Sunday, February 04, 2007

White Trash and Wieners.

Edit: I just found this picture in an old email,
and thought it was fitting. And No, that's not my husband's cousin in the picture.

First off let me just say that when I reference wieners, I am not talking about the Oscar Meyer brand.

A few days ago Anna was having some mommy time, sitting on my lap we were chatting. We were debating the "chocolate vs white milk" issue for school. It seems that Anna has been ostracized for being the only kid in class who has to drink white milk. Anna has a low tolerance to large amounts of sugar and usually becomes a sugar crashing bear, and usually gets herself into more trouble than it is worth, though I am sure that she would say otherwise. To an almost 6 year old, I am sure that an ounce of chocolate followed by a Godzilla-esque tirade of destruction and fire breathing- and maybe even a sugar hangover- is worth an hour alone in your room. Plus you get to sleep it off.

With Big Brown Teary Princess Puppy Eyes, she told me that they have a club and she is the only one not in the club. That's right folks, The Chocolate Milk Club. This of course made me feel very bad. So I said she could have chocolate milk 2 times a week. She suddenly burst into tears, telling me that her classmates wouldn't let her sit with them and teased her. Out of love for her, Anna's best friend Ryann sits with her faithfully, everyday since Anna is not allowed at the CMC tables. Now I felt horrible, and Anna not only won the "chocolate vs white milk" debate, but I think she may have even gotten the last word.

I am thinking that my precious babe has learned the art of manipulation. :O) Oh well, I'm just going to sit back and pick my battles because sooner or later the debate will turn from the discussion of milk to whether or not she is too young to wear a thong, or get her nose pierced. I am so looking forward to that.

We have already laid the ground rules for a lot of things. She and I have talked about when she can start wearing make up (lip gloss now, mascara and eye shadow 8th grade, eyeliner 9th), at what age she can dye her hair purple if she so chooses (16, *sigh* I can't even believe that we have had this discussion), and the fact that we will not tolerate any piercings except the ears, and no tats while she lives in our home.

Anyway, after winning the Milk Wars, we hugged and I told her how I was sorry that she was being teased for such a silly thing, she said this.

"Mom, do boys have wieners?"

Suppressing a laugh I said yes, and then told her the correct name..

"Just the stick part?" *sigh, oh God help me, I can't believe we are talking about this... but actually no better time than the present*

I said yes, why did she ask, and she said she had noticed while Wolfie was cleaning his bits and pieces. * I let out a strangled sigh of relief*

We had already discussed other parts of the male anatomy a few weeks before because she wanted to know how animals get "fixed", and if they put the parts back later.

She then asked me if "who-who" was the correct name for the female anatomy. I told her no, and the correct term.

"So that's just a name you call it... why?"

I had to tell her that I thought it would just be easier for her to say, but in truth I have never felt comfortable with little kids saying the V word. It really bothers me, that's just me.

Looks like it's time for mom and dad to start looking for kid friendly versions of the "Birds and the Bees" books. Actually, I already found a few that are written for children online, for my friend. I guess I better order one for me now too.

I just thought I would be talking with her about this sort of thing when she was a few years older. When I was a kid, I never talked to my mother about this stuff. I'm not going to just overwhelm her with a bunch of information, but when she asks I am going to have a short talk with her, and when she changes the subject so will I. So far this is how we have handled questions about a woman's cycle and the bare minimum basics about making a baby. I have read that this is the best way to deal with sex education in the family.

This got me to thinking... I wanted to ask the moms out there who have experience with this. Does it sound like I have a good game plan? Any pointers?


OK, I was talking with the MISU today about an article I had read at White Trash Mom, about a man who used a stun gun on his wife's grandmother. What happened was the man's toddler kept touching an electrical cord after repeated chiding from his dad. Finally the dad gave the toddler boy a swat on the diapered butt. The grandmother-in-law made a fuss and said she was going to take the kid away because the dad was a child abuser.

The man asked her to leave, she refused.

He zapped her. the wife called the police on him, and he is being charged with domestic assault. I said I couldn't believe some one would do that, just because a grandma refused to leave.

My husband started laughing and said he would have zapped her too! Gasping and laughing, I jumped up and screamed while pointing at him, "You're white trash!"

I asked if it would have been ok to zap his grandma, he said no, but he'd zap his mom.

What makes this so surprising and funny, is that I was talking about this guy. The most straight laced guy I know.

I then proceeded to hop around with my hand over my mouth, still pointing at him, "You're whi-ite tra-ash! You're whi-ite tra-ash!"

He smiled, shrugged and said, "Maybe I am."

It's no big surprise, he has cousins with redneck tendencies.

That's OK, I'm one half redneck since we had a few broken down vehicles in our yard when I was a kid, for many many years... complete with 3 ft tall redneck grass. Later, my dad (a proud Okie) built himself a really nice tool shed that was almost the size of the ground floor of our house. We were the first official biracial redneck family in our area.

I guess we are both a little bit country, though he will never admit to that.

***Edit to add: Ask yourself what you would do. If any of it includes using a stun gun... you just might be white trash too. :O)***


owlhaven said...

I'm expecting the broach the makeup subject with my 4 year old any day. She is such a little diva. So far she is happy having daddy paint her toenails!

Hi from fellow blogging chick

Mary, mom to many

maggie said...

My daughter is 12 and I have handled it exactly how you are. As things come up and it has worked out nicely so far. She asks questions occasionally and I try to talk frank to her. When the day came for the big women talk we watched a few videos on the internet but seemed pretty much was prepared.

wolfbaby said...

Lord I am so not looking forward to that. I hope it is at least a few years down the road. *sigh*

Pamela said...

my daughter asked me that question one day when she was about 6

Mom where did I come from?

I was about two sentences into "your dady and I loved each other sooooo much"... when she stopped me with a wave of the hand and said:

Not that mommy, Meagan came from California. Where did I come from?

I would hope that only law agencies get stun guns. Robbers, rapists, murders etc could get their hands on them and that would be bad news.

Maggie said...

Oh I know I'm white trash. I come from a long line of trash. I can't get into specifics but... oh we have stuff in our family the hillbillys never thought of.

Holly said...

Oh dear, more to share than I have time and space this morning...LOL Yesterday my daughter asked me again where babies come out. I said "Exactly where you think" and she said "Eeewwwww!" LOL

The picture doesn't come up for me in the new explorer browser, but it does in firefox. ;o)

Holly's Corner

Ordinary Janet said...

well, that's a hard one. Can't throw wife's grandma out of the house, can't belt her. I wonder if she's been making a nuisance of herself for years, criticizing everything. Maybe now she'll keep her mouth shut.

Jill said...

Yikes! The Boy is only 2, so I'm a ways off from the talks, but it's funny you mention it. With potty training we talk about his "weiner" but use the proper anatomical term for it. And just the other day, I was thinking that if we had a girl, I would probably come up with a different word because I too, am uncomfortable with kids saying the V word.... great minds think alike :-)

p.s. Are there any subliminal tax implications to the fact that my word verification code is mycpa? We're getting our taxes done in a couple weeks, so I can use all the help I can get!