Saturday, January 16, 2010


I am copying some of this from a response comment I left for Pam on my previous post, and I wasn't sure if I should even post this because I'm a mess and I have nothing good to say lately:

Thank you everyone for your responses and support :)It truly is appreciated.

My ob office called yesterday and said that my pap came back with some abnormal cells so they want to do more tests on my next appt 2/4/10. My best friend just happened to call me right after they did, so it was a real blessing. They weird thing is I KNEW as he was doing my pap that it was going to come back abnormal.

Maybe it was God warning me and preparing me. I don't know.

I am hanging by a thread, I don't know how much more stress I can take. Last night I had to lay down for 1/2 hr because I could feel my uterus contracting. I'll be 13 week this coming tuesday so...

*Sigh* I am hanging in there trying to be positive.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Hiho, hiho it's off to the surgeon I go....

I had my first official OB appointment last Thursday and he checked the lump on my right breast again. He thinks it's nothing but is sending me to see a surgeon. My OB says that they can do a mammo once I am in the 2nd trimester which will be in just over a week.

I would like to say that I am feeling good and positive but for the most part I am just existing and just hoping that my appointment scheduled for the 20th goes for the best. I am trying not to think about it and have been doing OK but did have a bit of a melt down last night after we got home from a friends house.

I'm looking at all the angles and have all my bases covered at least to begin with, what ever road this trip leads me on.

Unfortunately my faith is running a little low. I blame it on being a serial pessimist. ;) Any prayers and happy thoughts that you can send my way would be much appreciated.

Also I have a young friend Michael who has had a stroke, he is only in his 30's and has 3 kids (8 yr old twins and a 7 month old)... and my friend I will call L who is having some difficulties with her last pap and is having further tests. Both of these friends could use some love too. I am praying fervently for them.

It's been an emotional week for me too considering Emma had an appointment same day as my OB for being a bit lethargic and pale, which concerns me given her aortic bicuspid valve. She is getting some vitamins with iron and antibiotics, her pediatrician wants to see her back next week and if she hasn't improved ... it's off to the pediatric cardiologist slightly earlier than expected.

To top it all off my OB was unable to find/get a heartbeat "because it's so tiny" *sigh* Better luck next time I guess.

Anywho, trying to keep my chin up... I will let you know what our docs say as soon as they do what they need to do, whatever that is.


Friday, January 08, 2010

If I had a nickel...

I was at work last week telling one of my fabulous coworkers about what my girls have been up to- which, yes, would be trouble...thank you for asking- and she said, "Oh my God Mary, and you're having another one? You are so screwed."

After laughing for about 2 minutes , utterly and completely without rancor and irony, I wiped the tears from my eyes and simply replied, "Yes, oh God yes, this I know."

I am hoping for a Christ-like child if you want to know. Not that my girls aren't fun and entertaining but I have on occasion looked intently at their scalps to have the MISU ask what I was doing. I would reply with a saintly smile that I was looking for the "the mark of the beast", or the evil triple digit.

I would love it if God would somehow deem it necessary and right for me to have a child full of sweetness and light... and to be nothing like me. I already have 2 of those. I had thought for sure He had broken the mold, burned it, and then scattered the ashes to all corners of this little rock we live on. It's a nice thought anyway.

And if I cannot have a Christ-like child, dear Lord, if you should see fit to go with my alternate option... Please make my baby (if it's a boy) in Guy Fieri's image. You know... light hearted, easy going and later in life not ashamed to feed his momma. I'm just saying.

To be sure, I will say again that I have no one else to blame. I wouldn't say I would change my girls per se, just maybe "take a little off the sides". But they are who they are and I love them despite my ability to see in them at times all the little things that irk me about myself LOL! Yes, I have taught them well. ;)