A little bit of this...

And a little bit of that. That is what 2013 is bringing hopefully!

Though I am not sure if putting my jewelry and teacup candles in the local hospital gift shop is going to work out, I do have a couple of deals in the works.

My best friend has a beautiful blog and I came up with the idea of making pendants/necklaces for it as I fashioned a heart shaped pendant for her Christmas last month. I purchased a professional jewelry tumbler to add a super glossy and professional  finish to the pieces. I think they came out so pretty!

I am pretty proud of myself for not giving up on making precious metal clay jewelry after almost 2 weeks of trying to fill an order and having the process fail at every step, every turn to the tune of 12-14 pieces made and only 4 actually surviving the process. I learned a lot about myself in the process, mostly that I am willing to do what it takes to get it right. I really wanted to give up and tell the customer that I couldn't do it, but I didn't... I pushed through the frustrations and out right disappointment.

I have another amazing friend who I approached about a collaborative project for his book You Know What To Do ©, where I want to make really cool unisex dog tag style pendants  with his logo and his trade mark YKWTD © on them. He loves my idea and I will be moving forward with that ASAP. 

Right now I am working on making images in Photoshop of the stamps I want made to make the Bliss and YKWTD pendants, as well as a cute little robot my daughter drew that she named Bowbot I want to make pendants and earrings out of.

My best friend Monique bought me a light box and lights to take better photos of my jewelry, I am super excited to break those out soon. That will make taking pics less of a back breaking experience for me, It's going to be so much easier not to have to rush because the sun is going down or it's getting cloudy!

I am still taking pieces here and there to The Painted Rooster here in town, I do have a few pieces I need to work on for them as well, including a free form wire necklace that mimics a cherry blossom branch with a delicate little bird dangling from it. Those ladies always keep me guessing when I bring in new pieces, I love that! I'm never quite sure which pieces they will go gaga for!

So despite having the worst flu I have ever had in my life this week- and being the sickest I have been in years, things are looking up. I am working hard at making things happen, and will get back to diving in after this flu says adios.

I am looking ahead, looking forward... I am trying to look at what is on the horizon and stop worrying about yesterday. I cannot change any of that and am learning that I might not be able to change those things in the future either based on my  track record in those areas, so I am still mulling over those things but only in the context of whether it is worth my time.

I believe you can love people and move on. NOW. FINALLY I am seeing this. I can feel love for someone and keep moving forward and hope that our paths will cross again in a better place in the future. No hostility, no resentments.

I am almost somewhat positive. *wink* 

Free to be...Part One

Here I am. I just am, nothing more... nothing less. Is that it, really*? 


*Hang on for a minute and take a little journey with me. I know I am going to upset a few people, the journey may get a little cloudy but I assure you there is a patch of sunshine waiting just over the ridge. Ready? Take my hand... I'm moving slower these days. I promise I wont go any faster than what the terrain calls for.


I was in the shower this morning thinking about how my life has changed since almost 2 weeks ago; peaks and valleys of mood, state of body and mind being so interconnected. I am finding things that are working a little for me and I am willing to accept that. I am open to these brief windows of being of less pain but not painless. I gave up on that notion a long time ago.


My mind wandered to that phrase[s] that has bothered me so much in my life. 
"All things happen for a reason."
"There is a reason why you are going through this, it's to teach you something."
"God never gives us more than we can handle."


The one that really gets to me was stated by Oprah, "I trust that everything happens for a reason, even when we're not wise enough to see it."


I cannot believe this to be true. I was once an Oprah-phile. That statement was the beginning of the end for me. I do not, cannot believe that God intended for all the horrible things that have happened in my life. I refuse to believe that he looked through time and decided that I would be sexually abused, physically and emotionally tormented by the ones who were supposed to care for me.


The flaw in this thinking- if you dare to consider it that way- is that it takes away accountability to the perpetrators. It points the finger at a God I would not want to love, or expect love from. Why would I trust in a God like that? But ultimately there is no free will in that line of thought


Whether or not you believe in a god, or my God... this thinking is destructive. It's passive and is almost an invitation for bad things to happen. "Que sera sera".


So I guess this means that I don't believe in destiny or fate. Logically,if my choices are already predestined and predertmined then they cannot be choices. I should be an unfeeling robot, waiting for life to happen since I would then really have no choice.


But I do. 


I thought about how much all those phrases bothered me, and pondered the fact that despite detesting the very core of all of those blurbs... I am learning something from this experience. But I am choosing to. 


