Monday, December 31, 2007
How To Look Good Naked
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Help me!
This Mary mert reporting from underneath 6 inches of freshly fallen snow in Eastern Iowa. You may have been wondering where I have been for the last week, and I am about to tell you harrowing tales, so put the kiddies in another room folks.
My captors forced me to do manual labor last night, in which I was made to go out in the cold in the dark and press together large clumps of snow. My dinner was stolen from me and placed on the smallest of the clumps, as were the buttons on my pants. Notice the gleeful smiles. Oh how they love to torture me!
I have just now dug my way out of a snow tunnel and am making my escape back into the house
where I must then be interrogated, most likely with questions such as " Where is my HOT COCOA!", and "Why are there only 8 marshmallows and not 10?"
You may have been wondering why I haven't posted in a while, and I'll be honest. My captors have been keeping me under lock and key and only allowing me small meals in between making their meals.
About 4 days before Christmas I stayed up all hours of the night making ginger bread for the the tyrannical dictators that are my captors. "Gingerbread, when will you make the gingerbread!?!" We spent the next day putting together a miniature replica of this house they hold me in, but mostly they gorged themselves on chocolates and candies.
Most recently they had me scrubbing their toilets on Christmas Eve. Though I wouldn't wish this fate on anyone, I am just glad to be alive. My cell mate is severely ill, he is coughing and shivering and luckily they aren't quite as hard on him... but they do make him sit for hours playing a Winnie The Pooh video game, the same game they have forced him to play for months now. They are slowly breaking him down mentally I think, with constant images of rotund yellow bears and tiny pink piglets. Oh the horror.
On Christmas I got up at the crack o' to make the angry mob breakfast of their traditional holiday coffee cake, then was forced to endure over an hour of the sound of ripping paper and shrieking.
My captors forced me to do manual labor last night, in which I was made to go out in the cold in the dark and press together large clumps of snow. My dinner was stolen from me and placed on the smallest of the clumps, as were the buttons on my pants. Notice the gleeful smiles. Oh how they love to torture me!
I have just now dug my way out of a snow tunnel and am making my escape back into the house
where I must then be interrogated, most likely with questions such as " Where is my HOT COCOA!", and "Why are there only 8 marshmallows and not 10?"You may have been wondering why I haven't posted in a while, and I'll be honest. My captors have been keeping me under lock and key and only allowing me small meals in between making their meals.
About 4 days before Christmas I stayed up all hours of the night making ginger bread for the the tyrannical dictators that are my captors. "Gingerbread, when will you make the gingerbread!?!" We spent the next day putting together a miniature replica of this house they hold me in, but mostly they gorged themselves on chocolates and candies.
Most recently they had me scrubbing their toilets on Christmas Eve. Though I wouldn't wish this fate on anyone, I am just glad to be alive. My cell mate is severely ill, he is coughing and shivering and luckily they aren't quite as hard on him... but they do make him sit for hours playing a Winnie The Pooh video game, the same game they have forced him to play for months now. They are slowly breaking him down mentally I think, with constant images of rotund yellow bears and tiny pink piglets. Oh the horror.
On Christmas I got up at the crack o' to make the angry mob breakfast of their traditional holiday coffee cake, then was forced to endure over an hour of the sound of ripping paper and shrieking.
"High School Musical 2!"
"Elmo!"
"More High School Musical 2!"
"Dora!"
"Even MORE High School Musical 2!"
Heh, heh... little do they know, I have my own tricks! Subliminal auditory suggestions via Disney music. ;)
"Elmo!"
"More High School Musical 2!"
"Dora!"
"Even MORE High School Musical 2!"
Heh, heh... little do they know, I have my own tricks! Subliminal auditory suggestions via Disney music. ;)
Today my captors plan to have me hauling more clumps of snow in the cold, hopefully after I have had at least one cup of coffee. Stay tunes for more messages from the snowy trenches... I hope I last until the New Year.
Saturday, December 22, 2007
And the winner is...
One lucky blogger is about to win How to Eat like a Hot Chick
, can you stand the excitement?
I know. Me too ;)
I realized that some of my favorite bloggers had entered the giveaway, and being that I am often riddled with guilt over the silliest things, I employed my 6 yr old to do the honors.
And my dirty work ;)
And the winner of one almost brand new How to Eat like a Hot Chick book, autographed by me with one teeny tiny coffee stain is.....
Congratulations, Micheele!
, can you stand the excitement?I know. Me too ;)
I realized that some of my favorite bloggers had entered the giveaway, and being that I am often riddled with guilt over the silliest things, I employed my 6 yr old to do the honors.
And my dirty work ;)
And the winner of one almost brand new How to Eat like a Hot Chick book, autographed by me with one teeny tiny coffee stain is.....
Congratulations, Micheele!
Friday, December 21, 2007
How to Eat Like a Hot Chick: a giveaway
I am giving away the copy of How to Eat like a Hot Chick
I received for review (you can see my review here). If you would like to win a free copy of this book:One entry: leave me a comment on this post with the link to your blog (please make sure your link is correct before you leave here so I can contact you!) and I will randomly draw one name.
Two entries: leave me a comment on this post and write a blog post about this drawing that contains a link back to this post. If you could, please tell me in your comment that you are also writing a blog post so I can follow you link and check it out, and to make sure you get your two entries!
The giveaway will end Friday, December 21st, midnight Central Standard Time (Iowa) . Blog posts and entries via comments must be written before this time. This giveaway is for everyone, even outside of th US. :D
Good Luck!
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Monday, December 17, 2007
So long good friend, RIP.
Dearest friend,
I am so sorry that I never told you how much I loved you and now you are gone. I just can't believe it. I am saddened by absence of your humming, the house seems so empty without it.
All the hours we spent in the kitchen together will be remembered with fondness, and I will never forget your tireless energy and your willingness to help me with menial task of washing my dishes.
