Sometimes it feels like 100 years ago, and sometimes it feels like just yesterday that I married my soul mate and love of my life.
Our 25+ years together has been bumpy, rocky and sometimes seemingly impassable, but here we are one year shy of our silver anniversary. I can only attribute that to the both of us growing into stronger and more forgiving people, and having faith.
Twenty-five years ago my mother told me we would never last. She blamed John for almost killing me after I was very near death from a tubal pregnancy. She sat my then fiance' down and told him I was damaged goods and he deserved better because I had been sexually abused- right in front of me like I wasn't even there, meanwhile John sat calmly and let her finish, then told her plainly that I had told him EVERYTHING about my childhood. Her sabotage didn't work, thank God, because I had been completely honest with him in our first week of dating.
She made me change my wedding date 4 different times because she had plans, unwilling to change her plans for my wedding. She took control of my wedding planning and told John he could only invite 15 people out of 250 invites because she was going to pay for the reception as a gift. She eventually threw me a wedding shower but then kept all the gifts that I had stored at their house while I was in the Navy, all because John argued that 15 people were not enough from his side. She cancelled the wedding reception, kept my shower gifts AND told me she had prayed and God told her she (and the rest of my family) wasn't allowed to go to the wedding... then lied to my brothers that because I was mad I had uninvited all of them.
My mother's pastor grudgingly held our wedding ceremony in a dirty church with small pieces of lint and paper scraps in the aisle, after my mother - I am sure- told him how I had been disrespectful to her. He didn't look at me a single time during the wedding ceremony, which was certainly rushed and maybe lasted 10-15 minutes. He glanced at John a few times but only looked over my head.
None of my immediate family came to our wedding, but my mother's sister and her family came, including my aunt's in-laws who let us call them "granny" and "gramps" as kids. My art teacher from high school came, I was and still am so very touched she would do that for me. We had navy friends there, and John had quite a few family members that flew and drove from Iowa and Virginia. I had my great grandmother and some high school friends who showed up for me as well.
We had about maybe 40 people show up to our wedding, but some of the guests did not go to the reception. All in all, we spent 1000.00 for our wedding, my off the rack wedding dress costing just under half of that. The rest was spent on flowers, a 2 tier wedding cake and flowers we ordered from a grocery store, and John and his brother's tuxedo rentals. Luckily a family friend and mom of one of my high school classmates had heard about how my mother had treated us and she graciously approached John and I about having our reception at her house near her pool, and she and another family friend bought and cooked the food for us for a measly 100.00. What a blessing that was!
When it came time for the wedding to begin, I almost had a nervous breakdown because John decided that arriving 5 minutes before the ceremony was supposed to start was completely appropriate! I figured after all the craziness he has experienced from my family during our 11 month engagement, he had probably gotten cold feet.
I still missed having my family there, but was very thankful for the family that did show up; my aunt and her family, and my art teacher- who secretly I had always wished had been my cool and quirky mom. I was very blessed to have had a father-in-law who had been sweet enough to ask me if he could walk me down the aisle, even though we hadn't met yet.
The first 25 years of our relationship- just like our wedding day- has been bitter sweet, but mostly sweet. I willingly give my husband most of the credit,
though. He knows how genuinely messed up I am and loves me despite all
of it. He knows me like no other, he knows all of my dark
secrets. Every. Single. One. And I am almost positive that I know all of
his. We are both damaged from our childhoods. Sometimes we can be rough
around the edges but we manage to love each other through it, because we see value in all that we have conquered in the past.
What
makes our relationship continue to grow despite rough patches? I think it's because our valleys have been so low at times
that it makes the high points that much higher. It's the bitter in the bittersweet that makes it all that much richer and sweeter.
My younger brother told me a few years ago that considering I was the black sheep of the family, he had always thought that I would be the one married 3 times with all sorts of kids. We both had a good laugh out of that since he and my older brother have both been married 3 times each, and here I am chugging along in my imperfect but lengthy marriage.
From meager and troubled beginnings we came... A 19 year old bride and a
21 year old groom.We were talking last night in bed, just an hour into
our official 24th anniversary. Looking back, we would have still kept
our wedding small if it meant we would do it our way, on our terms.
OR
used that 1000.00 to get married in Vegas. *wink*
To my husband, The Male Income Support Unit:
I love you, John. Thank you for loving me when I was unlovable, forgiving me when I was unforgivable, and for understanding my crazy from it's deepest roots. Thank you for giving me 3 adorable kids and 25 years.
The first 25 years have been a doozy... I can't wait to see where we go
from here! All I can say is it better not involve me getting pregnant
again.
Love,
Me
Showing posts with label I'm happy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label I'm happy. Show all posts
Monday, June 03, 2013
Thursday, April 11, 2013
It's been a year
One year ago today I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, and it's been one roller coaster of a year for sure. It's been a long, dark and scary back alley of a year in some respects; an alley that I thought I was destined to walk alone, desperately looking over my shoulder as I scrambled to find an exit or some safe haven from the horrible unknown that skittered in the dark closely behind me.
Then around a week later my best friend in the whole world was diagnosed, and in the most odd/bizarre/tragic/morbid/comical way... suddenly I was not alone. We traveled together, huddled in the dark while taking turns shining a flashlight for each other; shedding light on pitfalls and outright stumbling blocks in our path.
We have laughed and cried together out of grief and terror, we have fallen silent and morose. We have joked about the possibilities of the illness, and have related to each other in ways that even our loved ones fail to comprehend. Monique and I both have a better understanding of what we are dealing with, and we have shared a wealth of knowledge with each other.
In these ways, my life has somehow become richer. Through common ground and despair, we have connected on a level I never thought was possible. We had discovered mere months before being diagnosed that we were best friends, already a friendship deeper than ANY friendship I have ever had outside of my marriage. So deep in fact that she asked that I be the godmother to her unborn daughter. :) We have so many similarities, so many odd things in common that it's mind boggling... then to have this happen?
The most mind blowing thing from all of this is that we have not met in person yet. In just 14 days I get to meet my other soul mate, my sister from another mister... my life doppelganger.
I am so thankful and utterly grateful to have her in my life. We have gotten each other through so many rough spots in the last 12 months, and have created a relationship bound (and gagged) in love and laughter since July 2011.
Simply put, I could not have gotten through this last year without her*.
I cannot wait to see where this road goes next, Monique "Bella Boo"!
I'm positive. *wink*
*Of course it goes without saying that I could not have gotten through this year without my loving and supportive husband, who is the yin to my yang. Love you MISU!
Then around a week later my best friend in the whole world was diagnosed, and in the most odd/bizarre/tragic/morbid/comical way... suddenly I was not alone. We traveled together, huddled in the dark while taking turns shining a flashlight for each other; shedding light on pitfalls and outright stumbling blocks in our path.
