More like my heart... I woke up this morning from one of the most horrible dreams. I dreamed that we let Anna (who is only 6 1/2) go to the movies with some friends and we came back to pick her up. After waiting several minutes for her we realized something was wrong.
Anna was gone. In my dream I cried the chest crushing sobs of grief, the kind where you actually feel like you are going to die... the kind where your heart hurts so bad it might explode into flames.
To make matters worse, I woke up briefly last night to turn over and went right back into the dream, only I had fast forwarded and I realized that we had never called the police. In my dream we went over to the MIL's apartment to ask for her help finding Anna despite recent real life events. As I was asking for help, Anna came out from a bedroom. In my dream I was trying to get John's attention while sobbing and holding my girl and all that would come out was a strangled whimper.
The MIL said in my dream that Anna had managed to escape from her kidnapper but Anna wanted to stay with her nana for a little while because she was afraid she was going to get in a lot of trouble.
I woke up and cried of course. Anna came into the bathroom and asked me what was wrong and I told her while she hugged me. "It's ok mom," she whispered, "it's not real."
Believe it or not, I always try to use these stupid dreams for good. I know that John and I would never be stupid enough to let our 6 year old go to the movies unsupervised. Of course I would never forget to call the police.
I also took the opportunity this morning to reinforce that the child is never to blame in these situations and she has to know that she can't ever give up because we will NEVER stop looking for her.It's also an opportunity for her to know the important things like how to call 911, that she knows her complete phone number and address. We went over again who is allowed to EVER pick her up ANYWHERE, even if someone seems to have detailed information about our family.
These dreams always confirm three things for me: That I am so afraid that I will lose one of my kids, and that I am so afraid I will lose them because of a terrible mistake that I have made.
(It also confirms how neurotic I am...)
And how much I love them, and I don't what I would do without them.