You carried about your business in the kitchen like nothing was wrong, and I am almost angry that you gave me no warning that you were having issues with your health and would soon die. Yesterday, I knew something was wrong when you just didn't care anymore and decided to smoke for the first time... and just moments before I had to pull the plug, you made odd sputtering and popping noises.
I sensed a spark in you at that moment, a great and horrible spark that I never knew you even had in you. It was almost as if you had decided that life could be summed up in the way in which you left this earth, that your final act would be a memorable one. If only you had warned me, shown some sign that something was amiss... I could have had someone take a look at you and fix what had been ailing you.
I didn't know that the slight leaking from your bottom was that serious. Maybe that was the sign that you were trying to show me... and I ignored it like a fool. I just cleaned up after you and went on believing that everything was alright.
You cold body remains in my kitchen and it is horrifying to me that soon you will sit out in the cold, frozen, for anyone to harvest your parts if they wish. The thought of strangers touching you is almost more than I can bear. I only wish that we had the money to dispose of you properly.
I hope you do not think poorly of me and will understand when I eventually move on and search for another to fill the void.
You once brought Joy and Sunlight into my life, and I feel a gentle warmth Cascade over me when I think of our time together. Dishwasher... you will be sorely missed.
Rest in peace.
1995?-2007
~mert
I am so sorry that I never told you how much I loved you and now you are gone. I just can't believe it. I am saddened by absence of your humming, the house seems so empty without it.
All the hours we spent in the kitchen together will be remembered with fondness, and I will never forget your tireless energy and your willingness to help me with menial task of washing my dishes.
You carried about your business in the kitchen like nothing was wrong, and I am almost angry that you gave me no warning that you were having issues with your health and would soon die. Yesterday, I knew something was wrong when you just didn't care anymore and decided to smoke for the first time... and just moments before I had to pull the plug, you made odd sputtering and popping noises.
I sensed a spark in you at that moment, a great and horrible spark that I never knew you even had in you. It was almost as if you had decided that life could be summed up in the way in which you left this earth, that your final act would be a memorable one. If only you had warned me, shown some sign that something was amiss... I could have had someone take a look at you and fix what had been ailing you.
I didn't know that the slight leaking from your bottom was that serious. Maybe that was the sign that you were trying to show me... and I ignored it like a fool. I just cleaned up after you and went on believing that everything was alright.
You cold body remains in my kitchen and it is horrifying to me that soon you will sit out in the cold, frozen, for anyone to harvest your parts if they wish. The thought of strangers touching you is almost more than I can bear. I only wish that we had the money to dispose of you properly.
I hope you do not think poorly of me and will understand when I eventually move on and search for another to fill the void.
You once brought Joy and Sunlight into my life, and I feel a gentle warmth Cascade over me when I think of our time together. Dishwasher... you will be sorely missed.
Rest in peace.
1995?-2007~mert
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Linking for dollars!
Empowering Youth, Inc, is sponsoring an effort to raise funds for St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital. Last year, “Linking for Dollars” raised $500! You can help. Empowering Youth will pay one dollar to St. Jude, just for posting this announcement. Details are
here.
Giving doesn't get much easier than that! Please visit Pass the Torch starting December 20th up until the 25th, and make a difference in a child's life :D
Friday, December 14, 2007
How to Eat Like a Hot Chick: a book review
I think it's no real secret that I love reading humorous content, whether it's fiction, self help... etc. This book is no exception! How to Eat like a Hot Chick
starts off by giving the reader a glossary of terms commonly used throughout the book such as LSE (Low Self Esteem) and Mary Kate( having issues with food that cause you to starve yourself).Though some of the ideas behind this book are pretty much no brainers, I have to say that I rather enjoyed reading it. There is some really good info in it about smarter choices and the authors tell you what foods you should save those extra calories for like chocolate, for example.
What I loved about this book is that the authors Jodi Lipper and Cerina Vincent fully admit that we, the dear reader, are going to make mistakes. They also say right up front that being a Hot Chick is not based on how you look per se , it's more about how you feel. Garbage in, garbage out right? They believe that the key to being hot is to feel hot.
Literally, in their book, making mistakes are fixable. So you ate a piece of chocolate cake for breakfast, huh? That piece of cake that had been taunting you for days and finally you gave in. Lipper and Vincent say that it's not the end of the world... just make smarter choices for the rest of the day, one of their favorites being spinach which is full of nutrients.
The book also discusses common pitfalls such as salad bars, sandwiches, and mixed drinks which can all be loaded with calories and fat if your not careful. There not saying that you should give up those things completely, but they give examples of better choices and substitutes.
The overall message is that we as women need to stop feeling so controlled by food. There will be days when we eat too much chocolate or have that extra slice of pizza, but that shouldn't destroy who you are. Hot Chicks take these things in stride and try to make better choices later in the day and week, or make up for those extra calories by working them off in various ways- including *wiggles eyebrows* you know. ;)
If you have a problem with the occasional curse word and slight sexual innuendo this book is not for you. I obviously don't have a problem with it because I not only love, but LURVE this book.
I am giving away the copy I received for review. If you would like to win a free copy of this book , see the sticky post above.
*** All the book reviews done for HarperCollins or Collins Publishing (an Imprint of HarperCollins Publishing) are done with one stipulation- I receive the book for free and read it. If I like it, I review it on my blog. These are not paid reviews per se, except for receiving the book.***
Thursday, December 13, 2007
So young, and yet so wise ;)
In this post I talked about Anna liking a boy at school that gave her a bracelet he made for her. Again, this would happen to be the very same boy that keeps getting her in trouble at school (though not recently) and I remarked in that post that Anna seems to already admire the "bad boy" type. 