We have laughed and cried together out of grief and terror, we have fallen silent and morose. We have joked about the possibilities of the illness, and have related to each other in ways that even our loved ones fail to comprehend. Monique and I both have a better understanding of what we are dealing with, and we have shared a wealth of knowledge with each other.
In these ways, my life has somehow become richer. Through common ground and despair, we have connected on a level I never thought was possible. We had discovered mere months before being diagnosed that we were best friends, already a friendship deeper than ANY friendship I have ever had outside of my marriage. So deep in fact that she asked that I be the godmother to her unborn daughter. :) We have so many similarities, so many odd things in common that it's mind boggling... then to have this happen?
The most mind blowing thing from all of this is that we have not met in person yet. In just 14 days I get to meet my other soul mate, my sister from another mister... my life doppelganger.
I am so thankful and utterly grateful to have her in my life. We have gotten each other through so many rough spots in the last 12 months, and have created a relationship bound (and gagged) in love and laughter since July 2011.
Simply put, I could not have gotten through this last year without her*.
I cannot wait to see where this road goes next, Monique "Bella Boo"!
I'm positive. *wink*
*Of course it goes without saying that I could not have gotten through this year without my loving and supportive husband, who is the yin to my yang. Love you MISU!
Thursday, February 07, 2013
12
My baby is going to be 12 in 21 days. TWELVE.
My oldest child... the beginning of something truly beautiful, a new phase of my life that I thought I would never be lucky enough to experience.
It's been gritty and tortuous being a parent, and at other times soulful and stomach-hugging hilarious.
Today, I realized that my oldest child is so much like me, so much more than I had ever realized. I mean, I had always thought she looked a little more like me and we share a eerily similar sense of humor. We inflect on words the same, and our laughs can be the same growly, bark of a laugh or nearly the same hysterical howl. We share almost the exact same nose, and we both feel the same dread over the size.
But beyond all of that, while we talked about friendships, I could see the person she is becoming. At some point we were both exasperated and my eyes were opened, as I forced myself to listen more instead pontificating aloud, sharing my "refined" wisdom as an adult.
As I admitted to her that I didn't know everything I saw something click in my daughter, as if those were the words she had been longing me to say since her existence.
I stopped for a moment and told her that all I ever want for her in life is to do good, and not make the same mistakes I did. My words are meant as a cautionary tale, never judgement. I want to give my kids all the things my mother didn't like sound advice and a bent ear... understanding.
We had an honest talk about a friendship she has that has turned sour, and this person is no longer viewed through rose colored glasses and Anna is finally seeing her for who she really is: a mean spirited brat who enjoys humiliating and bullying others. Now that Anna has rekindled a friendship from grade school- who this mean little bully does not like- now the bully has caught my daughter in her icy glare. Anna has now been bullied.
Don't weep for my child, make no mistake... my daughter is strong in will and most of the time character. I am proud of her for standing up to this miserable little person, and for standing her ground.
She is a bit hard headed like her dad's side of the family, and she can be a little tender under her hard shell... both of which she gets from me I think. It hurts me to see her frustration (and hurt, though she refuses to admit it), but I laid out the options/choices ahead of her in this situation.
1. The obvious backstabbing and dirtying of the name of said person, justified by tales of all the ways this person has hurt her... which NEVER ends well and ALWAYS backfires.
2. Stay neutral and continue to defend herself while faking her way through this botched "friendship".
3. MOVE ON. Leave it all behind and enjoy those people who really truly are her friends.
She did say midway through our talk that she had just had the realization, "Why am I bothering to be friends with her?"
So if nothing hopefully she now understands that confiding in her mom can be cathartic and therapeutic, and that I am an ally and not the enemy.
And maybe, just maybe she realizes that I do pretty much know what I am talking about. Most of the time.
Usually.
I learned today that it's not such a bad thing that we are so much alike.
I hope that one day she realizes it too.
Peace,
Mary
My oldest child... the beginning of something truly beautiful, a new phase of my life that I thought I would never be lucky enough to experience.
It's been gritty and tortuous being a parent, and at other times soulful and stomach-hugging hilarious.
Today, I realized that my oldest child is so much like me, so much more than I had ever realized. I mean, I had always thought she looked a little more like me and we share a eerily similar sense of humor. We inflect on words the same, and our laughs can be the same growly, bark of a laugh or nearly the same hysterical howl. We share almost the exact same nose, and we both feel the same dread over the size.
But beyond all of that, while we talked about friendships, I could see the person she is becoming. At some point we were both exasperated and my eyes were opened, as I forced myself to listen more instead pontificating aloud, sharing my "refined" wisdom as an adult.
As I admitted to her that I didn't know everything I saw something click in my daughter, as if those were the words she had been longing me to say since her existence.
I stopped for a moment and told her that all I ever want for her in life is to do good, and not make the same mistakes I did. My words are meant as a cautionary tale, never judgement. I want to give my kids all the things my mother didn't like sound advice and a bent ear... understanding.
We had an honest talk about a friendship she has that has turned sour, and this person is no longer viewed through rose colored glasses and Anna is finally seeing her for who she really is: a mean spirited brat who enjoys humiliating and bullying others. Now that Anna has rekindled a friendship from grade school- who this mean little bully does not like- now the bully has caught my daughter in her icy glare. Anna has now been bullied.
Don't weep for my child, make no mistake... my daughter is strong in will and most of the time character. I am proud of her for standing up to this miserable little person, and for standing her ground.
She is a bit hard headed like her dad's side of the family, and she can be a little tender under her hard shell... both of which she gets from me I think. It hurts me to see her frustration (and hurt, though she refuses to admit it), but I laid out the options/choices ahead of her in this situation.
1. The obvious backstabbing and dirtying of the name of said person, justified by tales of all the ways this person has hurt her... which NEVER ends well and ALWAYS backfires.
2. Stay neutral and continue to defend herself while faking her way through this botched "friendship".
3. MOVE ON. Leave it all behind and enjoy those people who really truly are her friends.
She did say midway through our talk that she had just had the realization, "Why am I bothering to be friends with her?"
So if nothing hopefully she now understands that confiding in her mom can be cathartic and therapeutic, and that I am an ally and not the enemy.
And maybe, just maybe she realizes that I do pretty much know what I am talking about. Most of the time.
Usually.
I learned today that it's not such a bad thing that we are so much alike.
I hope that one day she realizes it too.
Peace,
Mary
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
A little bit of this...
And a little bit of that. That is what 2013 is bringing hopefully!
Though I am not sure if putting my jewelry and teacup candles in the local hospital gift shop is going to work out, I do have a couple of deals in the works.
