Showing posts with label I WANT THAT. Show all posts
Showing posts with label I WANT THAT. Show all posts

Thursday, January 03, 2013

Well, it looks like it's that time of year again!

It has been brought to my attention that I am seriously over due for a blog update, by one of the people I care about most in this world- my best friend Monique. She is right, so here I am at 7 am, at task.

This last 12 months has been something else, a lot of good and a lot of "Seriously???"

In the last year I lost a relationship (said good bye to an odd and nearly one sided friendship), became best friends with one of the most amazing people on the planet, saw my fledgling business alternately struggle and soar- oddly within weeks of each other, ignited a spark in troubled family relationships and watched as the spark went out ... yet again. I was featured in a news paper article, on the front page of my local newspaper mid December 2012 for being a local artisan who sells globally, like on Etsy. And of course I was diagnosed with a syndrome that will forever affect the quality of my life last April, fibromyalgia.

As always, like for most people, the coming of the new year brings a mixture of joy and dread. The possibility, the dream of starting anew tainted with an obscene amount of self flagellation, self-absorbed pondering, regret and eventually desperate resolutions.

Over the last week and a half I have emotionally flogged myself for not being what others want me to be, for failing to meet their expectations, for not fitting the mold they envision for me. I have wondered about my short comings, what I could have possibly done to have been tossed aside yet again, what I could do to make them want me a part of their lives again.

I told my husband last night that I do not want to be like the person previously mentioned who once had been my friend. I ended that relationship because it was no longer a giving/receiving relationship, I feel it turned into me mostly giving.

 Since ending it- which ended in this person refusing to see that it was over, and with her contacting me on every mode of communication on the internet ( Twitter, Youtube, mine, my husband and daughter, and my other friends Facebook accounts, Etsy, all of my email accounts, my husbands email, texts to my phone and my husband's cell), this person has pretty much cyber stalked me. I clearly told her over each mode of communication that I did not want a relationship with her anymore, and yet she persisted, to the point of me telling her I would call the police if she did not stop harassing me.

To date, over the last 11 months I still have received 3 or more messages/emails above and beyond about 50 communications already mentioned via messages, emails and texts. Which boggles my mind. Why would a person continue to pursue a relationship where she was so clearly not wanted anymore?

Last night I realized I was that person. I have people in my life who would rather be done with me. I know by their actions, their behavior towards me, their lack of wanting to communicate with me... and some of these people are my family.

Over the last week and a half I have beat myself up for not being who they want me to be. Wondered what I could change to make them want me back in their lives. I felt as though they were trying to fit me into a vessel of their choosing, in a shape they desired, and I desperately tried to squeeze myself into that vessel.

Last night this made perfect sense to me: I am a vessel in my own right. Yes I am human, and my vessel is flaked and cracked, scratched and stained... but what some people would  find distressed and damaged other people have found "antiqued" and charming, maybe even shabby chic *smile*.

Why would I continue to waste my time and energy on being someone and something I am not? Why try to squeeze myself into their mold of who they think I should be, then be disappointed along with them that I don't fit in that shiny new vessel they want for me?

Fighting back tears momentarily while talking with my husband in the wee hours, in the comfort of darkness and our bed, all of this dawned on me.

For this new year I choose to stop wasting time on trying to be the person other people want me to be. I have decided to stop of wasting energy metaphorically trying to fit my plus sized body into skinny jeans to please other people. Instead of trying to be a better, different person I am going to take that energy and focus on being a better me

I will repair this vessel. I will fill in the cracks, sand it, maybe put on a new lacquer that enhances the beauty of who I am, instead of chiseling away at myself or painting over everything and losing who I am. I can be a better me: a better wife, friend and mother.

So my reader, this is my wish for you as well for this new year. My wish for you and I is that instead of beating ourselves up with resolutions, hating bad habits and shortcomings we feel about ourselves or imagine what other people see in us...

My wish for us is a year of self acceptance and love, along with a little sanding and buffing.

Be flawed. Embrace your patina, chips and cracks because after all they are what make you uniquely you.

Peace, love and laquer to you,

Mary


Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Letting in the light

I decided to wash the dishes and I looked out my kitchen window to see helicopter seeds floating down from the gray sky. Despite the dreariness of the day that brought me momentary joy and smile to my tired face.

My eyes moved to the old tree in our backyard and my moment of joy settled like those seeds drifting across my yard. Dry and blackened in spots, a husk of tree hulks over my house and I am scared that we are one storm away from the upper level being destroyed, our children hurt. Some thirty feet it stands leafless and nearly lifeless, it's bark having fallen off in places. I am truly saddened to see what has become of our beloved shade tree.