Last night We had some mommy/daughter time while shopping. Lord knows why she likes going shopping with me but she wants to spend time with me, and despite the fact that she slooooows me down I let her come along. besides, we had to pick out decorations for our ginger bread house.
Anyway, before we actually shopped we had dinner at Subway right there in our Walmart. While we ate we chit chatted about various things. Bearing in mind she is only going on 7, she said:
See what I'm saying? He's a baaaaaaaad boy, and a bad influence too! I explained that she should have given it back when she found out it was stolen and next time if someone tries to give her something that doesn't belong to them, to say no thank you.
Unless it's a DVD player or a certified diamond ring.
I kid people, I kid.
Anyway, I'm glad she gave the bracelet back. They way he's going, he's probably already a bigamist with a gambling problem.
Last night We had some mommy/daughter time while shopping. Lord knows why she likes going shopping with me but she wants to spend time with me, and despite the fact that she slooooows me down I let her come along. besides, we had to pick out decorations for our ginger bread house.
Anyway, before we actually shopped we had dinner at Subway right there in our Walmart. While we ate we chit chatted about various things. Bearing in mind she is only going on 7, she said:
Mom, I gave the bracelet back.
You did? What happened?
I found out it was a "marriage bracelet".
*LOL!* A what? A marriage bracelet? I think you made the right decision by giving it back, good for you. You're waaaaay too young for marriage. *I smile at her, while biting my tongue because I don't want to be the one to shatter the whole marriage fairy tale for her... though I am sure she has observed a thing or two about what married life is really like *
*she rolls her eyes knowingly, I snort* Ohhhh yeah!
What did he say when you gave it back?
Well, I didn't give it back in person. I gave it to A, who gave it to B, who gave it to C, and she gave it to him. It was stolen anyway.
Wha? He stole it?
Yeah, he stole it from his sister.
I thought he made it for you. Did you know it was stolen from his sister?
Yessss *She stops to think* but he didn't tell me until 2 days after he gave it to me.
See what I'm saying? He's a baaaaaaaad boy, and a bad influence too! I explained that she should have given it back when she found out it was stolen and next time if someone tries to give her something that doesn't belong to them, to say no thank you.
Unless it's a DVD player or a certified diamond ring.
I kid people, I kid.
Anyway, I'm glad she gave the bracelet back. They way he's going, he's probably already a bigamist with a gambling problem.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Christmas Pooh!
No, I'm not talking about Mr. Hanky people ;)
Elizabeth over at MomReviews is having a give away for My Friends Tigger & Pooh - Super Sleuth Christmas Movie.
I was very excited about the possibility of winning it, and said as much in my comments. That's pretty much all you have to do to enter but you can earn a few more entries too. Head over to her site by clicking the link above and find out how! Good luck!
Elizabeth over at MomReviews is having a give away for My Friends Tigger & Pooh - Super Sleuth Christmas Movie.
I was very excited about the possibility of winning it, and said as much in my comments. That's pretty much all you have to do to enter but you can earn a few more entries too. Head over to her site by clicking the link above and find out how! Good luck!
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
*sigh*
Anna was sick last week with a stomach flu that kept her out of school for 3 days... she felt better Friday evening.
Then promptly cam down with another cold/virus Saturday morning, and was coughing so hard that she threw up a few times. Monday, she felt icky so stayed home a 4th day.
Emma got sick Sunday night.
If you have yard apes, grand-ankle biters or work around the wee folk all day long I am sure you can imagine... all the stuff! (typed with nondescript exhaustion... well, because i am exhausted, so exhausted, i refuse to capitalize :P )
Yesterday, it was encroaching on lunchtime and I got the shakes. I realized that though the tissue terrorizing, prolific booger producing rain forest destroyers that I love so dearly were properly fed clothed and medicated, I had neglected to feed myself.
I heated up the leftovers from Sunday breakfast, and being a little short on money, I decided that all leftovers would be eaten with appreciation. I attempted to heat up my eggs and hash browns.
"Mommy i want up."
Mommy has to have breakfast.
"mommy, I need this."
Not right now, i need to eat.
"mommy, I want that."
I am hungry....
"mommy, i have a booger."
Mommy's have to eat too, ya know....
"Mommy, can i? Mommy give me, mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy I want, Mommy I need..."
Can i please eat my....
"UP mommy... I want mommy..."
"PLEASE, CAN I EAT MY MUSHY, REHEATED HASH BROWNS AND RUBBERY EGGS IN PEACE? I'M STARVING! I just want to eat, give me 10 minutes, for Pete's sake. God!...............help me."
*crickets*
20 seconds go by, and my 2 year old's eyes get a fraction larger.
"Up?"
I bury by head in my hands and stare at the less than appealing clumps of slightly greenish hued scrambled 'used to be eggs'. Blah. I eat but do not enjoy my left overs and wash it down with my barely room temperature coffee. I pretend that the leftover bacon is crunchy, and that it is crunchy enough to drown out the munchkin that continues to blatantly disregard my growled requests to be left alone to consume my lackluster fare.
Then I remember, as I manage to gulp down my practically tasteless coffee, that just 8 years ago we were about to end our 11 years of infertility with the biggest surprise and blessing ever.
It's all worth it, and though i would change a few minor details (as in the frequency of illness, and the rate at which they destroy paper products), I wouldn't trade my booger covered boogers for anything.
The End.
I wrote this post as an entry in the Mommy Tantrum contest... do you have a great mommy Tantrum story? Head on over to Bottles, Barbies and Boys and enter your story!
Girlie Giveaway for a Coach Purse!
 |
The rules, quoted from Melinda Zook's site:
Here's the deal:
1. Comment to this post giving me the nod, "Yo, M, enter me" and the link to your blog of course. You only need to enter once. For U.S and Canadian residents only.
