Jacob's Halloween costume!

Matt, my BIL , sent us this costume from our nephew Logan. It's a 6-9 month costume :) Hopefully it wont be unseasonably warm this year. Oh, and in case you were wondering, Jacob (whom I often refer to as Biggie,Biggie Smalls, Big Poppa) is 3 months old now, is 14 lbs 2 ozs and is 24 1/2 inches long.

8 weeks already *sigh*

I have many nick names for my baby boy, hopefully most he WONT be embarrassed by when he gets older... but I doubt it: Big Poppa, Biggie Smalls, Big Man, Chubbeh The Hut just to name a few.

Jacob is doing great except for some issues with formula allergies and sensitivities. We have him on Similac Alimentum but believe it or not his system still hasn't adjusted and he has bowel problems. Our pediatrician wants us to take him to the University of Iowa to a GI specialist to rule out real allergies to milk based formulas since he seemed to have a severe enough reaction for us to call 911 (face swelling, rash, difficulty breathing). She wants to see what he if he is really allergic in preparation for the upcoming months when he will start solid foods.

Anywho, despite him still having loose poops and apparently NOT digesting even the hypoallergenic formula, he seems to be gaining weight just fine and his pediatrician gets a kick out of how much he weighs. Right now he is probably 12 lbs at 8 weeks... not too shabby!

Finally... It's definitely a boy!

Hey there blog reader, I know I am way overdue but not in the way you would think. ;)

I woke up on there morning of July 16th at 6:30 with a contraction of sizable discomfort value. With contraction #2, I grabbed John's (the Male Income Support Unit) arm and said evenly through clenched teeth, " I don't think you will be going to work today." Contraction #3 happened much like #2, about 7 minutes from the previous but a little stronger.

I decided to get up and walk around the quiet house, hoping to get things going as I had failed to do on 2 other occasions within that week. While I was brushing my teeth I called out to my sleeping MISU, "Uhhhhhh, honey? Honnnnnnney, I think my water broke." I stood there with my mouth full of tooth paste, tooth brush poised in mid air waiting for those words to register with John.

Two seconds later a blurry eyed hubby came running to the bathroom. "What should I do?"

"Um, I'm going to call my OB's office, you try to call your mom (so she can stay with Anna and Emma)... and could you please find me some clean maternity undies?"

My Ob's office said to go right to the hospital to be admitted for the already planned c-section. John tried unsuccessfully to get a hold of his mom- who seemed to have turned her phone off because our calls went right to voice mail, so we went to our back up plan, his aunt Sue... Who also was not answering her phone.

10 minutes later, still waiting for my befuddled hubby to find me clean undies, I called my friend and coworker Meghan who had offered to take me to the hospital or watch my girls in case I went into labor early before my MIL had arrived from Texas. Thank God for Meghan, she was there in about 3 minutes!

Since both of our vehicles we in the shop and not running we had to borrow Meghan's car to go to the hospital. Anna (my 9 yr old) calmed her nerves by making some microwave pancakes for herself, Meghan and Emma. My MIL eventually called back while on our way to the hospital.

At 10:16 am, after a few contractions, and after me being jerked all over the surgical table to get him out Jacob Harrison Krajnovich entered this world screaming and healthy 12 days early. He weighed 7 lbs 13 oz and was about 19 1/4 inches long.

His pediatrician brought him over and pressed his little head against my lips repeatedly, in a smooth jabbing motion and finally pressed his face against mine. After a few seconds of me cooing to him ( after I stopped chuckling at our pediatrician LOL), his screams subsided and his proud daddy snapped a few shots.

Mommy and Jacob, my first time holding him about 2 hours after birth :)

Daddy and Jacob on his second day of life :)

Finally a big sis, Emma gets to hold her baby brother after a long 8 1/2 months.

Oldest sister Anna, soooo proud and excited!

