carton and said 2 weeks was just a guide line, blah blah blah. yeah well, I'm sure you didn't actually give them all the facts, that they have been sitting in there for 3 months. Well, mommy dearest, there have been advances in the FDA since your day, not to mention modern medicine/science, and maybe this is why your son usually gets the craps after eating over at your house.
Be proud of us for not losing it.... but I think a storm is brewing.
I sincerely hope that I get my junk together and that I am not like her to my in laws. One can hope, and pray. God help me.
Help me now and in the future because John and I are about to go postal with her, we are reaching our boiling point. AGAIN.
Thanks for letting me whine and rant, dear blog and blog buddies. I feel better now.
So, yesterday I went with the MIL to a doctors appointment. She has been having upper and lower back problems with pain, numbness and tingling and after she was examined by her primary care and neurologist, she was referred to a neurosurgeon. The doctors were worried that from what they could see on xrays, her spine might be pinched and she could eventually become paralyzed without surgery. Naturally we were all worried but none more that her. She was understandably upset.
We saw the neurosurgeon, you know- the expert? He said that he didn't see any reason for the MIL to have surgery, he saw nothing to justify it. He said he saw normal wear and tear for a 60 year old. Instead of being elated that he didn't see her spine being compressed by her vertebrae, and she didn't need extensive back surgery, (probably involving disc removal and vertebral fusions requiring bone grafts... an extended recovery period involving a lengthy hospital stay and physical therapy... possibly being paralyzed from surgical complications...), she insisted on asking questions that seemed a bit defensive, which in turn caused him to be defensive. I intervened and said that she doesn't want surgery, she just was hoping to get some answers as to why she is having the problems. He seemed slightly relieved and said after looking at the scans and xrays, he couldn't say why except that she has a few slightly bulging discs, but that women her age usually end up with a few, but unless she was incapacitated by pain he couldn't see a reason to put her through all of that. By the way, I got it all on a digital voice recorder for reference later incase she couldn't remember what he had said.
Immediately on the drive home she began to blame her primary doctor again ( she was already mad at him for not doing xrays in the first place). She wasn't going to see him again, he didn't know what he was talking about sending her to a neurosurgeon, instead of trying physical therapy first... yaddi yadda yadda. It's a good thing I don't drink. I explained that her primary care doc isn't an expert in neurology/neurosurgery, or at reading those types of xrays. He did what he thought was best in her situation, which was to send her to a specialist to be on the safe side. Oh, she said... she guessed I was right.
All I can say is that I can see why her primary care (which just happens to be ours too) wouldn't do xrays at first. I got to see my MIL in all her vague and sputtering splendor. She has a bit of "yes, doctor" disease, which I understand. She comes from the time when you did what your doctor said, without question. She would vaguely explain her condition, but then seem guilty about complaining about it and say something about her pain maybe just being normal aches and pains.When the physician's assistant was examining her before the neurosurgeon, she had trouble explaining herself, and asked me to confirm her answers. I just sat there dumbfounded. She was asking me if what she was saying was right. About her condition, which we hadn't really talked that much about because she was so stressed out. I just sat there shrugging like "I don't know what you want me to say."
I just sat there thinking that she had probably acted the same way when she was examined by our doc, and he went what he had to go by, but she was blaming him and saying he originally misdiagnosed her. Later she was angry because the neurosurgeon couldn't give her answers. I explained that doctors don't always have the answers and that he is the expert and said she didn't need surgery but physical therapy could help.
Later last night, she called and asked in a "tone", "Didn't he say that everyone has bulging discs?" I let out a sigh and said that no, he had actually said that most women her age probably have a bulging disc or two.
"Well, you're just going to have to listen to the recording." This is about where I am about to reach the last inch of my rope. This is where I usually find the similarities between her and my mother staggering, and this is usually I where I thank myself for estranging myself from my own mother 3 years ago. DON'T tell me to do something, ASK, dagburn it! I said nothing. she wanted me to drop everything I was doing (which was nothing, but still) and listen to 25 minutes of recording to find one sentence.
Silence.
"Well, I guess I could listen to it when I have a chance." Followed by a nervous chuckle.
I just find all of it irritating. She reminds me of my mother so much I just want to jam a fork in my ear to stop all the bad memories that her behavior triggers. The floundering in front of the doctors and then blaming them for not treating her properly. How can you be treated properly if you don't give all of the info? The expectations that someone is to blame for her condition. Someone is always to blame for her, no matter the situation. The fact that she butted in during her appointment while I was disciplining (scolding, really) MY toddler (Emma was trying to climb up on the exam table, and I was telling her for the 100th time to get off the metal step stool before she fell and hurt herself), and told me - without even looking at Emma to see if this were actually so- that "she's fine". To which I glared at her and shushed her, loudly. The telling me/us to do something for her and never asking (until we confront her, and ask her if she is asking us or telling us) because she has this overbearing sense of entitlement, always. And finally, the belief by her and her other children that just because she lives near us, that she is our responsibility. That IF something should happen to her, it's our burden, insinuating that she would live with us.
Finally, what made me most angry yesterday (and what stunned me the most) was the topic of her lesbian daughter, my SIL. Now, John and I have struggled with it from a Christian stand point for awhile, John more than me. I told him that it's between her and God, and though we don't like her lifestyle and that fact that despite repeated reminders that we don't want anything to do with that part of her life, she is always pushing boundaries and testing limits and flaunting it in our faces. in the past this would include bringing her girlfriends over even though we asked her not to, and not discussing the details of her sex life with us (or just me, but within earshot of her brother), and me saying loudly several times within seconds "I DON'T want to hear about it, Rachel!".
