Thursday, June 29, 2006

I am so totally like... Super!

I have been informed by a very credible source, my 5 year old, that in the event that the whole family became super heros, I would be Sarcasm Girl. She went on to say that she would be Fast Girl (because, you see, she is very fast), Emma would be Annoying Girl (because little sisters can be annoying), and daddy would be Invisible Boy.

I said, "Wait, when you ask me what super powers I would like to have I always say invisibility. I should be Invisible Girl." I am serious, I would love to be able to disappear at will, and have a little solitude, a little me time. "Nope", she said, "you're Sarcasm Girl."

John and I discussed what super powers we would want for a few minutes. Some people like to talk about gas prices, energy conservation and recycling, but not us. We like to imagine that we are the main character of a recent movie or show, and we discuss what we would do different to change the outcome of the movie. We also like to talk about the various supporting roles, artistic imagery in key scenes, and the psychological undertones and emotions. We're deep, that's how we roll. Anyway, John couldn't decide between the power to fly or super strength, I stuck with invisibility.

In the end, you can't always pick you strengths so I vowed to Anna to try to use my powers of Sarcasm for good, not evil. It occurred to me that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, as they say. There have been quite a few times Anna has said something to John with a "sookie" and the flourish of a finger snap, to which John responds with a brief moment of glowering silence, then, "Hmm, I wonder where she got that from?"

My favorite exercise in sarcasm was about a year ago, standing in line at the Target. Anna really liked Ashlee Simpson, and she pointed to a magazine with Ashlee on the cover. "Look who's on the front of that magazine, sucker,"she exclaimed while looking right at her dad. Again with the glowering and silent stare that says only one thing, "I am soooo gonna beat you for that." Well, I can only imagine because I did an about face so that Anna wouldn't see me laughing hysterically, meanwhile the stare scorched the back of my head. I couldn't help thinking, "The Force is strong with this one."

So as I said, I am going to try to use my powers for good, not evil. That's why we haven't yet talked to the remaining maternal unit. We are dodging all offers for babysitting at this time, which makes me feel like a dirty, filthy liar. What I mean is, I am trying to have pleasant and meaningless conversations with her, but feel guilty because underneath it all I am still po'd about the whole rock walking incident. I told John I don't feel comfortable with her watching the kids while we are here working on the house even, because that would make us users and hypocrites. We haven't talked to her about it yet because we know she will be very hurt and upset, it's just not something we want to do. We have to though, because eventually she is going to wonder why we wont leave her alone with the monkeys.

I know if I have the discussion with her by myself, she will quickly become angry and defensive, and absolutely *snippy* ( by that I mean that special *B* word) with me. Been there, done that, and she didn't want to admit she did anything wrong until I told her if she couldn't figure out that leaving my kid locked in a car on a hot summer day to either die of heat exhaustion or be abducted along with her car, she wouldn't ever be taking Anna alone again. I don't want John to have to do it on his own because I don't want him to feel like he is being abandoned and I am shirking my end of the deal, and because I want to be sure that all of the key points have been discussed. Also, I just want to have my say, naturally. I am worried that if we both have the talk with her, she will feel like we are ganging up on her, so I am not sure how we are going to handle this yet. I know how it will end, probably with one or both of us yelling at her because she keeps interrupting or is just being plain *snippy*, the water works, the possible mention/threat to move back to Texas, John and I leaving in a huff, then no communication for 2 or 3 weeks.

On a positive note, I was thinking (which , as you know, can be dangerous)... If Anna is Fast Girl, and has inherited her parents' super powers, she should have the ability later on when her powers mature to be sarcastic and then disappear very quickly. *wink*

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