It's been a year

One year ago today I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, and it's been one roller coaster of a year for sure. It's been a long, dark and scary back alley of a year in some respects; an alley that I thought I was destined to walk alone, desperately looking over my shoulder as I scrambled to find an exit or some safe haven from the horrible unknown that skittered in the dark closely behind me.

Then around a week later my best friend in the whole world was diagnosed, and in the most odd/bizarre/tragic/morbid/comical way... suddenly I was not alone. We traveled  together, huddled in the dark while taking turns shining a flashlight for each other; shedding light on pitfalls and outright stumbling blocks in our path.

We have laughed and cried together out of grief and terror, we have fallen silent and morose. We have joked about the possibilities of the illness, and have related to each other in ways that even our loved ones fail to comprehend. Monique and I both have a better understanding of what we are dealing with, and we have shared a wealth of knowledge with each other.

In these ways, my life has somehow become richer. Through common ground and despair, we have connected on a level I never thought was possible. We had discovered mere months before being diagnosed that we were best friends, already a friendship deeper than ANY friendship I have ever had outside of my marriage. So deep in fact that she asked that I be the godmother to her unborn daughter. :) We have so many similarities, so many odd things in common that it's mind boggling... then to have this happen?

The most mind blowing thing from all of this is that we have not met in person yet. In just 14 days I get to meet my other soul mate, my sister from another mister... my life doppelganger.

I am so thankful and utterly grateful to have her in my life. We have gotten each other through so many rough spots in the last 12 months, and have created a relationship bound (and gagged) in love and laughter since July 2011.

Simply put, I could not have gotten through this last year without her*.

I cannot wait to see where this road goes next, Monique "Bella Boo"!
I'm positive. *wink*





*Of course it goes without saying that I could not have gotten through this year without my loving and supportive husband, who is the yin to my yang. Love you MISU!

12

My baby is going to be 12 in 21 days. TWELVE.

My oldest child... the beginning of something truly beautiful, a new phase of my life that I thought I would never be lucky enough to experience.


It's been gritty and tortuous being a parent, and at other times soulful and stomach-hugging hilarious.

Today, I realized that my oldest child is so much like me, so much more than I had ever realized. I mean, I had always thought she looked a little more like me and we share a eerily similar sense of humor. We inflect on words the same, and our laughs can be the same growly, bark of a laugh or nearly the same hysterical howl. We share almost the exact same nose, and we both feel the same dread over the size.

But beyond all of that, while we talked about friendships, I could see the person she is becoming. At some point we were both exasperated and my eyes were opened, as I forced myself to listen more instead pontificating aloud, sharing my "refined" wisdom as an adult.

As I admitted to her that I didn't know everything I saw something click in my daughter, as if those were the words she had been longing me to say since her existence.

I stopped for a moment and told her that all I ever want for her in life is to do good, and not make the same mistakes I did. My words are meant as a cautionary tale, never judgement. I want to give my kids all the things my mother didn't like sound advice and a bent ear... understanding.

We had an honest talk about a friendship she has that has turned sour, and this person is no longer viewed through rose colored glasses and Anna is finally seeing her for who she really is: a mean spirited brat who enjoys humiliating and bullying others. Now that Anna has rekindled a friendship from  grade school- who this mean little bully does not like- now the bully has caught my daughter in her icy glare. Anna has now been bullied.

Don't weep for my child, make no mistake... my daughter is strong in will and most of the time character. I am proud of her for standing up to this miserable little person, and for standing her ground.

She is a bit hard headed like her dad's side of the family, and she can be a little tender under her hard shell... both of which she gets from me I think. It hurts me to see her frustration (and hurt, though she refuses to admit it), but I laid out the options/choices ahead of her in this situation.

1. The obvious backstabbing and dirtying of the name of said person, justified by tales of all the ways this person has hurt her... which NEVER ends well and ALWAYS backfires.

