Good Housekeeping my foot, it's insanity!

This is a post from I am my kids mom, she wanted to hear our comments on this article from Good Housekeeping, which was first printed in the May 13th, 1955 edition of their magazine. As my comments -I imagined- would be too numerous to post on her site, I thought I would address them here. Please keep in mind that this is suposed to be in good fun, and naturally, sarcastic. :O)

The Good Wife's Guide

~Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking of him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favorite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.Oh, I do plan ahead, and sometimes when I do,this happens.

~Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair, and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.I am guessing the pink nightgown I am still wearing doesn't count as fresh.

~Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it. My husband is usually very interested in how many loads of laundry I've done, and how many diapers I've changed so I can check this one off the list...

~Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Impossible, there is an inordinate amount of clutter that keeps the ankle biters happy, and I would like them to stay happy. Sorry Good Housekeeping.

~Gather up schoolbooks, toys, papers, etc., and then run a dustcloth over the tables.See above.

~Over the cooler months of the year, you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
I could cater, but I would have to charge.

~Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair and (if necessary), change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer, or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.I guess I could clean the kids up, but then it would be dinner time, so what's the point? Oooh, you mean house work would stop when the hubby gets home? I'm in! As far as the children being quiet... been there, tried that, not gonna happen.

~Be happy to see him.Always. Mostly.

~Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.I see your greet, warm smile, and sincerity... and raise you a kiss.

~Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours. More important? More interesting , maybe. Oye, I am so glad I didn't live in the 50's, I probably would have been put out in the middle of town in stocks and chains.

~Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you . Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.See above.

~Your goal: Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquility where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit. Try as I might, order and tranquility do not reside here anymore.

~Don't greet him with complaints and problems.Well see, then we wouldn't have anything to talk about!


~Don't complain if he's late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.Out all night and not complain? The only reason for being out all night is if you're in the ER.


~Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.OK, I can do the Dew...

~Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.Sotto voce-"Sweetie, Te quieres Taco Bell?"

~Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.What complete and utter scat. WOW, I am nearly speechless.

~A good wife always knows her place.Yeah, sitting at the computer in her night gown, drinking diet Pepsi.

I love my husband sooo much, and he is my best friend... but I can't imagine living like this. I think that if he had wanted a woman who had no opinions, no feelings, no voice, he definitely would not have married me. Here's to living in 2006, where men and women are equals! We live in a time where we can do many of these things because we want to, not because it is required of us. And if your lucky, you do it for each other.

*Writes note to self to remember the Mountain Dew, and the kiss.*