I wistfully think about my kids as little ones, this house being the only home they have ever known... tripping over the damned roots of that tree. Despite the bumps and bruises and the momentary tears we have all enjoyed the shade, the sweet rustling of it's tender leaves on warming spring days, and eventually the solace it gave us from the exhausting heat of humid Iowa summers. It was almost as if it knew it had to hang on to get my girls through the early years, providing a haven from light rain and brief rain showers, it's branches hanging over part of their swing set and the rain bouncing from one leaf to another but never really hitting them.

Our tree will be cut down within the next week, and Jacob will never know all of those little things my daughters experienced as little ones. All those things we tend to take for granted that, the seemingly minute details that will one day make their childhood stories somehow more real and tangible. Fond memories from tiny scars...Sweetness for the most bitter of days.

We have known for several years our tree would be cut down and I have wondered how we will ever do without it's shade. Sections of the tree died over the years and we ignored how ugly those branches were, we chose to enjoy what it had left to give us.

I think about how I will miss those approving whispers that graced my ears as I closed my eyes for a moment, my nose raised to catch the green scents that swirled around me. I will miss almost hearing "This... this... this...", the wind tangling and untangling the leaves to cry out in unison as if warning me that I should appreciate this moment. Here, Now; whispers that were muffled by screeches and giggly laughter, the creaking of the swing set and endless requests for food and drink.

But cutting away this dead tree will allow your windows to let in much more light, cheering you despite the summer heat - I think, the repetition of washing dishes almost soothing me. It's wood will warm you in the winter, crackling in the glow of your fireplace... anointing  your aching bones. Pretty things will now grow in the places where shadows once were. All things fade, allowing for new life in it's place.


There is so much to be taken from this moment. It speaks to spirituality, to providing a safe haven for my children, life and death and the seeming finality. It spoke to me deeply about my body feeling as if it were failing me, about being so strong yet so fragile.

I'm choosing to ignore the gnarled-ness that my joints feel, the blackened spots on my heart and soul. I still have plenty of shade to give, solace to offer. I'm going to continue to produce gentle whispers of approval, soft reminders to my children to appreciate This. Here. Now... Only I will tuck my roots in as much as possible, I will not trip them up or alter their course from shade to light.

This...


Here...


Now...

Sunday, November 30, 2008

I put the "F U" in fun

Black Friday and holiday shopping fun, yes? This year not so much. What's with the killing of the people?The stampeding and gunfire? Are you kidding me?

Let me just say that though I have on occasion imagined myself bludgeoning someone while out rubbing elbows with people that I like to refer to as "rude, morally-bankrupt animals", I would never.... NEVER resort to violence outside of daydreaming when faced with not getting something that I want.

Is this what we have come to?

How does it make sense that a season, first and foremost named as the season of GIVING, should cause such hostility and homicidal tendencies? Oh, right. Christmas is no longer Merry Christmas... but XMAS, Happy Holidays, etc, etc, etc. 'Tis the season of give me more, because if you don't , you're a bad parent/child/sibling/grandchild and you don't really love me-me-me-me-me.

I will admit that I have been guilty of commercialism, of going over board because I want my kids to have all the things that I didn't, and I have come to realize that by doing so I have created mini monsters who play with new toys for about a week then grow bored of them. Lesson learned. We have scaled waaaaay back on gift giving for any holiday, and we donate the things no longer played with, the ones that are collecting dust.

It has been a painful process, realizing all that has been compromised... my children's egos, my wallet, and the core of our souls. No thing can make my kids love me, and no trinket can show them how much I love them. That is up to me, and up to them. I thank God that my husband and I have come to this realization before it was too late.

Oh, I'm sure we might get the "I'm looking for more presents underneath the ripped and tattered remains of what probably amounts to 3 trees" , and even a small "is that it?" look from at least one of my ankle biters... but we'll get there. Baby steps, people. ;)

But honestly? I'm not sure I want to buy into a holiday that has been tainted with sacrificial blood. Maybe I will opt out next year. Maybe the 25th of each month will be cause for celebration, and maybe, just maybe we can celebrate the true meaning of Christmas every day of every single year without killing someone.

That would be swell.

OK, I'm jumping off of my soapbox now, and I'll leave you with this thought (OK, I'm only standing with one foot on the soap box right now):

This being my first year of retail hell ( I work at the Tar-jay), I would emplore all of the lovely shoppers out there to at least try to put something back in its original spot. If you don't want it? Ya know what? Take it to the register anyway and say these eleven magical words.

"I don't want this, can you put this back for me?"