2. Stay neutral and continue to defend herself while faking her way through this botched "friendship".

3. MOVE ON. Leave it all behind and enjoy those people who really truly are her friends.

She did say midway through our talk that she had just had the realization, "Why am I bothering to be friends with her?"

So if nothing hopefully she now understands that confiding in her mom can be cathartic and therapeutic, and that I am an ally and not the enemy.

And maybe, just maybe she realizes that I do pretty much know what I am talking about. Most of the time.

Usually.

I learned today that it's not such a bad thing that we are so much alike.

I hope that one day she realizes it too.

Peace,
Mary

Belly belly!!!

Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy... I am huge!!! These were taken yesterday :)

4 1/2 months or 21 weeks. I don't even want to think about how big I will be at the end. *SIGH* The good news is that I am off work now because I have been having very intense Braxton-Hicks contractions (which started at 2 1/2 months!!!) that sometimes lead to actual cramping. Sometimes I can be on my feet for an hour, and sometimes only 5-10 mins before I start having them again. We will miss the extra income but let's face it... I worked at Target on the sales floor. It's not like I was making bank.

Anywho, I ordered a crib in ebony to match the wood finish in my bedroom since Baby Jacob will be sharing a room with mom and dad for the first year, It only cost me just over 200.00 with free shipping, woot!!!

And this crib set, which I love!!! It's been really fun shopping for boy stuff so far :DSince we gave everything away, John's coworker (who has twin boys) will be generously giving us 2 infant car seats with bases and lots of baby clothes... which I am very excited about! Chances are anything we did have would have been recalled or too old anyway since Anna just turned 9.

I am getting more and more used to the idea, since he lets me know he's in there quite frequently with lots of kicks and bumps. I do love him already, how could I not?

The best thing? Emma and Anna gave me hugs goodnight last night, then rubbed the belly and said, "Goodnight, Jacob." So sweet!

***More news on my cousin***

Hey y'all... I JUST got this email from my aunt a few minutes ago... I can't say it any better than she did so here is her email:

Hi everyone,

Just wanted to say thank you to all of you who prayed for my daughter and my family. She has had a hard 3 months of testing and waiting for results.

The long and short of it is that the doctor who took the tissue sample and said it was cancer a few weeks ago, said on Monday after looking at the X-rays and second set of blood test results she could no longer find the tumor. The doctor had Rachel go right then for an MRI.

When the doctor read the MRI she told Rachel that she must have a very powerful God because the cancer is no longer there. I believe it is a miracle, she has had a network of people praying for her from the start.

Her doctor did say that she has infection where the tumor was and that her spleen is very enlarged. So she is on a heavy dose of antibiotics for 7 days, she has to rest and the doctor want's to see her every 2 weeks for the next 3 months to make sure she is still cancer free.

So from the bottom of my heart thank you for your prayers and yes we do have an Awesome God and a wonderful Savior who does answer the prayers of His children.

Yvonne

I was so floored when I read this email, I let out a scream! Tears immediately ensued, of course. ;)

Again, I cannot express... there are no words to adequately express how thankful I am for each and every one of you who took the time to pray for Rachel and her family.

When I wrote the first post about Rachel, I included some back ground on why I hadn't mentioned God in a while on my blog- but how I was resolved to resolve my issues with God because despite my past (and my feelings that He abandoned my brothers and I when we were children, my doubts and fears) because there was a larger, more important issue at hand. I realized My cousin was ill and she needed prayer, and that over shadowed any of my insecurities and doubt. And so, not wanting to make the post "about me", I edited my post feeling that in reality no explanation was needed. I didn't really need to give a reason why I had turned away from God because it wasn't important.

I felt that I didn't need to justify or explain away why suddenly I had become religious because those that felt compelled to pray would pray, and those that were offended would simply not read my blog anymore. Again, so unimportant in the grand scheme of things, especially when a loved one's life hangs in the balance.