My life saver, Miss Meghan getting some baby loves :D

Jacob is settling in to life here pretty well, but we have noticed a few things about our boy. He is louder and stronger than Emma, who in turn was louder and stronger than Anna. He dislikes having his diaper changed very much and doth protest loudly each and every time. He also tends to dislike having an empty stomach and at times has boxed us for his bottle right as we try to get it to his mouth, and he is a very stubborn burper.

All in all, he is welcomed and loved more than could possibly be imagined... this unplanned miracle came just after John and I reconciled last year, and though I had doubts about my ability to take another step forward and seemingly another 4 steps back in my life and it's natural progression... I couldn't imagine my life right now any other way.

My favorite pic so far...

Wowsers!!!

It's been awhile, hasn't it? Let's see, where to start...

The beginning of May I moved John and I back into our larger room and the girls back to the smaller because they never use their room. We were having a hard time fitting everything we needed into our room including a crib. I painted the room an oceanic blue, and we decorated for Baby Jacob:
I had a wonderful baby shower May 23rd given by one of my sweet coworkers :D they know that we were starting from scratch and decided we needed to have a shower. It was cozy and laid back and we got some really cute stuff!

We also have been given lots of stuff by so many loving and generous people! Car seats and Exersaucers, baby clothes... you name it! Best of all my blogging buddies hooked me up! Maggie sent me some REALLY adorable baby jammies and outfits! These are only a few of the things Maggie sent me :D
And my BFF Michelle has sent be so much... where to start! Here is a onsie she bought off Etsy, so cute!And this set of letters she made that match the baby's room completely!
Besides that, I'm huge. Just enormous. A week ago I had an ultrasound because he is measuring too large, it turns out I was supposed 31 weeks 2 days and he should have been 3 lbs 6 oz, but his size was reading 32 weeks 6 days and 4 lb12 oz. So today I could be 32 1/2 weeks OR 34 weeks. Want proof of my ginormousness?

Taken May 23rd


Taken June 3rd, you can see how we've grown in just over a week :)

So there you have it, I'll find out on the 10th when my doc thinks I'm due based on the new ultrasound and when he wants to reschedule the c section for. It was supposed to be the 26th of July. Otherwise, just finishing up baby quilts and burp cloths and last minute shopping. I'm so big I wonder if I will even make it to the new revised date I'll be getting next week.

I know he needs to cook a bit more, but he's just so big and I'm sooo uncomfortable.

Oh, I forgot to mention that despite almost calling it quits (again) a year ago, we celebrated our 21st anniversary yesterday:) And Emma graduated from preschool today!

Life is good. :)

Annnnnd so it begins

Last night the girls were watching A Minute To Win It with me in my bed, and I leaned over to tickle Emma. Her response was a giggle screech and generous kick to the belly bump. "Hey," I said," look out, you baby brother is getting squished right now and looks like this..." I made a goofy smooshy face.

She laughed and continued to gently nudge my belly with her foot. I gasped and playfully shouted,"I cannot believe that you are ALREADY picking on your little brother and he isn't even born yet!!!"

This made her laugh even harder, maniacally even, while she STILL continued to nudge my belly.

Poor Jacob, my little love, you have the world ahead of you... but it also contains two older sisters who are going to love the crap out of you.

Good luck with that! Just kidding little one ;) I know all of their tickle spots and all of their embarrassing stories. I've got your six, little buddy.

Belly belly!!!

Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy... I am huge!!! These were taken yesterday :)

4 1/2 months or 21 weeks. I don't even want to think about how big I will be at the end. *SIGH* The good news is that I am off work now because I have been having very intense Braxton-Hicks contractions (which started at 2 1/2 months!!!) that sometimes lead to actual cramping. Sometimes I can be on my feet for an hour, and sometimes only 5-10 mins before I start having them again. We will miss the extra income but let's face it... I worked at Target on the sales floor. It's not like I was making bank.

