Friday, April 13, 2007

Tupper... where?

I forgot to mention in my last Thursday Thirteen that this Wednesday I had the joy of attending my MIL's Tupperware party.

The very pleasant Wendy was talking about an amazing product that could steam as well as fry in the microwave. She beamed as she announced that she used this handy-dandy steamer to fry a hamburger in the microwave, and it was important to used the colander with the product while cooking so that all of that fat would be drained away from the food.

As she said this and displayed the steamer in The Price Is Right fashion, she glanced down and smiled at me reassuringly- who just so happened to be sitting not a foot away from her because I was a late comer and couldn't find anywhere else to sit- just as she said the words all of that fat...

If that weren't bad enough, her gaze lingered as she said it. Now, don't get me wrong. No one is more acutely aware of my fatness than me. AND I don't mind the occasional conversation about how to spare myself a few hundred fat grams... but I would rather the conversation not be one sided and in front of 20 other people. But, hey- that's just me.

If you have been reading my blog for a while, you might have noticed the odd use of sarcasm. Just a smattering, you know. I try not to over do. Imagine if you will, the real life me... in a land where sarcasm abounds. Naturally, a few sarcastic remarks flittered through my flustered brain, but I did not share them. Well, at least vocally.

I must have had this look, this sheer and unabashed look of bewilderment meets "I'm going to grab that steamer and strain some fat alright... while I shove it-"

Across the room, my MIL gets a glimpse of that all familiar look (I am sure) she sees me wear so well, and so very often... from center stage next to Wendy. Short , petite, blond and just so darned cute Wendy. Naturally, having seen the look, and being able to distinguish the look from my other variants of the look, she started to guffaw.

Someone shouted a startled "Jill!" as if to say, how dare you make fun of your DIL. Still laughing, she managed to defend herself by saying, "What? I was laughing because of the look she had on her face!" Then she gave me a smirk with crossed arms.

Now the room is roaring because others had apparently seen the look as well , but had refrained from reacting out of nervousness. And if you know me, I tend to laugh at most embarrassing situations (such as someone tripping on the stairs, bodily functions of strangers in the stall next to me in the restroom, and of course in the consistent and always entertaining event that I am actually the one being embarrassed)... once I get started giggling, I have a really hard time stopping.

So, 2 minutes later as a flustered Wendy tries to continue with her presentation- I continue to have spurts of giggles, causing everyone else to start up again. At one point, after about 3 minutes the din had died down... I was biting my tongue literally to make myself stop laughing. I felt another giggle fit coming on, so I hid my face behind the latest Tupperware catalog.

I'm guessing the fact that I was trying as hard as I could to hide my whole frame behind a single catalog while the whole of me shook, causing the catalog to make a crinkling sound- which I assure you is like a water buffalo trying to hide behind telephone pole- I'm thinking they all figured out I was laughing again, and they started to roar for another 2 minutes, while a befuddled Wendy stood helplessly watching.

I put my catalog down on my lap, laughing but defeated. I looked right at the MIL and silently mouthed to her in front of God and everyone (while pointing directly at her) , " I am soooo going to kick your @ss."

This did nothing but fuel the flames, and quite a few were wiping back tears.

Poor Wendy.

I'm thinking I won't be invited to the next Tupperware party. At least not if Wendy has anything to do with it.


Karianne said...

Well, I hope that you didn't buy anything. You've already paid dearly.

Not So Anonymous Michelle said...

For the love of you God you better not have bought anything! I have a friend that's a Tupperware lady, if you want anythign tell me and I'll mail it to you in a nice little care package! I hope the laughter was embarrassing and annoying to the MIL & Wendy...damn little perky blondes!

And, by the way, anyone thinner than me is NOT fat and that's you, so you're not fat...but I know what you mean, I make a joke of my size more often than not! Better to laugh than to cry!

In my Friday the Dorkteenth I should have shared the story how I was with my skinny aunt, mom and cousin at Krispy Kreme and they were each buying 2 dozen donuts and they all had to use the restroom on the way out so here's me, the fat one, standing there holding 6 dozen donuts about to DIE! They came out and I must have looked funny because my mom laughed and said what's wrong? I said "sure, didn't occur to anyone that you left the fat girl holding 6 dozen donuts?"

We all laughed for quite awhile so it was funny in the end but embarrassing!

Pamela said...

I haven't been to a tupperwear party in over 20 years...

I would have bought something at that one just to pay for the entertainment

Karmyn R said...

They still have Tupperware parties? I would have thought Pampered Chef drove them out of business....ha!

I have a wonderful microwave steamer - but now that I'm reading about the evils of microwaving with plastic, I don't want to use it anymore.

I forgot to post my dorkiness today - see, that was a dorky thing for me to do.

Kila said...

LOL, now that's a party, and you were the life of it :)

cdorsey said...

That is a GREAT story!!! Thanks for the laughs...they were much needed today! Have a GREAT week-end.


Slackermommy said...

Those kinds of giggle fits are the hardest to stop. The more I try the more I giggle. Great story. I didn't know Tupperware was still around.

amy said...

I havent been to a tupperware party in so long and hubby are sarcastic people..

love your blog

Anonymous said...

What was she thinking??? She didn't know who she was messing with when that ugly comment came out of her mouth. I'm hoping she was more embarassed by it then you, cause from what you said, EVERYONE in the room knew what she ment. (Heck, skinny AND blond, she probably asked someone to explain to her what was going on). I wouldn't of bought a thing from her. I wish I'd of been there with you, we'd of giggled her right out of there.
Love you,
Anti Yvonne

kailani said...

ROFL! I can just imagine the whole scene taking place. Well, it was Wendy's fault for staring it.

Did you buy anything to make up for ruining her party? LOL!

An Island Life

wolfbaby said...

She deserved having no one to pay attention to her after being snarky like that...

I hate the giggle fits.. i get them sometimes and ouch... i have a sore chest for days... they are kinda fun though;)

crse said...

I agree with Michelle about you not being fat! And that is a hilarious story. Stuff like this always makes me want to have a dorkblogger meet up. I think id need to wear diapers, because id pee myself laughing!

tiggerprr said...

omg funny! I gotta say though...the one thing I really took away from this story?

Never use the bathroom stall next to Mary, ever, lest you become laugh fodder.

Holly Schwendiman said...

Oh that's funny. How is it that things so simple can bring such embarassment and such entertainment? Just think of the health wave you brought on with all those laughs.


Pippajo said...

I hope you got her so flustered she went and cried in her car when the party was over.

I would have liked to ask her loudly if Tupperware has anything to drain all the bitch out of hamburgers or something.

Lately my kids have been giving me a hard time about my weight. I try to remember what their motivation is, but it really makes me mad, especially when I recall that their very existence is the main reason I gained so much weight. Ingrates.

ZigZagMan said...

this is the same MIL that you had the BJ talk with yes?? :)