I guess my point is this: Recently I told John that I had trouble trusting a God that would let us suffer at the hands of a person that pretended to be His faithful servant. A person who was in the choir and head of a prayer chain, someone who was relied on in the church. What had triggered all of this was visiting my brother 2 years ago and having him tell me things she did to him, horrible things. All of those years believing that he had had it better than me, when what she did to him ended up being so much worse.

But at the moment I found out about my cousin I decided that I was going to pray for complete healing. I wasn't messing around, I was going for the whole enchilada.

God does answer prayers. Sometimes not in the way that we wish, or in the time frame we desire, but He hears us and answers.

And sometimes, in His mysterious way... He preforms a miracle.

For my cousin, He healed her body.

For me? He healed my heart and restored my faith.

Today is good day. :)

Thank you, thank you!

On August 15th my sweet friend Holly warmed my heart by adding me to the list of Outstanding Women Bloggers. :)

I'm not quite sure how outstanding I have been lately, but one thing is for sure when you read my blog... I am consistently inconsistent. Ya never know exactly WHAT you are going to find when you load my page.

I think I'm kind of like playing the lottery. With me, sometimes you get back what you put in- and maybe sometimes, just sometimes a little extra; and other times you may walk away, shaking your head in disappointment.

One positive thing I can say about myself is that at least I always real. Sometimes a little too real. :P But then again, that's why some of you guys love me... and then you go and give me an award.

So Holly, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for adding me to this list of Outstanding Women Bloggers. I will be writing a separate post with the list so stay tuned. ;)

Also, I was quite flabbergasted to find that another very lovely lady even still read my blog! This sweet soul even participated in my short lived quasi-meme, Sound Byte Saturday. Just a week ago I ranted and raved about my situation with the MIL, and despite all of that Hopeful Spirit left me a comment saying that she awarded me with this blog bling on the 26th:

I have to say that I have had a lot of people say a lot of nice things about me over this last year and a half, but Hopeful really wrote an amazing post about the several bloggers she was giving awards to. Hopeful admitted that though I tend to ramble at times, and the fact that sometimes my posts about my childhood are almost to much to bear... She thinks I am courageous. *blush*

Thanks Hopeful! You really are a Hopeful Spirit because you see me as the diamond -or least cubic zirconia - in the rough that I am.

Quoted from the creator's site ( Christy from Writer's Reviews):

Award Rules

1) If you have received an award simply choose either the dark or light background image and save it to your files, then post it proudly on your blog!

2) Pass the award on to five other people, you can choose any of the awards from the series, you do not have to pass out the exact award you received. Choose whichever of the awards below that you'd like to give out. You can give out one of each or five of the same one, whatever you prefer.

3) You can change the size and color of awards to suit your blog, that's up to you, it's your blog, just leave the titles the same.

4) Please link back to this post so that people can read these rules and so that the meanings of the awards will not be lost.

5) If you feel that you or a friend are deserving of an award and no one has given one to you yet then email me at sayhitochristy(at)hotmail.com and tell me about your website.

Holly
For those bloggers who inspire others through their words and actions. With a positive attitude, and an uplifting spirit these bloggers make the blogosphere a better place, and encourage others to do the same. This award is for bloggers who rise up to set an example but continue to reach out and support others.

Holly has a way of expressing herself in the most elegant ways, but also is very upbeat and positive. Holly is my sunny spot in the blogosphere... and when I am feeling blue she always has something on her blog that puts life in perspective.

Kelly (Pass the Torch)-Kelly is another blogger who is truly inspirational in everything she does, and even though she will be the first to admit that life doesn't always go as planned, I never ever get the feeling that she is willing to give up. EVER :D Kelly, I admire ( and sometimes envy- in a good way) your conviction, drive and determination.

Kailani-
For those who answer blog comments, emails, and make their visitors feel at home on their blogs. For the people who take others feelings into consideration before speaking out and who are kind and courteous. Also for all of those bloggers who spend so much of their time helping others bloggers design, improve, and fix their sites. This award is for those generous bloggers who think of others.