My best friend has a beautiful blog and I came up with the idea of making pendants/necklaces for it as I fashioned a heart shaped pendant for her Christmas last month. I purchased a professional jewelry tumbler to add a super glossy and professional finish to the pieces. I think they came out so pretty!
I am pretty proud of myself for not giving up on making precious metal clay jewelry after almost 2 weeks of trying to fill an order and having the process fail at every step, every turn to the tune of 12-14 pieces made and only 4 actually surviving the process. I learned a lot about myself in the process, mostly that I am willing to do what it takes to get it right. I really wanted to give up and tell the customer that I couldn't do it, but I didn't... I pushed through the frustrations and out right disappointment.
I have another amazing friend who I approached about a collaborative project for his book You Know What To Do ©, where I want to make really cool unisex dog tag style pendants with his logo and his trade mark YKWTD © on them. He loves my idea and I will be moving forward with that ASAP.
Right now I am working on making images in Photoshop of the stamps I want made to make the Bliss and YKWTD pendants, as well as a cute little robot my daughter drew that she named Bowbot I want to make pendants and earrings out of.
My best friend Monique bought me a light box and lights to take better photos of my jewelry, I am super excited to break those out soon. That will make taking pics less of a back breaking experience for me, It's going to be so much easier not to have to rush because the sun is going down or it's getting cloudy!
I am still taking pieces here and there to The Painted Rooster here in town, I do have a few pieces I need to work on for them as well, including a free form wire necklace that mimics a cherry blossom branch with a delicate little bird dangling from it. Those ladies always keep me guessing when I bring in new pieces, I love that! I'm never quite sure which pieces they will go gaga for!
So despite having the worst flu I have ever had in my life this week- and being the sickest I have been in years, things are looking up. I am working hard at making things happen, and will get back to diving in after this flu says adios.
I am looking ahead, looking forward... I am trying to look at what is on the horizon and stop worrying about yesterday. I cannot change any of that and am learning that I might not be able to change those things in the future either based on my track record in those areas, so I am still mulling over those things but only in the context of whether it is worth my time.
I believe you can love people and move on. NOW. FINALLY I am seeing this. I can feel love for someone and keep moving forward and hope that our paths will cross again in a better place in the future. No hostility, no resentments.
I am almost somewhat positive. *wink*
Though I am not sure if putting my jewelry and teacup candles in the local hospital gift shop is going to work out, I do have a couple of deals in the works.
My best friend has a beautiful blog and I came up with the idea of making pendants/necklaces for it as I fashioned a heart shaped pendant for her Christmas last month. I purchased a professional jewelry tumbler to add a super glossy and professional finish to the pieces. I think they came out so pretty!
I am pretty proud of myself for not giving up on making precious metal clay jewelry after almost 2 weeks of trying to fill an order and having the process fail at every step, every turn to the tune of 12-14 pieces made and only 4 actually surviving the process. I learned a lot about myself in the process, mostly that I am willing to do what it takes to get it right. I really wanted to give up and tell the customer that I couldn't do it, but I didn't... I pushed through the frustrations and out right disappointment.
I have another amazing friend who I approached about a collaborative project for his book You Know What To Do ©, where I want to make really cool unisex dog tag style pendants with his logo and his trade mark YKWTD © on them. He loves my idea and I will be moving forward with that ASAP.
Right now I am working on making images in Photoshop of the stamps I want made to make the Bliss and YKWTD pendants, as well as a cute little robot my daughter drew that she named Bowbot I want to make pendants and earrings out of.
My best friend Monique bought me a light box and lights to take better photos of my jewelry, I am super excited to break those out soon. That will make taking pics less of a back breaking experience for me, It's going to be so much easier not to have to rush because the sun is going down or it's getting cloudy!
I am still taking pieces here and there to The Painted Rooster here in town, I do have a few pieces I need to work on for them as well, including a free form wire necklace that mimics a cherry blossom branch with a delicate little bird dangling from it. Those ladies always keep me guessing when I bring in new pieces, I love that! I'm never quite sure which pieces they will go gaga for!
So despite having the worst flu I have ever had in my life this week- and being the sickest I have been in years, things are looking up. I am working hard at making things happen, and will get back to diving in after this flu says adios.
I am looking ahead, looking forward... I am trying to look at what is on the horizon and stop worrying about yesterday. I cannot change any of that and am learning that I might not be able to change those things in the future either based on my track record in those areas, so I am still mulling over those things but only in the context of whether it is worth my time.
I believe you can love people and move on. NOW. FINALLY I am seeing this. I can feel love for someone and keep moving forward and hope that our paths will cross again in a better place in the future. No hostility, no resentments.
I am almost somewhat positive. *wink*
Thursday, January 03, 2013
Well, it looks like it's that time of year again!
It has been brought to my attention that I am seriously over due for a blog update, by one of the people I care about most in this world- my best friend Monique. She is right, so here I am at 7 am, at task.
This last 12 months has been something else, a lot of good and a lot of "Seriously???"
In the last year I lost a relationship (said good bye to an odd and nearly one sided friendship), became best friends with one of the most amazing people on the planet, saw my fledgling business alternately struggle and soar- oddly within weeks of each other, ignited a spark in troubled family relationships and watched as the spark went out ... yet again. I was featured in a news paper article, on the front page of my local newspaper mid December 2012 for being a local artisan who sells globally, like on Etsy. And of course I was diagnosed with a syndrome that will forever affect the quality of my life last April, fibromyalgia.
As always, like for most people, the coming of the new year brings a mixture of joy and dread. The possibility, the dream of starting anew tainted with an obscene amount of self flagellation, self-absorbed pondering, regret and eventually desperate resolutions.
Over the last week and a half I have emotionally flogged myself for not being what others want me to be, for failing to meet their expectations, for not fitting the mold they envision for me. I have wondered about my short comings, what I could have possibly done to have been tossed aside yet again, what I could do to make them want me a part of their lives again.
I told my husband last night that I do not want to be like the person previously mentioned who once had been my friend. I ended that relationship because it was no longer a giving/receiving relationship, I feel it turned into me mostly giving.
Since ending it- which ended in this person refusing to see that it was over, and with her contacting me on every mode of communication on the internet ( Twitter, Youtube, mine, my husband and daughter, and my other friends Facebook accounts, Etsy, all of my email accounts, my husbands email, texts to my phone and my husband's cell), this person has pretty much cyber stalked me. I clearly told her over each mode of communication that I did not want a relationship with her anymore, and yet she persisted, to the point of me telling her I would call the police if she did not stop harassing me.
To date, over the last 11 months I still have received 3 or more messages/emails above and beyond about 50 communications already mentioned via messages, emails and texts. Which boggles my mind. Why would a person continue to pursue a relationship where she was so clearly not wanted anymore?
