Monday, October 29, 2007

To Kill a Mocking Squirrel- OR- RIP Baby Pumpkwin

It truly is a Manic Monday today. I don't know if you saw my last Thursday Thirteen, but it's a slide show of my family at the pumpkin patch. In this post i mentioned that Emma became enamored with a "Baby Pumpkwin", and she carried it around, hugging and kissing the baby like a good little mommy. Even though she didn't want to leave her baby outside, she relented rather easily when I explained that pumpkins grew outside and it would be just fine.

Wednesday night we left our gourd treasures on a bench in our small front doorstep area. We staggered the sizes and it looked simple but pretty. We had 2 large pumkins, 2 small ones- including Emma's Baby Pumpkwin, and 3 teeny ones. Now *sniff* in retrospect, I wish I had snapped a picture.

Saturday morning I grabbed my cuppa joe and walked over to my office armoire, while looking out of the window... and what should I see? A little squirrel looking at me, with a teeny tiny "pumpkwin" grasped in his teeth. I ran out side before he could manage to carry the pumpkin up the tree in my front yard and I must have startled the little bugger so much that he dropped it.

I picked the pumpkin up off my front walk and noticed that Little Bugger was watching me from the side of the tree. He wasn't very happy with me and looked as if he was contemplating jumping me for the goods, the little orb of golden orange deliciousness that he was planning to brunch (and munch) on. He looked at me with those cold beady eyes, his body tensed as if he were about to pounce.

I can only imagine how I looked to my neighbors, but I proceeded to tell the squirrel , "This is my pumpkin, not yours. Don't look at me like that. I'm not scared of you. My Pumpkin. MINE." I held the pumpkin out to emphasize that I meant what I said and said what I meant.

Yes... I taunted a squirrel. Get over it.

Anyway, about an hour and a half later I realized that I should probably see what the Little Bugger had been up to. I opened the front door to find that not just one baby pumpkin was missing but all 5 of the small ones were gone! Little bugger was now promoted to the rank of Little B@st@rd. Every single one of the little ones were gone without a trace. Oh, he's good- I thought.

But wait... what's that bit of orange I see peeking out from the grass? With all of the strength I could muster I walked over to the foot of the tree, and this is what I found. Warning: this picture is graphic in nature, it's not for little pumpkin loving eyes.



If you look closely you can see Baby Pumpkwin next to my front walk, and my little green pumpkin to the right of that in a smaller pile.


Not only had he torn apart my little green pumpkin, but there lie Baby Pumpkwin with his innards strewn, chunks of his flesh there for me find on my very own sidewalk. His stem was missing so I couldn't positively identify him, but I knew it was him. I could understand Little Bugger eating mine (the smaller pile), but to kill Baby Pumpkwin and to leave so much of him behind was just a flagrant display of cruelty.

"Bad squirrel, BAD SQUIRREL," I shouted up from underneath the tree.

Squirrels can be evil and vindictive. They are crafty little beasts. We have had several generations of gourd stealing critters living in the tree in our front yard, but none have ever dared to be so bold as to steal one BEFORE Halloween.

I think I may have been TRICKED by a squirrel, for stealing his TREAT. I guess the joke is on me, eh? Obviously Little Bugger comes from a long line of gourd eating deviants, but this one- this one is just dangerous.

We had to go out last night to pick up one more large pumpkin to make up for the carnage. One of the original guys was carved last night, but his expression says it all.


Let this be a lesson to all... Never taunt a squirrel.


RIP Baby Pumpkwin. *sniff*




Little Bugger, you're lucky. You're very fortunate that I have a soft spot for squirrels... otherwise you'd be sleeping with the fishes.




For More Manic Monday, please go see the wonderful and lovely Mo at It's A Blog Eat Blog World.

28 comments:

the teach said...

Mary, you took your life in your hands with that bad, bad squirrel! I've seen a squirrel attack a man because he had a piece of food in his hand...was he surprised! Squirrels are smart creatures that can figure out how to eat a bird feeder out of house and home. I loved your story but I don't like them thar nasty critters!!

Happy MM!

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Sandee (Comedy +) said...

Excellent and entertaining story. Have a great MM. :)

Holly Schwendiman said...

