Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Love thy neighbor...

Except when they act like an idiot.

OK, I know that's not how the scripture goes... but I have a low tolerance level for stupid people.

And no, I don't mean those that are mentally deficient or special needs, I'm talking about the people that really should have a clue and know better. Kind of like my neighbor, who I am sure at one time in her life was considered the "girl next door". Shoot, my husband tells me that he hears that she has guys lining up at her office door (she works at the same hospital in town that he does), all of them vying for her attentions and affections, while she sits there giving them the million dollar (and quite fake) smile.

No I'm not jealous. And I would never bat my eye lashes to get some guy to come over to do my yard work for me. I think we can safely say that she uses her feminine wiles so that men will do things for her. I'm guessing she doesn't reserve those niceties for men either. She has tried her charms on me, and what I mistook for her just being nice tome... well I have discovered that her niceness has a price, to the sum of free part time day care.

Since the 4th of July, and since I told her kid that she was not allowed in my yard the day after, my neighbor has ignored me. Oh, she ignored John too, but only while I was around. Later, she called my husband for tech support for her PC. Which , given my feelings for her because of her repeated use of me, I was a little pissed at him for going over there to fix it. But he did get 20.00 out of it, so at least he didn't do it for free.

Anywho, a week and a half ago, she saw me working the sales floor at The T, and she starts up polite chit chat with me. I was civil, mostly talking to her daughter. That was fine, whatever. LAST WEEK, she shows up at the Snack bar of The T where I happen to be working a shift. She orders snacks for her kids from me, then proceeds to tell me that "she's going to look at a new car seat, they should be fine"- meaning sitting there by themselves. WTH????

I stand there with my mouth open at the audacity of this woman while I hear her muttering to her kids something about "you better be good for something-y (which I assume was my name, Mary), or they would never get ICEE's at The T again"- and think to myself, "Even at work I have to deal with this sh*t?"

Thank goodness it was time for my break, and my team leader came over to relieve me. I stepped from behind the food counter to order my dinner, and in the middle of her scolding her kids she looks up startle and says to me, "OH! Are you leaving???" She then gives me a slightly nervous and fake smile.

"Uh, yeah... I'm going on break."

As I walked away to find that she was still determined to leave her 7 and 4 year old aline in the front of the store NEXT TO THE FRONT ENTRANCE/EXIT, I felt a little guilty. What if some one took one of them? What if they went to use the restroom (that was only about 10 yards away), and some stranger hurt them?

I'm no saint, but I do feel bad when the safety of children is taken for granted... But I decided that I was NOT going to sit there gulping my food for the measly 15 minute break that I get when working at the snack bar... the whole while disciplining her children for her. Like I have done when her kids invite themselves over to my yard, and she pretends to not notice, then asks me about an hour or two later "if that's OK" and/or "she hopes that they are being good", when she knows darned well how her son can be (rarely good, almost always in trouble or beating up his sister).

I'm sorry, I don't feel bad that I told her kid to leave my yard on the 4th of July weekend BECAUSE not only was he being down right mean and hurting his sister, he started whacking my kids over the head with toys too. You can't pawn your kids off on somebody then get pissed that your neighbor doesn't want your misbehaving children in their yard. I have enough problems with my own misbehaved-constantly arguing and fighting- children and for sanity's sake, I don't want your children added to the mix.

And you can't just expect that your neighbor is going to watch your kids for you while they are AT WORK, just because you think you have glossed over your idiocy by chit chatting with them for less than 5 minutes, after you have been ignoring them for 3 weeks.

So dear Lord, I know I am supposed to love my neighbor as I love myself, but can you please settle for me not killing her right now?

Thanks Big Guy.


Friday, August 01, 2008

Ahhhh, there's nothing like the smell of the great outdoors

Emma has recently (meaning the last 3 months) learned to employ new torture tactics. At the first sign of any adversity (meaning anything not going her way), she screams (meaning blood curdling, horror movie ,shrieks of despair).

John has been out of town for mandatory training since last Sunday, and the children of the corn have been most disagreeable in his absence, to the point of the gnashing of teeth and pulling of hair... and eventual fantasies of joining the witness protection program on his return.

Which would be today, thank you Jesus.

Anywho, digressions aside...Emma shrieked today and I decided that the penalty, henceforth, shall be instant and immediate time out.

No pleas, no excuses... *imagine me saying, with my "talk to the hand" salute* BUP BUP BUP! Time out!

So, she sits a few feet away from me on her Little Tykes picnic table, demanding a tissue.

"Nope," I say, "we are outside, and you are in time out. I'm not going inside just to get a tissue."

"But I need a tissue..." She produces a largish boog on her pointer finger.

"Bah!" I shrink back a little , only because, OK the booger was massive, "Use nature's tissue. Here's a leaf." I pluck a leaf from the weeds nearby.

"OK," she says giggling, relishing the thought of wiping her boog on greenery.

Oh my, -I think-... what have I begun.

I start in on sharing a wondrous piece of history with my precious babe, "You know, there was a time when people didn't have toilet paper. They had to use leaves. Can you imagine that?"

I look over at Emma , just as she replies "nope", and just in time to find her wrapping a leaf around her boog finger and sticking it up her nose tissue style.

" No," I yell, "Your supposed to... I meant..." This is where I begin to try to hide my amusement and stifle hysterical laughter.

And fail miserably, as usual.

She stops, looking up at me as I try to compose myself and my words, waiting...

With the leaf still stuffed up her nose.

Some how I'm thinking that the fine art of "leaf blowing" was not included in Dr. Spock's book. Or parenting 101. But, I am proud to have taught her to appreciate the great outdoors.

Silver lining people, silver lining.

Emma, last month, enjoying ham-ing it up for the camera. I think she inherited the class clown gene from her momma.
God help us.