Last night I realized I was that person. I have people in my life who would rather be done with me. I know by their actions, their behavior towards me, their lack of wanting to communicate with me... and some of these people are my family.
Over the last week and a half I have beat myself up for not being who they want me to be. Wondered what I could change to make them want me back in their lives. I felt as though they were trying to fit me into a vessel of their choosing, in a shape they desired, and I desperately tried to squeeze myself into that vessel.
Last night this made perfect sense to me: I am a vessel in my own right. Yes I am human, and my vessel is flaked and cracked, scratched and stained... but what some people would find distressed and damaged other people have found "antiqued" and charming, maybe even shabby chic *smile*.
Why would I continue to waste my time and energy on being someone and something I am not? Why try to squeeze myself into their mold of who they think I should be, then be disappointed along with them that I don't fit in that shiny new vessel they want for me?
Fighting back tears momentarily while talking with my husband in the wee hours, in the comfort of darkness and our bed, all of this dawned on me.
For this new year I choose to stop wasting time on trying to be the person other people want me to be. I have decided to stop of wasting energy metaphorically trying to fit my plus sized body into skinny jeans to please other people. Instead of trying to be a better, different person I am going to take that energy and focus on being a better me.
I will repair this vessel. I will fill in the cracks, sand it, maybe put on a new lacquer that enhances the beauty of who I am, instead of chiseling away at myself or painting over everything and losing who I am. I can be a better me: a better wife, friend and mother.
So my reader, this is my wish for you as well for this new year. My wish for you and I is that instead of beating ourselves up with resolutions, hating bad habits and shortcomings we feel about ourselves or imagine what other people see in us...
My wish for us is a year of self acceptance and love, along with a little sanding and buffing.
Be flawed. Embrace your patina, chips and cracks because after all they are what make you uniquely you.
Peace, love and laquer to you,
Mary
This last 12 months has been something else, a lot of good and a lot of "Seriously???"
In the last year I lost a relationship (said good bye to an odd and nearly one sided friendship), became best friends with one of the most amazing people on the planet, saw my fledgling business alternately struggle and soar- oddly within weeks of each other, ignited a spark in troubled family relationships and watched as the spark went out ... yet again. I was featured in a news paper article, on the front page of my local newspaper mid December 2012 for being a local artisan who sells globally, like on Etsy. And of course I was diagnosed with a syndrome that will forever affect the quality of my life last April, fibromyalgia.
As always, like for most people, the coming of the new year brings a mixture of joy and dread. The possibility, the dream of starting anew tainted with an obscene amount of self flagellation, self-absorbed pondering, regret and eventually desperate resolutions.
Over the last week and a half I have emotionally flogged myself for not being what others want me to be, for failing to meet their expectations, for not fitting the mold they envision for me. I have wondered about my short comings, what I could have possibly done to have been tossed aside yet again, what I could do to make them want me a part of their lives again.
I told my husband last night that I do not want to be like the person previously mentioned who once had been my friend. I ended that relationship because it was no longer a giving/receiving relationship, I feel it turned into me mostly giving.
Since ending it- which ended in this person refusing to see that it was over, and with her contacting me on every mode of communication on the internet ( Twitter, Youtube, mine, my husband and daughter, and my other friends Facebook accounts, Etsy, all of my email accounts, my husbands email, texts to my phone and my husband's cell), this person has pretty much cyber stalked me. I clearly told her over each mode of communication that I did not want a relationship with her anymore, and yet she persisted, to the point of me telling her I would call the police if she did not stop harassing me.
To date, over the last 11 months I still have received 3 or more messages/emails above and beyond about 50 communications already mentioned via messages, emails and texts. Which boggles my mind. Why would a person continue to pursue a relationship where she was so clearly not wanted anymore?
Last night I realized I was that person. I have people in my life who would rather be done with me. I know by their actions, their behavior towards me, their lack of wanting to communicate with me... and some of these people are my family.
Over the last week and a half I have beat myself up for not being who they want me to be. Wondered what I could change to make them want me back in their lives. I felt as though they were trying to fit me into a vessel of their choosing, in a shape they desired, and I desperately tried to squeeze myself into that vessel.
Last night this made perfect sense to me: I am a vessel in my own right. Yes I am human, and my vessel is flaked and cracked, scratched and stained... but what some people would find distressed and damaged other people have found "antiqued" and charming, maybe even shabby chic *smile*.
Why would I continue to waste my time and energy on being someone and something I am not? Why try to squeeze myself into their mold of who they think I should be, then be disappointed along with them that I don't fit in that shiny new vessel they want for me?
Fighting back tears momentarily while talking with my husband in the wee hours, in the comfort of darkness and our bed, all of this dawned on me.
For this new year I choose to stop wasting time on trying to be the person other people want me to be. I have decided to stop of wasting energy metaphorically trying to fit my plus sized body into skinny jeans to please other people. Instead of trying to be a better, different person I am going to take that energy and focus on being a better me.
I will repair this vessel. I will fill in the cracks, sand it, maybe put on a new lacquer that enhances the beauty of who I am, instead of chiseling away at myself or painting over everything and losing who I am. I can be a better me: a better wife, friend and mother.
So my reader, this is my wish for you as well for this new year. My wish for you and I is that instead of beating ourselves up with resolutions, hating bad habits and shortcomings we feel about ourselves or imagine what other people see in us...
My wish for us is a year of self acceptance and love, along with a little sanding and buffing.
Be flawed. Embrace your patina, chips and cracks because after all they are what make you uniquely you.
Peace, love and laquer to you,
Mary
Tuesday, March 06, 2012
Monday, November 21, 2011
New Etsy Store
Hey y'all! I have a new Etsy Store named Mary Jae Designs (for Jacob Anna Emma). Basically I want to make affordable jewelry because every girl and woman deserves pretties!!!
It's my new love and I hope you can tell by the designs and prices just how much I am enjoying creating again. I might add girls reversible purses again at a later date.
If you would like to check out my shop, you can click on the widget on the top of the right side bar, or click here.
It's my new love and I hope you can tell by the designs and prices just how much I am enjoying creating again. I might add girls reversible purses again at a later date.
If you would like to check out my shop, you can click on the widget on the top of the right side bar, or click here.
Tuesday, October 04, 2011
I am
My 42nd birthday is coming up soon and after a somewhat melancholy reflection on my life, I had many, many emotions and thoughts on who I am. As they say: All's well that ends well.
Booyah. ;)
Booyah. ;)
I Am
I am digression, recession.
I am undiscovered and resigned.
I am fertile, contemplative.
I am of a flawed design.
I am a little crazy, uplifted.
I am attention deficient and annoyed.
