Thursday, November 29, 2007
I did it, I finished the 50,000 words for National Novel Writing Month ... It almost makes the mullet worth it. Now I just have to finish writing the book.
Then edit it.
Edit it some more.
Procrastinate and start the doubting process all over again as to whether or not I should attempt publishing.
Have the MISU verbally kick my butt/stroke my fragile ego.
Get an ulcer while waiting for the rejection letters...
WAIT! I'm supposed to be positive, right? ;)
I explained my pessimistic work process to Anna the other night, "See, mommy has this stupid little thing called 'Feeeeear of Faaaaailure', and when Fear of Failure rears it's ugly little head, I hear all things things inside my head like: 'you suck, it's crap, no one will like it, I'm the pessimistic voice in side your head and I could write better crap than that'," At which point she starts to laugh.
Then I said, "So, I have all these little doubts that float around inside my head because my mother told me I wouldn't ever do anything good in my life. So I have a choice; I can give in or push those doubts aside and kick some butt!"
"The only problem is, " I whispered to her," is that I will have to edit my book, THEN send it to publishing companies... and then I will have a whole new set of doubts."
Anna starts to laugh hysterically, "Whole new set of doubts!" She smacked her knee like it was the best knock knock joke ever. Her eyes got big and she said, "Maybe they will give you TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS! We will be so rich," She stopped for a moment then said, "The first thing we should do is take a trip to Hawaii."
I agreed that this was an excellent plan, but that I hoped it would be a bit more than just 10 grand. "I have a friend that lives in Hawaii, you know," I told her as we snuggled in the dark, and she drifted off to sleep , no doubt with visions of the bluest water and palm trees.
That's my girl, she's already spending my money. ;)
BTW, did you happen to notice that I'm still in "novel mode"? LOL!
Monday, November 26, 2007
Except if it comes to me. Just for the record, Federal Bureau of Investigations, the reason why you or Google might have noticed me trolling your site is because I am writing a book for NaNoWriMo. Honestly.
Also, my google searches for: Barrett M107 Sniper Rifles, Glocks, Military Surplus, hit man lingo, FBI locations in California, ways to say that someone has been killed, how long does it take to bleed out from a groin wound, female assassins, military bases and addresses in southern California, search warrants etc, etc, etc...
these are just searches I am doing for my novel. By the way, besides aving one FBI character that is kind of a slob, I promise that all of the other Bureau characters are written with the utmost reverence and taste.
I promise you that the only thing I'm planning on murdering besides the English language, is ironically a character named English. Besides I love my family and friends. The ones I don't like are hardly worth the trouble.
So Google and Blogger (who is owned by Google), before you turn me in to the feds check out my other blog where my book currently resides... it's all there.
Thursday, November 22, 2007
I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving! I am blessed to have so many blogging buddies and I know I am very thankful for all of you.
Remember to be safe! Here are a few important safety tips:
Buttons on pants can be dangerous. To avoid having your button put out someone's eye, go ahead and unbutton before the meal starts.
The drumstick is not worth losing a knife fight over.
Don't be the first person to help yourself to the gravy, chances are it's hot enough to take a layer of taste buds off your tongue. Pass it to the left and let it come full circle back to you. ;)
If you do burn your tongue, soak it in a tub whipped cream. Not only will it sooth your tongue (because you just couldn't liten about the gravy, could you?)
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Good Lord people! Not only have I broken up with my best friend, but now I have to divorce my hair dresser too? Last night I asked for a trim for my layers--------------> See my profile picture?
You know things are bad when:
Your hair dresser keeps you faced away from the mirror the whole time, lets you see for a second before sending you on your quasi-merry way, while deploying the "I'll make the top of her head so poofy that she won't notice the fricking huge chunk of hair missing from the left side of her head".
And when the first thing out of your husband's mouth is that you look like Mrs. Brady.