*** before I get flamed by a passer by, I have known a lot of gay guys and gals( I was in the Navy, ya know), and I don't have a bad thing to say about the ones I knew. They were all very nice people. I'm no bigot, and I don't hate gay people. My opinion is that the lifestyle doesn't line up with my religious beliefs... but I am a sinner just like the next person, and I do things that it says not to do in the Bible too. I can't attest to anyone's salvation but my very own. So, that's where I stand. John had a really hard time with it when his sister came out, but he has worked really hard to pray about it and not be judgmental. I think living in the SF Bay area helped, LOL! I'm not tooting my own horn, just setting the facts straight, pardon the pun.***
She is always pushing the limits, and even though we have said explicitly that we want nothing to do with all of that, we still love her. She sends a picture of her and her girlfriend and two sons, then asks where it is when she visited last summer like she expected us to put it in a frame and hang it on our wall... despite knowing and being told repeatedly how we feel.. Now, she is getting "married" in a couple of months. We weren't invited, but informed it was happening. Cool, that's fine. We wouldn't go anyway. Why bother sending us an invitation in the mail? I don't get it except that she still continues to flaunt it. We aren't judging (anymore), we just don't want to hear about it.
Anyway, yesterday, on the way home mom called Rachel on her cell phone to give the good news. Mom asks her if she wants to talk to me,I am then told how they have been going to church as a family. OK, not judging. I say that's good, again thinking to myself "who am I to say ... it's between her and God, at least someone is going to church, we haven't gone in 5 months".
They have been going to marriage counseling. *holding back a gasp* OK, that's good I say. Inside I have so many conflicted emotions that I wont go into here... I know someone will be offended. I check it, OK God, I say to myself, it's Your show- not mine. Still, despite our history of the occasional argument about how she says inappropriate things to my daughter and around her, and her life style... I check the instinct to be judgmental. She is trying really hard for once to keep a relationship going... instead of finding another girlfriend before she is done with the old one. Even though we can't stand this woman, she was very rude to John, MIL and I and very *not nice person*'y the whole time they were here this last summer (she's bipolar, but Rachel doesn't see it. How could you not see it in a person who is so hot and cold, when you are a nurse? the excuse? She had a bad childhood. Sheeyah, so did I , but I'm not rude to people like that).
Anyway, not much to say really, but I say that's good that they are going to counseling.Not judging, very neutral. I get off the phone, and after a few minutes I ask the MIL, "How long has Rachel been going to church?"
She gives me a superior sidelong glance, with a smirk tacked on the end, and the flourish of a cocky head bob..."For a while now."
Silence. I have known her now for almost 19 years , and I know her well enough to know that her unspoken words, look and body language said this:
Hah! You guys sit there pretending to be the perfect Christians, judging her (which we don't, we just get irritated by her rubbing our noses in it, despite our request to keep her private life... well, private)... And she is the one going to church with her girlfriend and her GF's 2 sons.I pretended like her condescension and her subliminal sarcasm didn't bother me. Sitting inches from her, I wanted to rip her head off verbally, but I didn't. Mostly because she reminds me so much of my mother I want to scream sometimes. I said nothing, made not sign of even noticing her efforts.
We were already planning on going to church this Sunday, though to the MIL I am sure it will now seem like One Upmanship. The hilarious part about all of this is that the MIL has judged us for not going to church, the same church we used to drag her along to because she complained about missing going to church in Texas. We kept asking her to go with us, but after awhile she was always "too busy" to go, so we stopped asking her. Yet she judged us when we stopped going, and made snide comments when we did go for a Sunday, saying things like, "I wondered when you would go back."
And again she is complaining to people that she never sees us, but fails to remember all the times we have invited her over but she was too busy. So we don't ask anymore. We started asking again, but she acts as if we are bothering her by being silent when we ask, then finally saying in irritated tones that she "guesses that she could come over", especially for babysitting... because she doesn't want to miss her shows. To which I one day said, "It's called a VCR, get over it".
And still complaining that we don't drag 4 bags of crap for our 2 kids to the car, up a flight of stairs to her tiny NOT child proofed apartment instead of her driving the 2 blocks between her apartment and our house to visit. And whining that instead of giving our kids our older electronics since we are getting a new one soon (a SLR digital camera), we should be giving it o her instead ( I don't even have a digital camera, and you're going to give your old one to them?)... or insinuating that since John has scrimped and saved 1400$ that she deserves to have John buy her one too (yeah, since we are so rich and everything).
OH, and calling us and asking us for our opinion or advice and then having the gall to sit there and argue with us about it, or calling someone us else about it and ALWAYS taking their advice over ours (sometimes from a bankruptcy client, about investing her money)! Like recently calling me and asking if I though that the eggs that have been sitting in her fridge for nearly 3 months should be thrown out... arguing that back in her day, no one ever died from eating 3 month old eggs, then calling back and saying that she called the number on the egg carton and said 2 weeks was just a guide line, blah blah blah. yeah well, I'm sure you didn't actually give them all the facts, that they have been sitting in there for 3 months. Well, mommy dearest, there have been advances in the FDA since your day, not to mention modern medicine/science, and maybe this is why your son usually gets the craps after eating over at your house.
Be proud of us for not losing it.... but I think a storm is brewing.
I sincerely hope that I get my junk together and that I am not like her to my in laws. One can hope, and pray. God help me.
Help me now and in the future because John and I are about to go postal with her, we are reaching our boiling point. AGAIN.
Thanks for letting me whine and rant, dear blog and blog buddies. I feel better now.
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