Wednesday, April 09, 2008

That's life - OR- I need a vacation

Sooooo..... Long time no see huh? I bet the 4 people that still read my blog might be wondering what I have been up to lately, and to those 4 lovely people (who I am very very grateful for!!!) I would like to say this: My life is complete chaos right now.

Which I suppose for some people is normal, but for me that hasn't been true for a very long time. Since I was a kid actually, but compared to that my life is a song.

Emma's birthday was on the 30th, and we had a very small party for her. If you remember, I was able to talk the little booger into having a princess party:

I feel bad because I didn't actually make her cake, but I had to work the 2 days before her birthday.... my MIL bought the cake and I decorated it at least :) She didn't have a nap that day since her party fell on her nap time, but later she crashed out on the couch while sitting with Anna and me. I thought back and realized that 3 years to the day, she was sleeping just like that I am sure.

Of course the MISU didn't bother to tell me he was taking a pic of me too, so I was doing the "let me smoosh myself way back so I'm not in the pic, while unfortunately making my double chin look ginourmous" thing. *SNORT*
And then :D

Since her birthday, I have been working A LOT. I only wanted to work 3 days a week but I have been working a lot more, and I just worked 5 days in a row at The T. Just when I started to get used to working in retail, and getting used to the rhythms of the sales floor, I go and do something stupid like asking to be cross trained in the "Food Avenue"... which came at a very bad time as 2 regular kitchen employees have quit to move to another state. So, I trained last weekend and have a total of 4 food area shifts already this week. When I asked to be trained there, several supervisors (including the HR) pounced on me, saying, "So you wanna work at Food Ave, huh? Do ya? Do ya? Huh? Huh? Huh?"

I should have known right then- as I stood there gagging at the stench of sheer desperation coming down the hall at me- to run in the other direction pleading temporary insanity.


I thought I'd train so that I could get an extra shift here and there... not to replace a Food Ave employee. Clearly I need to talk to HR about this if they continue to schedule me more than once a week, though they told me I had a lot of shifts because someone was on vacation. We shall see.

Actually, I have 2 more food shifts this week, then one next week... so I called yesterday for them to make a notation to NOT schedule any more food shifts for me until I figure out whether or not I like it.

Anyway, other than that I have contemplated giving up blogging. I have little time to write, and no time to read my favorite blogs, AND given that I am so miserably behind in both seems overwhelming to me... which kills any desire to blog at all.

I am sure that you, dear reader, have been here at this very cross road. My readership is way down because I haven't been posting, and as much as I hate to admit it, readership relies almost completely on "popularity" and reader reciprocation- meaning that there seems to be a certain algebraic equation to popularity, and I am horrible at math now. Also, if you don't have the said algebraic components and digits, then fail to reciprocate comments... yer done.

I just don't have the energy to prostitute myself for comments/readership right now. What I mean by THAT is I have begged, pleaded and apologized in the past for not reading/reciprocating, and I have tried to "fix" things by spending hours reading other blogs to play catch up or to try to save face. This has no bearing on those blogs I read, and they (the blog owners) are not to blame, and they are not to blame for the guilt that I used to feel.

This is just how I feel about it all.

But honestly? That's life. Often times we find ourselves in situations where we have to choose and sacrifice, and sometimes we have to scrape away the extraneous and unproductive parts of our lives to really discover what we are made of. I don't feel guilty, just sad. I don't want to lose touch with friends that I have made blogging, but again that's life. Just like in real life, sometimes you lose friends despite your best efforts. Sometimes people outgrow relationships.

For me, right now at this moment, I am not sure where blogging fits into my life. So much so that I forgot my 2 year bloggiversary on February 6th. And on a side note, since starting [to] work [my @ss off], I have lost more weight. I'm down 20 lbs, y'all!

This part of my post is in no way meant to offend, and I hope it doesn't. Like I said, this is about me. At the end of the day, I have to decide what is more important; blogging or spending what little time I have with my kids on the days I work now, since I go to work about 45 minutes after Anna gets home from school and come home after their bedtimes. But also it has a lot to do with me not wanting to put those pressures on myself anymore, life is too short.