Awww nuts. Silly squirrel - pumpkins are for kids!

Hugs,
Holly

Not So Anonymous Michelle said...

Haha, what a story!! Those pictures are so sad...poor pumpkins!

Karmyn R said...

Poor little pumpkwin.

My sister's man used to have chipmunks as pets - he would carve a hole in the bottom of a pumpkin and set it in their cage - and they would go to town and clean the entire inside out.

maggie said...

ROFL. that is too funny. He did mock you. He not only flipped you off but left you the burning package. Unbelievable. You got pwned by a squirrel. LOL. How did Emma take it ??

JAM said...

Well, Little Pumpkwin's life was cut short, but y'all can take comfort that you gave him a good home and that he was loved. (sniff - I need a tissue - sniff)

Shelia said...

Great story! That squirrel is lucky he came across you, they drive me nuts! We have over 30 trees on our property and the squirrels to go with them Aaaaaahh!

Malin said...

Squirrels are evil. I knew it! ;D

~Virginia~ said...

Don't feel too bad, my Mom shoots squirrels with the water hose...when she's not trying to shoot them with a pellet gun. :) I love that picture of your daughter and the baby pumpkin! Very cute...

tegdirb92 said...

That would have been really something to have had a shot of the squirrel with the pumpkin!! Great story, sorry about your daughter loss. Happy Monday!

Gattina said...

I have to admit that I am not very much used to pumpkins but I am really surprised that a squirrel attacks a pumpkin ! Your squirrels are much bigger then the once we have here in Belgium. They are very small like a mice and have red fur. I have seen grey once and very big (to me) for the first time when I was in the States.

Kai said...

Awww! I feel so sorry for poor little pumpkwin :-(

Great post!

TopChamp said...

Naughty squirrel! I'm getting quite excited about halloween reading this.. might buy myself a pumpkin tomorrow.

Travis said...

Sneaky little b*$***d!!

We have some cheeky little devils around where I live too. I forgot and put some trash out one night, intending to take it to the dumpster in the morning. Our resident dug into the bottom of the bag, and I didn't notice I was dragging trash half way across the drive!

Your little girl is so precious with that punkin.

Happy MM!

ian said...

The very first pumpkin I ever carved (I think I was 8 or 9) had its face eaten out by a squirrel.

Oh, I was FURIOUS!

Ian

Jamie said...

You have a beautiful child. Now about squirrels: Having spent a great deal of time in Fresno, CA where they are the dominant species and spend a great deal of time tormenting the humans allowed to live among them, you have my sympathy. They may be cute, but pirates of old could take lessons in daring thievery.

Pamela said...

I had no idea - but of course they are full of pumpkin seeds. You may grow a few pumpkins in your yard if he was messy and left a few behind.

We have squirrels in the back yard that hang on my bird feeder and eat the sunflower seeds.

Pamela said...

I'd forgotten about the chipmunks and the pumpkins that Karmyn talks about.

Avery Gray said...

You know, I kill squirrels. If you can get him to run in front of my car, I could help with your little pest problem! ;o)

kailani said...

Poor poor pumpkin'! I didn't realize that squirrels are such savages! Congrats on the ROFL award!

Jenny Ryan said...

Hey, Mert! I've been thinking of you lately as the beginning of NaNoWriMo approaches. Are you psyched?! I can't wait to hear how it goes for you. Yay for you for re-connecting with your writing dream :)

Anonymous said...

I never thought a squirrel could do this. I laughed so hard at the story. You ought to send this to the Reader's Digest section on "All in a days work". (You are a working mom).
Have a great Halloween.
Love,
Anti Yvonne

Daddy Forever said...

Wow, this sounds just like something from a cartoon. Better luck next year!

slackermommy said...

Too funny! Great story too. We live in the trees so you can imagine our abundance of squirrels. We had one that kept stealing the dog and kids tennis balls. At first it was funny to see it run across the yard with a ball in it's mouth then it got real annoying because the dog would bark and the kids would cry.

Michael C said...

The bastards!!! And why did we both have arguments with squirrels? That's just thinking waaaaaay to much alike ;-)

Mert said...

I keep telling... kindred, MC. Great minds torment squirrels alike!

meleah rebeccah said...

Damn those squirrels!!