2. Place the "Girlie Giveaway" badge below on your blog letting others know about it.
3. The contest will run from today, Saturday 12/8 through Tuesday, 12/18 to midnight.
4. All those that enter will be assigned a number in order of their comment and the lucky number will be chosen out of my son's lucky hat. So if I get 100 entries, I guess I am folding 100 little papers!
5. The winner will be announced 12/19. Good luck!
Thursday, December 06, 2007
A favor, if you wouldn't mind
If you have been reading my blog for a while, you know that I have a sister that my younger brother and I recently reconnected with. My sister's adoptive mother passed yesterday from cancer, a battle she has been fighting for a while.
Marci wasn't able to get there in time but she did drive quite a ways to get there, and spent the night there. She drove home today to get her husband and three kids... Marci also has an adoptive brother, and will be there with her. I was just wondering if you are so inclined, if you could please send her good vibes and prayers.
I am so glad that Marci and her family were able to visit recently, and were able to have a visit without the usual anger and arguing. That in itself is a blessing.
Thanks, I know she will really appreciate it.
~mert
Marci wasn't able to get there in time but she did drive quite a ways to get there, and spent the night there. She drove home today to get her husband and three kids... Marci also has an adoptive brother, and will be there with her. I was just wondering if you are so inclined, if you could please send her good vibes and prayers.
I am so glad that Marci and her family were able to visit recently, and were able to have a visit without the usual anger and arguing. That in itself is a blessing.
Thanks, I know she will really appreciate it.
~mert
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
My poor kid
Anna has had a slight case of walking pneumonia, which was sandwiched between 2 different colds. She just got rid of her cough after being sick for almost a month, and now?
A fever of 104.4 with nausea and vomiting. Last nigh she woke me up after 3 am and said her stomach hurt and she felt like she was going to barf. Boy did she ever! She went with her dad to the emergency room to make sure it wasn't anything serious.
The ER doc asked her routine questions like if she had trouble going poop. She said no, and that she had gone yesterday morning.
He then asked her if she had trouble peeing. John said she looked over with a look that was somewhere in between this:
and this:
...with one raised eyebrow, and whispered sarcastically while rolling her eyes, "That's a silly question."
My girl, she may have lost her sense of humor, but never her sense of sarcasm. ;)
A fever of 104.4 with nausea and vomiting. Last nigh she woke me up after 3 am and said her stomach hurt and she felt like she was going to barf. Boy did she ever! She went with her dad to the emergency room to make sure it wasn't anything serious.
The ER doc asked her routine questions like if she had trouble going poop. She said no, and that she had gone yesterday morning.
He then asked her if she had trouble peeing. John said she looked over with a look that was somewhere in between this:
and this:
...with one raised eyebrow, and whispered sarcastically while rolling her eyes, "That's a silly question."
My girl, she may have lost her sense of humor, but never her sense of sarcasm. ;)
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
Random Bizarre-ness
So, two nights ago, after discovering that we are behind on some bills (long story, let's just say that my husband USED to pay the bills *sigh*), I opened a piece of mail that I almost threw out. That little voice said, "No, open it... really."
The unopened piece of mail and I stared each other down for a few minutes. Finally I gave in and opened it, and for my efforts I earned a refund check of 400.00 from our property tax escrow account.
And a paper cut, but it was totally worth it.
That night, obviously distressed that 400.00 wouldn't even touch the bills that we have, I had a dream that night that we won over a million dollars, and I found out by opening a piece of mail.
Now, to sound completely weird let me just say that I have had dreams that have come real, and parts of dreams that have come true. Some of the dreams are good, and some are bad,a nd some are just wishful thinking. I'm playing the lottery just in case.
In other "The circus that is me" news, I had more freaky dreams last night. I don't know what this means, and I don't know if I want to know... I dreamed that Glen Close was having a sing-off with an older actress, who's name fails me.
The really weird part is that I can remember waking up briefly to turn over and thinking, "Glen could take that old broad, in more ways than one. Especially Fatal Attraction Glen."
What the...? No more BLT's for dinner for me. Something got my brain going wonky... maybe it was the adhesive from all of those bills I opened?
This morning I heard a beeping sound. It was driving us all nuts. I had my husband look in the basement to check the water softener and some alarm. I checked around to find the source of the weird electronic sound, and thought I heard it come from a lap top that my husband had already packed and taped up in a box and told John after he came up from searching the basement for 10 minutes.
After John completely unpacked and unwrapped the lap top, the sound chimed again near the spot the laptop box had been originally. Then I realized my cell phone was right there in that spot.
OOPS!
"I'm gonna kill you, lady, " John said shaking his head and laughing.
I guess being so anal retentive (about charging your cell phone that you don't even recognize your own phone's recharge alarm) does have it's down side.
Well, a downside for the husband, anyway.
The downside to the downside? The next time something beeps he's going to send me on the wild goose chase.
The unopened piece of mail and I stared each other down for a few minutes. Finally I gave in and opened it, and for my efforts I earned a refund check of 400.00 from our property tax escrow account.
And a paper cut, but it was totally worth it.
That night, obviously distressed that 400.00 wouldn't even touch the bills that we have, I had a dream that night that we won over a million dollars, and I found out by opening a piece of mail.
Now, to sound completely weird let me just say that I have had dreams that have come real, and parts of dreams that have come true. Some of the dreams are good, and some are bad,a nd some are just wishful thinking. I'm playing the lottery just in case.
In other "The circus that is me" news, I had more freaky dreams last night. I don't know what this means, and I don't know if I want to know... I dreamed that Glen Close was having a sing-off with an older actress, who's name fails me.
The really weird part is that I can remember waking up briefly to turn over and thinking, "Glen could take that old broad, in more ways than one. Especially Fatal Attraction Glen."
