Monday, November 21, 2011

New Etsy Store

Hey y'all! I have a new Etsy Store named Mary Jae Designs (for Jacob Anna Emma). Basically I want to make affordable jewelry because every girl and woman deserves pretties!!!

It's my new love and I hope you can tell by the designs and prices just how much I am enjoying creating again. I might add girls reversible purses again at a later date.

If you would like to check out my shop, you can click on the widget on the top of the right side bar, or click here.

Tuesday, October 04, 2011

I am

My 42nd birthday is coming up soon and after a somewhat melancholy reflection on my life, I had many, many emotions and thoughts on who I am. As they say: All's well that ends well.

Booyah. ;)

I Am

I am digression, recession.
I am undiscovered and resigned.
I am fertile, contemplative.
I am of a flawed design.

I am a little crazy, uplifted.
I am attention deficient and annoyed.
I am curvy, resilient.
I am turbulent with joy.

I am weightless, anchored.
I am claimed and unearthed.
I am salty, forgiven.
I am steeped in mirth.

I am clingy, abandoned.
I am artistic and indentured.
I am reliable, grouchy.
I am slightly immature.

I am giddy, sarcastic.
I am self absorbed and amused.
I am radiant, hungry.
I am verbally profuse.

I am imperfect, serene.
I am vigorous and grieved.
I am somnolent, cantankerous.
I am what I believe.

I am, I will, I was.
I am buoyant and resolved.
I have, I need, I want.
Above all else I am loved.

Monday, July 18, 2011

Jacobs First Birthday OR I forgot how hectic birthday parties can be

Ahhhh another birthday, and being a birthday veteran I did what I normally would do, preparing as much as possible the day before. This time around I did things a little differently... I chided myself for not thinking of this sooner: Why not put up birthday decorations a day early and save myself the stress! Just like realizing that I could mash up a hot dog with a garlic press 10+ years after my first child... seriously? How did this not dawn on me?

I congratulated myself for being so ready this year. I envisioned myself relaxing on my couch just waiting for guests to arrive. HA! Again, how is it that after 41 years I still have not learned that "Pride goeth before the fall..." (thus sayeth the Lord, Amen)
At 1140 am I started grilling hamburgers 10 minutes late, but the party was at noon so everything is ok. At 1143 it started to rain on me. Normally I would take this as a bad sign, but I was too busy making sure I didn't burn the main course. At 1146 I again congratulated myself for producing 10 juicy-ever so slightly charred in just the right places- hamburgers while walking up my not exactly clean back stairs to go inside... and promptly lost my grip on the container from greasy fingers and rain. Ummhmmm. Yup. I dropped ALL of the precious meaty cargo on the stairs, a few bouncing off into the grass.

"*(&%#$@)*!" I gathered up the damaged goods and tossed them and started round two. Whilst inside talking to an early guest and glancing frantically at the clock- not realizing that the grease from round one was flaming like a set of space shuttle thrusters, therefore increasing the core temperature of the grill to 600 degrees- I finally whispered agitated apologies while leaving them mid-sentence to find round 2 almost completely destroyed.

I stared sadly at their charred remains and whispered a silent curse laden prayer to the grill gods that I have something to feed the masses. I broke off the scorched edges of 2 of the only edible burgers and threw the other 6 away. I threw the rest of the burgers from the big frozen box o'meat on the grill and eyed the grill angrily, thinking of our other grilling tussles. This would not be my first go-round with the flaming metal beast.

Success!!! I managed the hot dogs, got annoyed that the MIL elbowed her way through guests to feed herself before almost everyone else, we all ate... Jacob opened presents and had a blast!!! He got bored opening like most kids do, and had fun playing with his new presents. I decided to leave the rest of the presents for the next day, they were all from us anyway.

Then I served cake... and once again the kids hadn't even been served yet and the MIL came in hovering over the cake, insisting to get her piece next- with a smile of course. Then told me she wanted to take cake home while pointing to the heavily frosted grassy area of the cake and TOLD me she wanted that section. I did what any self-respecting DIL would do. I got annoyed and "PFFFFT'd" to her face and made her scoop ice cream.

