Monday, March 16, 2009

Oh God. What. Have. I. Done.

Today was Anna's Parent/Teacher conference, and usually it's a breeze so I wasn't nervous at all. Anna is advanced for her age, and this has been the case for her whole life.

I even mentioned this on Facebook today, and my blogging buddy Sonia replied:
So, if they tell you she's dealing meth at school, that would probably be a surprise, right?

And to which I quipped back, via the wonder that is Facebook:
Well, as long as she's cooking it during the science portion of class, I really don't see what the big deal is. ;) I sure hope she's better at lighting a Bunsen burner than I am at lighting a gas grill.

Let me say this again, people: "Pride goeth before the fall."~ Praphrased, God.

I should have been nervous it turns out, and I should have taken a cue from this: Emma, my lovely 3 year old decided that she needed to tinkle whilst I applied my war paint.

And so, naturally , she said, "It sounds like I'm peeeeee-ing a WAINBOW!"

To which I replied after a loud snort, "Yes... how does one pee a rainbow, exactly?"

OH GOD, really, why do I ask these questions?

"Well," she begins thoughtfully, "Fust, you put all sorts of cullews in side your who-who... then you SPWAY it ALLLLL OVER the sky!!!" She arcs her upraised hand over her head for effect.

And I'm pretty sure I stood there agape.

Motionless, with my mascara wand floating in mid air.

*Sigh*

Anywho, you would think that having your daughter's second grade teacher start the conference off by asking if you have gotten Spanish by Rosetta Stone would be a good thing. I quite sure that under normal circumstances, this would be the case. It turns out that a classmate complained to the teacher that Anna was cursing at them and calling them bad names in Spanish.

The teacher did some investigating to find that Anna feels like the only way she can get back at some of the kids in her class is to call them names. En Espanol. Mrs. Moore explained to Anna that there are other options to explore, like for instance walking away. She did say that Anna has shown growth in this area and has deployed this tactic on more than one occasion, which shows that Anna is very mature for her age.

I explained that we don't commonly share curse words in Spanish ( though secretly I kicked myself-while blushing wildly- for having shared more than a fair share of the English versions), and that Anna had a secret language when she was younger, and that she would babble when feeling uncomfortable and shy. One of these words, actually and unfortunately one of her favorite words, just happened to be the Spanish word for B*TCH, and that we were very clear on the fact that it shouldn't be said.

Still to this day, when being annoyed by her sister, she lets out a tirade of gibberish and sometimes this word will pop out, without her even realizing. We gently remind her to not use that one. But I explained that Anna is fully aware of what the word means, and that she isn't supposed to say it.

The teacher says, "OH, so she really DID use a bad word. Well, I wanted to say, 'Teach me, I wanna know!'" After which of course our country club laughs could be heard pealing through the hallways.

It also turns out that Anna is a talker ( we know this), that she is messy (we know this too) and made of list of supplies she needs for class, and her teacher was kind enough to point out that everything she needs is probably under 3 feet of school papers.

Last, but not least, I say (type rather) with a heavy sigh that it has come to our attention that our daughter has an odd and advanced sense of humor. Sometimes the other kids don't get her when she is being funny *OH GOD*, and the Mrs. Moore tries to not only sooth the poor child that Anna has emotionally decimated by drawing humorous pictures of *OH GOD, it's all my fault... how is it possible that my cheeks are burning MORE* while not crushing Anna's spirit... and sometimes, just sometimes, the other kids don't get her sarcastic sense of humor at all. * OH. MY. GOD. I have made my poor child guilty by association. She has gleaned everything she knows of this world from me, and as my husband so succinctly put it, she has been swimming in a sea of sarcasm from day one... my daughter is a dork*

On a brighter note, Sonia, at least she's not dealing meth, right? *weak smile*

12 comments:

Sunshine said...

I know I'm not supposed to think it, but the swearing in Spanish is kind of funny in a "glad it's not my kid" kind of way. That is seriously funny. But VERY wrong, bad bad! *snort*
And, yippee, for no meth!!! lmao

Jennfactor 10 said...

But Mert! This is a fabulous learning opportunity! While she's young and will soak it up like a sponge, you teach her the OBSCURE languages that no one will recognize!

Tell her they're those fabulous desert curses like "may a thousand biting sand flies descend upon you..." but teach her can I have a glass of water, please? in Polish or Latvian.

my word verification is persionic. I thought you should know.

Not So Anonymous Michelle said...

Sorry to say I had to laugh at this, I think I feel the same way as Sunshine and agree it would be fun to teach her some different thigns like Jen suggested! hee hee! You're right though, at least she's not selling meth! haha

Yvonne said...

Oh Yah!
Cut out of the same pattern as her cousin Jenn (my daughter). When she's mad says "Son of a Monkey", to which the 6 year old she nannied pick up the saying and the dad about flipped. Jenn says to the dad "WHAT?" Haven't you seen a baby monkey.
It kept the boy from saying bad words when he got mad.
Oh Anna will do just fine out in the world with all the idiots, oops, immature people she'll have to deal with.
I do think she'll need to come up with a word that makes her feel better but won't get her into trouble, like we do at school, we just say "Oh, isn't so and so just presious" which is totally the opposite of how one really feels. Pita, is another one. But that would probably get her in trouble as soon as an adult figured out that Anna wasn't calling them a form of bread.
Anyway, give her hugs from me and tell to hang in there.
Love you,
Antie Yvonne : }

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

She'll be fine. People don't get my jokes on a regular basis and I'm coping with it pretty well.


Cago en tu leche!

(I totally had to look that up. I can't curse in Spanish all by myself... yet.)

wolfbaby said...

ahhh this just makes me look so much forward to when my cookie starts school this comming year. NOT

if this makes you feel better when cookie was with grandma the other day i go to pic her up and grandma says to me

do you know what she said to me today?

*dear god in heaven what did my child say today?*

uhh no what?

Im and so pist at you...

to which grandma asked where she learned it from and of course cookie says... mommy and daddy...

oops

Elizabeth said...

At least yours curses in Spanish. My lovely 3 year old glanced at the TV the other night and said "what the HELL is that guy doing?" oops.

Also? "Fust, you put all sorts of cullews in side your who-who... then you SPWAY it ALLLLL OVER the sky!!!" She arcs her upraised hand over her head for effect."

That made me LOL for REAL. I would love it if Kaitlyn peed rainbows if it meant she would PEE IN THE FREAKING POTTY ALREADY. ahem.

Tnomeralc Web Design Toys said...

It was just fine, I think. :)

Cheers!

Eriuqs Spires Healthy Recreation said...

This post really gave me a good laugh. Funny but there is something to learn about.

Simon Wilby said...

This is something that we can laugh at but still, gives us great learning experience.

Boracay Hotels said...

What a experience. LOL

And you made me smile with the "meth" thing.

ron

Ash said...

Send her down here, so she can teach Leila to cuss in spanish! Oh the awesomeness! No really! REALLY! I want Leila to cuss in spanish instead of regular english. BTW, I'm finally older then one of her teachers. This woman is 23, and as she told me,her last name Rhymes with happy(Threw up a little just typing it) I'm hoping Leila will have kicked all the fucking cheerfulness out of her by winter vacation!