What the...? No more BLT's for dinner for me. Something got my brain going wonky... maybe it was the adhesive from all of those bills I opened?This morning I heard a beeping sound. It was driving us all nuts. I had my husband look in the basement to check the water softener and some alarm. I checked around to find the source of the weird electronic sound, and thought I heard it come from a lap top that my husband had already packed and taped up in a box and told John after he came up from searching the basement for 10 minutes.
After John completely unpacked and unwrapped the lap top, the sound chimed again near the spot the laptop box had been originally. Then I realized my cell phone was right there in that spot.
OOPS!
"I'm gonna kill you, lady, " John said shaking his head and laughing.
I guess being so anal retentive (about charging your cell phone that you don't even recognize your own phone's recharge alarm) does have it's down side.
Well, a downside for the husband, anyway.
The downside to the downside? The next time something beeps he's going to send me on the wild goose chase.
Saturday, December 01, 2007
I'm raising heathens!
Last night while we were out celebrating me finishing NaNoWriMo, we started a very deep conversation, a conversation all parents eventually have with their kids.
We talked about some of the possible names for expelling methane. I know! It makes a momma proud!
Here are some the ones we came up with, most of them are pretty obvious:
Fart
Poot
Drop a bomb
Cut the cheese
Rip one/it
Me- Your grandpa liked to say purtsy.
Emma- Who, daddy?
John- No my daddy, your grandpa.
Me- He's in heaven, with Jesus.
Emma- Cheesus? I don't know any Cheesus.
Me- That's very unfortunate.
I always told myself that I would make sure my kids new the true meaning of Christmas*. Looks like we're going to have to cram. ;)
We talked about some of the possible names for expelling methane. I know! It makes a momma proud!
Here are some the ones we came up with, most of them are pretty obvious:
Fart
Poot
Drop a bomb
Cut the cheese
Rip one/it
Me- Your grandpa liked to say purtsy.
Emma- Who, daddy?
John- No my daddy, your grandpa.
Me- He's in heaven, with Jesus.
Emma- Cheesus? I don't know any Cheesus.
Me- That's very unfortunate.
I always told myself that I would make sure my kids new the true meaning of Christmas*. Looks like we're going to have to cram. ;)
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Sweet nibblets!
I did it, I finished the 50,000 words for National Novel Writing Month ... It almost makes the mullet worth it. Now I just have to finish writing the book.
Then edit it.
Edit it some more.
Procrastinate and start the doubting process all over again as to whether or not I should attempt publishing.
Have the MISU verbally kick my butt/stroke my fragile ego.
Get an ulcer while waiting for the rejection letters...
WAIT! I'm supposed to be positive, right? ;)
I explained my pessimistic work process to Anna the other night, "See, mommy has this stupid little thing called 'Feeeeear of Faaaaailure', and when Fear of Failure rears it's ugly little head, I hear all things things inside my head like: 'you suck, it's crap, no one will like it, I'm the pessimistic voice in side your head and I could write better crap than that'," At which point she starts to laugh.
Then I said, "So, I have all these little doubts that float around inside my head because my mother told me I wouldn't ever do anything good in my life. So I have a choice; I can give in or push those doubts aside and kick some butt!"
"The only problem is, " I whispered to her," is that I will have to edit my book, THEN send it to publishing companies... and then I will have a whole new set of doubts."
Anna starts to laugh hysterically, "Whole new set of doubts!" She smacked her knee like it was the best knock knock joke ever. Her eyes got big and she said, "Maybe they will give you TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS! We will be so rich," She stopped for a moment then said, "The first thing we should do is take a trip to Hawaii."
I agreed that this was an excellent plan, but that I hoped it would be a bit more than just 10 grand. "I have a friend that lives in Hawaii, you know," I told her as we snuggled in the dark, and she drifted off to sleep , no doubt with visions of the bluest water and palm trees.
That's my girl, she's already spending my money. ;)
BTW, did you happen to notice that I'm still in "novel mode"? LOL!
Monday, November 26, 2007
You heard it here first!
I just read this blog post on AOL giving information to the authorities, and for the record I feel comfortable with this. I think if you find that one person is researching such content that it is at least worth looking into...
Except if it comes to me. Just for the record, Federal Bureau of Investigations, the reason why you or Google might have noticed me trolling your site is because I am writing a book for NaNoWriMo. Honestly.
Also, my google searches for: Barrett M107 Sniper Rifles, Glocks, Military Surplus, hit man lingo, FBI locations in California, ways to say that someone has been killed, how long does it take to bleed out from a groin wound, female assassins, military bases and addresses in southern California, search warrants etc, etc, etc...
these are just searches I am doing for my novel. By the way, besides aving one FBI character that is kind of a slob, I promise that all of the other Bureau characters are written with the utmost reverence and taste.
I promise you that the only thing I'm planning on murdering besides the English language, is ironically a character named English. Besides I love my family and friends. The ones I don't like are hardly worth the trouble.
So Google and Blogger (who is owned by Google), before you turn me in to the feds check out my other blog where my book currently resides... it's all there.
Nervously yours,
~mert
Except if it comes to me. Just for the record, Federal Bureau of Investigations, the reason why you or Google might have noticed me trolling your site is because I am writing a book for NaNoWriMo. Honestly.
Also, my google searches for: Barrett M107 Sniper Rifles, Glocks, Military Surplus, hit man lingo, FBI locations in California, ways to say that someone has been killed, how long does it take to bleed out from a groin wound, female assassins, military bases and addresses in southern California, search warrants etc, etc, etc...
these are just searches I am doing for my novel. By the way, besides aving one FBI character that is kind of a slob, I promise that all of the other Bureau characters are written with the utmost reverence and taste.
I promise you that the only thing I'm planning on murdering besides the English language, is ironically a character named English. Besides I love my family and friends. The ones I don't like are hardly worth the trouble.
So Google and Blogger (who is owned by Google), before you turn me in to the feds check out my other blog where my book currently resides... it's all there.
