Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Baby Booger Birthday... finally

Yes, I am finally getting around to Emma's birthday! Why is it that you simply do not have enough hands when it comes to birthdays and holidays? I feel really bad that we have about a gazillion pictures of Anna, but have very little of Em. Poor kid. If I could have just sprouted a couple of extra pairs of arms like Stitch, I could have taken video while bringing out the cake.

I'm thinking that buying a new digital camera right before her birthday (and not taking or having the time to actually figure the dang thing out) might not have been the best idea. I mean, this thing has more buttons than a wedding dress people!

Besides the MIL showing up early and offering to help, then not helping all that much because she is standing around complaining about her job, meanwhile I am wasting time by repeating directions of what I want done... so I end up doing it myself, the party went fine.

Well, actually we got a break this year from John's aunt (the MIL's sister) who usually does the same thing, and sucks the life force out of me by complaining about her husband that she is off and on with, who she has been trying to divorce for over 2 years now. She then usually continues throughout the whole party... sometimes to people she doesn't even know.

So, at least we didn't have to endure that this year, only this time it was the MIL complaining about her job and coworkers because she was pissed she got a bad review for being "snappy and moody to coworkers and customers". Grrrr! Last year, we were lucky enough to have both of them complaining at the same time, same party. I had to keep walking away from both of them last year so I wouldn't make a spectacle of myself by ripping their heads off .

When I throw a party, though I appreciate the thought... I don't want you calling an hour to 1/2 hour before the party keeping me on the phone about stupid crap that you are just going to spend the whole party talking about anyway. No matter how hard I organize with lists and time lines... I am usually not showered and still in my grungy clothes when guests start to arrive, so i don't need you keeping me on the phone- when I'm going to see you in a half hour anyway!

As per usual, I killed myself making too much food ( burrito dip, quesadillas- with all the fixin's, pb&honey sandwiches and mini hot dogs for the kids, apples with pb dip, carrot sticks and cucumbers with ranch dip) because when I don't we run out of food. When I make too much food, nobody eats it and my husband complains. Then you have the MIL making fun of me because I made too much food before the party started, and a guest who was John's coworker asking me why I had made so much.

This same coworker( whom my husband invited, the day before the party), who has been very pleasant to me in the past was now acting very distant and as if he didn't care to be around me because his (on and off) wife came to the party with their 4 yr old son. He would stare at me blankly for trying to make conversation, then guffaw at my husband a few seconds later- meanwhile his wife sat there acting as if someone had farted. My guess is that she has a problem with jealousy, and this is why the coworker acted as if he had never met me before, and acting as if I was being too familiar with him as if I knew him. After everyone left, they were still here, so I plopped down on the couch to rest my feet a minute and tried to join in the conversation. Both of them looked at me as if I were intruding, and avoided eye contact when John left the room to go to the bathroom.

The neurotic person that I am (and being that I can't stand it when someone doesn't like me for some unknown reason), I sat there briefly making a mental checklist: Cleavage covered-check!, Boogs?None..., inappropriate behavior/crudeness- none, toilet paper attached to my person-none, politeness- check!

I jumped up after only sitting for about 2 minutes and resumed cleaning the kitchen, i decided they weren't worth me getting myself into a mental frenzy over.

Next year, pizza. That's it... I don't care anymore. I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't... and people act like "Gawd, pizza? Were having pizza at a party, how lame." When I practically kill myself for 2 days making food, I've made too much and I'm an idiot. If I serve pizza, I'm a lazy cow.

Actually, if I could do it all over again... I'd win the lottery and move to a remote island and give no forwarding address. So, if one day I drop off of the face of the earth, you guys will know what happened. ;)

Bitter? Yes! If I could, I wouldn't invite any people at all and have small parties with just us ans MAYBE the MIL, but then other family members act hurt when we don't invite them (like recently when Anna decided she didn't want a family party, but a class party). Again- damned do/damned don't. I've got the MIL saying, "Back when my kids were kids, we served cake and ice cream and that was it. Blah blah, I'm better than you... blah blah , snide remark. Blah."