Anywho, I ordered a crib in ebony to match the wood finish in my bedroom since Baby Jacob will be sharing a room with mom and dad for the first year, It only cost me just over 200.00 with free shipping, woot!!!

And this crib set, which I love!!! It's been really fun shopping for boy stuff so far :DSince we gave everything away, John's coworker (who has twin boys) will be generously giving us 2 infant car seats with bases and lots of baby clothes... which I am very excited about! Chances are anything we did have would have been recalled or too old anyway since Anna just turned 9.

I am getting more and more used to the idea, since he lets me know he's in there quite frequently with lots of kicks and bumps. I do love him already, how could I not?

The best thing? Emma and Anna gave me hugs goodnight last night, then rubbed the belly and said, "Goodnight, Jacob." So sweet!

It's a.....

Boy!!! We had the ultrasound on Friday 3/4/10... been so busy the last few days so I'm just getting around to posting. He is definitely a Jacob, but still trying to convince the hubby on Jacob David.

Left profile

Left profile again 3/4/10, baby is facing down

Face, you can see on the left side of the head a fist and then on his right side (facing your left) he has a hand covering his right eye :)
And right foot

Everything looks normal according to the ultrasound and the lab tests I had done...I didn't feel comfortable with having an amnio done.

After having our ultrasound of Baby Jacob, we took the girls out for a little shopping and lunch... they bought these hats at Claire's :D

Sad news, but why don't I feel sad?

***Warning, Not a positive post***

Yesterday my younger brother called to let me know that our maternal grandmother had passed away the night before, that he had just gotten a text from the older brother I have estranged myself from.

I was bothered on many levels about the phone, none of which had to do with my younger brother Ben, or the phone call in and of itself... But My older brother is"sorry for not being there for us", again. He is now 44 or 45 and I still don't believe it. His pleas for family fall on deaf ears. I try not to feel bitter and resentful of his "alleged" neediness... but memories of my co-existance with him as a child and memories of how as adults he was too busy to talk and had to go just minutes after calling him because "his pizza had arrived" or he " was shopping for car insurance"... and this after not speaking to each other for almost 8 months to a year.

Time and time again he refuses to hear Ben's and my valid complaints about our mother, and he cares little enough to retain the reasons that we have explained to him (repeatedly) why we both need to rid ourselves of her insanity, mental and physical abuse and codependent mess. He asks all the tough questions but then ends the call abruptly, while Ben and I sit there shaking, near gastro-intestinal distress from having to recant it all. AGAIN.

To make matters worse, I feel nothing but a slight sadness in my grandmother's passing. I felt bothered by this last night, and as I sit here trembling over my realization this morning... shame taints my day today. I do not feel sorry that this woman passed. The woman who heard her daughters speak of abuse by their father, her husband while she turned a blind eye. Chances are that my mother would have had problems anyway because of the way my grandmother raised her... But her denials definitely contributed to the monster my mother is today.

What I have not divulged on this blog is that I can remember My grandfather watching me and a foster child they had taken in play "doctor". This woman, who had ignored pleas from her own daughters... left her innocent grandchild alone with this man, and had taken in foster children knowing his predilections.

And my mother was either helpless as to where my older brother and I stayed or was too far gone to care in a mental institution that my grandparents and birth father had had her committed to.

I don't know why he (my grandfather) never followed through, and I thank God every day that he did not... but I still wake at night screaming because in my dreams I see him standing in my bedroom doorway... I see the evil intent and filth in his eyes, and it haunts me still to this day.

So, as I felt no sorrow for his passing 2 or 3 yrs ago... I feel nothing for her as well. I don't have many warm fond memories of my grandparents as most people do, I can only remember being punished for talking to my foster sister after bedtime by being locked outside in the back yard for 3 hours after dark for not going to sleep...being beaten by my grandmother with a slipper for spilling god knows what... and night terrors of my grandfather to this day.

