Monday, March 21, 2011

And Then I'd Just Feel A Blog Post

I was talking to a good friend the other night and she showed me one of her new blogs, and as I read and savored her words we talked about blogging and what it meant to us. I told her a tale of what my blog once was: funny anecdotes about my girls, musings, deep dark stuff from my childhood.

I told her about how my readership grew as I formed relationships with my favorite bloggers and how we nurtured each other with our words, cheering each other on in our comments- and in some cases, forming unbreakable friendships. I explained that I had BlogHer ads after my Google ranking grew, which in a way was the beginning of the end. I was so busy reading other blogs I hardly had time to write. And if I did take time to write I neglected my reading... and in the end it became a chore.

I noticed some bloggers wouldn't comment on my blog unless I commented on theirs. When my stats would waver I would become sullen and depressed. I asked myself why I couldn't make money like all the edgy or pretty blogs that had designer templates. I stared at my computer screen begging words to come and was too ambivalent to read even my favorite blogs. I grew tired of blogging because I felt as though I was selling my soul just to have people read and/or respond.

Hearing her talk about starting her blogs brought back all those memories and feelings since starting this blog almost 6 years ago. It made me think about the one day I took my anger out on another blogger that had happened to feel a reciprocal fondness for me. He had said some idiotic things about women, mostly in jest on his blog... which he had every right to do. Well, as they say hell hath no fury and in my rage I said some very hurtful things. In the end as a result, several blogging friendships went by the wayside that day.

But my friend... she talked about writing on a whim. Speaking her truth. Spreading love and inquiring about the ways of the world in such a way that I can only describe as "Uniquely ".

Ahhh, I miss those old days when a blank screen was welcomed and craved. A time before ads and stats, writing for the pure pleasure of hearing my words clacking away (on whatever computer I could get my hands on during Emma's naps). Ultimately for the very pleasure of making myself giggle with the hopes that at least one other person in the cosmos enjoyed reading them as much as I enjoyed sharing.

Maybe for a little while I will just enjoy the feeling it gives me to read the musings of a kindred spirit, and maybe I will comment because something that I read amused me, made me ponder, or made feel a connection across the unknown.

I hope that one day I write again with joy and fervor (when I'm not baby rearing), the words falling out of my head and straight to the screen just like the old days. I can only describe that feeling with a quote from one of my favorite books- I would love to write again in this way :
"If I really wanted to pray I’ll tell you what I'd do. I'd go out into a great big field all alone or in the deep, deep woods and I'd look up into the sky - up, up, up - into that lovely blue sky that looks as if there was no end to its blueness. And then I'd just feel a prayer." ~L.M. Montgomery (Anne of Green Gables)

It is a lovely thought, isn't it? Miss , thank you for your light, your love, and your inspiration. Always.

And for my friends that still love, honor and humor me after all these bloggin' years- if I may be so corny... The feeling is mutual. Joy to you!


Not So Anonymous Michelle said...

Love ya DNQ!!! I thank God for the day I stumbled across your blog or you came across mine...I can't honestly say I remember how it happened. You're one of my best friends despite the miles between us!

Mert said...

Love ya too DNQ!!! I know, how did we meet? Was it a meme like Wordless Wednesday? Wish I could remember. Ohhhh, the conversations we have had!!! I feel the same way about you Shell:D

Princess Goldfish :-) said...

Dollface! Your all about up in here blogging away.... I color that freakin' sparklie !! (and gawddess knows I love me some sparklie!)
I'm inspired.... *trots off to quote Anne of Green Gables, too....*

Mert said...

Princess :D Thanks, YOU inspired me!!!

Love, your kah-poo-kay-key

Ash said...

I truly felt the same way about my blog after a while. And commenting became a chore as well. Tg for facebook babe! Love you! Write when you feel like it and never because you feel like you have too. Moooooowah! ~Ashley(formerly ash in wonderland)

Mert said...

Love you to Miss Ash!!! I'm so proud of you and everything you are becoming :D

Yvonne said...

Hi Sweetie,
I miss your blog's, you are so funny and you see the brighter side of things that happen. You are a great writer and you make me laugh a lot.
Love you,
Auntie Yvonne

Jennfactor 10 said...

I miss your blog and I miss Blogging. Facebook just isn't the same.

Pamela said...

Very well said -- the whole feeling about blogging becoming a chore.

michelle said...

OK, I have to admit this is the first time I"ve been here in a looong time. I missed your BlogHer era... anyway-I wanted to tell you that I've had you in my blogroll/links under Blogs I Can't Live Without, forever. I was a dedicated reader back when blogs were in my bloodstream. I got writer and reader's block I guess, it sucked. But it was all me, and not the blogs I was reading. You have a gift, you made me laugh, you opened your heart and soul and I cheered you on, and cried too. I hope you keep on writing, in the way that you want too.