Nervously yours,
~mert
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Gobble.
I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving! I am blessed to have so many blogging buddies and I know I am very thankful for all of you.
Remember to be safe! Here are a few important safety tips:
Buttons on pants can be dangerous. To avoid having your button put out someone's eye, go ahead and unbutton before the meal starts.
The drumstick is not worth losing a knife fight over.
Don't be the first person to help yourself to the gravy, chances are it's hot enough to take a layer of taste buds off your tongue. Pass it to the left and let it come full circle back to you. ;)
If you do burn your tongue, soak it in a tub whipped cream. Not only will it sooth your tongue (because you just couldn't liten about the gravy, could you?)
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
For this Thanksgiving, I'll have some bad haircut...
With a side of mullet, please!
Good Lord people! Not only have I broken up with my best friend, but now I have to divorce my hair dresser too? Last night I asked for a trim for my layers--------------> See my profile picture?
You know things are bad when:
Your hair dresser keeps you faced away from the mirror the whole time, lets you see for a second before sending you on your quasi-merry way, while deploying the "I'll make the top of her head so poofy that she won't notice the fricking huge chunk of hair missing from the left side of her head".
And when the first thing out of your husband's mouth is that you look like Mrs. Brady.
<---------------I actually wish that my hair looked this good
I would post a picture... OK not really. That's how un-freaking-happy I am right now. I have a long history of being a bad haircut magnet. Either that or deep down I'm a REALLY bad person and Karma keeps biting me in the @ss. You know what Karma? I don't know who the hell you think you are, but I'm flipping you off right now.
The bad part is that I finally get my hair grown out and then I get a cut like this and its pretty much a take 2 steps forward and 5 steps back situation.
Lessons learned this week:
Fast food dinner out with your family while waiting for your hair appointment= 17.00
Having your haircut by a stylist who is nervous about her upcoming surgery= 16.00
Having your hair f*cked up right before a holiday= PRICELESS
BONUS: I have hit an all time low. I said f*ck and @ss in the same blog post.
Good Lord people! Not only have I broken up with my best friend, but now I have to divorce my hair dresser too? Last night I asked for a trim for my layers--------------> See my profile picture?
You know things are bad when:
Your hair dresser keeps you faced away from the mirror the whole time, lets you see for a second before sending you on your quasi-merry way, while deploying the "I'll make the top of her head so poofy that she won't notice the fricking huge chunk of hair missing from the left side of her head".
And when the first thing out of your husband's mouth is that you look like Mrs. Brady.
<---------------I actually wish that my hair looked this goodI would post a picture... OK not really. That's how un-freaking-happy I am right now. I have a long history of being a bad haircut magnet. Either that or deep down I'm a REALLY bad person and Karma keeps biting me in the @ss. You know what Karma? I don't know who the hell you think you are, but I'm flipping you off right now.
The bad part is that I finally get my hair grown out and then I get a cut like this and its pretty much a take 2 steps forward and 5 steps back situation.
Lessons learned this week:
Fast food dinner out with your family while waiting for your hair appointment= 17.00
Having your haircut by a stylist who is nervous about her upcoming surgery= 16.00
Having your hair f*cked up right before a holiday= PRICELESS
BONUS: I have hit an all time low. I said f*ck and @ss in the same blog post.
Monday, November 19, 2007
Have you ever had a friend...
That hurt you so much that you didn't want to talk to them ever again?
I had a friend (who lives 2000 miles away, and that I have been friends with for over 10 years) that had been having marital problems for over 6 years. There have been many, many times that we talked on the phone for hours before and after she started having problems. We have been such good friends that we at times have called each other best friend, and there have been times when we fought and didn't speak for 11 months.
Our relationship was very honest and we could talk about anything. We laughed and cried, we fought, we complained and bitched about our lives and all of that was OK. It was better than OK, she has been as close of a friend as my husband at times.
Over the last year, when her marriage was really in crisis, I had spent hours- willingly because I loved her- on the phone talking about her problems, supporting her decisions, giving advice when she asked. I had spent hours talking and consoling, and at times forgotten to make dinner for my kids (until Anna said she was starving). I spent hours telling my kids "not now I'm on the phone" because my friend lived so far away and was so busy working extra ours to save money for her impending separation, so I talked to her whenever she needed. She was so busy that the only time she ever seemed to call me was when she was driving somewhere.
Then one day, she told me that they had worked things out. Though I still worried about her, I was happy that she was happy and supported her decision because it's her life. Suddenly I was told that she was trying to cut out all the negative people in her life, and I noticed that she usually told me this shortly after I did our usual complaining that we do about things that are annoying us at the time... then she would tell me she was lost and had to get directions, or had another call, and that she would call me back.
And she never did.
This happened once, and though I was hurt, I thought"she is really busy, she'll call me back when she has a chance."
It happened a second time and I said to myself, "That is a weird coincidence. Hmmm, not sure what to think about that."
It happened a third time... so I stopped taking her calls when she finally called me back 3 weeks later.
That was almost 4 months ago, and she stopped calling after I decided not to send her daughter anything for her birthday. I figured she had realized that I was hurt and upset, then got mad that I didn't send her daughter anything. I figured our friendship was pretty much over since she thought I was all of a sudden to negative and she was cutting all of US out of her life.
I told my husband that I had a feeling that she would be calling the next time she needed something. Sure enough, she started calling again.
My problem besides the obvious is that I felt like we have been friends for so many years and the fact that now our friendship arrangement was no longer suitable to her, it was almost like my husband had suddenly told me that he couldn't stand the way I breathe. It hurt me deeply that we have been such close friends over the years that we accepted each others flaws, mourned with each other and even fought like sisters.
And then one day she tells me in so many words that I can't be in her life anymore because what I have offered her over the years (and she had offered back exactly) isn't good enough anymore. I'm too negative suddenly , when I haven't changed the way I have interacted with her as a friend. I'm not good enough.