<---------------I actually wish that my hair looked this good
I would post a picture... OK not really. That's how un-freaking-happy I am right now. I have a long history of being a bad haircut magnet. Either that or deep down I'm a REALLY bad person and Karma keeps biting me in the @ss. You know what Karma? I don't know who the hell you think you are, but I'm flipping you off right now.
The bad part is that I finally get my hair grown out and then I get a cut like this and its pretty much a take 2 steps forward and 5 steps back situation.
Lessons learned this week:
Fast food dinner out with your family while waiting for your hair appointment= 17.00
Having your haircut by a stylist who is nervous about her upcoming surgery= 16.00
Having your hair f*cked up right before a holiday= PRICELESS
BONUS: I have hit an all time low. I said f*ck and @ss in the same blog post.
Monday, November 19, 2007
I had a friend (who lives 2000 miles away, and that I have been friends with for over 10 years) that had been having marital problems for over 6 years. There have been many, many times that we talked on the phone for hours before and after she started having problems. We have been such good friends that we at times have called each other best friend, and there have been times when we fought and didn't speak for 11 months.
Our relationship was very honest and we could talk about anything. We laughed and cried, we fought, we complained and bitched about our lives and all of that was OK. It was better than OK, she has been as close of a friend as my husband at times.
Over the last year, when her marriage was really in crisis, I had spent hours- willingly because I loved her- on the phone talking about her problems, supporting her decisions, giving advice when she asked. I had spent hours talking and consoling, and at times forgotten to make dinner for my kids (until Anna said she was starving). I spent hours telling my kids "not now I'm on the phone" because my friend lived so far away and was so busy working extra ours to save money for her impending separation, so I talked to her whenever she needed. She was so busy that the only time she ever seemed to call me was when she was driving somewhere.
Then one day, she told me that they had worked things out. Though I still worried about her, I was happy that she was happy and supported her decision because it's her life. Suddenly I was told that she was trying to cut out all the negative people in her life, and I noticed that she usually told me this shortly after I did our usual complaining that we do about things that are annoying us at the time... then she would tell me she was lost and had to get directions, or had another call, and that she would call me back.
And she never did.
This happened once, and though I was hurt, I thought"she is really busy, she'll call me back when she has a chance."
It happened a second time and I said to myself, "That is a weird coincidence. Hmmm, not sure what to think about that."
It happened a third time... so I stopped taking her calls when she finally called me back 3 weeks later.
That was almost 4 months ago, and she stopped calling after I decided not to send her daughter anything for her birthday. I figured she had realized that I was hurt and upset, then got mad that I didn't send her daughter anything. I figured our friendship was pretty much over since she thought I was all of a sudden to negative and she was cutting all of US out of her life.
I told my husband that I had a feeling that she would be calling the next time she needed something. Sure enough, she started calling again.
My problem besides the obvious is that I felt like we have been friends for so many years and the fact that now our friendship arrangement was no longer suitable to her, it was almost like my husband had suddenly told me that he couldn't stand the way I breathe. It hurt me deeply that we have been such close friends over the years that we accepted each others flaws, mourned with each other and even fought like sisters.
And then one day she tells me in so many words that I can't be in her life anymore because what I have offered her over the years (and she had offered back exactly) isn't good enough anymore. I'm too negative suddenly , when I haven't changed the way I have interacted with her as a friend. I'm not good enough.
The problem is that I don't even know if she understands what she has done. Over the years I have overlooked her shortcomings (and I wont list them since I don't know if she reads this blog anymore), and she has over looked mine. Now that her life was back in order and her husband wanted her again, I was no longer needed. It hurt me so much that I couldn't even talk to her about it.
But why talk to someone who obviously doesn't like or even love you anymore? Why waste my energy on someone who obviously feels like I'm inadequate, why put myself through that anymore?
Now, she is calling me again, just like I thought she would. Her husband has changed his mind and is wanting a divorce again, and now since I don't answer her calls- she sending me emails. She is telling people finally that they are separating, when before I was only one of 3 people that knew that her marriage was on the rocks. It's final now and she is sending out emails saying she is going to focus on herself and travel to see friends out of state.