I could waste my days crying over this new obstacle, this fallen tree in my path. I could choose to collapse against it's insurmountable weight . Or I can choose to grab at one of those branches beside me and pull myself up, and look for ways around it to get back to the road I am choosing to take.


In a matter of a few minutes I had all these thoughts swirling around me. 


Today, despite all that this illness entails... I am choosing to have a good day. I choose to be a compassionate human being in the face of my own adversities. I am going to choose to pay forward a heart full of gratitude, to sacrifice my own self pity in hopes that what tries to disable my body will not disable my heart and all that I have to offer.


I am choosing to be, rather than just I am.


Stay tuned for part two, it's gonna be a doozey! :D

Excuse the dust, this body is under construction

Well, let's see... I'm on dose 4 of Nortriptyline for the new ball and chain in my life, fibromyalgia. I wouldn't say life is better per se, just a little different. I know, I know. I'm only on day 4. I need to give it time to build to a therapeutic level.

Some days have been good and some days have been meh. I'm lucky that so far I haven't really felt any adverse reactions from the medication except for a mild dizziness at times. I did have some nausea this morning but very mild in comparison to what I normally have been feeling every morning for almost a year now.

Yesterday and today my knees are bothering me, and I was unable to make it up the stairs to wake my daughters up for school today. Luckily I was able to coax my oldest out of bed by telling her I couldn't come up this morning.

Otherwise I have hours where I feel pretty good overall. Then I will have a chunk of time where I ache, but not severe pain in more than 6-7 spots like before I started this medication. For the most part I'm back to having 3-4 level pain (out of 10) at times in several spots of my body, but I have been living with that for many years so it's manageable.

Emotionally I feel very isolated, I have had a few people tell me they are available if I need to talk. As with the pain of my childhood, I know from experience that my life is unrelatable for the most part. I have struggled with having been physically and mentally abused by my mother, sexually abused by my father, infertility...

 I understand that most people cannot grasp what I explain. I get the general feeling that the things in my past are too crazy, too horrific for most people... and fibromyalgia has made me feel this way once again.

In the end, people ask the questions but rarely really want to hear the answers. So I have learned to plaster on a happy face. Not many people get to see behind the curtain to the real me which is fluffed, powdered and painted for the general masses... for public consumption. I self deprecate and joke to hide my pain, but I have been doing this for so long it is my song and dance, my vaudeville production. I find myself hovering just at the edge of despair and try to go about my day as I would have before my pain was given a name.

What I find hilarious on a cosmic level is this: I have for many, many years swallowed my pain, distracted myself from the depths of depression, avoided "professional help" because I do not want to be lumped in with the likes of my mother. I do not want to be diagnosed with mental illness. I do not want to be told I have problems and that I need to be on medication. I most certainly have never wanted to walk around in a drug induced haze to numb the pain.

And yet here I am... on an antidepressant for this. I have laughed bitterly about this to myself. I can do nothing but cry out to God for some sort of solace and relief, and even though I know ( and have known in my 42 years, and the knowing has kept me from falling into the blackest of  depressions) that there are all sorts of people out there in this world- especially little ones- that are going through so much worse than what I have experienced in my life.

It makes me sad and thankful. It makes me pray on occasion, especially when I happen to hear the unspeakable things going on outside my little bubble.

It brings me to my knees and I thank God for the breath I draw, for this life that I have, for a man that loves me even though I have fallen short in so many ways, for children that I was told I would never have.

So excuse me for a moment, pardon my dust while I sort through the storm. I will find a place of quiet safety, I will be glad for all that I have... mostly. :) It's not going to be rainbows and Disney animals all the time folks but even now I am swimming my way to the surface for a breath of air.

Excuse me while I let love and light build to therapeutic levels.

 I am still trying to change my point of view, one positive thought at a time.

I passed the test...Do I get a prize?

Today I had my doctors appointment, and let me first say that I am so blessed to have a family doc that listens and does not patronize me. He truly cares. I suppose it helps that he and John go to the same men's group at church on Saturdays and that they are kind of friends.

Knowing me and my medical history can be overwhelming so I took some time this morning to type up a brief history of complaints specifically related to what I think is going on with me. Call it OCD, call it odd... You would be right. I am nothing if not prepared.

After listening to me, and letting me know he had read my semi-exhausting exhaustive history, he told me that there were pressure points he wanted to check. I nodded in agreement, wincing internally, already knowing where those points were from my Google searches on Fibromyalgia.