Those eleven mystical and magical words would reduce hundreds of thousands of man hours of hunting what we like to call reshops from the candy aisle and eventually returning it to the lingerie section.

What does that mean for you you might ask? Lower cost, better savings.

And me, not mentally flipping you the bird. Just a thought.

Hugs and kisses,
~mert

Sunday, January 06, 2008

I WANT THAT: win a Hamilton Beach Stand Mixer at A Cowboy's Wife

A Cowboy’s Wife is having a contest on her food blog! You can win a Hamilton Beach® Stand Mixer and she’ll ship anywhere so everyone is eligible!

The Prize:

Hamilton Beach 4.5-qt. Eclectrics Stand Mixer, Pineapple Yellow

The winner will receive a brand new
Hamilton Beach 4.5-qt. Eclectrics Stand Mixer, Pineapple Yellow
!!

About the mixer:

From Hamilton Beach’s “Eclectrics” line, this all-metal stand mixer comes with a host of accessories - a Flat Beater for cakes and cookies, a Dough Hook for bread and a Wire Whisk for whipped cream or pudding. The 4.5-qt. stainless steel bowl comes with a Pouring Shield that helps prevent splattering while in operation. The pouring shield has a built-in chute for adding ingredients. Powered by 400 watts, the stand mixer has a two-way mixing action to ensure all ingredients are incorporated into the mix. The quick-release, tilt-up head assists when removing the bowl. 9 x 14 x 14-in. When you’re ready for a kitchen re-do, don’t call in the carpenters! Instead, “counterscape” your kitchen with Hamilton Beach’s retro-designed, affordably priced electrics in happy, sun-saturated colors. Their “Eclectrics” line includes updates to those classic appliances from the 1950s. All of their “Eclectrics” are available in six colors: Apple Green, Moroccan Red, Pineapple Yellow, Intrigue Blue, Sugar White and Licorice Black.

I WANT THAT: momAgenda desktop calendar

One of my online BFF's is hosting a giveaway at her blog for momAgenda's desktop calendars! I don't know about you, but I can use all the help I can get right now... Life is getting a little cah-razy. Sometimes just putting something down on paper is enough to motivate me to get things done.

If you would like to enter the giveaway, head over to Kailani's blog An Island Life to enter. For extra entries you can subscribe to her feed or write a blog post like this one.

It's a shiny, brand new year

I WANT THAT: 100 dollars a month for a year!

I heard about a blog giveaway for 100 bucks a month for a year and I was so overjoyed to hear about it, it actually brought a tear to my eye! This last couple of months have been interesting since taking over the responsibilities of the finances.

Though my poor hubby is relieved to be free of the nightmare that is our check book, I am once again acutely aware of the misery that I had handed over to him over 4 years ago. It's no secret that John and I suck at money management... it's just that I suck a little less ;)

Anywho, digressions aside, I'm going to do everything within my powah (said in Darth Vader-ish tones) to win this puppy. I sit here typing with crossed fingers and eyes. :B

Here are the ways to enter (quoted from The Big Bald Blog):

It’s easy to enter! To enter the contest, just do any of the following:

1. Subscribe to RSS via email (2 entries per blog)
2. Write a useful comment (1 entry per comment on each blog listed below)
3. Write a post about this contest on your blog (25 entries if you link to this post as well as mention all of the other sponsors)

That is it! Feel free to leave your comments on this post and earn an entry and possibly the easiest $100 you have ever won. If you really want to increase your odds, make a blog post and subscribe to the sponsoring blogs and contribute comments actively on them. Who knows… making new friends might just earn you some more moolah!


Here are the blogs you need to visit for extra entries:

1. Mixed Market Arts
2. JoeTech.com
3. Link Bait
4. Gorilla Sushi
5. CK Marketing
6. The Big Bald Blog
7. How 2 Blogger

GOOD LUCK! :D

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

Pocorn and a movie... FOR A YEAR!

Oh yeah, you heard me right! Elizabeth at Table For Five was offered an opportunity to host a giveaway on her blog... A years supply of Orville Redenbacher’s Natural Popcorn and a years subscription for Netflix!

Recently we had to cut back a little and unfortunately Netflix was the first thing to go, so when I saw Elizabeth's blog post I immediately began to drool over the prospect. ;) My daughters are voracious popcorn eaters so I know they would be just as excited as I am.

Elizabeth only has a few guidelines, so it's as simple as writing a blog post just like this before January 5th, AND she changed the rules a little so that you can enter each of your blogs if you have more than one.

What are you waiting for? Hurry on over and write that post :D

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Weeehooo!