Kailani... what can I tell you about Kailani that most of you don't already know? I can truly say that if it weren't for her relentless pimpin' of my blog that I probably wouldn't have gotten very far. I am very fortunate to have met her, and I don't tell her enough how thankful I am. I know that she has given many a budding blogger a helping hand out of blogosphere solitude. Kailani, thanks for encouraging others to keep going , even when we think our creative juices are gone.

Michelle-
For those who bring unique and creative elements to their blogs. For those who incorporate art, music, creative writing, photo's, and other beautiful visual effects into their website. For those who put a unique spin on things and come up with new ideas. This award is for the artsy, the funky, the inventor, and even the rebel. This award is for those creative individuals who stand out from the crowd.

Michelle is just a joy, I don't know how else to say it. She is by far one of the sweetest people I have met while blogging. What I also love about her is that she always has some fun, new and cool gadget on her blog... and she is always coming up with cute new ways to display pictures of her cutie, Emma.

Slackermommy-
For those bloggers who are battling or have battled with physical and mental illness, those who are survivors of abuse, poverty, or who have overcome other challenges in life. Those who serve in the military or work/volunteer in dangerous situations in order to provide a service or to help others. This award is for the strong, the brave, and the courageous.

Slackermommy probably thought I was some weird stalker when I first found her blog through The Knut Hut. Immediately I acted as if I was a starstruck fan, gushing about how much I loved reading her blog. I really am still star struck, and I gush on occasion... but now she knows I'm not quite as weird as she originally thought. I hope. ;) I really identified with her posts, but what's more... she just rocks. She is very candid about life in her neck of the (crazy egg donor riddled) woods and we have commiserated on many occasions.


OK, I think I have milked this post out long enough... I've been working on it for a week already. Ladies, enjoy your awards... you're Truly Scrumptious and I adore you all. :D

Let me count the ways!

EDIT TO ADD: I forgot to say thanks to everyone who commented on my my previous rant tirade sardonic dissertation post. I promise, from the heart of my bottom, to really tell you all how I feel next time. I know, I tend to keep my emotions bottled up. As per request, I pledge to share and give you more of myself next time. I guess sometime more is just... well, more. ;)

Hi there! I'm a bit shaky right now seen as I am getting my first internet fix in 13 days ( the MISU posted the last post for me at work)... It's kind of like going cold turkey without coffee, then starting up again after 2 weeks. The first few days are very exhausting and depressing, and life without internet and cable has been interesting. Today, I am exhilarated by the feel of keyboard, and quite frankly- a little giddy. There's nothing like getting your fix!

Let me just say that the day our "unconnected" cable was disconnected (the call was to our local Mediacom office BTW, not overseas), the hubs and I had a rant fest with each other over the phone while he was at work. Given the previous episode where my husband forgot to pay the cable bill for 83 days (remember that?) and our cable was disconnected without warning just a month ago... we were already primed so to speak. Expletives were exchanged over the phone between John and I 13 days ago, not at each other but towards the cable monopoly from hell.

John was furious and said screw it, we were just going to have to live without cable and internet for 3 or 4 months. To which I growled, (think The Exorcist)" I don't care about cable. We can go without that. But there is no way I'M GOING 4 MONTHS WITHOUT HIGH SPEED INTERNET."

Silly, selfish me. What I realize now is that though going 4 months without TV could have it's benefits (us doing more stuff as a family instead of being stuck in front of the boob tube), it also has it's downside (having to change DVDs and tapes frequently, and hearing a 6 yr old moan and groan about being bored during the days this summer when it will undoubtedly be to hot to go outside until evening).

We still do not have cable, and John is thinking that we can go 3 or 4 months of the kids watching the same DVDs and tapes without any complaining. I think he forgot that Anna will be out of school the end of this month... I reminded him last night while he was hooking up the DSL line. "3 months without TV... (dramatic pause) during the summer? You're kidding, right?"

