I forgot to mention in my last Thursday Thirteen that this Wednesday I had the joy of attending my MIL's Tupperware party.
The very pleasant Wendy was talking about an amazing product that could steam as well as fry in the microwave. She beamed as she announced that she used this handy-dandy steamer to fry a hamburger in the microwave, and it was important to used the colander with the product while cooking so that all of that fat would be drained away from the food.
As she said this and displayed the steamer in The Price Is Right fashion, she glanced down and smiled at me reassuringly- who just so happened to be sitting not a foot away from her because I was a late comer and couldn't find anywhere else to sit- just as she said the words all of that fat...
If that weren't bad enough, her gaze lingered as she said it. Now, don't get me wrong. No one is more acutely aware of my fatness than me. AND I don't mind the occasional conversation about how to spare myself a few hundred fat grams... but I would rather the conversation not be one sided and in front of 20 other people. But, hey- that's just me.
If you have been reading my blog for a while, you might have noticed the odd use of sarcasm. Just a smattering, you know. I try not to over do. Imagine if you will, the real life me... in a land where sarcasm abounds. Naturally, a few sarcastic remarks flittered through my flustered brain, but I did not share them. Well, at least vocally.
I must have had this look, this sheer and unabashed look of bewilderment meets "I'm going to grab that steamer and strain some fat alright... while I shove it-"
Across the room, my MIL gets a glimpse of that all familiar look (I am sure) she sees me wear so well, and so very often... from center stage next to Wendy. Short , petite, blond and just so darned cute Wendy. Naturally, having seen the look, and being able to distinguish the look from my other variants of the look, she started to guffaw.
Someone shouted a startled "Jill!" as if to say, how dare you make fun of your DIL. Still laughing, she managed to defend herself by saying, "What? I was laughing because of the look she had on her face!" Then she gave me a smirk with crossed arms.
Now the room is roaring because others had apparently seen the look as well , but had refrained from reacting out of nervousness. And if you know me, I tend to laugh at most embarrassing situations (such as someone tripping on the stairs, bodily functions of strangers in the stall next to me in the restroom, and of course in the consistent and always entertaining event that I am actually the one being embarrassed)... once I get started giggling, I have a really hard time stopping.
So, 2 minutes later as a flustered Wendy tries to continue with her presentation- I continue to have spurts of giggles, causing everyone else to start up again. At one point, after about 3 minutes the din had died down... I was biting my tongue literally to make myself stop laughing. I felt another giggle fit coming on, so I hid my face behind the latest Tupperware catalog.
I'm guessing the fact that I was trying as hard as I could to hide my whole frame behind a single catalog while the whole of me shook, causing the catalog to make a crinkling sound- which I assure you is like a water buffalo trying to hide behind telephone pole- I'm thinking they all figured out I was laughing again, and they started to roar for another 2 minutes, while a befuddled Wendy stood helplessly watching.
I put my catalog down on my lap, laughing but defeated. I looked right at the MIL and silently mouthed to her in front of God and everyone (while pointing directly at her) , " I am soooo going to kick your @ss."
This did nothing but fuel the flames, and quite a few were wiping back tears.
I'm thinking I won't be invited to the next Tupperware party. At least not if Wendy has anything to do with it.