Monday, March 16, 2009

Oh God. What. Have. I. Done.

Today was Anna's Parent/Teacher conference, and usually it's a breeze so I wasn't nervous at all. Anna is advanced for her age, and this has been the case for her whole life.

I even mentioned this on Facebook today, and my blogging buddy Sonia replied:
So, if they tell you she's dealing meth at school, that would probably be a surprise, right?

And to which I quipped back, via the wonder that is Facebook:
Well, as long as she's cooking it during the science portion of class, I really don't see what the big deal is. ;) I sure hope she's better at lighting a Bunsen burner than I am at lighting a gas grill.

Let me say this again, people: "Pride goeth before the fall."~ Praphrased, God.

I should have been nervous it turns out, and I should have taken a cue from this: Emma, my lovely 3 year old decided that she needed to tinkle whilst I applied my war paint.

And so, naturally , she said, "It sounds like I'm peeeeee-ing a WAINBOW!"

To which I replied after a loud snort, "Yes... how does one pee a rainbow, exactly?"

OH GOD, really, why do I ask these questions?

"Well," she begins thoughtfully, "Fust, you put all sorts of cullews in side your who-who... then you SPWAY it ALLLLL OVER the sky!!!" She arcs her upraised hand over her head for effect.

And I'm pretty sure I stood there agape.

Motionless, with my mascara wand floating in mid air.

*Sigh*

Anywho, you would think that having your daughter's second grade teacher start the conference off by asking if you have gotten Spanish by Rosetta Stone would be a good thing. I quite sure that under normal circumstances, this would be the case. It turns out that a classmate complained to the teacher that Anna was cursing at them and calling them bad names in Spanish.

The teacher did some investigating to find that Anna feels like the only way she can get back at some of the kids in her class is to call them names. En Espanol. Mrs. Moore explained to Anna that there are other options to explore, like for instance walking away. She did say that Anna has shown growth in this area and has deployed this tactic on more than one occasion, which shows that Anna is very mature for her age.

I explained that we don't commonly share curse words in Spanish ( though secretly I kicked myself-while blushing wildly- for having shared more than a fair share of the English versions), and that Anna had a secret language when she was younger, and that she would babble when feeling uncomfortable and shy. One of these words, actually and unfortunately one of her favorite words, just happened to be the Spanish word for B*TCH, and that we were very clear on the fact that it shouldn't be said.

Still to this day, when being annoyed by her sister, she lets out a tirade of gibberish and sometimes this word will pop out, without her even realizing. We gently remind her to not use that one. But I explained that Anna is fully aware of what the word means, and that she isn't supposed to say it.

The teacher says, "OH, so she really DID use a bad word. Well, I wanted to say, 'Teach me, I wanna know!'" After which of course our country club laughs could be heard pealing through the hallways.

It also turns out that Anna is a talker ( we know this), that she is messy (we know this too) and made of list of supplies she needs for class, and her teacher was kind enough to point out that everything she needs is probably under 3 feet of school papers.

Last, but not least, I say (type rather) with a heavy sigh that it has come to our attention that our daughter has an odd and advanced sense of humor. Sometimes the other kids don't get her when she is being funny *OH GOD*, and the Mrs. Moore tries to not only sooth the poor child that Anna has emotionally decimated by drawing humorous pictures of *OH GOD, it's all my fault... how is it possible that my cheeks are burning MORE* while not crushing Anna's spirit... and sometimes, just sometimes, the other kids don't get her sarcastic sense of humor at all. * OH. MY. GOD. I have made my poor child guilty by association. She has gleaned everything she knows of this world from me, and as my husband so succinctly put it, she has been swimming in a sea of sarcasm from day one... my daughter is a dork*

On a brighter note, Sonia, at least she's not dealing meth, right? *weak smile*

Sunday, March 08, 2009

That's my girl!

Emma was playing Candyland on her laptop yesterday and said , "Mommy! You have to come see this , it's os funny!"

So I walked over and she clicks on part of the game, "Hold on momma, it has to load... OK, " she puts her hand over her mouth and giggles as something pops up on the screen, "THAT'S CLASSIC!" Ten she falls over laughing. "That's classic, isn't it momma?"

I laughed so hard. I don't know how many times I have said to John "That's classic/that's classic Mary/classic DORKY Mary", and now my sweet almost 4 yr old is saying it too. Love it.