Nope, he's not kidding. The summer should be interesting. I'm no candidate for Mother of the year, I'll fully admit that I let the kids eat breakfast while watching morning shows during the summer so I can get some house work done in hopes that we will make it outside in between Emma's naps. I also let them watch when I take a shower, in hopes that I will have a few minutes of peace without shrieking and crying. I also let them watch while I'm blogging. When aren't they watching TV? Good question. While they are sleeping? I told you, I'm not perfect. I do shut off the tube and we do go for hours without it on some days... Beside, not to toot their horns but I think we all know that my kids aren't lacking or suffering in the intelligence department. If anything we have considered giving them a smoke with their morning cuppa joe to stunt their over active brains.

I kid people, I kid! I would never do that.

Then blog about it. ;)

So maybe not having TV will be a good thing. I'll have to be more involved and probably have to plan activities so that they don't terrorize each other. We'll get outside more and try to actually get along without the inevitable emotional scarring that yelling, time outs and the occasional swat on the butt brings.

OR I could tell the hubby that having TV available would be beneficial for the whole family (if you get my meaning), because on those rough days I have no energy left for hubby time. ;) It's not bribery, it's the God's honest truth. I would be perfectly happy with making a no TV rule for 3 days out of the week in order to be more organized this summer (except for maybe an hour in the evening for family wind down time). But going the entire summer without TV? Insanity.

I have to make myself a work out schedule, so why not schedule TV days too? I've scheduled chore days in the past during the summer months because other wise the house becomes a bear den of food debris and dirty laundry, we just have too much fun during the lazy months of summer. I assure you, it ain't pretty.

I'm not opposed to change. OK, let's be honest here... Not completely opposed to change. Making a schedule is easy, sticking to it- not so much. Which means I will also probably have to pencil in blog time. *sigh* We'll see what happens.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I leave you with this Emma-ism:

Emma , like her mentor in the past, has a thing for ripping out hair adornments just seconds within getting into our car, and just seconds within arriving on the days where I silently rejoice that we have nearly made it to our destination with pig tails intact.

Which boggles the mind because like her mentor at that age, doing the do is usually a tearful struggle on both of our parts, usually ending with one of us crying out for daddy. I often wonder if the price of beauty ( or in Em's case, extreme and utter CUTENESS) is worth it.

ANYWHOOO, this day was a lazy day and I decided that running to Target did not warrant the suffering that adorable and curly pig tails bring, so I settle on a simple hair clip.

In the car, on the way, I hear the pip squeak pipe up:

Knock ihh off, momma.

Which, by the way, is usually what I say when she is uprooting clumps of hair from her scalp in order to be pig tail free.

I turn around and look at her questioningly, just in time to see her rip the hair clip from her head with a vengeance.

I turn back around and mumble to John, "Just she just say knock it off?"

Dat's white, momma. I said "Knock ihh off". She brandishes the hair clip as if it is her Sword in the Stone, just out of reach.


*note to self, add French Roast and Camels to the grocery list*

Two is plenty, thanks.

See Wordless Wednesday below. :D

You know you blog too much when... your 2 year old - who is sitting on her daddy's lap- asks her daddy- who is surfing the web-

"What dat, daddy? Ah bog?"

I had to laugh, John just shook his head.

Her new thing is "nuffin". As in Emma went on a little rant and tacked a "momma" on the end. I asked her what she said.

She crossed her arms, and gave me the smooshy, grumpy face. "Nuffin."

Last night-

I hun-gy, momma.

Ok, I'm making dinner right now.

1 minute later: I hunnnn-gyyyy.

I know, babes. I'm making it. It will be a few more minutes, is that OK?

Smooshy face/crossed arms- No.

Too bad. It's not done yet.

Exaggerated arm crossing- HMMMMMMPH!- gives me a side ways glare and exits to the living room.

The playpen is actually being used for more than toy storage now... Time outs and terrible two's are in full session.


