Thursday, September 06, 2007

I'm so tired.

***This is not a positive post, but I am positively beside myself. More drama with the MIL... proceed with caution***
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My MIL decided yesterday that it's completely appropriate to talk to John about family matters in the work place, since she and John work at the same hospital. Oh the joy.

1.First she asked John if he, me and Anna were done being mad at her so she could come over and see the kids.

Great way to start off... placing the blame on us once again. She hasn't made any attempt to see or call the kids for 4 weeks now. 4 WEEKS. But it's our fault she didn't come over.

2. She has completely eclipsed the "she's not as nuts as my mother but still is pretty nuts" thing by telling John that I slapped her that day. Even though I wanted to slap her, I assure you I did not. I pushed her hand away while putting myself between her and Anna and yelling, "Yeah, she's fine!" because she had grabbed Anna by the arm and wouldn't let her go, while repeating "You're OK, you're fine" to Anna. I did shove her hand away, maybe roughly because she wouldn't let Anna go, but I did not slap her. Besides, if I had gotten physical in this circumstance I assure you that merely slapping her would have been letting her off easy.

Besides... lets be honest here for a moment shall we? I was practically raised buy wolves and even though I got regular beatings (some that resulted in scars), I was raised better. I know better than to assault anyone out of anger, especially an elder and family member. Yes I had a rough childhood but I definitely don't use that as a free ticket to hurt other people... I was raised to be polite and have manners... despite there being no clear example of that from my mother towards her children.

3. She told John that this is the SECOND time I have slapped her. Ummmm, no... I am sure I would remember that because I would remember the enormous amount of satisfaction that would come with that.

4. The MIL said, "My sister was there, she'll back me up."

Yeah she'll back you up, sure... even though your sister told me she didn't see what happened so she didn't want to get involved. Like that matters anyway... Like John is going to believe (crazy) you and your sister(the one who didn't see anything) over me.

5. She told John that Anna ignored her after the MIL threw the bucket of water in her face, and if that had been one of her kids she would have made Anna go over an apologize for ignoring her grandmother.

I TOLD ANNA TO STAY AWAY FROM HER before we went back outside, and I also said "I don't know what other crazy stuff nana might do and I don't want you to get hurt again."
But being the smart girl that she is, I'm sure she would have stayed the heck away from her any way... It's not like all faith and trust that Anna had for her grandmother was crushed or anything. *rolls eyes*

Anna didn't do anything wrong, yet she is the one who is supposed to apologize?

6. She told John that the reason she said she "can't be a grandmother here" is because we have too many rules.

Gee, what rules?Like not leaving my kid locked in a car alone, on a 90+ degree day? not letting Anna walk on the 10 foot steep incline filled with huge sharp and pointy rocks, down by the river, just because she was are lazy to get up?Not sitting with her head stuck in the TV while my youngest is wrapping blind cords around her neck for almost a minute?

NO, our rules are to get Anna to bed before 10pm instead of letting her stay up until 1130-12 midnight. Don't let her have too much sugar, and OH, MAYBE you should try feeding her something at say.... 4 hours instead of waiting until 8 hours since the last time she had something to eat. Say no when she asks you to buy her something? I mean really, who is the adult here?

I'm angry that she thought she could do an "end around" and just talk to John about all of this... like he is going to decide on his own- or that she can accuse me of slapping her and I'm not going to have a chance to defend myself and discuss her insulting accusations with her?

WE WILL have a sit down and talk this out BEFORE SHE EVER SEES MY GIRLS AGAIN. She might even need to get herself put on medication before she gets to see my girls again. Shoot, I might need medication before this all gets worked out- for blood pressure and nerves. I told John we will hire a baby sitter, and I will try to be as calm as possible, but the way things work out usually is that the MIL gets very snappy with me when it has been just me and her hammering stuff out, so John will need to be there too so that she behaves herself and so that he is there to help me if I get to angry.