I am curvy, resilient.
I am turbulent with joy.
I am weightless, anchored.
I am claimed and unearthed.
I am salty, forgiven.
I am steeped in mirth.
I am clingy, abandoned.
I am artistic and indentured.
I am reliable, grouchy.
I am slightly immature.
I am giddy, sarcastic.
I am self absorbed and amused.
I am radiant, hungry.
I am verbally profuse.
I am imperfect, serene.
I am vigorous and grieved.
I am somnolent, cantankerous.
I am what I believe.
I am, I will, I was.
I am buoyant and resolved.
I have, I need, I want.
Above all else I am loved.
I am digression, recession.
I am undiscovered and resigned.
I am fertile, contemplative.
I am of a flawed design.
I am a little crazy, uplifted.
I am attention deficient and annoyed.
I am curvy, resilient.
I am turbulent with joy.
I am weightless, anchored.
I am claimed and unearthed.
I am salty, forgiven.
I am steeped in mirth.
I am clingy, abandoned.
I am artistic and indentured.
I am reliable, grouchy.
I am slightly immature.
I am giddy, sarcastic.
I am self absorbed and amused.
I am radiant, hungry.
I am verbally profuse.
I am imperfect, serene.
I am vigorous and grieved.
I am somnolent, cantankerous.
I am what I believe.
I am, I will, I was.
I am buoyant and resolved.
I have, I need, I want.
Above all else I am loved.
Monday, September 13, 2010
8 weeks already *sigh*
I have many nick names for my baby boy, hopefully most he WONT be embarrassed by when he gets older... but I doubt it: Big Poppa, Biggie Smalls, Big Man, Chubbeh The Hut just to name a few.
Jacob is doing great except for some issues with formula allergies and sensitivities. We have him on Similac Alimentum but believe it or not his system still hasn't adjusted and he has bowel problems. Our pediatrician wants us to take him to the University of Iowa to a GI specialist to rule out real allergies to milk based formulas since he seemed to have a severe enough reaction for us to call 911 (face swelling, rash, difficulty breathing). She wants to see what he if he is really allergic in preparation for the upcoming months when he will start solid foods.
Anywho, despite him still having loose poops and apparently NOT digesting even the hypoallergenic formula, he seems to be gaining weight just fine and his pediatrician gets a kick out of how much he weighs. Right now he is probably 12 lbs at 8 weeks... not too shabby!
Jacob is doing great except for some issues with formula allergies and sensitivities. We have him on Similac Alimentum but believe it or not his system still hasn't adjusted and he has bowel problems. Our pediatrician wants us to take him to the University of Iowa to a GI specialist to rule out real allergies to milk based formulas since he seemed to have a severe enough reaction for us to call 911 (face swelling, rash, difficulty breathing). She wants to see what he if he is really allergic in preparation for the upcoming months when he will start solid foods.
Anywho, despite him still having loose poops and apparently NOT digesting even the hypoallergenic formula, he seems to be gaining weight just fine and his pediatrician gets a kick out of how much he weighs. Right now he is probably 12 lbs at 8 weeks... not too shabby!
Wednesday, August 04, 2010
Finally... It's definitely a boy!
Hey there blog reader, I know I am way overdue but not in the way you would think. ;)
I woke up on there morning of July 16th at 6:30 with a contraction of sizable discomfort value. With contraction #2, I grabbed John's (the Male Income Support Unit) arm and said evenly through clenched teeth, " I don't think you will be going to work today." Contraction #3 happened much like #2, about 7 minutes from the previous but a little stronger.
I decided to get up and walk around the quiet house, hoping to get things going as I had failed to do on 2 other occasions within that week. While I was brushing my teeth I called out to my sleeping MISU, "Uhhhhhh, honey? Honnnnnnney, I think my water broke." I stood there with my mouth full of tooth paste, tooth brush poised in mid air waiting for those words to register with John.
Two seconds later a blurry eyed hubby came running to the bathroom. "What should I do?"
"Um, I'm going to call my OB's office, you try to call your mom (so she can stay with Anna and Emma)... and could you please find me some clean maternity undies?"
My Ob's office said to go right to the hospital to be admitted for the already planned c-section. John tried unsuccessfully to get a hold of his mom- who seemed to have turned her phone off because our calls went right to voice mail, so we went to our back up plan, his aunt Sue... Who also was not answering her phone.
10 minutes later, still waiting for my befuddled hubby to find me clean undies, I called my friend and coworker Meghan who had offered to take me to the hospital or watch my girls in case I went into labor early before my MIL had arrived from Texas. Thank God for Meghan, she was there in about 3 minutes!
Since both of our vehicles we in the shop and not running we had to borrow Meghan's car to go to the hospital. Anna (my 9 yr old) calmed her nerves by making some microwave pancakes for herself, Meghan and Emma. My MIL eventually called back while on our way to the hospital.
At 10:16 am, after a few contractions, and after me being jerked all over the surgical table to get him out Jacob Harrison Krajnovich entered this world screaming and healthy 12 days early. He weighed 7 lbs 13 oz and was about 19 1/4 inches long.
His pediatrician brought him over and pressed his little head against my lips repeatedly, in a smooth jabbing motion and finally pressed his face against mine. After a few seconds of me cooing to him ( after I stopped chuckling at our pediatrician LOL), his screams subsided and his proud daddy snapped a few shots.
Mommy and Jacob, my first time holding him about 2 hours after birth :)
Daddy and Jacob on his second day of life :)
Finally a big sis, Emma gets to hold her baby brother after a long 8 1/2 months.
Oldest sister Anna, soooo proud and excited!
My life saver, Miss Meghan getting some baby loves :D
I woke up on there morning of July 16th at 6:30 with a contraction of sizable discomfort value. With contraction #2, I grabbed John's (the Male Income Support Unit) arm and said evenly through clenched teeth, " I don't think you will be going to work today." Contraction #3 happened much like #2, about 7 minutes from the previous but a little stronger.
I decided to get up and walk around the quiet house, hoping to get things going as I had failed to do on 2 other occasions within that week. While I was brushing my teeth I called out to my sleeping MISU, "Uhhhhhh, honey? Honnnnnnney, I think my water broke." I stood there with my mouth full of tooth paste, tooth brush poised in mid air waiting for those words to register with John.
Two seconds later a blurry eyed hubby came running to the bathroom. "What should I do?"
"Um, I'm going to call my OB's office, you try to call your mom (so she can stay with Anna and Emma)... and could you please find me some clean maternity undies?"
My Ob's office said to go right to the hospital to be admitted for the already planned c-section. John tried unsuccessfully to get a hold of his mom- who seemed to have turned her phone off because our calls went right to voice mail, so we went to our back up plan, his aunt Sue... Who also was not answering her phone.