Though I feel bad for her on a basic level, I have been so hurt that anger isn't even an issue anymore,I just don't care.
I feel like she dumped me and now that her dance card is empty, she wants me back to fill the void for her. On some level, I still love her as a friend and though we worked hard to over come our past arguments, I feel as though she attacked my character and told me I wasn't good enough.
If you know me even a little, I am a bit of a dork in so many ways, including social situations. I tend to lash out at people I don't very well if they anger me. The people that I know well and love... if they hurt me I tend to recede and become a hermit. I duck and cover. I know this has a lot to do with my childhood and not being able to have friends, to go out and socialize like a normal teen because I was pretty much locked up at home.
That's why I love blogging. I can socialize and met people, and in a way it's safer that way, but very sad.
I often think and wonder what is wrong with me that I cannot seem to make decent friends in real life, and ask my husband, "Isn't the common denominator me? Either I am attracting the wrong kind of friend because I put out a vibe that people can treat me like crap, or I am socially inept." I often ask my husband, "Am I over reacting?" and he will answer me honestly, and most of the time he will tell me no, that I am not overreacting.
Sometimes he does. And I get pissed. LOL! But I know he is right. Never once during all of this has he told me that I am overreacting.
Anyway, I sound like my friend. We are separating and I am boohooing to you guys. The only difference is that I am neglecting you guys because of NaNoWriMo. :)
BTW, please don't take it personally, I assure you that once I finish this stupid first draft that I will be back laughing with you, heckling you, and just generally being "all up in your business". I haven't visited but a few blogs because writers block is so depressing that even writing comments is mentally crippling. Sad? YES! Self inflicted? Absolutely. Lame? Probably.
Forgive me? Please?
Thanks for listening to me whine about the person who I used to consider my best friend... I feel bad for her , I really do. I just don't know if I am willing to let her kick me in the
Thursday, November 15, 2007
I have often impressed my family with my ability to pick things up with my toes. This morning Emma impressed me by showing me that panties can go in the butt crack. No, I'm not talking about a wedgie either. What I am saying is that instead of putting her panties OVER her butt crack, she stood with her undies only in her butt crack. She was a proud as a peacock.
"Ummm, I've spent most of my adult life trying to avoid just that. How about we put your panties where they belong, over your bum. Let's not put anything else in there, OK?
Now I know the first place I'm going to look the next time I lose my keys. ;)
Anna has quite the imagination, too! And I am proud to say it does NOT involve her butt crack. Last night she showed John and I a bracelet that a boy in class had made her.
"I'm guessing it's too soon to have a boyfriend."
"Err, yeah. Too soon," I stammer.
"He says he wants to be my boyfriend."
"That's nice honey, no boyfriends yet, OK? Hey... isn't he the kid that has gotten you into trouble like three times now?"
She's only 6 1/2 and she already likes the "bad boy" type. Terrific.
This morning I asked her as she put her new purple bead bracelet on,"Do you think he's cute?"
"So he wants to be your boyfriend?"
"Yeah, he told Kayla that he does, and she told me. It's like he sent me an invisible love note."
Awwww! She's a romantic! She must get that from.... somebody. That's my girl. Romantic, dramatic and imaginative, not to mention already considered girl friend material.
I can barely contain my joy.
When you brain gets tired and hazy
And while your singing all these LaLas
Falalalalala la la la!
Don't forget to Frisk your Ta-Tas!
FA LA LA LA LA, LA LA LA LAAAAAA!
OK, now put your boobs down and please pass the biscuits!
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
The church sat him down and told him, and seeing his life going down the tubes and seeing that basically his only chance to get far, far away from crazy ass was being taken away, he broke up with her.