I'll say it again... I don't know where they get it from. *bats eyes innocently*
And no (insistent, tactless relatives) we don't want to try for a boy. Look what we managed to accomplish without even trying. Two is plenty, thanks.

Hold on, I'm thinking... this may take a minute.

A few days ago I told you that my blogging buddy Pippajo gave me the

.

Pippajo and I have a few things in common such as our love of The Sims 2 (though I doubt seriously that either of us plays as much as we would like), blogging (of course!), we are both Dork Bloggers... and we have a mutual Dork crush on Conan O'Brien.

I am always flattered (and at times flabbergasted) when someone gives me an award because, well, quite frankly I don't see how I am any better than any other blogger out there. My schtick is nothing new to the blogging world and most of my material has been born of my "middle child" syndrome. :D

That being said, I have such a problem with accepting a compliment, that even know I am unable to accept this award without a bit of self deprecation. I have issues. BUT- I am flattered, and accept this award with gratitude. Thank you Pippajo!

Here are the rules for this award:
1. If, and only if, you get tagged, write a post with links to 5 blogs that make you think,
2. Link to this post so that people can easily find the exact origin of the meme,
3. Optional: Proudly display the 'Thinking Blogger Award' with a link to the post that you wrote

Let me first say that this was very hard, you may not know this about me but I find it difficult to make decisions. All of the blogs I read are thought provoking in one way or another, that's why I read them! There are so many to choose from, so many different styles, different types of blogs...

So without further ado, these are the top 5 blogs that make me not only think but also make me feel:

1. Holly is everything I would love to be as a mom, human and writer. Sure, she's probably not perfect but she is perfect to me. :D Holly's blog is so much more than that, and she is always writing something funny and thought provoking, and she inspires me in so many ways. Her writing flows, and is so gracious and eloquent- it doesn't matter what she writes about, it's always beautiful.*I also give this award to Holly for Thinking that I am worth the read, despite what she might find here at the circus. LOL!*

2. Just as Pippajo said on her blog, there is no rule against "tagging" the tagger... I have to say that the very first post I read on her blog was so heart wrenching and real, her post made me cry. But it also made me think very hard about what is important in life. Since then she has continued to astound me with her resilience of spirit, and the beauty and depth of her heart and soul.

3. Jenny has go to be hands down, one of the smartest people I blogging know. And one of the funniest! Jenny doesn't shy away from complex and hilarious issues such as knowing when you are a grown up, Government by the people, and which is worse: poor grammar or poor manners. *The last one is a tough for me, since I am guilty of both. ;)* Best of all, Jenny doesn't mind "poking the comfort zone with sharp, hot sticks". She isn't afraid to lay it on the line, and doesn't take guff for her beliefs. I totally dig that about Jenny.

4. Robin and I are like old buddies... The kind that don't get to talk as much as we'd like, but we do try to make the time when we can. :D Robin's is another writer of such great talent. She writes what she feels, and doesn't leave a thing to be desired. Robin is another blogger who can put anything into words and it sounds so elegant.. but truly heart felt and brutally honest.

5. Last but not least, Island Girl is again, one of those people who are the whole package if you ask me. Just as I said about Holly, though I'm sure she has her flaws like the rest of us, she is perfect to me. :D Island Girl always leaves me with a light heart, no matter what she blogs about... and one of my favorite things about her blog is that she asks for the reader's opinion, and genuinely wants to know. Aside from being the creator of the always informative, creative, and humorous Carnival of Family Life- Local Girl is always so thoughtful and giving, and yet she makes me ponder what is right and wrong with the world with her daily life posts.

All of these people are bright spots in the universe for me along with the other friends I've made, and to all of my blogging buddies... I'd list you all if I could!

On a side note, I won't be blogging for the next 2 days or so. Emma's 2nd birthday is tomorrow and her party is Saturday. The next 48 hours will be filled with what I like to call PPP or Pre-Party Panic. ;)

OK, yes I forgot... of course I will have to post pics of the little pooper tomorrow, from birth day to birthday!

