Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Butt, butt, butt...

Emma is trying her hardest to talk, and we are trying our hardest to interpret. Her vocabulary consists of:
eht- eat
weh- wet
out- ouch
maht- mouth
blah- yuck
bah bah- momma
adah, ahhh, badah- Anna
upps- oops
poot- fart
pepe- peepee
uh-puhbuh - up above (the world so high)
spy- spider
roofroof- dog
meow, dat, key-key- cat
dense- dance
Pooh bah- Pooh bear

Ok, here is where it starts to get tricky...

foot, milk, shoe, cat, dog, book, bread, five (for "give me 5"), head, kiss, shirt, bird, button, butterfly and butt

Usually we have to figure out what she is pointing at, and go through all of the possibilities. We know for sure when she wants milk, because she does the ASL sign. Other than that, it's a crap shoot. Oh, and she is doing this adorable thing where she gives her baby doll a kiss by loudly saying "mmmmmmm-muah". Also, she is giving the best hugs, and rubs the back of your head or neck while holding on tightly.

Anna... is just being Anna. Still 5 going on 35, testing the sassiness boundaries every day. She is so cat like, it's not funny. It's all scratching and hissing, but when she wants affection it is so nice. She can be quite the snuggle bunny when she wants to be.

Anywhooo...Speaking of butts... I am having such a struggle right now. I am so sick and tired of people being either passive-aggressive or just plain rude. If you have a problem with me, please, by all means talk to me about it. Don't sit there and glower at me, make snide or rude comments, or ignore me. I drives me nuts! I had 18 years of that with my mother, with a little insanity tossed into the mix. My mother would go days without talking to me, never giving me the benefit of actually telling me what mistake I had made. Later I would find out, usually at 2 o'clock in the morning, what I had done wrong. Sometimes it would be when I least expected, preceded by a large whack with a hair brush to the back of the head.

Maybe all I want is a little R E S P E C T. The Bible says that I need to forgive, turn the other cheek, above all else love.

I don't want to.

I have had a lifetime of being walked all on. I feel that when I sit quietly and say nothing, I am inviting more rudeness and abuse.It's as if I am saying, "Hey, look at me! Come on over and kick me as hard as you can, because I am just going to sit her with a smile on my face and take it."

Why? Why do I have to be the nice one, all the time? Why do I have to smile on the outside and feel miserable in the inside?
Why is this so hard for me?

The only thing that I can think of is that my walk isn't where it should be, and that I can't move forward until I deal with this. God is keeping pretty quiet about the whole thing, and I think it has something to do with the fact that I have all the answers from Him that I need, but I refuse to acknowledge them.

I told John that all I am capable of right now is walking away. When things get rough and I am starting to get steamed, I am just going to get up and remove myself from the situation, therefore reducing the risk of an explosion. Hopefully once I get the hang of this, I can gradually stick around and keep my big yap shut. Yeah, that's the ticket. But for now , I feel a little bit like this. I just want to climb a tree.

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