While this was happening, I completely forgot that Jacob had been served a small piece. John took pics of him sampling it- taking dainty and controlled finger fulls, then took pics of the guests... mean while NEITHER of his brilliant parents watched, or his grandma standing right in front of him scooping ice cream watched- while he proceeded to jam almost the whole piece in his mouth, eyes bulging, giving a cough.

Thank goodness Cousin Candice Thomson was watching and her mommy instincts kicked in... she ran over and scooped cake from his mouth with a hooked finger. I heard him cry and ran over to break him free of his high chair. *PHEW-sigh* I thought two three things:
1.Thank the Lord for fellow mommies.
2.I'm a horrible parent and and my husband is an idiot.
3. Vice versa.

The rest of the party went great, he had a wonderful time playing with his presents- most of it with his mouth open LOL!

Cleaning up the kitchen so we could go to the city pool next, I dropped a bottle of Southwest Spicey Mustard which did a lovely swan dive, then bounced doing a triple axle, then exploded all over my leg/foot/flip flop and the cake box. Heh heh heh heh. All I could do was giggle. My friend Michelle giggled with me after I told her all that had happened, and kindly rinsed my flip flop in the sink for me while telling me she and her BF would have just rinsed them off and served them.

We went to the pool at about 3pm, Jacob disliked the pool very much and protested quite loudly, while Emma (who cannot swim) decided it would absolutely be the best thing to walk off the second I take my eyes off of her and walk to where her dad was at the diving boards, where I couldn't see her because of a slide encasement right next to me. Literally POOF, gone. I freaked out screaming for her, which was pointless because of the natural din that goes with being at a pool, and asked Anna to look for her. I scanned the pool for her/her swim suit and looked over to the diving pool.

I stopped midway with Jacob in my arms and had a nervous break down for a 1/2 minute, sobbing because my worst fear was coming true- losing my kids... I snapped out of it knowing that standing there sobbing like an idiot was taking away precious searching/rescue time.

I prayed. I pleaded with God in the briefest, most sincere prayer I had ever uttered. "Please God, keep her safe."

I looked back over to the diving pool, and there stood the rest of my family. There stood my middle child, completely unaware of what was happening... standing with her sister (who turned to look back at me, smiling weakly, wincing almost as if she knew what was coming next) and her dad, who was waiting in line for the board.

"You need to hold him RIGHT NOW," I screamed at John.

I grabbed Emma by the arm and screamed at that child... YES, I was THAT lady. At the pool. Screaming at the top of my lungs, "Don't you EVER walk away from me again without telling me where you are going. DON'T EVER do THAT to me AGAIN!!!"

I proceeded to try to calm myself and tell her exactly what I had thought had possibly happened: her being at the bottom of a pool or having been snatched from the pool. We both cried, and I let my anger go. I hugged her, clung to her while she stood there helpless to do otherwise, the both of us crying. I repeated, "IloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyou, please don't do that again. Ever."

We walked over to the newer kids part of the pool that had fountains and various spraying/splashing apparati for a few minutes, Jacob protested loudly again. Emma promised to stay with Anna and our cousin Melinda... then Jacob and I went over to the shaded snack bar and he fell asleep on me while I watched my girls like a hawk in the play area. Everyone had a great time, I enjoyed the peace and calm of holding my one year old while the noises of the pool lulled him, remembering how a year ago that day I was doing the very same thing- holding my sleeping baby after an exhausting day.

Lesson learned finally. You can never be completely 100% prepared for life... or birthday parties. OR MIL's.


*passed out after the pool*

Sunday, May 15, 2011

I'm amazed

This last week construction started on our walk up attic, we are making it into a large bedroom for the girls to share. This week I was amazed at how unfazed Jacob was by all the noise, and how he managed to sleep through hammering and sawing 2 floors above us.