It went a little something like this:

Doc, while pressing on my hips: Here...

Me: Yeh-ESSS!!!

Doc, pressing my lower back: Herrrrre...

Me: YUP!!!!!

Doc, pressing my right inner elbow: HERRREEE...

Me: Ummmm no...

Doc: Really? *he moves his fingers slightly*

Me: OK. Yes. YESSS!! YUUUUUUUP!!! *begging and pleading with my eyes and inflection for him to stop*

It went on like this until he had checked all 18 points, apologizing profusely as he went. He then told me that I had all 18 out of 18. My doc told me, "Yes, I believe you do have Fibromyalgia. You have all the classic symptoms."

 He wants to try the lowest dose of Nortriptyline one pill at bed time, then to see me in 4 weeks.

Having been a nurse I already knew that serotonin plays a big part in a lot of disorders and illnesses like OCD, depression, altered pain pathways and excessive pain. I also already knew that depression meds have been helpful in these instances so I was not surprised to find that I would be on a med that was normally prescribed for depression.

He is also having me try a new medication for reflux. I have had a sensitivity  and allergic reactions to many medications in the past, including recently Prilosec. I have taken Cymbalta in the past and only stayed on for 5 days because it made me feel nauseated and sick, loopy and apathetic. I hope I do ok on these new meds. I guess I'll try the Nortriptyline first, taking two new meds would be just stupid in my case.

I did cry briefly when he gave it a name. I'll be honest. It was a mix of relief and sadness that washed over me, but he was very sweet and that made such a huge difference. He reassured me we would try what we needed to until we found something that worked for me.

On a lighter note!!! (wait for it... )

He told me to stay away from caffeine, chocolate, greasy food and spicy food. I gave him a grumpy face and "harrumphed", and he laughed.  I told a dear friend today that my doctor had basically cut out my whole diet.

What happened in the next few minutes is typically what you can expect from me. I always use humor to make people laugh, deflect pain, lighten the mood. It's one of my strongest survival skills. My doc asked my how on earth I had gone this long without being diagnosed, why I had never brought up fibromyalgia before. I told him again how I lived most of my life in pain, pain was just a fact of everyday life for me. Being that I have not spoken to my mother in eight years, it had not ever entered my mind until I started having MORE pain, and more pain simultaneously.

Doc, shaking his head and chuckling: Well, you have 18 out of 18...

Me: I'm an over-achiever... you should already know this about me!!! I had 30 gallstones for Pete's sake, I don't do anything halfway!

When I told my husband what my doc had taken out of my diet, he nearly fell over laughing hysterically. I pleaded with my husband, "What the -insert expletive here- am I supposed to eat then? RICE???"

I guess I'm going on the Survivor diet.

This is the face of Fibromyalgia :)

 One day it will be this again...

Until then ...


I hope and dream.

~Mary

Hoping

I'm hoping there is a light at the end of this tunnel; I know tomorrow's doctor visit is just the beginning of finding out what is going on with my body.

I wonder if he will send me to a rheumatologist?

I basically feel like I have the flu[s]. I am so tired, my body aches in different spots, sometimes all at once. I have lower stomach aches every time I need to use the restroom, and I often become nauseated. That coupled with CONSTANT heartburn and the fact that I fell yesterday (I am feeling the affects of that on the right side, the side I fell on)...

I can feel myself slipping into a depression. I do not want to live like this for the rest of my life, but it's not my choice.

I feel like my constant complaining is annoying to my family, and they tune me out. So I choose to suffer in silence. They ask me what's wrong. I say "nothing".

My 20 month old is going through an extremely clingy phase just like the other 2 did. I find I cannot walk 5 feet, let alone leave the room for a few minutes without him whining, crying or going full tilt. It makes me more anxious... I feel so trapped in so many ways.

The things I choose to concentrate on  are giving my kids hugs and telling them I love them, thanking them for helping me when I ask- even if they help me begrudgingly. I have been trying to be affectionate with my husband but I'm not sure he notices (or cares) , which makes me desperately sad. BUT... my kids accept my love and soak it in. That will have to do for now :)

Tonight I get to polish some jewelry I have up for sale in a salon in town, bring in a table for the vintage teacup candles I have made and a table to display them on. I also hope to get in a few new pieces as well.

I'm hanging on to the glimmers and glimpses of hope, and in the meantime I try not to be too anxious about wondering what my doc will have to say.

