***This is not a positive post, but I am positively beside myself. More drama with the MIL... proceed with caution***
My MIL decided yesterday that it's completely appropriate to talk to John about family matters in the work place, since she and John work at the same hospital. Oh the joy.
1.First she asked John if he, me and Anna were done being mad at her so she could come over and see the kids.
Great way to start off... placing the blame on us once again. She hasn't made any attempt to see or call the kids for 4 weeks now. 4 WEEKS. But it's our fault she didn't come over.
2. She has completely eclipsed the "she's not as nuts as my mother but still is pretty nuts" thing by telling John that I slapped her that day. Even though I wanted to slap her, I assure you I did not. I pushed her hand away while putting myself between her and Anna and yelling, "Yeah, she's fine!" because she had grabbed Anna by the arm and wouldn't let her go, while repeating "You're OK, you're fine" to Anna. I did shove her hand away, maybe roughly because she wouldn't let Anna go, but I did not slap her. Besides, if I had gotten physical in this circumstance I assure you that merely slapping her would have been letting her off easy.
Besides... lets be honest here for a moment shall we? I was practically raised buy wolves and even though I got regular beatings (some that resulted in scars), I was raised better. I know better than to assault anyone out of anger, especially an elder and family member. Yes I had a rough childhood but I definitely don't use that as a free ticket to hurt other people... I was raised to be polite and have manners... despite there being no clear example of that from my mother towards her children.
3. She told John that this is the SECOND time I have slapped her. Ummmm, no... I am sure I would remember that because I would remember the enormous amount of satisfaction that would come with that.
4. The MIL said, "My sister was there, she'll back me up."
Yeah she'll back you up, sure... even though your sister told me she didn't see what happened so she didn't want to get involved. Like that matters anyway... Like John is going to believe (crazy) you and your sister(the one who didn't see anything) over me.
5. She told John that Anna ignored her after the MIL threw the bucket of water in her face, and if that had been one of her kids she would have made Anna go over an apologize for ignoring her grandmother.
I TOLD ANNA TO STAY AWAY FROM HER before we went back outside, and I also said "I don't know what other crazy stuff nana might do and I don't want you to get hurt again."
But being the smart girl that she is, I'm sure she would have stayed the heck away from her any way... It's not like all faith and trust that Anna had for her grandmother was crushed or anything. *rolls eyes*
Anna didn't do anything wrong, yet she is the one who is supposed to apologize?
6. She told John that the reason she said she "can't be a grandmother here" is because we have too many rules.
Gee, what rules?Like not leaving my kid locked in a car alone, on a 90+ degree day? not letting Anna walk on the 10 foot steep incline filled with huge sharp and pointy rocks, down by the river, just because she was are lazy to get up?Not sitting with her head stuck in the TV while my youngest is wrapping blind cords around her neck for almost a minute?
NO, our rules are to get Anna to bed before 10pm instead of letting her stay up until 1130-12 midnight. Don't let her have too much sugar, and OH, MAYBE you should try feeding her something at say.... 4 hours instead of waiting until 8 hours since the last time she had something to eat. Say no when she asks you to buy her something? I mean really, who is the adult here?
I'm angry that she thought she could do an "end around" and just talk to John about all of this... like he is going to decide on his own- or that she can accuse me of slapping her and I'm not going to have a chance to defend myself and discuss her insulting accusations with her?
WE WILL have a sit down and talk this out BEFORE SHE EVER SEES MY GIRLS AGAIN. She might even need to get herself put on medication before she gets to see my girls again. Shoot, I might need medication before this all gets worked out- for blood pressure and nerves. I told John we will hire a baby sitter, and I will try to be as calm as possible, but the way things work out usually is that the MIL gets very snappy with me when it has been just me and her hammering stuff out, so John will need to be there too so that she behaves herself and so that he is there to help me if I get to angry.
The fact that she sees things so differently from everyone around her should tell her something. What's the common denominator here? HER. But no, she never takes responsibility, every one else is always to blame, she always have to be right.
I'm so tired of this... I thought that when I estranged myself from my mother over 3 years ago that I would never have to deal with this type of (stomachache inducing) insanity again. She really is turning out to be a lot like my mother , including accusing me of things that never happened and believing that everyone should cater to her despite the damage she is doing to them.
I really need to pray that God helps me to be able to voice my feelings and concerns without losing it out of anger and frustration... plus I don't want her to "win" by going that route.
OK, I'm done... I'm coming off my anger high from last night and am just so upset right now I'm in tears. After I have an opportunity to talk to her about things from my point of view this thing may very well be broken... and she might just move back to Texas.
I'm sorry, this is my only real place to vent...
EDIT to add: Marie asked how John feels about all of this in comments... He is completely on the same page as me. He has a bad history with his mother. I think it's almost a good thing he was at work because he probably would have yelled at her. :/