I do know this though... there are a few of you peeps who have stuck with me through thick and thin, crazy outburst and tyrannical/maniacal rants. Thank you so much for your love and support! Don't worry, I will make time for you, I promise (sorry I haven't emailed you back Factor 10 Jen, Ash and Michelle). It may not happen for a while until I have a decent stretch of days off, but know I am thinking about you.

Finally, trying to start a sewing business then getting a job was a really bad idea. I have no energy left for my basic housework let alone sewing. I have nothing so far for my web site: there is no design yet, and I have little product to show for the last 4 months. I'm not sure if I should even venture or risk it since I thought that maybe I could get business by posting pictures of my wares here on my blog, but as you can see I don't even have time for regular posts.

I hope to update here and there, but if I have no activity... well I guess ASP will have to close up shop.

Like I said, my life is chaos right now...We'll see how it goes.

I know you understand.


~Virginia~ said...

those pictures are too cute! i'm sorry things are so hectic right now. but congrats on the 20 pounds! that's awesome! :)

i have you on google reader, so if there are updates, i'll be sure to tune in since it'll alert me to any new postings.

take care of yourself and your family. do what's right for them and you.


Not So Anonymous Michelle said...

2. LOVE the birthday pics, both now and then and the slideshow...looks like a great party!
3. Sorry work is kicking your hiney right now, hope it slows down! I can relate
4. I still check for updates every few days and even if they are few and far between...just like my blog lately...I STILL love ya and want you to keep the blog going!!!

Sunshine said...

I know the frazzle of which you speak, I'm experiencing it myself right now. But mine involves no getting a new job....
my advice? slow down, take a deep breath, and keep your priorities in check, you know what those are - the other stuff will wait for you when you have time for it.

Holly Schwendiman said...

I'm not sure if blogger ate my comment or not. So I'll just add a congrats on the 20 lb loss and I can relate FAR TO WELL on photos and chins!!


Holly Schwendiman said...

Dang, it did eat my first comment! Bugger. Well, suffice it say I sent hugs, condolences and commiserated with 'ya. :)


Factor 10 said...

Sister Mert, you have to know that we'll be here when you DO blog, and we'll be sending you oodles of love during your silent phases. Blogging should be FUN, not another responsibility to cram into your day!

I am green with envy about your twenty pounds--you GO!

Marci said...

things being crazy as they are you have to take care of you and the family. Take time out to smell the roses. I love you and congrats on the 20 pounds I think thats wonderful.
Love you bunches!!!! Call when you can.

Judy Thomas said...

Congratulations on the 20 lbs and I am SOOOO jealous! (of course, maybe that jealousy will help motivate me.. we'll

I loved the pictures...and, re: blogging. If you need to take a break, do so and don't feel guilty about it. You have to do what's right for YOU and your family and, if that means holding back on the blogging for a bit, so be it. Just don't forget there are those of us who love you and who check in when we can.

Email me if you want...'kay?


I'll miss your blog. Hope you stay in touch. Things happen. I won't feel you have to make the rounds though.

ps Emma's Pictures are so cute.

Ash said...

I want to nom nom nom those fat baby cheeks. ZOMG!

Going to read the rest of the post now, I swears!

Yvonne said...

Hang in there Mary, do what you can and the rest will fall into place or just fall off the plate of things you thought you HAD to do. Family first is a good thing.
I love the pictures of the girls, looks like Emma had a great party.
Great job on the 20 pounds, way to go!!!!
Love you always,
Anti Yvonne

Mari said...

20 pounds!! Yay! Work is good for money and losing weight!

As for making the birthday cake; I wouldn't either, but not because I had to work--because I wouldn't want to!

Pamela said...

We are all (at some point) wondering about quitting our blogging.

I think it cycles -- so you need to do the things that are important right now.

Darn she was a cute baby. Belated Happy Birthday to the princess.

You are on my bloglines so I'll see you if and when you post!

Kelly @ Pass the Torch said...

It sounds like you're doing just what you should be. We'll keep checking back for updates, and just be pleased when we get one! Bets wishes with all the changes and congrats on the 20 pounds!

Judy Thomas said...

Just checking in to say hello... love to the girls. Email when you get the chance.