I hope you have a peaceful day, wherever you are.

~Mary

What is this pain? Could it be fibromyalgia?

I have been living with physical pain for quite some time, I believe my first chronic pain started when I was 11. I can remember falling onto my back from a great height for the second time in my life, the first time being when I was probably only 4. Since the 6th grade I have had back problems.

Everyday I have pain. Sometimes aches, sometimes a tremendous amount of joint pain after sitting for 1/2 hour. This has been my life for the last 31 of my 42 years, until recently.

Let me just say that having a baby at the age of 40 was hard on me, I strongly recommend you do NOT try it unless you are of sound body! I was very sick most of the pregnancy, living from my recliner and just standing for a few minutes had me contracting. This son of mine took me down, literally. I shrunk a whole inch while pregnant with Jacob. I ached, I struggled to move from my trusty recliner just to use the restroom or get a drink.

Nearly two years later, still feeling so very sick after he was born my surgeon discovered a whopping 30 gallstones in my gallbladder. But why I am I still nauseated most mornings? Surely I cannot live like this after being told that I would feel so much better after having my gallbladder removed.

And now, two weeks ago I started having aches and pains in my left shoulder which gradually escalated to full on fire and tenderness. Just gently wrapping a towel around my shoulders after a shower brought tears to my eyes just a few days ago.

The pain seems to have started in my left shoulder and each day after moved across my torso a little more. I don't mean that the pain was only in the new spot, I mean I was and am having simultaneous pain firing off at the same time throughout my body. It brought me to tears. It has worked it's way to my right shoulder now and my lower right back.

In the midst of this I realized that my mother had told me many years ago that she was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. I Googled symptoms and I seemed to have the almost all of them, which is unsettling and yet comforting at the same time. The cause of my pain now (possibly) has a name, yet the thought of living with this for the rest of my life is very depressing.

From WebMD:
Common symptoms of fibromyalgia -- also known as fibromyalgia syndrome or FMS -- may include:

• Pain
• Anxiety
• Concentration and memory problems -- known as "fibro fog"
• Depression
• Fatigue
• Headaches
• Irritable bowel syndrome
• Morning stiffness
• Painful menstrual cramps
• Sleep problems
• Swelling, numbness, and tingling in hands, arms, feet, and legs
• Tender points
• Urinary symptoms

I once again am sequestered to my trusty recliner while my house work and jewelry to do list seems to grow to unmanageable levels. I take care of my kids and do the basics like dishes, while the laundry piles up.

In the meantime, I have an appointment this next week with my family doctor. I am axious to hear what he has to say. 

If you have a history of FMS and you have some tips for me or websites that you would like to share, I would be grateful! Tell me what you are doing to ease your symptoms and what you are doing to cope.

Thanks for reading!
 Keeping it real, keeping it honest with a glimmer of hope,
Mary

An Iowa brand of fear (and other oddities)

If you know anything about the mert, it's that I grew up with hurricanes on the east coast in Maryland (off of the Chesapeake Bay), and experienced my first earthquake a week after being transfered to Oakland , California while in the Navy. Yeah, I'm talking about the big one that collapsed the Bay Bridge, the very bridge that we had been on only 10 minutes before it collapsed?

But I digress... What I mean to say is that though living through a hurricane is no fun, though surviving it surely is pleasant and wanted, as is learning to not have a nervous break down from each little tremor while living in the Bay Area for 12 years. But this tornado business is a fresh new hell for me.

I've been living in Iowa for almost 7 years now, and I can truly say that I am blessed to live in an area that is not commonly the birth place or destruction zone for them. Usually they tend to wander all around us in different towns, usually different counties.

Three nights ago, I had a horrible dream in which I saw a tornado coming and screamed for John to help me get the kids inside to the basement, and in the dream a tornado struck our house and pulled me up through the dining room floor as my family watched in horror. Even in the midst of a nightmare my corny humor escapes, because the tornado left , and left me stuck in the dining room floor, with my feet hanging over my family while I hung there wedged in the floor.

At least I made it, right? I have had dreams where I have died and let me tell you, it puts a damper on the rest of your week. SNORT!