10 minutes later, still waiting for my befuddled hubby to find me clean undies, I called my friend and coworker Meghan who had offered to take me to the hospital or watch my girls in case I went into labor early before my MIL had arrived from Texas. Thank God for Meghan, she was there in about 3 minutes!
Since both of our vehicles we in the shop and not running we had to borrow Meghan's car to go to the hospital. Anna (my 9 yr old) calmed her nerves by making some microwave pancakes for herself, Meghan and Emma. My MIL eventually called back while on our way to the hospital.
At 10:16 am, after a few contractions, and after me being jerked all over the surgical table to get him out Jacob Harrison Krajnovich entered this world screaming and healthy 12 days early. He weighed 7 lbs 13 oz and was about 19 1/4 inches long.
His pediatrician brought him over and pressed his little head against my lips repeatedly, in a smooth jabbing motion and finally pressed his face against mine. After a few seconds of me cooing to him ( after I stopped chuckling at our pediatrician LOL), his screams subsided and his proud daddy snapped a few shots.
Mommy and Jacob, my first time holding him about 2 hours after birth :)Daddy and Jacob on his second day of life :)Finally a big sis, Emma gets to hold her baby brother after a long 8 1/2 months.Oldest sister Anna, soooo proud and excited!My life saver, Miss Meghan getting some baby loves :D
Jacob is settling in to life here pretty well, but we have noticed a few things about our boy. He is louder and stronger than Emma, who in turn was louder and stronger than Anna. He dislikes having his diaper changed very much and doth protest loudly each and every time. He also tends to dislike having an empty stomach and at times has boxed us for his bottle right as we try to get it to his mouth, and he is a very stubborn burper.
All in all, he is welcomed and loved more than could possibly be imagined... this unplanned miracle came just after John and I reconciled last year, and though I had doubts about my ability to take another step forward and seemingly another 4 steps back in my life and it's natural progression... I couldn't imagine my life right now any other way.
My favorite pic so far...
All in all, he is welcomed and loved more than could possibly be imagined... this unplanned miracle came just after John and I reconciled last year, and though I had doubts about my ability to take another step forward and seemingly another 4 steps back in my life and it's natural progression... I couldn't imagine my life right now any other way.
My favorite pic so far...Tuesday, January 20, 2009
My babies! *sniff* *haha* *sniff*
We interrupt this show to bring you this announcement: I'm drowning in laundry!
Though I am ashamed to admit this... I recently found that my oldest had critters. I can't even bring myself to say the name of said critter. *shiver*
I have admitted many things on this here blog, horrible and hilarious... but this is just EWWWWWW. We found them in her hair on Sunday, and of course I FREAKED. I have a touch of the OCD, don't know if I ever mentioned that.
ANYWHO, picture me washing dishes blindly... trying to control myself after finding the Wild Kingdom in my baby's hair.
John went right out and got the shampoo, and while he was gone Anna started to freak as well. She started to cry and asked for a hug. This is where it gets good friends... Fighting the urge to vomit, I hugged that kid with very fiber of my being and rubbed her back until she stopped crying.
This is huge... under normal circumstances... say an ant infestation? I spray those creepy crawlies while doing the heebie jeebie dance, then alternating with the occasional "Thats what you get for coming into MY house, b*tches!!!!". Yup, I'm a wiener. Sue me.
Later, after shampooing my daughter I noticed how much she has grown in a few weeks... I wont go into specifics but my baby is growing to fast *sniff*. And after she was dressed I told her as much.
She grinned at me and said this, in a sweet sing song voice, "What? *shrug*, I'm not even 8 yet! You've got plenty of time! *big grin*"
It was just the way she said it, she's so smart and mature for her age. I'm gonna have to keep this little girl as safe as possible... I can only hope I can do it. :)
Today, Emma asked me if daddy gave me my wedding ring "because he luffs me so much" and I said yes.
"Mommy? I have anudder qwest-chun... in your wedding pict-chewer, why is your hair so puffy?"
I laughed, "Well, because that was how ladies wore their hair back then."
She looked up at me with those big browns, paused for a second, then rolled her eyes. *SNORT*
It precious moments like this that make you appreciate all that you have, and thankful for what is to come.
Love truly is a wonderful thing, no matter what form it comes in. ;)
OK< now back to the Laundry channel... all laundry, all the time, baby.
Though I am ashamed to admit this... I recently found that my oldest had critters. I can't even bring myself to say the name of said critter. *shiver*
I have admitted many things on this here blog, horrible and hilarious... but this is just EWWWWWW. We found them in her hair on Sunday, and of course I FREAKED. I have a touch of the OCD, don't know if I ever mentioned that.
ANYWHO, picture me washing dishes blindly... trying to control myself after finding the Wild Kingdom in my baby's hair.
John went right out and got the shampoo, and while he was gone Anna started to freak as well. She started to cry and asked for a hug. This is where it gets good friends... Fighting the urge to vomit, I hugged that kid with very fiber of my being and rubbed her back until she stopped crying.
This is huge... under normal circumstances... say an ant infestation? I spray those creepy crawlies while doing the heebie jeebie dance, then alternating with the occasional "Thats what you get for coming into MY house, b*tches!!!!". Yup, I'm a wiener. Sue me.
Later, after shampooing my daughter I noticed how much she has grown in a few weeks... I wont go into specifics but my baby is growing to fast *sniff*. And after she was dressed I told her as much.
She grinned at me and said this, in a sweet sing song voice, "What? *shrug*, I'm not even 8 yet! You've got plenty of time! *big grin*"
It was just the way she said it, she's so smart and mature for her age. I'm gonna have to keep this little girl as safe as possible... I can only hope I can do it. :)
Today, Emma asked me if daddy gave me my wedding ring "because he luffs me so much" and I said yes.
"Mommy? I have anudder qwest-chun... in your wedding pict-chewer, why is your hair so puffy?"
I laughed, "Well, because that was how ladies wore their hair back then."
She looked up at me with those big browns, paused for a second, then rolled her eyes. *SNORT*
It precious moments like this that make you appreciate all that you have, and thankful for what is to come.
Love truly is a wonderful thing, no matter what form it comes in. ;)
OK< now back to the Laundry channel... all laundry, all the time, baby.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Choosing to see the beauty
I'm turning my frozen frown upside down :) Yes, today started out at -27, but now it's only -10, right? So I'm trying to see the brighter side.
Here are some pics I took of our single paned, original 1930's windows.