Any way my brother had been having problem sin his marriage and was going to marriage counseling alone, because his wife refused to go. At this point my brother had already given his wife an ultimatum. One day after his appointment he ran into his old GF by chance, and the odd thing was that she also was going through marriage counseling alone and had been going for a little bit longer than Ben. They chatted but they both were very tender and seeing each other wasn't even a glimmer on their collective horizon because they were both giving their spouses their last chance.
A few months after Ben moved out, they saw each other by chance again. They tentatively saw each other, and Ben would ask her every week if she would marry him. She would say no because she thought it was too soon to get married and neither of them were even divorced yet. My brother told her that he has always loved her and had never stopped... she was the one.
Finally he got tired of being shot down ;) He told her that when she was ready that she could ask him, and pointed out a watch commercial that just happened to be showing. "Get me one of those as an engagement gift when you ask me, and I'll think about it."
Two weekends ago they went to the beach, and he drover her somewhere as a surprise. "You took me to Hooters? How romantic," She said.
"No," he said laughing, while pointing to the massage place next to Hooters, "I'm taking you for a massage and pedicure, ya goof."
Tammy had mentioned that she was thinking about marriage, and Ben - having been turned down many times after 2 1/2 years- said he thought that they weren't ready. "You don't think we're ready," she asked disappointedly.
Ben thought about it and said no. He thought to himself that he had always been ready and didn't want her to feel pressured, so he said no.
Afterwards, they decided to take a walk on the beach. When arriving, Ben noticed a gift in the back seat. "Are you going to ask me to marry you, " he asked.
"Pfffft, don't get your hopes up," she said wryly.
He had gotten his hopes up, and was disappointed. The walked and she sat him down and gave him the box. Inside were 3 boxes, and he unwrapped the first. it was a picture of them when they had first started dating. "For the past,"she said.
He opened the 2nd box and it had a picture of them now. "For the present," she said.
He opened the last box to find a beautiful new watch with their initials and the date engraved on the clasp,and she said,"For the future." She got down on one knee and asked him to marry her.
The date on the clasp signified that that day two Saturdays ago- as she asked the question he had been waiting so long to hear - was the anniversary of their first kiss.
He said yes of course, literally! "Of course I will marry you!"
The amazing thing... how many of us have the chance to catch the one that had gotten away? I'm fortunate to have had the one all along, and to see my brother finally find true love and happiness is such a blessing.
Congratulations Ben and Tammy! May you have many many years of happiness. And sarcasm. Lots and lots of sarcasm, it keeps you young ;)
The wedding will be a small one next November n Maryland, and then they plan on flying down to an island and having a private ceremony on the beach, him barefoot and her with flowers in her hair. *sniff* So romantic!
I told him we should be able to drive out there by then. Emma will be 3 1/2 and we will have had time to stock up on lots of children's Benadryl.
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Friday, November 09, 2007
Let me know! :D
*****EDIT***** Well I looked at the FAQ, It looks like maybe you have to be an employee for a while before you become a branch... which I guess make a lot of sense. DUH! It looks like you get promoted according to how many Shcrutebucks you have acquired (by doing tasks). Sorry guys, I thought maybe I could just sign up as a branch manager and we could have our own office :(
Quoted from the site:
Thanks for trying though, I guess I just didn't understand the rules at first. If one of us is able to become a regional manager, maybe we can hire one another ;)
How do I climb the corporate ladder?
All DMI employees start off as Temps, with the exception of Regional Managers. Once a certain level of SchruteBucks has been attained, you will automatically get promoted within your branch. The job hierarchy is as follows:
DMI JOB HIERARCHY Temp 1000 Warehouse Employee 1300 Receptionist 1600 Customer Relations Specialist 2000 Quality Assurance Specialist 2600 Supplier Relations Specialist 3400 Accountant 4300 Salesperson 5300 Warehouse Foreman 6500 Human Resources Manager 8000 Assistant Regional Manager 10000 Regional Manager Appointed
At certain promotion levels, employees will receive special items, like a new desk or office environment. See the Virtual Desk section for more details.