On a positive note, though I never have been a perfect parent... I thank God for giving me children after 11 years of infertility, for giving me a chance to prove that my gene pool is not beyond repair, for giving this family line another chance.

And now , even though this pregnancy has started off as a rough one, I thank Him for blessing us again.

WOW

I am copying some of this from a response comment I left for Pam on my previous post, and I wasn't sure if I should even post this because I'm a mess and I have nothing good to say lately:

Thank you everyone for your responses and support :)It truly is appreciated.

My ob office called yesterday and said that my pap came back with some abnormal cells so they want to do more tests on my next appt 2/4/10. My best friend just happened to call me right after they did, so it was a real blessing. They weird thing is I KNEW as he was doing my pap that it was going to come back abnormal.

Maybe it was God warning me and preparing me. I don't know.

I am hanging by a thread, I don't know how much more stress I can take. Last night I had to lay down for 1/2 hr because I could feel my uterus contracting. I'll be 13 week this coming tuesday so...

*Sigh* I am hanging in there trying to be positive.

Hiho, hiho it's off to the surgeon I go....

I had my first official OB appointment last Thursday and he checked the lump on my right breast again. He thinks it's nothing but is sending me to see a surgeon. My OB says that they can do a mammo once I am in the 2nd trimester which will be in just over a week.

I would like to say that I am feeling good and positive but for the most part I am just existing and just hoping that my appointment scheduled for the 20th goes for the best. I am trying not to think about it and have been doing OK but did have a bit of a melt down last night after we got home from a friends house.

I'm looking at all the angles and have all my bases covered at least to begin with, what ever road this trip leads me on.

Unfortunately my faith is running a little low. I blame it on being a serial pessimist. ;) Any prayers and happy thoughts that you can send my way would be much appreciated.

Also I have a young friend Michael who has had a stroke, he is only in his 30's and has 3 kids (8 yr old twins and a 7 month old)... and my friend I will call L who is having some difficulties with her last pap and is having further tests. Both of these friends could use some love too. I am praying fervently for them.

It's been an emotional week for me too considering Emma had an appointment same day as my OB for being a bit lethargic and pale, which concerns me given her aortic bicuspid valve. She is getting some vitamins with iron and antibiotics, her pediatrician wants to see her back next week and if she hasn't improved ... it's off to the pediatric cardiologist slightly earlier than expected.

To top it all off my OB was unable to find/get a heartbeat "because it's so tiny" *sigh* Better luck next time I guess.

Anywho, trying to keep my chin up... I will let you know what our docs say as soon as they do what they need to do, whatever that is.

Lurves,
Mert

If I had a nickel...

I was at work last week telling one of my fabulous coworkers about what my girls have been up to- which, yes, would be trouble...thank you for asking- and she said, "Oh my God Mary, and you're having another one? You are so screwed."

After laughing for about 2 minutes , utterly and completely without rancor and irony, I wiped the tears from my eyes and simply replied, "Yes, oh God yes, this I know."

I am hoping for a Christ-like child if you want to know. Not that my girls aren't fun and entertaining but I have on occasion looked intently at their scalps to have the MISU ask what I was doing. I would reply with a saintly smile that I was looking for the "the mark of the beast", or the evil triple digit.

I would love it if God would somehow deem it necessary and right for me to have a child full of sweetness and light... and to be nothing like me. I already have 2 of those. I had thought for sure He had broken the mold, burned it, and then scattered the ashes to all corners of this little rock we live on. It's a nice thought anyway.

And if I cannot have a Christ-like child, dear Lord, if you should see fit to go with my alternate option... Please make my baby (if it's a boy) in Guy Fieri's image. You know... light hearted, easy going and later in life not ashamed to feed his momma. I'm just saying.

To be sure, I will say again that I have no one else to blame. I wouldn't say I would change my girls per se, just maybe "take a little off the sides". But they are who they are and I love them despite my ability to see in them at times all the little things that irk me about myself LOL! Yes, I have taught them well. ;)