Here are some pics I took of our single paned, original 1930's windows.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Wordless Wednesday- Bed and bean bag chair I made for Em's doll house today :)
*** I KNOW it's supposed to be wordless but I was slightly annoyed that they don't make a boy's bedroom for the Fisher-Price Loving Family Doll House, so I made these for Emma myself. The bed is made out of foam, then material hot glued on... kind of wrapped like a present. Then I made the blanket with a sewing machine, and stitched the ends to the "bed" so that it would lay nicely and also so it stays on the bed no matter what. I couldn't figure out how to make a chair so i decided to make a bean bag chair too! The cool thing is that I just basically took an old Beanie Baby that was pretty ragged, and recycled the beans inside. ***
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Sweet nibblets!
I did it, I finished the 50,000 words for National Novel Writing Month ... It almost makes the mullet worth it. Now I just have to finish writing the book.
Then edit it.
Edit it some more.
Procrastinate and start the doubting process all over again as to whether or not I should attempt publishing.
Have the MISU verbally kick my butt/stroke my fragile ego.
Get an ulcer while waiting for the rejection letters...
WAIT! I'm supposed to be positive, right? ;)
I explained my pessimistic work process to Anna the other night, "See, mommy has this stupid little thing called 'Feeeeear of Faaaaailure', and when Fear of Failure rears it's ugly little head, I hear all things things inside my head like: 'you suck, it's crap, no one will like it, I'm the pessimistic voice in side your head and I could write better crap than that'," At which point she starts to laugh.
Then I said, "So, I have all these little doubts that float around inside my head because my mother told me I wouldn't ever do anything good in my life. So I have a choice; I can give in or push those doubts aside and kick some butt!"
"The only problem is, " I whispered to her," is that I will have to edit my book, THEN send it to publishing companies... and then I will have a whole new set of doubts."
Anna starts to laugh hysterically, "Whole new set of doubts!" She smacked her knee like it was the best knock knock joke ever. Her eyes got big and she said, "Maybe they will give you TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS! We will be so rich," She stopped for a moment then said, "The first thing we should do is take a trip to Hawaii."
I agreed that this was an excellent plan, but that I hoped it would be a bit more than just 10 grand. "I have a friend that lives in Hawaii, you know," I told her as we snuggled in the dark, and she drifted off to sleep , no doubt with visions of the bluest water and palm trees.
That's my girl, she's already spending my money. ;)
BTW, did you happen to notice that I'm still in "novel mode"? LOL!
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Happy News!
I forgot to say that 2 weekends ago my brother went to the beach with his long time GF. A little history: they were dating in high school, and my mother caused them to break up by basically arranging for our church to pay for college if he went to bible school. Later- because for some reason my mother didn't like his GF- the church said that they wouldn't pay for school as long as they were still dating, because my crazy assed mother is a master of deception and manipulation.
The church sat him down and told him, and seeing his life going down the tubes and seeing that basically his only chance to get far, far away from crazy ass was being taken away, he broke up with her.
Any way my brother had been having problem sin his marriage and was going to marriage counseling alone, because his wife refused to go. At this point my brother had already given his wife an ultimatum. One day after his appointment he ran into his old GF by chance, and the odd thing was that she also was going through marriage counseling alone and had been going for a little bit longer than Ben. They chatted but they both were very tender and seeing each other wasn't even a glimmer on their collective horizon because they were both giving their spouses their last chance.
A few months after Ben moved out, they saw each other by chance again. They tentatively saw each other, and Ben would ask her every week if she would marry him. She would say no because she thought it was too soon to get married and neither of them were even divorced yet. My brother told her that he has always loved her and had never stopped... she was the one.
Finally he got tired of being shot down ;) He told her that when she was ready that she could ask him, and pointed out a watch commercial that just happened to be showing. "Get me one of those as an engagement gift when you ask me, and I'll think about it."
Two weekends ago they went to the beach, and he drover her somewhere as a surprise. "You took me to Hooters? How romantic," She said.
"No," he said laughing, while pointing to the massage place next to Hooters, "I'm taking you for a massage and pedicure, ya goof."
Tammy had mentioned that she was thinking about marriage, and Ben - having been turned down many times after 2 1/2 years- said he thought that they weren't ready. "You don't think we're ready," she asked disappointedly.
Ben thought about it and said no. He thought to himself that he had always been ready and didn't want her to feel pressured, so he said no.
Afterwards, they decided to take a walk on the beach. When arriving, Ben noticed a gift in the back seat. "Are you going to ask me to marry you, " he asked.
"Pfffft, don't get your hopes up," she said wryly.
He had gotten his hopes up, and was disappointed. The walked and she sat him down and gave him the box. Inside were 3 boxes, and he unwrapped the first. it was a picture of them when they had first started dating. "For the past,"she said.
He opened the 2nd box and it had a picture of them now. "For the present," she said.
He opened the last box to find a beautiful new watch with their initials and the date engraved on the clasp,and she said,"For the future." She got down on one knee and asked him to marry her.
The date on the clasp signified that that day two Saturdays ago- as she asked the question he had been waiting so long to hear - was the anniversary of their first kiss.
He said yes of course, literally! "Of course I will marry you!"
The amazing thing... how many of us have the chance to catch the one that had gotten away? I'm fortunate to have had the one all along, and to see my brother finally find true love and happiness is such a blessing.
Congratulations Ben and Tammy! May you have many many years of happiness. And sarcasm. Lots and lots of sarcasm, it keeps you young ;)
The wedding will be a small one next November n Maryland, and then they plan on flying down to an island and having a private ceremony on the beach, him barefoot and her with flowers in her hair. *sniff* So romantic!
I told him we should be able to drive out there by then. Emma will be 3 1/2 and we will have had time to stock up on lots of children's Benadryl.
The church sat him down and told him, and seeing his life going down the tubes and seeing that basically his only chance to get far, far away from crazy ass was being taken away, he broke up with her.
Any way my brother had been having problem sin his marriage and was going to marriage counseling alone, because his wife refused to go. At this point my brother had already given his wife an ultimatum. One day after his appointment he ran into his old GF by chance, and the odd thing was that she also was going through marriage counseling alone and had been going for a little bit longer than Ben. They chatted but they both were very tender and seeing each other wasn't even a glimmer on their collective horizon because they were both giving their spouses their last chance.
A few months after Ben moved out, they saw each other by chance again. They tentatively saw each other, and Ben would ask her every week if she would marry him. She would say no because she thought it was too soon to get married and neither of them were even divorced yet. My brother told her that he has always loved her and had never stopped... she was the one.
Finally he got tired of being shot down ;) He told her that when she was ready that she could ask him, and pointed out a watch commercial that just happened to be showing. "Get me one of those as an engagement gift when you ask me, and I'll think about it."
Two weekends ago they went to the beach, and he drover her somewhere as a surprise. "You took me to Hooters? How romantic," She said.
"No," he said laughing, while pointing to the massage place next to Hooters, "I'm taking you for a massage and pedicure, ya goof."