What is the role of the Regional Manager?
Users become Regional Managers by signing up and being the first to confirm fifteen people using the Branch Hiring Code.
In the world of DMI, Regional Managers fulfill the same role that group owners/admins do within myNBC. They will be able to hire branch members, create polls, and submit branch photos/video/etc. to Corporate. They will also be expected to take on a leadership role within their branch, organize task participation and relay important information given to them by Corporate.
Thursday, November 08, 2007
This is my brain in NaNo.
Oh, rite... not much diffarhrent I guess, only my speeling is noticeably more horribowl with speel check.
And not only am I slightlee more dorky ( and adorable, I think), but my powers of procrastynation are increeesed 10 fohld. ;) *drool*
I seem to be having more luck with posting on my blog. Dern, I should have done NaBloPoMo.
One more thing... does this picture make my nose look big?
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
I. Can't. Think. Of .The. Word.
Oh yes, my husband just helped me... that would be skull!
---------------------------> Not the word count number of doom. I'm only 1845 words behind.
or if i were typing that in my book, I might consider writing it as "I have written nine thousand eight hundred and twenty-four words, and yet to make today's quota, I still need to write another one thousand eight hundred and forty-five."- just to boost my word count. I have been writing honorably without resorting to dirty tricks, but the dirty tricks are starting to sound like a good idea. You know, in the way that buying that microwave bacon fryer/ sweater drying rack combo sounds like it's a good idea at 3 am.
I am currently at the "I suck, my plot sucks, this is a load of sucking crap and I think I'll just quit" stage.
I must call my technical adviser, he's in the other room playing XBOX 360. I'm sorry I haven't visited yet this week, staring at a blank Word Document is keeping me busy. :(
Self-inflicted misery, it's the worst.
Oh yeah, more important things going on in the world...
Wouldn't it be something if our children saw war as a thing of the past
instead of a horrible and ever present reality?
If they didn't have to see violent and disturbing images on the news?
Or didn't have to ask, "Where is my mommy and daddy,
don't they love me more than being a soldier?"
What would our world be like if children didn't see their
parents killed in front of them or have them die in their arms?
And if parents didn't have to see their child pick up a gun.
What if we lived in a world where governments and
persons of power didn't exploit their own people for personal gain?
I cannot stop the bullets and the bombs.
I cannot bring our soldiers home.
I cannot quell the suffering of the millions.
I cannot overthrow a corrupt
government and establish true democracy.
I feel that I cannot be heard.
Dona Nobis Pacem.
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
The rules are:
Answer the questions as realistically or unrealistically as you want.
Copy the rules into your meme post.
Link back to the person who tagged you.
Tag 5 others
1. Where would you live?
I would found my own town called Dorkville, where the dorks could roam free. I would welcome new residents by having a Fantasy Island like welcome luau, and I would dress Emma up like Tattoo, and she would yell "The Dorks! The Dorks,
2. What would your job be (or if unrealistic) what would you do all day?
I would be a dork herder, of course! But I think I would hire someone else to clean up after them, dork poo is the worst. I live in a house full of dorks so I should know. ;)
3. Who would you spend your time with? Doing what?
All the dorks that are near and dear to my heart. We would spend the days doing dorky things like laughing at each others awkward social interactions ( totally with dork love, though), watching all of the dork cult classics like every Star Trek/Star Wars movie and episode ever created. In the event that we should run out of material, we will then have our dork writers translate each of those into Shakespearian plays, and we will have Dork Renaissance Fairs ( is that redundant?) .
4. What kind of holidays/vacations would you take?
Well, I suppose I would have to create my own credit card company so every Dork could afford to go on vacation. It would be called Dorkwad- The card for Dorkwads everywhere. We would go anywhere our dorky cheer was accepted... so I'm guessing the farthest we would get would be the outskirts of Dorkville.