Today I watched him sleep in his crib (as his daddy and daddy's friend Aaron did the electrical and network wiring so that construction could continue on Monday), his crib being just below scratchy noises and hammering, loud noises of things being dropped on wood sub-flooring. I am amazed at how similar yet how different this little boy is to his big sisters. His ability to sleep through the occasional yelling of the 2 man construction crew this week, the front door and attic door slamming... he truly is a boy through and through. His sissies would NEVER be able to sleep through such racket.

It got me thinking about the many things I amazed about: John sticking with me in sickness and health, good times and bad and loving me on every level. Don't get me wrong, he is no saint but quite nearly considering all that we have been through in almost 22 years of marriage.

I am amazed at our children. As I said before, so different yet so the same. They are smart and funny without even trying, and they weren't even breastfed ;) We are so lucky and blessed to have them in our lives. And when I hear about all the children out there with so many problems... I realized just how blessed we are. I pray and thank God for that, and pray for the little ones that aren't so lucky.

We aren't rich but somehow we make it on one income. Our house isn't a palace, but we make it our home.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I'm in a place of gratitude. And that's a very good thing.

Monday, March 21, 2011

And Then I'd Just Feel A Blog Post

I was talking to a good friend the other night and she showed me one of her new blogs, and as I read and savored her words we talked about blogging and what it meant to us. I told her a tale of what my blog once was: funny anecdotes about my girls, musings, deep dark stuff from my childhood.

I told her about how my readership grew as I formed relationships with my favorite bloggers and how we nurtured each other with our words, cheering each other on in our comments- and in some cases, forming unbreakable friendships. I explained that I had BlogHer ads after my Google ranking grew, which in a way was the beginning of the end. I was so busy reading other blogs I hardly had time to write. And if I did take time to write I neglected my reading... and in the end it became a chore.

I noticed some bloggers wouldn't comment on my blog unless I commented on theirs. When my stats would waver I would become sullen and depressed. I asked myself why I couldn't make money like all the edgy or pretty blogs that had designer templates. I stared at my computer screen begging words to come and was too ambivalent to read even my favorite blogs. I grew tired of blogging because I felt as though I was selling my soul just to have people read and/or respond.

Hearing her talk about starting her blogs brought back all those memories and feelings since starting this blog almost 6 years ago. It made me think about the one day I took my anger out on another blogger that had happened to feel a reciprocal fondness for me. He had said some idiotic things about women, mostly in jest on his blog... which he had every right to do. Well, as they say hell hath no fury and in my rage I said some very hurtful things. In the end as a result, several blogging friendships went by the wayside that day.

But my friend... she talked about writing on a whim. Speaking her truth. Spreading love and inquiring about the ways of the world in such a way that I can only describe as "Uniquely ".

Ahhh, I miss those old days when a blank screen was welcomed and craved. A time before ads and stats, writing for the pure pleasure of hearing my words clacking away (on whatever computer I could get my hands on during Emma's naps). Ultimately for the very pleasure of making myself giggle with the hopes that at least one other person in the cosmos enjoyed reading them as much as I enjoyed sharing.

Maybe for a little while I will just enjoy the feeling it gives me to read the musings of a kindred spirit, and maybe I will comment because something that I read amused me, made me ponder, or made feel a connection across the unknown.

I hope that one day I write again with joy and fervor (when I'm not baby rearing), the words falling out of my head and straight to the screen just like the old days. I can only describe that feeling with a quote from one of my favorite books- I would love to write again in this way :
"If I really wanted to pray I’ll tell you what I'd do. I'd go out into a great big field all alone or in the deep, deep woods and I'd look up into the sky - up, up, up - into that lovely blue sky that looks as if there was no end to its blueness. And then I'd just feel a prayer." ~L.M. Montgomery (Anne of Green Gables)

It is a lovely thought, isn't it? Miss , thank you for your light, your love, and your inspiration. Always.

And for my friends that still love, honor and humor me after all these bloggin' years- if I may be so corny... The feeling is mutual. Joy to you!