The oddities start here. Emma had a nightmare the next night (2 nights ago) about a tornado and slept restlessly all night, waking up almost every hour crying. Now it is very possible that she had nightmares because she heard me telling John about my dream (later in the dream I was chased by the Headless Horseman LOL!). But I have had dreams that have come true before : my brother getting into a car accident, my mother thinking about killing herself, and weird tidbits that later turn into de ja vu moments. I once told my brother -when we were kids- that I had a dream the night before about the very mall we were sitting in, that a lady with a certain colored shirt and color of hair in heels was going to trip on the escalator and fall. Just as I was telling him, he looked over to the escalator and it happened just as I described. They don't happen a lot and I only have them every couple of years, but I do take extras precautions when I have dreams like that, to the best of my human ability. I have had "feelings" in the past that have come true as well (winning money in Vegas and Tahoe, the airline losing my luggage, about my mother thinking about killing herself etc.). If only I had a "feeling" about winning the lottery... but no such luck.

Recently, before we even bought our pool, I had a dream that Emma drowned in a pool. I seriously considered not buying a pool, but resolved to be as anal retentive and careful as ever with Emma being outside near the pool. These dreams unfortunately add another layer of neurosis to my character, but what can I do?

The biggest problem I have with admitting stuff like this is the fact I realize how nutty and fruit cake-y this makes me sound, especially considering the fact that my very own mother is a legally documented and certified Coo coo for Cocopuffs nut case.

Anyway, yesterday was not the case (as far as tornadoes missing us), and we had a tornado headed right for us. Naturally, I was terrified, and a little spooked that Emma and I had both dreamed about tornadoes. We went to the basement after the first siren, meanwhile Anna was close to tears as I set up a corner of the basement with sleeping bags to huddle on in case we needed it. The second horn sounded and I announced that we all needed to go to that corner, as I watched the doppler read out of the storm over top of us on my laptop... and PRAYED. I kept the girls occupied with games on their Nintendo DS's, while I paced and prayed for our safety (and John's at work), and prayed that not only the tornado pass over us completely but that it dissipate into nothing but beautiful fluffy clouds so that no one be harmed.

All I can say is that those dreams made pray even harder, and if I am getting those dreams for a reason, then I'll take it. I'm going to say that it wasn't my neurotic behavior taking over, but feeling the gravity and seriousness of the situation combined with our dreams that made me face it with subdued terror and fervent prayer. ;)

I know a lot of people in my town were praying because the tornado did dissipate and the tornado warning was called off early just shortly after the tornado was supposed to hit our town... the greenish-gray clouds giving way to partly cloudy but sunny skies.

I've never seen the sky look so blue, and I had a new appreciation for the power of God and the power of prayer.

Oh, and I'm really glad the Headless Horseman never showed up. ;)

Update on little Emma Rose

Well, we had a follow up appointment for Emma today, our little peanut. Just so you know how much of a peanut... she's3 feet tall and 27 pounds fully clothed. ;)

Anyway, our new pediatrician said that she did hear a slight systolic heart murmur, classified as a stage 1. She said if I hadn't mentioned that Emma was diagnosed with a heart murmur (at birth, which they recanted later at a peds appointment because they couldn't find it- then last year when she had pneumonia they heard it again, only to not be able to find it during a follow up after antibiotics), she might not have caught it.

So... Emma has an appointment to see a pediatric cardiologist out of town on May 28th. They will do an EKG there and will look at her chest xray from her ER visit... and based on those the doctor will decide whether or not she needs to have an echocardiogram.

The doc did say that overall, she isn't too worried about it, and that I shouldn't lose sleep over it and that it's good to just have it checked out and documented now because later in life other doctors will notice it and will want all of these tests done anyway (if we don't look into it).

I want it looked at anyway, whether or not it is considered minor. This is my baby we are talking about here... nothing is minor to me LOL!

I let the doc know about Emma having gray/ grayish-blue lips at times, and dusky nail beds... and that it usually resolves itself within a few minutes, and she listened intently. She asked if her fingers and toes were cold during these episodes and said it was common for children with heart murmurs to experience this. I was really glad that she took me seriously because when I mentioned this during her bout with pneumonia last year they blew me off because she was fine by the time we got her to the ER.

Emma did well, she followed directions during the exam and didn't shed a single tear. She did however scowl at the doctor while the doc listened several minutes to her heart, moving the stethoscope every 5 seconds or so. Emma was awarded with a sucker, which was blue of all things... but at least her lips are tinted blue for a good reason for once. ;)

I will let you guys know what the pediatric cardiologist says after the 28th, thanks in advance for your thoughts and prayers. We really appreciate it!