My Anna

My poor kid... I don't know what the heck I am going to do with her. She and Emma both had ear aches 2 weeks ago, and now Anna has a fever and a cough. She felt so bad yesterday that she stayed home from school, and I kind of made her stay home today because this morning she looked peaked and had a raspy cough.

After breakfast, Anna croaked ;O) that she wanted to help do the dishes. What is so surprising about this is that even when she is perfectly healthy, or near healthy, and despite me glue gunning myself into oblivion with this little gem...

at 5 cents a chore, she still refuses to do them. Our rule is she doesn't have to do her chores. Don't do them, you don't get paid. We also have a rule that she gets toys etc on holidays and her birthday. If she really wants something, she has to save up for it. We are hoping that eventually, after a few months, that Barbie she really wants will motivate her. We are trying to teach her the value of working hard for something she wants, and saving up for it. I digress, it's a very bad habit of mine. :O)

Anyway, as I was saying... On a "normal" day, she doesn't want to do her chores despite knowing she gets 5 cents a chore. On a good day, she has the possibility to earn 60 cents! But today, feeling bad... she decided that I should cash in that coupon for dish washing that she gave me as a Christmas present. :D
So here she is, helping her momma and keeping busy while feeling yucky.






I'm not sure if we have taught her anything about money management yet, but she has learned the value of giving and spending time with family. Even if it's doing dishes when you are under the weather.

Besides, I let her use the sprayer for the first time... what could be better than that?

I feel pretty, Oh so pretty...!

My blogging friend Maggie just emailed me... I am proud to say that I can display this...

My Blog is Maggie Approved!

on my blog! Sometimes its nice to know that the little blurbs we post as comments make a difference- whether big or small- in someone's day. I am so glad to have met Maggie, I really get a kick out of her posts. She is "keeping it real for her peeps", and I love that. :D

Thanks Maggie, I love my new Blog Bling!

Merry Christmas

To all of my readers and
friends in the blogoshpere,
I am wishing you a happy,
healthy, and beautiful Christmas!
I hope your holidays are
filled with joy and peace,
and that you are
surrounded by the ones you love.


*"The Virgin With Angels" was painted by William-Adolphe Bouguereau in 1900.

She makes me so proud! *sniff*

Last night, as we were watching Jump In on the Disney channel, Anna explained to us that she got into a heated discussion with 2 of her classmates. Two years ago, we explained that once upon a time there had been a Santa figure, but not anymore. He was a fairy tale that parents had their children to believe in to get them to behave throughout the year. To some this may seem cruel... shattering a sweet an innocent thing into a million pieces, squashing a child's heart and dreams in the process. To my husband and I, what seems more cruel is feed a child with nonsense, only to have them crushed and in despair when they learn that the fairy tale is just that, and that their parents have been lying to them for years.
For me personally, I would dread that day... knowing that my child had lost all faith and trust in me.
Also, we got sick and tired of Santa getting all the credit, when we were the ones busting our humps.
*On a side note* Sometimes Anna gets picked on by classmates, it started in preschool and unfortunately some of them are in her kindergarten class. I have been working on the idea of self-defense without antagonizing them- meaning I have explained that it is OK to stand up for herself, but it's not OK told hold a grudge and instigate because she is mad that they treated her bad... in essence making her like them. I am also trying to get across the notion that the more she lets them see that she is bothered by them, the more they will pick on her.
Anyway, Anna told them that there is no Santa, Megan and Grace (fellow kindergarten'ers, part-time snot balls) became indignant and told her that if you say you don't believe in Santa, he will not come and leave presents at your house.
Her response? How can Santa not leave presents at my house, if he doesn't exist?As she told me this, The Gasp That Was Heard Around the World took place. It almost brought a tear to my eye!
My baby is all grown up! She makes her momma proud... but my job here isn't quite done.