The problem is that I don't even know if she understands what she has done. Over the years I have overlooked her shortcomings (and I wont list them since I don't know if she reads this blog anymore), and she has over looked mine. Now that her life was back in order and her husband wanted her again, I was no longer needed. It hurt me so much that I couldn't even talk to her about it.
But why talk to someone who obviously doesn't like or even love you anymore? Why waste my energy on someone who obviously feels like I'm inadequate, why put myself through that anymore?
Now, she is calling me again, just like I thought she would. Her husband has changed his mind and is wanting a divorce again, and now since I don't answer her calls- she sending me emails. She is telling people finally that they are separating, when before I was only one of 3 people that knew that her marriage was on the rocks. It's final now and she is sending out emails saying she is going to focus on herself and travel to see friends out of state.
Though I feel bad for her on a basic level, I have been so hurt that anger isn't even an issue anymore,I just don't care.
I feel like she dumped me and now that her dance card is empty, she wants me back to fill the void for her. On some level, I still love her as a friend and though we worked hard to over come our past arguments, I feel as though she attacked my character and told me I wasn't good enough.
If you know me even a little, I am a bit of a dork in so many ways, including social situations. I tend to lash out at people I don't very well if they anger me. The people that I know well and love... if they hurt me I tend to recede and become a hermit. I duck and cover. I know this has a lot to do with my childhood and not being able to have friends, to go out and socialize like a normal teen because I was pretty much locked up at home.
That's why I love blogging. I can socialize and met people, and in a way it's safer that way, but very sad.
I often think and wonder what is wrong with me that I cannot seem to make decent friends in real life, and ask my husband, "Isn't the common denominator me? Either I am attracting the wrong kind of friend because I put out a vibe that people can treat me like crap, or I am socially inept." I often ask my husband, "Am I over reacting?" and he will answer me honestly, and most of the time he will tell me no, that I am not overreacting.
Sometimes he does. And I get pissed. LOL! But I know he is right. Never once during all of this has he told me that I am overreacting.
Anyway, I sound like my friend. We are separating and I am boohooing to you guys. The only difference is that I am neglecting you guys because of NaNoWriMo. :)
BTW, please don't take it personally, I assure you that once I finish this stupid first draft that I will be back laughing with you, heckling you, and just generally being "all up in your business". I haven't visited but a few blogs because writers block is so depressing that even writing comments is mentally crippling. Sad? YES! Self inflicted? Absolutely. Lame? Probably.
Forgive me? Please?
Thanks for listening to me whine about the person who I used to consider my best friend... I feel bad for her , I really do. I just don't know if I am willing to let her kick me in the
I had a friend (who lives 2000 miles away, and that I have been friends with for over 10 years) that had been having marital problems for over 6 years. There have been many, many times that we talked on the phone for hours before and after she started having problems. We have been such good friends that we at times have called each other best friend, and there have been times when we fought and didn't speak for 11 months.
Our relationship was very honest and we could talk about anything. We laughed and cried, we fought, we complained and bitched about our lives and all of that was OK. It was better than OK, she has been as close of a friend as my husband at times.
Over the last year, when her marriage was really in crisis, I had spent hours- willingly because I loved her- on the phone talking about her problems, supporting her decisions, giving advice when she asked. I had spent hours talking and consoling, and at times forgotten to make dinner for my kids (until Anna said she was starving). I spent hours telling my kids "not now I'm on the phone" because my friend lived so far away and was so busy working extra ours to save money for her impending separation, so I talked to her whenever she needed. She was so busy that the only time she ever seemed to call me was when she was driving somewhere.
Then one day, she told me that they had worked things out. Though I still worried about her, I was happy that she was happy and supported her decision because it's her life. Suddenly I was told that she was trying to cut out all the negative people in her life, and I noticed that she usually told me this shortly after I did our usual complaining that we do about things that are annoying us at the time... then she would tell me she was lost and had to get directions, or had another call, and that she would call me back.
And she never did.
This happened once, and though I was hurt, I thought"she is really busy, she'll call me back when she has a chance."
It happened a second time and I said to myself, "That is a weird coincidence. Hmmm, not sure what to think about that."
It happened a third time... so I stopped taking her calls when she finally called me back 3 weeks later.
That was almost 4 months ago, and she stopped calling after I decided not to send her daughter anything for her birthday. I figured she had realized that I was hurt and upset, then got mad that I didn't send her daughter anything. I figured our friendship was pretty much over since she thought I was all of a sudden to negative and she was cutting all of US out of her life.
I told my husband that I had a feeling that she would be calling the next time she needed something. Sure enough, she started calling again.
My problem besides the obvious is that I felt like we have been friends for so many years and the fact that now our friendship arrangement was no longer suitable to her, it was almost like my husband had suddenly told me that he couldn't stand the way I breathe. It hurt me deeply that we have been such close friends over the years that we accepted each others flaws, mourned with each other and even fought like sisters.
And then one day she tells me in so many words that I can't be in her life anymore because what I have offered her over the years (and she had offered back exactly) isn't good enough anymore. I'm too negative suddenly , when I haven't changed the way I have interacted with her as a friend. I'm not good enough.
The problem is that I don't even know if she understands what she has done. Over the years I have overlooked her shortcomings (and I wont list them since I don't know if she reads this blog anymore), and she has over looked mine. Now that her life was back in order and her husband wanted her again, I was no longer needed. It hurt me so much that I couldn't even talk to her about it.
But why talk to someone who obviously doesn't like or even love you anymore? Why waste my energy on someone who obviously feels like I'm inadequate, why put myself through that anymore?
