Great Kitchen Disasters In Dork History- or When bacon and grilling collide

Have you ever had one of those moments that turned out to be not as brilliant as you thought?

I have those a lot. If you didn't know already, I can be a dork sometimes.

I wrote this on a forum a long time ago, and I never saved it because I'm an idiot... so I am going to try to reconstruct it from memory. I have been wanting to post it for a long time, and after seeing this post at Dork Bloggers, I just knew I had to share my story. It's only a month late
When Bacon And Grilling Collide

One day while pregnant with my second... I had an overwhelming craving for a BLT. I suddenly had a brilliant idea! Why not grill the bacon and avoid all the grease splattered mess! I'd like to blame it on pregnancy brain, but you guys already know I am a dork. Here is what I learned from that little debacle, this post is based on actual events...

1. Bacon, being 99.9376 % fat, can and will burn long after you turn the gas off- causing a lovely and glorious grease fire.
2. The glorious bacon grease fire will eventually turn into an embarrassing plume of black smoke, no matter how hard you try to hide it after closing the grill lid.

3. Having the phone near by in case you need to call the fire department is always handy.

4. Make sure to have some baking soda or flour handy, too in the event that your bacon grease fire continues to rage on, despite closing the lid of your grill.

5. Flinging charred and smoking bacon on to your grass will scorch your lawn.

6. Sacrificing your dignity to scrounge for edible bacon on your own grass is OK, just make sure the neighbors aren't watching.

7. Mayonnaise will expire in direct proportion to the intensity of your craving for a BLT.

8. Making sure you actually have lettuce for a BLT is always a good thing.

9. A working toaster is never missed. That is until you decide you need one, in which case you will remember that you no longer have one since the last one is sitting at the bottom of your trash can.

10. (Semi scorched)B(minus the L)T's on dry bread... not as tasty as one would think.

11. Sometimes it's just better to quit while you are ahead, no matter how bad you want pork products. Chances are a bad situation will only get worse.

12. Telling your mate that the mother of his unborn child singed the hair off of one arm while trying to light the grill, narrowly avoided calling the fire department, scorched the lawn, and probably ruined the grill with flour is probably not a good idea. This will only give him more funny family gathering stories, ammunition in the the unfortunate event of divorce, and possible reasons to pull your life support later in life... because you showed signs of brain damage waaaaaay before your untimely coma.

What are your dorky kitchen disasters? Care to share? Speaking of food... do you like food, like eating food, talking about food, dreaming about food? If you do, head over to hello!Food and join in the chitchat about your favorite foods and indulgences.