Sweetness (Pass The Torch Tuesday)

On the 6th of December I had minor surgery on my right arm and leg. The next evening I was feeling pretty lousy and all 3 of my incisions were burning like crazy. Near tears, I muttered to myself that I had doubts as to whether removing those lumps were worth it.

My 5 1/2 year old daughter Anna sat across from me, on our love seat. She looked at me with concerned eyes and said this:

"Mom, you know that if you didn't have them taken out that they would just keep getting bigger, and causing you more pain. It's a good thing you had them taken out."

Just like all those times when she was younger, when she got me more tissues after my miscarriage almost 3 years ago, or when she would run to get me the "sick bowl" when I was pregnant with Emma- she was once again taking care of me.

Even though my girl is no angel, those tender moments are very dear and precious to me. I know one day she will make a wonderful mom.

For more PTT's, visit Kelly. :O)

Thankful

I have been a little burned out with the whole blogging thing, I honestly don't feel like I have anything that is too terribly interesting to say. Maybe I am a little depressed, with the past recently rearing it's ugly head...

I sit, type, then delete. Maybe my life isn't that interesting. Maybe I have nothing to contribute. Maybe all my natural resources are gone, my oil has run dry. Maybe my blog has had a short but sweet life and it is time for me to move on. I don't know... Maybe it's the holidays getting me down. Again.

After I wrote the first few lines, I decide to make the title of this post Thankful. I am going to get myself out of this funk and write about the things I am thankful for, I thought to myself.

I am thankful for my Husband, I honestly don't know where I would be without him in my life. He loves me so much... I know I annoy the crap out of him sometimes, but I haven't been served any papers yet, and the fact that he is still here despite all of the stuff... Well, I am so lucky. I am thankful that we can still make each other laugh, and that he still finds me attractive. :O) The fact that he loves me for me is a wonderful thing.He is my kindred spirit, and I love him for it.

There were so many days before we became pregnant with Anna, when I didn't even want to get out of bed. Not being able to have kids for the first 11 years of our marriage was really hard. I am surprised that we made it. We definitely had our rough patches and almost called it quits a few times, not so much because we didn't have kids but because we were self centered and immature. God must have known that weren't ready. Having children has helped us (and forced us, LOL) to love each other so much more. We were definitely missing something in our lives and marriage, we both wanted kids.

I am thankful for my daughters. I am so happy that God saw that we needed them. Again, I don't where we would be without them, they bring so many things to this family, I don't know where to begin! They are both funny, can be sweet, can be giving, are mostly feisty and unabashedly stubborn. All of those things make us laugh, some of them make us very annoyed, but we wouldn't have it any other way. That's our girls, Anna and her Mini Me, Emma. I am so grateful to have them in my life, and they have brought me so much joy, and have helped me to want to be a better person.

I am thankful for my brother Ben. We don't talk everyday, or week but we know that we are going to pick up right where we left off, which is usually laughing so hard we are crying. My brother accepts me for who I am and vice versa, and I love him more than anything. It doesn't matter where we are, or what we are doing we both know that we will drop everything just to talk. He is kindred spirit #2.

I am sooo thankful for my friend Effie. We are so much a like, and have fought like sisters at times. Man have we made each other steaming mad! We have had some doozies! It doesn't matter though, we always gravitate back to one another. We can go for months without talking and like my brother, pick up right where we left off. She is my third kindred spirit.

I am thankful that despite all the bad things that have happened to me, that I am still here.

I am thankful that I am still learning, that I am willing (and trying) to change.

I am thankful for the my blog and the opportunities it has given me to meet new people, express myself, and to challenge myself.

I am thankful for everything I have, and what God has blessed me with. I am grateful that He thinks I am worth it, and despite a spiritual dry spell that He is still with me.

I don't know how much longer I will be able to blog, but at least I had my say. My thankfulness is out there, and that's good enough for me.