Tammy had mentioned that she was thinking about marriage, and Ben - having been turned down many times after 2 1/2 years- said he thought that they weren't ready. "You don't think we're ready," she asked disappointedly.
Ben thought about it and said no. He thought to himself that he had always been ready and didn't want her to feel pressured, so he said no.
Afterwards, they decided to take a walk on the beach. When arriving, Ben noticed a gift in the back seat. "Are you going to ask me to marry you, " he asked.
"Pfffft, don't get your hopes up," she said wryly.
He had gotten his hopes up, and was disappointed. The walked and she sat him down and gave him the box. Inside were 3 boxes, and he unwrapped the first. it was a picture of them when they had first started dating. "For the past,"she said.
He opened the 2nd box and it had a picture of them now. "For the present," she said.
He opened the last box to find a beautiful new watch with their initials and the date engraved on the clasp,and she said,"For the future." She got down on one knee and asked him to marry her.
The date on the clasp signified that that day two Saturdays ago- as she asked the question he had been waiting so long to hear - was the anniversary of their first kiss.
He said yes of course, literally! "Of course I will marry you!"
The amazing thing... how many of us have the chance to catch the one that had gotten away? I'm fortunate to have had the one all along, and to see my brother finally find true love and happiness is such a blessing.
Congratulations Ben and Tammy! May you have many many years of happiness. And sarcasm. Lots and lots of sarcasm, it keeps you young ;)
The wedding will be a small one next November n Maryland, and then they plan on flying down to an island and having a private ceremony on the beach, him barefoot and her with flowers in her hair. *sniff* So romantic!I told him we should be able to drive out there by then. Emma will be 3 1/2 and we will have had time to stock up on lots of children's Benadryl.
Monday, October 29, 2007
Garsh, I am feeling' the love!
One of my BBFF's (Blogging Best Friend Forever, LOL!) Maggie nominated me for the October ROFL Award for the post below: To Kill a Mocking Squirrel- OR- RIP Baby Pumpkwin.
*Does the happy booty dance* <------------ I actually have no idea what that means. ;)
Thank you so much Maggie, smoochies!
*Does the happy booty dance* <------------ I actually have no idea what that means. ;)
Thank you so much Maggie, smoochies!
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Let the good times roll
I got to talk to my sis Marci on Saturday, which was her birthday! We talked for almost 2 hours... I have been telling everyone that it's like we have known each other our whole lives and haven't skipped a day. She is very easy to talk too, and I was only a little bit nervous.
The weird thing is that though we lived on opposite ends of the country, we had very similar childhoods. It's disturbing actually.
While I was talking to my sis, and told her about some of the things our mother had said that she had said, Marci told me that after our mother left California ( when she met Marci), she didn't speak to her again. I suddenly remembered the egg donor mentioning that Marci's mom had written her at least once and that was around the time she was telling me that Marci had said some horrible stuff about me. She also accused me of saying horrible stuff to Marci.
It sounds like to me that we were both sabotaged by our mothers. But why? Probably jealousy, and the need to be in control- they both have issues with being control freaks.
My brother Ben asked me if knowing all of that made me angry because our mother was to blame for the 10 years Marci and I missed out on. Sure, I'm a bit pissed about it, but I told Ben that it doesn't even come close to the joy that I have in me right now. I'm just smiling like an idiot when I think of Ben and I reconnecting with Marci, and I am looking forward to the day that the 3 of us can meet and visit.
Ben, Marci and I are a bunch of goofs, we all like to have fun and cut up, so when we do meet it's going to be a face and stomach hurting couple of days... from laughing so much. I can't wait.
I really do feel like that part of me that was missing is now whole. I just wished that we all lived closer. :)
The weird thing is that though we lived on opposite ends of the country, we had very similar childhoods. It's disturbing actually.
While I was talking to my sis, and told her about some of the things our mother had said that she had said, Marci told me that after our mother left California ( when she met Marci), she didn't speak to her again. I suddenly remembered the egg donor mentioning that Marci's mom had written her at least once and that was around the time she was telling me that Marci had said some horrible stuff about me. She also accused me of saying horrible stuff to Marci.
It sounds like to me that we were both sabotaged by our mothers. But why? Probably jealousy, and the need to be in control- they both have issues with being control freaks.
My brother Ben asked me if knowing all of that made me angry because our mother was to blame for the 10 years Marci and I missed out on. Sure, I'm a bit pissed about it, but I told Ben that it doesn't even come close to the joy that I have in me right now. I'm just smiling like an idiot when I think of Ben and I reconnecting with Marci, and I am looking forward to the day that the 3 of us can meet and visit.
Ben, Marci and I are a bunch of goofs, we all like to have fun and cut up, so when we do meet it's going to be a face and stomach hurting couple of days... from laughing so much. I can't wait.
I really do feel like that part of me that was missing is now whole. I just wished that we all lived closer. :)
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Sunday, June 03, 2007
Summer is here!
Hi guys... In honor of the glory of summer, I've made a new header! I realize that I just changed my blog template, but the orange header that I had previously wasn't made by me. It was actually a desktop wallpaper made by Cody Nicoll, that I had found at Pixelgirl Presents.
I made this from scratch in Photoshop. :D I'm hoping to not get bored with this header, but I might change it ... you never know. ;)
Anywho, speaking of summer, I'm trying to convince the hubs to buy us a pool so the girls and I can be outside even on the hot days. Oh, and some sort of service for the boob tube for summer boredom emergencies, though if we do get service (like a dish), I'm really going to try to keep it to a minimum... Anna is at that age where habits are really starting to set in. I don't want my kids to be sedentary and over weight later on in life like me.
Today is our 18th anniversary and we had hoped to have a picnic with the girls, but the ground is pretty soggy from all the rain we have had in the last 3 days- including today- so it looks like John will have to settle for my homemade enchiladas.
I hope your summer is off to a good start!
Except for the part where summer started of with pooh. ;)
I made this from scratch in Photoshop. :D I'm hoping to not get bored with this header, but I might change it ... you never know. ;)
Anywho, speaking of summer, I'm trying to convince the hubs to buy us a pool so the girls and I can be outside even on the hot days. Oh, and some sort of service for the boob tube for summer boredom emergencies, though if we do get service (like a dish), I'm really going to try to keep it to a minimum... Anna is at that age where habits are really starting to set in. I don't want my kids to be sedentary and over weight later on in life like me.
Today is our 18th anniversary and we had hoped to have a picnic with the girls, but the ground is pretty soggy from all the rain we have had in the last 3 days- including today- so it looks like John will have to settle for my homemade enchiladas.
I hope your summer is off to a good start!
Except for the part where summer started of with pooh. ;)
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