I won, I won !*does the ridiculous shake-the-booty while churning- the -butter dance*
My quest for an iPod finally paid off, due to the regularly irregular pimpage of the ASP homestead. Mr. Fabulous had a contest going a while ago for an Ipod Shuffle, an *cough* iPod accessory *cough*, or a Barnes and Nobel gift certificate. In return, all he wanted was a little pimping, link love and possibly a vote.

Why pimp myself? My daughter wants a MP3 player but I refuse to buy her one. Everyone has their price as they say and evidently mine is anything with an "i" in front of it. ;) Seriously though Anna has been wanting a MP3 player, and though I hate to sully an iPod with only Disney tween music (Hannah Montana, High School Musical 1 &2, Aly and AJ...), a mommy's gotta do what a mommy's gotta do.

This solves our MP3 player dilemma because we don't want to necessarily buy her something that costs 79$, but on the other hand you get what you pay for right? I have seen quite a few cheaper brands in the 30$ range, but most of them get bad reviews. The other thing is that we ave to consider how much to pay vs how responsible an almost 7 yr old can be.

My only hope is that the truly fab Mr. Fabulous doesn't change his mind about giving me my prize once he reads this.eek

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Nano Nano

Can you telly I REALLY want to win a Nano? Tech Juicer is having a contest to win a iPod Nano in any color.

If you would like to enter the contest, there are 3 ways to enter. Quoted from the site:
  1. Comment! Thats it. You can comment once and that will gain you 1 entry.
  2. Blog about / link to this post! All you need to do is write and trackback to this post. If you cannot trackback just add a link and write a comment below with the link. Every unique trackback (1 link form each unique page). This will get you 2 entries!
  3. Use one of our text numbers, selected countires unfortunately (see banner below for numbers). You can text in an infinite number of times. Each entry gets you 4 entries!
Also, there will be a second prize:
This prize will go to the website with the most referrals to this post! We will use Google Annalytics to determine this. All you have to do is refer users to this post.

The prize is a 125X125 banner ad on the right of this page. FOREVER! For aslong as TechJuicer.com exists you will have a banner ad!


So, if you click on the banner above, i will get credit for your referral. Even if you don't enter the contest i still will get credit I think.

Again... fingers, toes and eyes crossed. Wish me luck!

Dude, where's my Nano?

Jason over at Success For Your Blog is having a a contest to give away an iPod Nano. When I found his page I was interested right away, his latest article is titled Make over $20,000 a month on your blog, how could I not be interested? After reading only a few minutes I knew that his blog could be a wealth of knowledge on how to run a successful blog and tips on making money.

I didn't start this blog to make money, I really enjoy writing about the daily doses of daughter drama... but it doesn't hurt to make a buck or two in the process. I'm sure I'll be able to find something to perk up the old blog. ;)

One of the requirements of the contest is to share some blog pimpage and a little linky love, so I think I will link to 2 really nice and COOL people I have just met in the blogosphere.

Elizabeth at Table for Five

Shelley at Design By S.L.S.

I realllly want this I've got fingers, toes and eyes crossed... wish me luck!

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

OK, I want that , too!

The author of the blog Pointless Drivel is having a giveaway in hopes that the word will get out about his award nomination for the Blogger's Choice Awards "Best Humor Blog". Mr. Fabulous wants us to not only vote for him, but he wants you to enter his giveaway by asking your readers to vote for him too.

To enter (quoted from his site) :
That’s where you guys come in. All you have to do to get entered into the drawing is write a post telling people to both vote for me and asking them to also write a post urging their readers to vote for me. Once you have written your post, just make a comment here with the url and *poof* you are entered.
Want to know what is at stake? An iPod Shuffle (plus a very *cough* interesting iPod accessory, go to his site to find out more)

OR a $75 gift card to Barnes & Noble.com.

I want that!

How would you like to win $50 to spend in a vintage children’s store? Kailani of An Island Life is holding a giveaway to Warm Biscuit Bedding Company. Stop by before September 28th for all the details.

I personally loved the little purses and bags that they make since I have been making little purses the last couple of months that I am going to try to sell at craft fairs this holiday season. The designs at the Warm Biscuit Bedding Company are adorable, and you can have them personalized too.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket


While your at it, why not check out Kailani's review site An Island Review. She has the inside scoop on giveaways and contests that are going on in the 'sphere.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Contest: Ipod Nano Giveaway!

I was reading Kailani's site An Island Review, and I saw a post about this giveaway at It’s Write Now.I love gadgets, and love free gadgets even more so of course I am entering! If you want to enter you must link to her blog, link to The Contest Post, then leave a comment at the contest post. Pretty simple for such a great reward. I've got my fingers and toes crossed, how about you?