Now, she is calling me again, just like I thought she would. Her husband has changed his mind and is wanting a divorce again, and now since I don't answer her calls- she sending me emails. She is telling people finally that they are separating, when before I was only one of 3 people that knew that her marriage was on the rocks. It's final now and she is sending out emails saying she is going to focus on herself and travel to see friends out of state.
Though I feel bad for her on a basic level, I have been so hurt that anger isn't even an issue anymore,I just don't care.
I feel like she dumped me and now that her dance card is empty, she wants me back to fill the void for her. On some level, I still love her as a friend and though we worked hard to over come our past arguments, I feel as though she attacked my character and told me I wasn't good enough.
If you know me even a little, I am a bit of a dork in so many ways, including social situations. I tend to lash out at people I don't very well if they anger me. The people that I know well and love... if they hurt me I tend to recede and become a hermit. I duck and cover. I know this has a lot to do with my childhood and not being able to have friends, to go out and socialize like a normal teen because I was pretty much locked up at home.
That's why I love blogging. I can socialize and met people, and in a way it's safer that way, but very sad.
I often think and wonder what is wrong with me that I cannot seem to make decent friends in real life, and ask my husband, "Isn't the common denominator me? Either I am attracting the wrong kind of friend because I put out a vibe that people can treat me like crap, or I am socially inept." I often ask my husband, "Am I over reacting?" and he will answer me honestly, and most of the time he will tell me no, that I am not overreacting.
Sometimes he does. And I get pissed. LOL! But I know he is right. Never once during all of this has he told me that I am overreacting.
Anyway, I sound like my friend. We are separating and I am boohooing to you guys. The only difference is that I am neglecting you guys because of NaNoWriMo. :)
BTW, please don't take it personally, I assure you that once I finish this stupid first draft that I will be back laughing with you, heckling you, and just generally being "all up in your business". I haven't visited but a few blogs because writers block is so depressing that even writing comments is mentally crippling. Sad? YES! Self inflicted? Absolutely. Lame? Probably.
Forgive me? Please?
Thanks for listening to me whine about the person who I used to consider my best friend... I feel bad for her , I really do. I just don't know if I am willing to let her kick me in the
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Life here with the Wee Folk
Here in my household, imaginations soar! Recently, Emma now has unhampered access to her butt region since she is wearing her big girl panties. Imagine my surprise 2 days ago when she announced while holding up one of her dress up necklaces,"I put this in my butt crack!"
Fantastic.
I have often impressed my family with my ability to pick things up with my toes. This morning Emma impressed me by showing me that panties can go in the butt crack. No, I'm not talking about a wedgie either. What I am saying is that instead of putting her panties OVER her butt crack, she stood with her undies only in her butt crack. She was a proud as a peacock.
"Ummm, I've spent most of my adult life trying to avoid just that. How about we put your panties where they belong, over your bum. Let's not put anything else in there, OK?
Now I know the first place I'm going to look the next time I lose my keys. ;)
Anna has quite the imagination, too! And I am proud to say it does NOT involve her butt crack. Last night she showed John and I a bracelet that a boy in class had made her.
"I'm guessing it's too soon to have a boyfriend."
"Err, yeah. Too soon," I stammer.
"He says he wants to be my boyfriend."
"That's nice honey, no boyfriends yet, OK? Hey... isn't he the kid that has gotten you into trouble like three times now?"
She's only 6 1/2 and she already likes the "bad boy" type. Terrific.
This morning I asked her as she put her new purple bead bracelet on,"Do you think he's cute?"
"Kinda."
"So he wants to be your boyfriend?"
"Yeah, he told Kayla that he does, and she told me. It's like he sent me an invisible love note."
Awwww! She's a romantic! She must get that from.... somebody. That's my girl. Romantic, dramatic and imaginative, not to mention already considered girl friend material.
I can barely contain my joy.
Fantastic.
I have often impressed my family with my ability to pick things up with my toes. This morning Emma impressed me by showing me that panties can go in the butt crack. No, I'm not talking about a wedgie either. What I am saying is that instead of putting her panties OVER her butt crack, she stood with her undies only in her butt crack. She was a proud as a peacock.
"Ummm, I've spent most of my adult life trying to avoid just that. How about we put your panties where they belong, over your bum. Let's not put anything else in there, OK?
Now I know the first place I'm going to look the next time I lose my keys. ;)
Anna has quite the imagination, too! And I am proud to say it does NOT involve her butt crack. Last night she showed John and I a bracelet that a boy in class had made her.
"I'm guessing it's too soon to have a boyfriend."
"Err, yeah. Too soon," I stammer.
"He says he wants to be my boyfriend."
"That's nice honey, no boyfriends yet, OK? Hey... isn't he the kid that has gotten you into trouble like three times now?"
She's only 6 1/2 and she already likes the "bad boy" type. Terrific.
This morning I asked her as she put her new purple bead bracelet on,"Do you think he's cute?"
"Kinda."
"So he wants to be your boyfriend?"
"Yeah, he told Kayla that he does, and she told me. It's like he sent me an invisible love note."
Awwww! She's a romantic! She must get that from.... somebody. That's my girl. Romantic, dramatic and imaginative, not to mention already considered girl friend material.
I can barely contain my joy.
Frisk the 15th
*** Sing to the tune of Deck The Halls***
'Tis the season to get crazy
Falalalalalalala
When you brain gets tired and hazy
Falalalalalalala
And while your singing all these LaLas
Falalalalala la la la!
Don't forget to Frisk your Ta-Tas!
FA LA LA LA LA, LA LA LA LAAAAAA!
OK, now put your boobs down and please pass the biscuits!
Falalalalalalala
When you brain gets tired and hazy
Falalalalalalala
And while your singing all these LaLas
Falalalalala la la la!
Don't forget to Frisk your Ta-Tas!
FA LA LA LA LA, LA LA LA LAAAAAA!
OK, now put your boobs down and please pass the biscuits!
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