5. What luxury items would you own?
I would have everything a dork could desire. Unfortunately a lot of it would probably be stuff I don't need- like dog paw mittens, a space shuttle and spinners for Emma's stroller. Oh and a diamond tiara.
6. What charities would you support or represent?
I'd give my dorky money to any charity that helps children, women and families in need ( this covers the abused, homeless and ill).
I tag (feel free to refuse the tag, I'll get over it. Eventually.) :P
Monday, November 05, 2007
Here are some wall papers that I made for those of us who are doing NaNoWriMo... the calendar has the word counts for each day and was made by
and all the photos were taken by me.
Click on the image to enlarge to it's full size, right click/save as.
Well, I'll tell you... I have been asking myself how on the earth I got myself into this NaNoWriMo mess, but being a woman of my word and being that I am trying to stop being so pessimistic and more positive, well, I have to do it. Right?
My brain is feeling fuzzy. I have a feeling that i may have very well written everything I could over the weekend and there simply isn't anything left in there to write;)
Here is the Peace Globe that i will be posting about on November 7th:
And since my brain is devoid of any intelligent word groupings (I'm only on my first cup of coffee), here are 2 of my favorite desktops:
Thanks to Mo for hosting such a wonderful meme, even though today is one of my more lack luster contributions.
Sunday, November 04, 2007
I have no idea where she would have heard that from... do they play The Apprentice reruns on Disney
Friday, November 02, 2007
To a rough start!
I guess I'm "just not applying myself". Actually , I started off well yesterday, but didn't finish the other 400+ words I needed last night, so today I need to write over 2000 words.
That's great! Except that Emma has decided that she is serious about this potty training thing. Last night we went out to find Anna a new coat and as we arrived at the store Em announced she needed to go potty. I had planned on getting this little gem so that going potty while we were out and about wouldn't be so scary (Anna would freak out, she didn't like going potty without her Blue's Clues potty seat):
.... So I told Emma that i didn't have a seat to use and she would have to go in her pull up. She responded- in disgust," But I have to go potty!" OK, I said, I'll have to carry you so that we make it to the potty on time. Did I mention that I thought this was going to be a short trip out so I didn't bring the diaper bag at all? Brilliant.
I ran through the store, dodging sale and early Christmas shoppers, all the while yelling , "'Scuse me! Coming through!"
Emma yelled too. "Faster mommy, faster!"
"I can't go any faster, this is as fast as mommy gets!"
"Yes you can, momma. Faster, go faster!"
Though I appreciated her enthusiasm, and her sheer and utter confidence in my speed capabilities... I really couldn't go any faster.
But we made it, and she clutched the sides of the seat like a big girl, while her momma obsessed her doing so and about the fact that now I had to somehow manage to not only wash her hands but SANITIZE them appropriately... because if you have ever had to take a small (in her case midget sized) child to the bathroom, you know how hard it is to hold them with one arm and try to wash 2 little hands adequately.
In the end I did the best I could and did what any good mom wold do. I hoped and prayed that what didn't kill her would make her stronger.
Overall, though, it worked out well. It was nothing like potty training Anna in public, who would scream while clutching your clothes so hard that she would manage to pinch the back of your arms through the cloth. Oh but wait, then there is the fact that she would scream in terror when I had to flush the toilet because "industrial strength toilets" are so loud. Have you ever tried the one arm hand wash with a hysterical child? I assure you it's an experience I will not soon forget.
But no, surprisingly mini Mini Me (Anna's Mini Me, and Anna being my Mini Me) did very well. I was so proud we high five'd.
To make a short story long- as my brother Ben says- We bought Emma big girl panties last night since she is so serious and has been able to stay dry 75% of the time in between potty. We are now setting the timer on the stove to go off every 50 minutes for a potty break....and as I was typing this she had her first official accident! Milestones, LOL!
Anywho, I guess the whole point of this post is that Nation Novel Writing Month should be interesting, and not that I am procrastinating right now
But, on the bright side? I get a potty break every 50 minutes too, right?