Here are a few pics of miss thang after her appointment, sporting a pony tail, my sunglasses and blue (sucker tinted) lips. :D

PS- I forgot to add that as of 2 days ago, Emma has told us that she isn't afraid of bugs anymore. Her kitty cat- the one she has a death grip on in the photos above- IS afraid of bugs, but she isn't. ;)

***More news on my cousin***

Hey y'all... I JUST got this email from my aunt a few minutes ago... I can't say it any better than she did so here is her email:

Hi everyone,

Just wanted to say thank you to all of you who prayed for my daughter and my family. She has had a hard 3 months of testing and waiting for results.

The long and short of it is that the doctor who took the tissue sample and said it was cancer a few weeks ago, said on Monday after looking at the X-rays and second set of blood test results she could no longer find the tumor. The doctor had Rachel go right then for an MRI.

When the doctor read the MRI she told Rachel that she must have a very powerful God because the cancer is no longer there. I believe it is a miracle, she has had a network of people praying for her from the start.

Her doctor did say that she has infection where the tumor was and that her spleen is very enlarged. So she is on a heavy dose of antibiotics for 7 days, she has to rest and the doctor want's to see her every 2 weeks for the next 3 months to make sure she is still cancer free.

So from the bottom of my heart thank you for your prayers and yes we do have an Awesome God and a wonderful Savior who does answer the prayers of His children.

Yvonne

I was so floored when I read this email, I let out a scream! Tears immediately ensued, of course. ;)

Again, I cannot express... there are no words to adequately express how thankful I am for each and every one of you who took the time to pray for Rachel and her family.

When I wrote the first post about Rachel, I included some back ground on why I hadn't mentioned God in a while on my blog- but how I was resolved to resolve my issues with God because despite my past (and my feelings that He abandoned my brothers and I when we were children, my doubts and fears) because there was a larger, more important issue at hand. I realized My cousin was ill and she needed prayer, and that over shadowed any of my insecurities and doubt. And so, not wanting to make the post "about me", I edited my post feeling that in reality no explanation was needed. I didn't really need to give a reason why I had turned away from God because it wasn't important.

I felt that I didn't need to justify or explain away why suddenly I had become religious because those that felt compelled to pray would pray, and those that were offended would simply not read my blog anymore. Again, so unimportant in the grand scheme of things, especially when a loved one's life hangs in the balance.

I guess my point is this: Recently I told John that I had trouble trusting a God that would let us suffer at the hands of a person that pretended to be His faithful servant. A person who was in the choir and head of a prayer chain, someone who was relied on in the church. What had triggered all of this was visiting my brother 2 years ago and having him tell me things she did to him, horrible things. All of those years believing that he had had it better than me, when what she did to him ended up being so much worse.

But at the moment I found out about my cousin I decided that I was going to pray for complete healing. I wasn't messing around, I was going for the whole enchilada.

God does answer prayers. Sometimes not in the way that we wish, or in the time frame we desire, but He hears us and answers.

And sometimes, in His mysterious way... He preforms a miracle.

For my cousin, He healed her body.

For me? He healed my heart and restored my faith.

Today is good day. :)

I Believe...**** PRAYER REQUEST FOR MY COUSIN***

Today my brother Ben emailed me about my cousin Rachel, who is in her mid twenties and has a son almost Anna's age. She recently found a lump under her arm and had it looked at , they took some fluid from it and the test results came back cancerous. From what I understand- from what Ben told me- she was sent to an oncologist and they are waiting for biopsy results. They are planning surgery, and it will be happening soon.

I also believe that God is and awesome God, and that he has the power to heal completely. I believe that He cares for us and loves us deeply, even when we have separated ourselves from Him.

So today, I am asking all of you Christians, Jews and Catholics, please, to pray for my cousin. Please pray that God make her whole, that she comes through this untouched, that the cancer disappears by His hand, because He is and AWESOME God. I have faith that He can completely heal Rachel, and I am asking for you to please take a stand with me. Please pray for Rachel, her husband Matt, and her parents, John and Yvonne. Please pray for her sisters Sarah and Jennifer. I am praying for the most skilled physicians and nurses to be working with her, and for Rachel to feel love and peace, and unwavering trust and faith in her Heavenly Father.

John and Yvonne are flying out to be with Rachel this next week, I believe. My aunt Yvonne (seen sometimes in comments as Anti Yvonne) will be staying with Rachel if she needs surgery.

I hoping that at least once something good comes out of this blog. Thanks for reading this, and on my cousin's family's behalf I thank you for your generosity, your prayers and your faith.