***Yes, well... back when your kids were kids you liked to marry men that your kids hated, despite that fact that they told you that they hated them. Then, you liked to ignore your 15 year old son leaving home with just the clothes he had on his back, and you didn't go after him despite knowing he was leaving because your asshat of a new husband tried to make your kids mow down an acre of over grown grass with a hand sickle, while you sat there and did nothing. Then YOUR son refused and when the asshat tried to make him he left. And this is why to this day, you and YOUR son do not get along... because you put a man first before your children. That and the fact that you couldn't stand that he preferred to live with his grandma, your mother.***

She then decided that she needed to be the first guest to leave, because she had important things to do like GO TO TARGET. To which I said (in my head), Good riddance! Then, as if hearing my thoughts- which she usually does the opposite of- she insisted that she stay and help put food away, despite me insisting like I always do that I don't need any help. (I hate putting my guests to work when they offer, and only do it if I absolutely have to, which is usually before the party) I actually enjoy and crave quiet at this point, and don't mind cleaning up because I don't have people getting under my feet.

Other than that, the party was great. Emma was miss dainty again this year and spent 45 minutes picking sprinkles off of her cake, completely ignoring the actual cake, and sampling a bit of ice cream. She had a blast opening gifts this year, and big sis helped by handing me the presents that were kept out of Emma's reach in the playpen. Anna had a friend from school over, and they played most of the party, stopping briefly for sustenance. :D

Emma received a lot of books, thank God because the toys are beginning to take over( despite us going through them every few months and giving away what we don't use), and are stuffed into every nook and cranny in our little brick house. Emma wants to spend her money ( "MY MON-EEEE!") at Build a Bear, and buy her new bear a cell phone like the one her big sis has for her bear, to which Anna is excited because she is always looking for a reason to go since getting her bear the beginning of March.

I am glad it's all over... and only 11 months away for the next one. My Brother Ben has the same problem, his kids birthdays are a month apart too. We are trying to make up reasons (read as excuses) as to how we can justify to our kids later why we had one party for both of our respective kids. ;) I'm thinking though that we each will have to resort to bribery.

Besides, combined parties would give our kids legitimate reasons to be emotionally scarred and hate us later on in life, because it's not like they will come up with anything original of their own. *rolls eyes* Right?

Do you think Emma will notice that I spent her gift cards on booze?

I can say one thing in my defense... I must really love my baby boogers to go through this every year. Now twice a year. *sigh* Where's the Kahlua?


Maggie said...


Love the way you tell a story. OMG... How about when people show up a half hour early and your still stinky and smelly from cooking and cleaning for two days and forgetting to shower. You are about to hope in when they show up. I hate that.

Gonna comment more later. Need sustenance!

Karmyn R said...

Screw those people -

The only important thing is that Emma LOVED her party. Let the rest roll off your back like duck on a water.

My biggest pet peeve these days is that NOBODY RSVP's to a party anymore. I HATE THAT - so you don't know who is coming and who isn't - and how much food to make or not. Drives me crazy. If someone has RSVP on an invitation, call.

Mert said...

Maggie, you're feeling my pain then? Go get that sustenance girl, go! :D

Karmyn, I hear ya sistah. Screw. It.

I think tomorrow I am going to do my thursday 13 on 13 things I could have spent that 400.00$ on instead of a party.

Yup, I agree, the kids had fun. That's all that mattered.

Holly said...

Oh my dear, the brutal honesty is always so refreshing. Family can be the greatest joy and curse all at the same time!

So glad Emma had fun. You've deserved a sanity break - whatever the needs require you should meet it. ;)

Less is almost always more when it comes to this stuff but like you I always end up doing more because I've had an entire year to forget the private hell of it all. :)


Anonymous said...

We alternate big parties, one year is Big O's, the next is Little O's, and we have a small family party for the off-year kiddo.
Little O had her off-year last year, but I let her wear her full princess regalia all day and everywhere, so it was still a special day.
Their birthdays are two (almost three) months apart, and it's the only way I can stay sane...


crse said...

oh sister i can relate on SO MANY LEVELS! first if you come to my party? DONT CRITICIZE the food. ANd yes i did make too much and yes we did run out of pizza at turnips first bday. Second, i am always in full grunge when guests start coming (they like to say my parties are interactive experiences because all the guests pitch in to get it started). Third, WTF, who is rude like that in someone's home? We hate on again off again wife. She sucks.
PS: The wildlife refs re toilet humor is SO UP MY ALLEY BUDDY!

Daddy Forever said...

Wow, you sure throw interesting birthday a soap opera. I see you might be moving to an island too. Maybe your island will be close to my island. Keep an eye for the "others." I hope your daughter had a fun birthday. It looks like it from your WW pictures.