The fact that she sees things so differently from everyone around her should tell her something. What's the common denominator here? HER. But no, she never takes responsibility, every one else is always to blame, she always have to be right.

I'm so tired of this... I thought that when I estranged myself from my mother over 3 years ago that I would never have to deal with this type of (stomachache inducing) insanity again. She really is turning out to be a lot like my mother , including accusing me of things that never happened and believing that everyone should cater to her despite the damage she is doing to them.

I really need to pray that God helps me to be able to voice my feelings and concerns without losing it out of anger and frustration... plus I don't want her to "win" by going that route.

OK, I'm done... I'm coming off my anger high from last night and am just so upset right now I'm in tears. After I have an opportunity to talk to her about things from my point of view this thing may very well be broken... and she might just move back to Texas.

I'm sorry, this is my only real place to vent...

EDIT to add: Marie asked how John feels about all of this in comments... He is completely on the same page as me. He has a bad history with his mother. I think it's almost a good thing he was at work because he probably would have yelled at her. :/


Not So Anonymous Michelle said...

I cannot believe she addressed all of this with John at work! She defines inappropriateness and she totally is beyond any terrible mother-in-law cliche. I don't know how this will ever be resolved unless she seeks help because clearly she'd rather blame innocent children for problems than take a good hard look at herself. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this crap right now, and John & the girls. For all of your sakes, maybe it would be best if she moved or if you guys moved to WI. Hee hee hee!

slackermommy said...

I'm so sorry, Mary. You've had enough crazy in your life and now you have to put up with it from your MIL. I wish we could put all the toxic people on a deserted island. How about that for a reality show?

Susie said...

Vent away... I am sorry you have to deal with this. You are doing the right thing and it sounds as if your hubby is backing you up. A united front it what is needed when it comes to people like her.

Factor 10 said...

I don't have any sage advice, just lots of unconditional support!!!

Marie said...

WOW, she needs more than meds to take care of this problem. How does John feel about all of this, you don't really say how he feels. It must be difficult for him to be in the middle. HUGS to you all.

wolfbaby said...

wow she has some nerve... im just glad your hubs is backing you up on this!!

crse said...

You know friend? (oh and I did have to get here the hard way, google reader comments sends me back to january!) Ive been on both sides of this fence and I have to say although John seems fantastic in terms of support, my empathy is for you because its a lot easier to be in the middle than to be vilified and struggle for the power to keep your family safe (both physically and emotionally). My thoughts (and cheers) are with you baby!

Marci said...

Oh sis.. I'm so sorry that she is doing this and what the heck is she doing bringing this up with John at work (bad move). PLEASE know that you are right in your feelings... stick to your guns... you have to protect your babies no matter what it does to your MIL. She needs to grow up and start looking at the real world. As for you slapping her, Yeah...riiiighhttt. I'm sure EVERYONE would remember that one. If you need to talk, email me and I"ll give you a call whenever it's good for you.
I love you so much and I'll pray for everyone. God is on your side too honey. Ask him for the power that you will need when you get a chance to be face to face with your MIL. And like the others have said, talk it out with John so you guys are on the same page.
If your MIL moves back to Texas, it's not because of you.... IT"S BECAUSE OF HER!!!
I love you bunches

Karmyn R said...

I'm so sorry you have to deal with that. Hang in there and stick to your guns!!!

Samara Leigh said...

Keep your head up, Mert. Most of all, stay determined not to allow your MIL's madness rob your family of the joy that you deserve.

Dorky Dad said...

Ick. This makes my story about my MIL accusing me of having my boy tattooed sound rather benign.

I'm sorry you're going through this. That kind of stuff is stressful and difficult and you really shouldn't have to deal with it. But I think that your MIL is getting off easy as it is.

Holly Schwendiman said...

Well, you just vent away dear. :) We're always here for you.


Bananas said...

OMG what a nightmare. SO sorry you have to deal with this woman. She sounds horrid.

Pamela said...

It would be best if she moved away ...
or there should be an intervention and get her in for some psychiatric evaluations.